Would You?

[ditzyscrap]

I am not sure what to do, and wanted to get some opinions...

My neighbor has a 15 year old son with cerebral palsy (he is confined to a wheelchair), and has visitation rights with him right now. BUT, tomorrow she has to go to court with her mom for a fight (her mom attacked her when she was trying to take him on Friday, because she hadn't been informed that she was given visitation - it's a big long story that I don't even understand, lmao). ANYHOW, she asked me on Friday if maybe I could watch her son for a few hours while she goes to court. I kinda gave her a vague non-committal answer, lol...because, honestly - I'm not comfortable with it.

Now, she's new to the area, doesn't know anyone other than us (she knows my DH more than she knows me - because he goes outside and talks to her over the fence, etc...and lets the kids play over there when he's outside). So I feel like I should help her out. But, I'm worried, because the boy is 15, I only met him on Friday, and he has a severe disability, which I'm not sure I'll be able to handle. She told me he mostly just sits around playing video games (lol, he'd get along well with my son), but the only video game system I have is the Wii, which I'm guessing he wouldn't be able to control. She said the PS2 that she owns is at her moms...when she got attacked, she took off without a lot of the extras. I'm sure he'd be fine watching movies, though. But then I'm wondering - if he has to go to the bathroom...I'm not strong enough to help him. I watched her helping him drink from a glass and I know I'd probably drown him.

Also, we're getting ready for a camping trip (we leave Tuesday) and I have to take Mason into town for bloodwork sometime before we leave. And Natalie is getting over some sort of stomach virus (she's had diarrhea since yesterday morning and threw up once last night).

I have a REALLY hard time saying no...I feel horrible whenever I do...but what would you do in this situation? I just don't feel prepared to look after him, and with everything else going on, I don't have time! Am I a horrible person for not wanting to help her out?

[Brandy]

You're not a horrible person bree! I'd be honest, say well we are getting ready for a trip coming up and i'm extremely swamped with getting ready plus my daughter is just getting over some nasty bug, i don't think it would be best to have him over, i'm sorry.

[wvasweetness]

No, you aren't a horrible person!

In most situations, I would probably do it - but you have a lot going on right now AND it sounds like somewhat of a sticky/uncomfortable situation.

Just be honest and tell her that you have XXX to do and that you're really swamped right now.

[tuneskids]

Bree, I would tell her that the little bug hasn't been feeling well, and you don't want to pass the sickies on, and that you have a million and a half things to get done before you leave in a few days.
Doesn't make you a horrible person at all - heck if it does, I'm in even worse trouble since I repeatedly find ways to get out of being asked to babysit for a friend with a little baby - I love kids, but this baby does nothing but cry when his Mom is not around!

[scrappychic]

I agree, I'd tell her I'm too busy right now and got a lot of errands to do. I wouldn't feel comfortable either Bree.

[ajf9597]

No, you are not a horrible person for wanting to say no. You have to do what you feel you are comfortable with and if it makes you uncomfortable you shouldn't feel guilty about saying no. I have to say if it was me in that same situation, I would say no as well, especially since you don't know them that well and don't know how to take care of him like she does. Good luck.

[meems]

I think if you're uncomfortable with it, you should just say no. It doesn't make you a horrible person.

[wildblueeyez]

I agree be honest. But, if it's something that you maybe could help with another time, ask her to show you sometime his routine and how to help him if he's staying with you so that you're prepared if she needs help again.

[nun69]

I don't think you are a horrible person either, and if you are really that uncomfortable watching him, then you should let her know that. I think you should be honest with her and tell her that you have a otn of stuff on your "to do" list before you go out of town and need to get that done...maybe if your DH was around it would be more feasible becuase he could help you out...

[meganmecrazy]

Being honest with her about what you have going on and all would be the best thing to do and it in no way makes you a horrible person! <<<HUGS>>>

[kscwgirl]

You're not a horrible person, Bree. I would just tell her the truth.. Natalie's sick, etc. :)

[Paula]

I agree, just tell her that you're swamped getting ready for a trip.

Odds are that if he has CP and is confined to a wheelchair, he is diapered and that is very hard to do alone with a 15 yo. I had one in my special education class and it took two of us to get him on the changing table. He was a precious soul, but diapering him was difficult especially when my aide was busy with my other students.

I would just tell her that normally, you'd love to help her out, but you're busy getting ready for a trip on Tuesday.

[cindyg]

To be honest, I find it strange that she would ask that of you - you don't really know her well and that's sort of a bad situation to put someone in, considering the circumstances.

[Paula]

To be honest, I find it strange that she would ask that of you - you don't really know her well and that's sort of a bad situation to put someone in, considering the circumstances.

May I ask why you find it a bad situation? She needs someone to tend to her son, she knows Bree and asked her. I don't find anything strange or bad about it. JMO

I just feel that if Bree has other pressing matters and a sick kiddo, that she should pass on it. She doesn't want the young man to get sick because that would not be good for a CP kid.

[ditzyscrap]

Thanks for the opinions, girls. I was nervous about the idea on Friday, but then when Natalie got sick yesterday, I wondered if that would be really bad for him (I know how it goes when you've got kids who need special care). I just hope she comes home tonight so I can talk to her, so that she's not knocking on my door tomorrow morning, expecting me to do it. :(

[schock77]

I agree be honest. But, if it's something that you maybe could help with another time, ask her to show you sometime his routine and how to help him if he's staying with you so that you're prepared if she needs help again. This was my thought too- I teach special needs kiddos and it is not easy, especially if you are unfamiliar with the child. She could take him to court, so she's not stuck if you don't watch him either, you know?

[scarletsierra]

I just wanted to echo what everyone else has said. You're not at all a bad person for declining.

Hope you were able to talk to her in time!

[scrapmonkey]

No, you're not a bad person - you're a normal person. What I would do is explain the concern you have with being able to take of her child, and if you are feeling especially guilty maybe offer to help pay for an in-home nurse to be at her house for those hours she's gone.
I understand the circumstances are made even more tenuous with visitation issues and you do not want to be put anywhere near such legal dealings with someone you barely know.
I feel most for the kid - he's the one who's suffering in all this.

[ditzyscrap]

It all ended well...I had DH text her last night because she wasn't home, and she told him that she'd forgotten she asked me, lol...she made arrangements for her 18-year-old son to come look after him (he's taking the bus out this morning).

[pbumbaca]

I think if you're uncomfortable with it, you should just say no. It doesn't make you a horrible person.

Exactly my thoughts!

[cindyg]

May I ask why you find it a bad situation? She needs someone to tend to her son, she knows Bree and asked her. I don't find anything strange or bad about it. JMO

I just feel that if Bree has other pressing matters and a sick kiddo, that she should pass on it. She doesn't want the young man to get sick because that would not be good for a CP kid.

I just meant bad situation because Bree said:

BUT, tomorrow she has to go to court with her mom for a fight (her mom attacked her when she was trying to take him on Friday, because she hadn't been informed that she was given visitation - it's a big long story that I don't even understand

Sounds like a mess and its not really something that I personally would want to get involved in. As a parent I am really picky about who I would ask to watch my child and Bree had said she didn't know her well (not that Bree shouldn't be asked to watch anyone's child - :D LOL), just seems like an odd situation to put someone in.

[Paula]

Ok I gotcha now. LOL

[jene]

you aren't a bad person you have just never dealt with it and if you are uncomfortable then it's not going to work out no matter how hard you try to make it work. You have lots going on in your own house and if it where me I would say no.