Have you ever contacted an "ex"?

A

alansrock

Active member
In the past I have found myself wondering what happened to an ex of mine that I hadn't spoke to since 1996. I have often wondered about my ex so I decided to try and find him and I did. We are talking through email now. I honestly feel he was the first real love I ever had and my intentions are not to hook up with him or anything like that...I just feel in life you sometimes meet people that you just want to know the rest of your life and he is just one of those people for me. So would you contact an ex, have you contacted an ex or do ex's just stay in the past for you??

ETA: My DH knows about the contact.
 
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I still talk to my first love, though its been a few years now. Last I talked to him, it was to meet his wife for the first time, but he kept talking about our past together and I think she got jealous cause I haven't heard from him since. One thing I know is he kept talking about how skinny I always was and at the time, I had not had a child and was only slightly above my ideal weight and his wife was quite overweight and from what I could tell in pictures he had sent, she had always been that way. I could tell it was bothering her, but what was I supposed to say. Sadly, I haven't talked to him since. Anyway, I know what you mean, some people I want to always talk to in my life, others can stay in my past.
 
I still talk with my ex from 2001... I don't know that I "LOVED" him cauuuse I was only 16 at the time but he sure did take a big piece of my heart with him when he dumped me lol... Sad days... I wish he was still in my life more... We were best friends for 4 or 5 years before, during, and after we broke up... I think him and my hubby would get along really good lol
 
I wouldnt do it personally because most of my exes were from my teen years and Ive been with my husband since I was 15 and dont have any desire to find anyone that I went out with in the past. I guess though it would depend on your current situation and whether you were married/dating/single. If you were married then it wouldnt just be you to consider.
 
jessica31876 said:
I wouldnt do it personally because most of my exes were from my teen years and Ive been with my husband since I was 15 and dont have any desire to find anyone that I went out with in the past. I guess though it would depend on your current situation and whether you were married/dating/single. If you were married then it wouldnt just be you to consider.
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Well stated.
 
I have contacted an "ex" before and now he is my hubby....Long story short, I married someone else, searched and found my "ex", then divorced and married my "ex"....Confused? LOL Oh yeah and both share the same first name....LOL
 
Actually, my very first boyfriend is still a very good friend of both mine and my husband's - we all went through school together. He is married with two lovely kids. Before kids we all used to go away together - now not so much.

I do wonder about my ex before my husband. He truly broke my heart. Everything was my important to him than me. I bumped into him once or twice not long after we broke up, but haven't seen him for about 20 years - every now and agin he pops into my mind and I wonder what happened to him.
 
Okay, I guess I'm gonna be the oddball out and say that I think this is dangerous territory. No matter what your intentions are now, it has potential for old feelings re-igniting. I personally wouldn't do it. Question -- does your husband know that you're talking to him? If so, how does he feel about it? If not, why not, and what would he think? I think your answers to those questions might help you figure out whether or not you "should" be doing this. It's your life and you know yourself, but personally, I wouldn't do it. JMHO. :)
 
kresta said:
Okay, I guess I'm gonna be the oddball out and say that I think this is dangerous territory. No matter what your intentions are now, it has potential for old feelings re-igniting. I personally wouldn't do it. Question -- does your husband know that you're talking to him? If so, how does he feel about it? If not, why not, and what would he think? I think your answers to those questions might help you figure out whether or not you "should" be doing this. It's your life and you know yourself, but personally, I wouldn't do it. JMHO. :)
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DH knows! I love my husband so wouldn't dare violate his trust or risk losing him.
 
It would depend on the situation.

Jeff has dated many more people than I have, and I wouldn't really mind if he got in touch with most of them. I might feel pretty insecure if it was a longterm GF, but as long as his and my relationship was steady and it was just email/FB contact or casual lunches with whomever, I'd be okay with it. Unfortunately, the one ex of his that we both can't stand and wish we could pretend didn't exist is his son's mother! *lol* Actually, Jeff's longtime high school GF is his dentist, and I would like to meet her someday as Jeff and his mother have both said in the past that we are a lot alike.

My list of exes is MUCH shorter. My ex-husband and Jeff would get along very well, I'm afraid, but I just don't see the point in trying to be friends with my ex even though he does live in the same area as we do. I've gotten over our breakup, but I would still have a hard time being social with his wife whom he was involved with while we were still married, and there's just no need since we don't have children or mutual friends.

The only person from my past I'd love to be in contact with is not even an ex, just a long suffering crush, and I know better than to try to get in touch with him. There will just always be a part of my 18yo heart that carries a torch for him. Nothing will ever happen... I love Jeff very much... Crush lives far away and has his own life and fiancee/wife... and that's that. Thankfully, we don't have mutual friends, and when the rare opportunity comes up to see a new picture of him on Facebook (since we do have mutual friends of friends), I avoid it/them like the plague. I've stopped trying to figure it out or justify it. It is what it is.
 
