Sad and sick to my stomach...have you ever done this?

Traci Reed

Traci Reed

Well-known member
Ugh I'm so sick about this but I feel it had to be done..back story...

My kids have been completely disrespectful to hubby and I for months in their words and disobeying...yadda yadda and they're only 3 and 4! Well they're also disrespectful in the way they treat their toys/movies/wii everything which I know is normal but despite REPEATED (ad nauseum) explaining to them how to treat their stuff, showing them how to clean, etc, they're just getting worse and worse about it. We have countless destroyed toys and movies and now they're starting to ruin the $50 Wii games. So hubby was fed up last night and took the Wii completely away and put it in a box.

FF to this afternoon when I *think* Karsten completely destroyed the playstation in thier room that they use to play a couple games and watch movies, so I take it away.

Then this evening their room was a sty and we gave them 10 minutes to start cleaning after a million warnings and they didn't so we boxed up EVERYTHING and told them that because they don't treat their stuff right we're throwing it away. In reality, I think I'll allow them to earn it back but I feel just sick about the whole thing.

Have you ever taken away your kids stuff like this? I feel like I'm gonna cry :(

That and I'm not looking forward to dealing with them with nothing to do all by myself :(

Any advise??
 
Not quite that drastic, but I've done it. I have gotten the big, black garbage back of doom and loaded everything that was on the floor into it. And yes, I felt just like you feel now. I did let them earn some of it back, but not all of it.
 
No advise, just *hugs*

Also, be careful where you put that box. When I was a kid my mom put my toys in a garbage bag because I wouldn't clean them up, and my dad got home in the evening and "took the trash out". Ya...bye bye toys. I definitely cleaned up after that! LOL
 
My kids had several boxes of toys put in a storage room in the basement for months and months last year for this very same reason. I'm getting near doing it again. There is a disaster area upstairs, and it only gets picked up with screaming and yelling and/or hovering on my part, and I'm just not up for that! They need to pick it up and put it away when they are done with it ... not just keep dragging it out!

It was really hard for me to do it, too, and I did let them earn things back, eventually. But, I made them go with very few toys for quite a while. They spent more time coloring and playing with their baby brother's toys on the main level since I of course didn't take his stuff away.

For each time the kids showed initiative and cleaned up their mess, they got to pick out one toy from the basement to bring back up. Sometimes I'd have them pre-pick a toy and put it where they could see it to remind them of the incentive. That seemed to help.

I don't know. I still obviously don't have it figured out since they have a big mess again, but we're trying too! HUGS!
 
My parents would do it...it made us learn REALLY quick, lol. Several toys went in the trash...but I wouldn't go so far as throwing it all away.

I would go through it while they're in bed, decide what you'll allow them to earn back, and throw the rest (or donate it). Think of it as a good way to get rid of clutter! :)
 
I did that once. My son wouldnt keep his room clean. He made a few half-baked attempts at cleaning which basically meant he shoved everything into corners and called it clean. I got tired of arguing and went in his room and got everything out of there. The only thing I did not throw away was his Nintendo DS but he lost it for several weeks at that time. Everything else I tossed. Now when I tell him to clean his room he does.
 
I did it once and it didn't turn out anything like I expected. My son (age 3) stubbornly refused to clean-up at bedtime and I told him if he didn't he would have no toys the next day. After he went to bed I boxed up absolutely everything (including the TV) and put it in the garage. He woke up to nothing but an empty train table. I expected tears, pleading, etc. Nope. He politely asked for a pen and paper and spent a hour drawing, then he decided to put on a show and used the train table as a stage while he sang and danced, then he put on a play. When I couldn't watch his 'shows' anymore because I had some cleaning to do, he asked if he could help, so we worked around the house together. When we were done he asked for a book and when I told him all of the books had been put away with the rest of his play things, he suggested we make up our own story so we did. We had a marvelously fun, imaginative day. It was a great lesson ... for me.

Good for you for standing your ground. Kids need to learn to respect you and be grateful for the stuff they have. Here's to hoping they learn a quick lesson.
 
I've done this many times. They now know that when I say to clean up, I mean it or the black garbage bag comes out and everything on the floor goes in the garbage.

It's called tough love and even though it's not easy, sometimes it's necessary. (((Hugs))) to you - I know how you feel.
 
HAHAHA! (I laugh at the coincidence) I literally just did this today too. They have books and their shared lego table and nothing more.

They actually seemed to entertain themselves BETTER, they played Legos for HOURS together. They cleaned up without being harped on so they get a toy back tomorrow.

ETA: Don't feel bad about it, it's an important lesson. :)
 
I think it's going to be harder for you Traci, as kids are extremely good at inventing new stuff to play with. I think it would be a test of your firmness - like if they drive you crazy and you'd just put out the toys to keep them quiet, LOL.

