PERSONAL -- but........................

[Priscilla]

If you are a prude .... move along.......









I am having a major dry spell (okay maybe DRY spell isn't the right word for it...... :D ). Not in the mood. AT. ALL.

I wanna be............but I'm not. If my darling husband is being very sweet about it, but enough is enough. . . I wanna be more than just . .. there.

Any ideas?! Other than going to the doctor. :cursing::cursing:

[newfiemountiewife]

Just do it. I find the less I do, the less I want, and vice versa. Even if you have to force it the first time LOL

[lauren grier]

I agree with miss jamie.. well unless like it's a dryness/pain issue- that don't force it haha. but yes....... just hump :p a lot. It will come back. hahah

[Leila]

How long are we talking here? A few months I wouldn't worry about a visit to the doctor. A year or more---yeah, I'd go. It's truly nothing to be embarrassed over. Are you taking meds that reduce libido? Might be worth checking into. I'll say this---sex begets sex. The more you have, the more likely you are to want it--in most cases. Trust me, 2007 was a very bad year for us. Very bad.

[jannylynn]

a glass of wine (or more) helps me.
or pretty panties and bra
candles in quiet, clean bedroom
back rub from him first to get you to relax

[Darcy Baldwin]

Also, is this a HUGE change in character for you? and if it's a physical issue...dryness, irritation, pain, there are tons of really great products on the market that can help with that issue that will even make it 'fun' for you, which might help the dread of having sex, ya know?

There are all sorts of reasons why it could be, but some of the things that can rev your engine up a little w/o having to 'go all the way' might be good to play with for while, too, to help restart your brain. Talk it up for a day or two :)

If your'e on new drugs, nearing menopause, have had a life altering experience, or just really put off, you might want to see if it's a hormone thing.

[Priscilla]

No- not a physical dry :o
Once I "give in" that comes along fine--and it hasnt beeb ab issue for very long-a few months, i guess?? definitely out of character- I'm usually more in the mood than DH.

I am on BCP, but have been since I was 6 week PP, so not really "new" but probably not helping.

[lauren grier]

bcp can def decrease the libido... maybe talk to your dr about switching to a different dose (LOL I know I know that requires a DR visit)

[nikkiARNGwife]

Send your hubby away for like 13 mos...works like a charm :) :) :) Believe me..you'll be DYING for some after that lol!

[gonewiththewind]

Ummm, I took an antidepressant med that affected my sex drive . . . it was extremely hard to overcome my "I don't want to. NO. Really. I don't want to."

The advice to "talk it up" a couple of days in advance, wear something that makes you feel sexy, relax with a hot bath or a glass of wine, etc. And make sure you aren't rushed or distracted (I know, that's like next to impossible).

Best of luck to you . . . you are obviously not alone!

[suze]

I agree with miss jamie.. well unless like it's a dryness/pain issue- that don't force it haha. but yes....... just hump :p a lot. It will come back. hahah

This helps me too! Also the more active I am helps. Like I noticed if I'm happy and moving around I'm more 'in the mood'. Oh and don't be afraid of trying something new to spice up a bit.

[Priscilla]

I'm breastfeeding so it's already the lowest dose I think they can prescribe.....

[lauren grier]

I think the lower dose ones actually mess with the libido more (I really do NOT get this, I just read a lot about it.. just like I have found out the past few days ^_^ the lower dose ones also make your period pretty much disappear.. it seems backwards to me).. but with the BF'ing.. I dunno that you CAN go on a higher dose one.

[Priscilla]

nope--i can't and ya know ....thats another good point. I just got my period back about 2-3 months ago -- around the same time things went downhill

[Priscilla]

oooh and the lower dose one I am on is continuous (no sugar pill ) so that might be why some women don't have periods with it?

[lauren grier]

yeh the continuous def won't allow a period.. you're on the mini pill right? do you know if you can take a a regular BCP that is the low dose (mini pill is lower than say..the lowest dose loestrin which is what I am on).. I don't really know much about bcp and breast feeding LOL.. loestrin Is NOT continous- but apparently has the same effect on me as the mini pill does :p lol.