I have re-connected with some of my ex's thanks to FB. One was pretty hard to talk to, and we had a LOT of issues from our past that, strangely, we have worked out, and are now on speaking terms again. This was a big deal for me, because it had left a void in me for 16 years and I am glad that part of me is now healed and can move on. For the most part though ... I have stayed friends with a lot of my ex's ... only a handful that my DH doesn't want me talking to (and for good reason, if you knew the guys. lol).
 
I haven't contacted an ex, but I have out of curiosity found them on Myspace. I have been with my husband for 6 years, and all my ex come from my teen years as well. Now for some reason one of my ex still tries on an occasion to talk to me and my husband *long story short... they knew each other* I don't respond just because we had a pretty serious thing and I just don't want *Him* to think I would still be interested. I know I hurt him and he hurt me... not something I think we could talk about. If I flat out ran into him, I might say hi or something. They aren't guys I would just want to dig up. Now if you had an ex you could still be friends with I don't see the problem. I just couldn't be friends with any of mine! :p
 
No, but I don't really have any curiosity about them either. I've been with my dh since I was 16 except for about a year and a half period where we broke up so no one else was very serious anyway.
 
kresta said:
Okay, I guess I'm gonna be the oddball out and say that I think this is dangerous territory. No matter what your intentions are now, it has potential for old feelings re-igniting. I personally wouldn't do it. Question -- does your husband know that you're talking to him? If so, how does he feel about it? If not, why not, and what would he think? I think your answers to those questions might help you figure out whether or not you "should" be doing this. It's your life and you know yourself, but personally, I wouldn't do it. JMHO. :)
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I'm the oddball with ya, chick. I feel the same way. :)
 
LeeAndra said:
I've stopped trying to figure it out or justify it. It is what it is.
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I'm so with ya LA. It's taken a lot, but I've come to the same realization with 1 of my ex's. I really miss him at times and wonder what might have been, but it would never be enough to give up what I have. So, there's no point and I avoid him as well.

One of my ex's is my bff. We dated for a summer, and then I went back to college and life had to move on. He'd been seriously burned in the past, so the long distance thing wasn't an option. I love him to pieces. Jordan knows him, we all hang out, it's no big deal.

I definitely think it depends on the circumstances, and whether or not your spouse knows. If your spouse knows and is ok with it and all, then just be smart about it I guess.
 
depends on the situation.. I'm actually "friends" with several ex's (friends used very loosly with some of them lol).. The ones that were losers, well I have no interest in being in contact with them ever again LOL. Someone I dated when I was like .. 18.. and I are really close again now, and I've rebuilt a few friendships in the past year or so....... that said.. I'm not "married" anymore lol, and things would be a teensie bit different if I was I'm sure.
 
If I could google my ex boyfriends and find out what they were up to without actually making contact then yes I would lol - but I wouldn't make contact. DH and I have agreed no friending ex boyfriends/girlfriends on facebook so I don't.
 
kresta said:
Okay, I guess I'm gonna be the oddball out and say that I think this is dangerous territory. No matter what your intentions are now, it has potential for old feelings re-igniting. I personally wouldn't do it. Question -- does your husband know that you're talking to him? If so, how does he feel about it? If not, why not, and what would he think? I think your answers to those questions might help you figure out whether or not you "should" be doing this. It's your life and you know yourself, but personally, I wouldn't do it. JMHO. :)
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I'm an oddball too - I say no. Can be very dangerous territory.

I will say that sometimes coming into contact with them unintentionally can be a blessing. I worked at the same place as my ex for 7 1/2 years after our relationship ended and running into him that couple of times a year (we worked in a building with over 4000 people) was wonderful - made me realize how happy I was that I wasn't with him anymore!!
 
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Nope but then again I have zero desire to contact any of them!!! I think even if I did I still wouldn't because that "part of my life" was so long ago, I'm a totally different person and I have different goals in life now and different responsibilities. To me it would be like trying to pull out that high school varsity jacket and trying to squeeze into it or that long ago forgotten prom dress....it "fit" for a brief time in my life...it served it's purpose and when it was done I let it go.....there is an obvious reason they are an "ex" and not the man I married ;) :D :D
 
I'm an oddball too. I don't have an ex because DH was my first boyfriend (how lucky is that!). But I know that I would personally be very upset/devastated if DH contacted his ex-fiance. But, knowing me, I would totally read too much into it.

I guess its up to you, your DH and your reasons for doing it.
 
I have contacted one. DH knew and I got the apology that I secretly/not so secretly needed for many years.
He'd grown up and realized what he did to me was wrong and apologized. I haven't spoken to him since.