I did that once and my husband told me I better keep my word otherwise they wont take me seriously. I am so good at threatening my kids - if they dont sleep in 5 minutes they wont have TV etc etc but they'd end up not sleeping AND still watching TV. LOL
 
done it numerous times. Never feel good about it after, but they do seem to listen a little better for a while in order to earn it all back.

reminds me of my 14 year old at the moment. He is ticking me off, not listening, doesn't care that he has chores to do, throwing a fit cause he has to do them and all he wants to do is sleep (he tried to nap after school today - uh, I don't think so, no sleeping until your chores are done. if you are tired, get them done and go to bed for the night!).

but I'm a mean mom to begin with, just ask my kids. lmao
 
Keep your head up Traci! I HAVE done the same thing -- and made them earn it back. Over a year ago -- and it's about that time to do it again -- but this time, I'll be trashing stuff too.
 
I've recently taken away all TV privileges during the week. They are allowed to see their friends 2 days a week, no phone calls, no radio, nothing.
We bagged up everything in their rooms, detached doors from their rooms and have made several new creative punishments.
So far it's working.
I know its hard sometimes but you have to be tough. Tough love.
You're not being too hard on them. You gotta nip it in the bud before it gets worse. My kids are 7, 10 and 13. They're bad. And I really wish I would have been consistent when they were young.
 
((((((((((((Traci)))))))))))))))
No advise, just lots of hugs. Tough love is tougher on you than the kids I think!
 
Oh sweety please dont beat yourself up. I know it does feel rotten but sometimes its necessary. I had to do this with Lily and I was kinda frustrated because she had no reaction. She wasn't even upset in the least. It didn't go quite like Misty though LOL. I wish our day ended up that way. My problem is I dont stand my ground after the fact. I dont have much advice babe, just stick to your guns. Your amazing mom, the fact you feel bad about it shows it love!
 
Been there, done that. I'm meaner though, I made her give away the stuff she wasnt' taking care of on Freecycle, and when the people came to pick it up I made her hand out the bags.

She learned her lesson, and now she willingly gives away things to needy kids twice a year. She'd do it more, I think, but those are our two major toy clean out times.
 
My aunt has done it and it worked. She also used the time to go through the toys and get rid of broken things, old things and ones they really didn't play with anymore and then let them earn things back. Of course there wasn't as much to earn back.
 
I had to do this... a few times. You'd think it would only take one time for them to learn, but with my girls, they were good for a while and then slipped back into old habbits. I know a lot has to do with my consistency in making them do what is right... but I think they FINALLY have it... at 6 & 8. I totally reorganized their playroom about 6 weeks ago and they kept it really clean until last saturday when we had a party. It got TRASHED! So yesterday I told tehm they had to clean it because I knew they could... they not only cleaned it, they did it RIGHT! lol :thumbup:

I hope it doesn't take as long for your boys... I KNOW it's hard, but you HAVE to be consistent... that's the only way kids are going to "get it". Good luck hon!
 
I am sure my time will come. My dad must have been twisted because instead of taking away my toys, he made me sleep with them all in my bed... blocks etc. Not comfy LOL
 
Hugs Traci, I think you are definitely doing the right thing by following through. My dh's dad threw anything that was out of place out on the front lawn when they were kids, it used to kill them to have to come home and pick up clothes, etc out of the snow and made them think so I hope you get the same results.
 
I've done it a few times. In fact they're getting the Lego Star Wars Wii game back this afternoon. I took it from them Monday because they were playing it so much they were getting into arguments with us when they had to stop, shouting "No" and crying & carrying on, because they had to pause the game & come eat. So the game went away for awhile.

I've boxed some of their toys up because they won't clean up or won't take care of them properly. I tell them they'll get it back when they have shown me they care about what they have.

I also take advantage of having the stuff out of sight to do a purge of outgrown & broken toys.
 
I have taken a toy or game away here and there, for various reasons, but I've never taken everything away. Our kids have a huge playroom, and it'd be easier for us just to move out than try to move everything LOL.

My kids are actually pretty good at helping to clean up, they understand that *I* didn't make the mess, and though I'll help, they need to do the bulk of it. Around age 4 is when I notice that they are more helpful, earlier than that it's hit or miss. Sure, they have their moments, but generally, they are pretty good. I guess I'm lucky with my kids, we've always just had "tidy time" since Benjamin was a baby. They know that after their baths, and right before their bedtime snacks is tidy time, and once I mention it, they get on it.