[lauren grier]

"It's recommended that any estrogen-containing contraceptive be avoided until baby is at least six months old AND after baby is well-established on solid foods."

( I don't know how old yer nugget is) ... I guess it's because the estrogen can effect your supply.. the mini pill just contains progestrin (sp) instead of both).

[WalkersMommy]

When I was nursing I had basically no sex drive. I don't know if that was because I had a really difficult time nursing so I was always stressed and upset, or if it had something to do with nursing. I know that doesn't really help you any, but at least you know you're not alone! :)

[Priscilla]

I actually DO have a period .....
and he's one but refuses to drink cow milk yet....and we are not ready to stop. LOL yeh the continuous def won't allow a period.. you're on the mini pill right? do you know if you can take a a regular BCP that is the low dose (mini pill is lower than say..the lowest dose loestrin which is what I am on).. I don't really know much about bcp and breast feeding LOL.. loestrin Is NOT continous- but apparently has the same effect on me as the mini pill does :p lol.

[jessica31876]

No real advice as what I would say has already been covered. One thing I find is that I am more willing a few days before my period starts. My husband is on medication that effects how often he wants to do it so that is a major issue sometimes so I defenitely understand where you are coming from.

[arenee]

I have to agree with the other ladies. The longer I do without the less I "need" it. I had a hard time after the birth of my son getting in the mood. I was so busy being a mom, I forgot about being a wife and woman. Make a plan, do things that make you feel special and womanly. Spend the day doing things for yourself. Then a nice meal, glass or 3 of wine, and some quiet time to talk..............does it for me~And my husband ;)

[davec777]

Breastfeeding did it to me. I think it is a natural birth control. Things will get better once you are done with that.

I've been reading a Christian blog that is doing a challenge on revving up your love life (tasteful - not scary). She's had several good ideas. Here is the link http://thediaperdiaries.net/

Good luck!

Stephanie

[aggiefamily]

themarriagebed.com is another good site.

There is another blog that is a group of women that post about realtionships and sex. I can't think of it right now.

[Darcy Baldwin]

I second marriagebed (Amanda..how come we didn't know that about each other?! LOL).

[jannylynn]

The book "Intimate Issues" is good too. It's by Linda Dillow. It really helped me change my attitude!

[stayawake]

okay, I'm just throwing this out there as a weird thing... my drive went WAYYY down also after second child. Also, I gained weight, was irritable, my hair started falling out, sleepy all the time my skin was dry and itchy....turns out my thyroid was cutting out. It happens to be postpartum thyroiditis and happens to about 10% of women! There might be a perfectly reasonable answer out there that is a symptom of something else.

Also, if you are breastfeeding and tired with a baby and everything, I think you just need to help yourself feel beautiful and desireable and sexy again. Buy some sexy lingere. Buy new silky sheets, if you can. Clean your bedroom top to bottom (or make DH do it!), put cut flowers in the room. Make your bedroom a relaxing get-away place if you can. That has really helped me. :)

[Leah]

Well I'm gonna chime in here too, cuz I've been in the same boat for a good 7 years. Seriously.

And I've been to the doctor. Hormones are supposedly fine. :confused:

I've seen 3 doctors that have all told me the same thing - "you're too busy."

Whatever. There are millions and millions of other "busy" people out there that have great sex drives. Where's mine?

I hate thinking about. I hate talking about it even more. I hate being bugged about it.

Once I've been persuaded, things are fine. But it takes ALOT of work for me to agree and sometimes, it's more so that DH will just leave me alone.

I'd be happy to hear any suggestions.

p.s ~ alcohol just makes me extremely tired.

[newfiemountiewife]

I'm surprised at reading this how many of us have had trouble. I did post partum after my first, but part of that was the physical issues I had.

I find when DH and I lose that physical part, our marriage really suffers. It's like we spend all day looking after three little people and at the end of the day, we need to know someone finds us desirable, not just because we can get juice LOL. Our marriage needs the physical part, without it, we're just two roommates, and what's the point in that? We lose our closeness when the physical part wanes, we just aren't the same.