:)
 
Well, I'm like Jaedyn. I don't have exes. DH was my first boyfriend! :wub:
But, I would NOT be happy if DH contacted his ex gf. I actually made him burn everything she'd ever given him & all pictures of her! lol His mom was mad at me b/c "it's part of his life"...not anymore, woman! So, yeah, that's where I stand! LOL
 
kresta said:
Okay, I guess I'm gonna be the oddball out and say that I think this is dangerous territory. No matter what your intentions are now, it has potential for old feelings re-igniting. I personally wouldn't do it. Question -- does your husband know that you're talking to him? If so, how does he feel about it? If not, why not, and what would he think? I think your answers to those questions might help you figure out whether or not you "should" be doing this. It's your life and you know yourself, but personally, I wouldn't do it. JMHO. :)
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I agree. I really don't care what my exes are up to. My "first love" was a good BF and we had some good times, but that's in the past and I feel no need to talk to him. I bump into him every now and then because we go to the same school... I say hi and ask how he's doing, but that's it! I definitely wouldn't go out to lunch with him or something because I think it'd be completely inappropriate. Is it going to make a difference in my life if I really know what he's up to? No. And that's that.
 
I have spoken to one on facebook a couple of times but it was never anything serious. We were really close friends and dated, but never any um, you know, serious hanky panky. I was always too busy dating the jerks and ignored him the majority of the time (for which I apologized years later). So I felt ok saying hello and asking how have you been. Plus, this guy is like so super nice and one of the most decent men I have ever met, and Scott was here and he knew about it. I still felt weird doing so.

Now, the other ex'es....the majority can rot in you know where for all I care. I'd never speak to one in particular. One of those up and down high and low love hate relationships that was like the stuff you see on television. Can't go there. Wouldn't even say hello. Dangerous territory.
 
I read an article that said scientists think that our first love implants on our DNA, so that when you reconnect with him, your body actually has a chemical reaction.

I, like LeeAndra, have a former crush that I've always wondered "what if" about, so I avoid any forms of contact.

I think it's dangerous, no matter what one's intentions might be initially.
 
I have talked to a few of my Ex's on facebook...one of them creeped me out a little-so he is no longer my friend...
I always tell Scott and to be honest-My life is so full and I'm so in love with my husband that talking to these guys means nothing but a little catch up-I never really knew what love was supposed to be until I met him-so any feelings I had for them were a teenage girls misconception of love.
 
I don't have an "ex", DH & I started dating when I was 16 and we are married and plan to stay that way :) I had an old guy friend that we never actually dated, but was very close with and I did stay in contact with him until he was killed in a car accident 7 years ago.
 
So after reading this, I went looking and just added my ex's wife to my Facebook. Here's hoping I can at least talk to them now.
 
Okay, so here goes. I don't have a lot of ex's. My DH doesn't have a lot of ex's. we don't have any contact with any of them. That all works out just fine for me. I married a fireman, I don't play with fire. :p
BUT my best friend is on Facebook. And she found her first boyfriend from summer camp. They started talking about the cam pictures. Blah Blah Blah! So she added his wife as a friend. And his wife accused my friend of being a whore for talking to her husband. She added a bunch of my friend's friends. Then she made nasty comments about my friend, who up until that point was just catching up with a group of old camp pals. Now, about 3 months later, she is planning a life with this ex boyfriend from camp, who is now leaving his wife. I hate the whole thing.
The moral is, your intentions may be innocent, but it is not just about you.as long as there is another person involved you cannot control the outcome.
 
I've had a few ex's contact me on either FB or myspace. LOL! I have said the basic hello's and how are you's but that's about it. I told my hubby the moment they contacted me and told them exactly what they said. I have no interest in my ex's though so it's all silly to me.
 
alansrock said:
In the past I have found myself wondering what happened to an ex of mine that I hadn't spoke to since 1996. I have often wondered about my ex so I decided to try and find him and I did. We are talking through email now. I honestly feel he was the first real love I ever had and my intentions are not to hook up with him or anything like that...I just feel in life you sometimes meet people that you just want to know the rest of your life and he is just one of those people for me. So would you contact an ex, have you contacted an ex or do ex's just stay in the past for you??

ETA: My DH knows about the contact.
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That's exactly like my ex...he was my first love and for years I wondered what his life was like now. Found him through Facebook and he doesn't go on often, but we did chat for a few messages. He's married and doing well in BC with no kids as of yet. He's the only ex I have and DH knows about him.
 
Big resounding NO lol but then I only have one ex and he was not exactly someone who left me with fond memories. It's a long story but the highlights include violence, sleeping with my best friend at the time and then leaving me and the best friend who assumed he was leaving me for her for someone we both worked with. That was all followed up with harassment from the new girlfriends family and months worth of phone calls from him. He's a cheeky git though because the other day I received notifications from facebook that both him and the tramp he left me for had added me as friends, that's the first time I found out that facebook had an ignore setting lol. On the flipside I do have a very good male friend who I happen to have spent a night with while me and Mark were seperated, I wouldn't ever consider him an ex though. His opinion on our night together was "it was inevitable" he kind of thinks he's god's gift to women and I kind of enjoy setting him straight lol. He actually came to our wedding and is now friends with Mark too lol. I think its great that some of you have managed to stay or become friends with ex partners I guess it all depends on the people involved and the circumstances surrounding the break up though. Hugs Crystal xx
 
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