I guess I'm VERY lucky LOL
 
i have, it didn't work too much for me, but i still continue to do it hoping it'll make a difference someday. i honestly have unruly kids. they saw how their dad treated me and now they think they can too. we're slowly getting them out of that phase now that i'm divorcing their dad, but discipline and punishment are the least fun parts of parenting, but 2 of the most important, funny how that works, lol! hang in there traci! be constant and stay strong, it WILL work out eventually!
 
Kim said:
I am sure my time will come. My dad must have been twisted because instead of taking away my toys, he made me sleep with them all in my bed... blocks etc. Not comfy LOL
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oh god i love it!!! anytime i hear creative parenting tricks i just giglle because they're so smart! i might have to try this one! lol
 
Great for you for following through! This isn't going to scar your kids. They'll deal with it. And they've now learned you are serious.

My daughters favourite toy was duplo for a while, and she played with it all day every day. One time I asked her to pick it up and put it away. She said no. I told her I would help, but she had to do it too. She still said No. I said, fine, I will pick up your duplo, but then it's going away for a while until you agree to pick up your toys. FINE. she shouted. I did it. Three weeks later we talked and it came out again. She's always picked up toys ever since.
 
I'm all about consequences for kids - and losing out on playing the wii because they are rough with the games is a good consequence. I'd be cautious in your expectations - at 3 and 4 it's really not age appropriate to tell them "clean up this mess" and walk out of the room expecting it to be cleaned up when you come back. Kids that age can't break it down very well and a very messy room is overwhelming. At that age I help them break it down - i.e. pick up these blocks and come get me. Ok, now pick up the legos. Ok now do XYZ, etc.

At the end of the parenting day what it truly comes down to is obedience. Your kids *will* get worked up and forget rules and they will make mistakes - but if you teach them to obey you then all it takes is a warning and a reminder and you are all back on track. Were it me, I'd sit down with them - even as little as they are and say - look, we've developed some bad habits and that's going to change. You must obey us when we ask something of you. Ok let's practice - stand up, sit down, hop on one foot, make a silly face (silly practice stuff - but helps them get the point). Then I would get serious and explain that it starts now. A really good visual for their age is to put a chart on the fridge with 10 smiley faces for each kid and when they disobey - point it out to them and then cross out a smiley face. Let them see at the end of the day how they did.

This was a lot more than you asked for - but I hope it gives you some good ideas. Hugs to you - parenting is hard!
 
Hang tough Traci!! Yes...we had this happen too...although they weren't allowed to touch video games at that age...they sure didn't know how to take care of them. Even when we did let them start playing...they were not allowed to touch the disks or cartridges...if they ejected the disk...it was taken away for a week. They were not allowed to have the boxes for the games...they had to ask an adult to change it. They learned really quick...but they were kindergarten age when that was happening.

Yes we did this with their regular toys...but you have to start now and you have to be firm! Earning them back is how we did it...and they sure earned an appreciation for them...but it took several times. I "rotated" toys so we didn't have such a disaster to clean up...they still had a lot...but it was possible to pick it up quicker.

Stand tough...you are doing the right thing...and once they learn...YOU will feel so much better about it!
 
I'd be cautious in your expectations - at 3 and 4 it's really not age appropriate to tell them "clean up this mess" and walk out of the room expecting it to be cleaned up when you come back. Kids that age can't break it down very well and a very messy room is overwhelming. At that age I help them break it down - i.e. pick up these blocks and come get me. Ok, now pick up the legos. Ok now do XYZ, etc.
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I was just coming back to say exactly this same thing. My son is 6 and he's still overwhelmed when his room gets too messy, and then the "clean it up" thing really gets him upset. It's not that he won't try to do it, but he has a really hard time wrapping his mind around it and kinda gets lost in there. So, now, I'll either go in there with him and break it down ("pick up the laundry first", "pick up the crayons and markers and put them on your desk" etc) or I'll break it down into time or unit segments for him (go into your room now and pick up 10 things and put them away) or we'll have a 5 Minute Room Rescue (a FlyLady invention). That definitely helps with him.
 
Being a teacher and a past principal, I see parents that enable their students every day. THANK YOU for practicing a little tough love! It is especially important during the ages of 3-7 that kids learn the values, morals, and the difference between right and wrong. I have met with countless police officers who have mentioned that most youth that start getting into trouble in their teens were missing these crucial learning lessons during the 3-7 year old period.

Keep your chin up, and let them earn it back when they can show you and the property some respect. You will be doing them a favor in the long run!
 
Following through with discpline stinks sometimes but they will be better off for it in the long run! Good for you for standing firm. And remember...this too shall pass!
 
Stick to your guns!! It is hard, but better to learn the lesson when they are 3 & 4 verses 13 &14! :D You are doing the right thing. :)
 
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