[Priscilla]

Thanks girls :D

[deenasuprema]

Maybe you are just beginning to feel bad because one of your best friends has not been able to have sex since October! LOL

I agree with Nikki though, send Charlie away for awhile, absence makes the heart grow fonder, as well as other things.... But since that is not really a good resolution.... I will have to think about this one... Lots of good suggestions though. :)

[Voodoo_Bryn]

No, I'm in the same boat... and our little guys are a month apart, Priscilla. I swear it's the breastfeeding. I've been either breastfeeding or pregnant for the last 3 years and I've been told the progesterone complete kills your sex drive. And it's not that I'm not attracted to my hottie... I'm just tired, or sick of someone clinging to me, between the toddler and the baby, I have NO SPACE.

And then my brain wanders... I think of things I could be doing. It's so irritating. I'm hoping that when he weans, things will pick up again.

[kim21673]

I'm sorry to hear things have been rough for you. I've been in the same boat for some time now and DH is frustrated and usually just avoids me now. I am going to visit the websites that people shared and see if there is anything that can help. In the past 3.5 years I have had two babies and lost what "sexy" I felt and have had to change BCP a few times. It's hard being a mom and wife!!!

[LeeAndra]

Designate a s*x day of the week.

I know it sounds silly and unromantic, but it really works. Pre-pg, when my libido was right around every other day but his wasn't, I noticed that we almost always were intimate on Sundays. When I thought abt it, this made perfect sense: Sunday nights are after we've had two days to relax from work and/or after we've had his son at the house 3 nights in a row. I mentioned this to him one time when we were listening to the silly song 'Business Time' (which talks abt Wednesdays always being the day for business time), and it's now become a sort of running joke between us but also somewhat of a lighthearted promise, too.

Our intimacy has not particularly dropped off any since I became pg (2x week is standard for us), but I just think abt it a lot less and initiate a lot less. It's nice to be able to count on having a standing date for intimacy. I would say 95% of the time when Sunday rolls around, we go through with it, and I can't help but think that it's in part because we're now both aware that is the best time and day of the week for us to do so.

HTH!

[nun69]

there is some great advice here and I can totally RELATE for the past 16 years {DD turned 16 in April}...ever since I had her, I have had no sex drive until about 8 months ago...{and believe it or not I have 3 other children after her :O}...but I finally think what happened was I realized I wasn't worried about having any more children and then I could just enjoy me and DH a little bit...but another thing that really did it...some GREAT "TOYS" we found!!!!!...and I was TOTALLY AGAINST any of the toy stuff, but don't knock it until you try it :) and it was actually kind of fun going shopping together on the net {didn't really have the nerve to go to an actual store :)}...so if you are looking for a good internet site to shop at, just shoot me a pm ;)....

[Priscilla]

On that note -- I have been Breastfeeding since 12-04 with only about a one year break................ I've been either breastfeeding or pregnant for the last 3 years and I've been told the progesterone complete kills your sex drive..

[4noisyboys]

I'm on the bcp for hormonal reasons...and it's the really low dose ones where I don't have a period for the most part. Believe me, it's better than bleeding heavily for 2 weeks every month, but the downside to it is that I'm not that interested in sex either. Like Jamie said though, the more you do it, the more you want it. There always seems to be something else going on for me though too...like I'm nearing menopause, so I'm at a different phase in my life. I'm not exercising like I used it, so I feel especially fat and gross. That is something i can work on though. Also, for me there is the dryness now too that I have to deal with. It's a pita getting older!!

[cheltzey]

Leave a sexy message on his phone at work. Especially right before he has a boring meeting. He'll think about it all day, and when he comes home, even if you aren't in the mood, he'll be! And it's amazing how much talking about it helps rev things up.

Have you thought about using the copper IUD? I've been told that's safe for BFing and it doesn't have the hormones to get you all out of whack. It's worth a though.

Go buy some new lingerie. With stockings. That always gets me in the mood! And if it doesn't...JUST DO IT. I'm always glad I did afterwards.