Spoiled! And I'm SICK of it!!!!!!

[rachaelsscraps]

Ugh! I am so MAD!!!!!
My 3-year old is spoiled rotten, and I hate to blame myself, but I'm not the only one by a long shot who is to blame! I've actually put an END to letting him get what he wants a long time ago, and told my son's (paternal) grandmother to stop bringing him gifts and giving him treats, but she doesn't listen!!!!

Today she came over and thought she'd bring him a remote-controlled dinosaur toy because I had a baby shower yesterday, and she didn't want him to feel "jealous" of the baby's getting gifts (which he wasn't at all, and he was at the shower when I was opening everything!)

Now he's being a horrible screaming (hate to say it) brat and throwing a temper tantrum because he doesn't want to go out to the store when I have errands to do... although I should really be glad to not bring him because the other day he threw a FIT in Wally World when I told him we weren't going to buy any toys at all because his birthday is next month...

So here I am having to deal with his fits, and his dad won't agree that his mother needs to stop bringing him gifts! Urrgh!!!!! :cursing: I've told her myself, but without him backing me up she won't listen!!!! And I can't just tell her "anything you bring over will be tossed or given away if you keep bringing him presents against my wishes" because she whips em out in front of him and I can't take them away without an even bigger fit. And of course, he won't throw the fits in front of her because she's always giving him crap! OMG! I can't take it anymore!!!!

[krystalhartley]

Sorry you're dealing with all that. I will say, though, that out of context at least, the gift idea was really sweet. My daughter was nearly 5 when my son was born. She went from being the center of the universe on my husband's side of the family (only grandchild/niece) to practically being invisible to them when the baby came. My heart ached for her soooooo much that they would do that.

She never acted out or acted poorly about it, but it was really sad.

ETA: I really don't like it at all when my in-laws try to be the mom/dad and/or interfere with how I raise my kids. I've actually had to call them out a few times on it..."You're not her mother. I'll take care of it." It's kind of funny in a way because they never say anything to each other that could possibly offend in any way--even if it needs to be said. I'm the total witch in the family because I speak up about things. I don't say things just to piss them off, but I won't hold back if it's at the point where it can't be ignored without repercussions.

[iJenny]

I hate to say it, but your son isn't being a brat simply because grandma brought him a toy dinosaur. He's used to getting his way (from what you've said) and you just simply need to put an end to it. Sit him down. Tell him simple senteces like "If you do THIS, then THIS is the consequence". Children can only do what is expected of them if the KNOW what to expect. So, if he's throwing a temper tantrum in the store, he needs to KNOW that if he continues then **fill in the blank** will happen. I, for one, spank my children. That might not be for you, but I'm telling you this.... sometimes minor physical pain is all it takes to remind kids that they must obey you.

Good luck and don't back down. You simply CANNOT have a 3-year-old running the house.

[lizzyfizzy]

if my parents or in laws didn't obey my wishes it would not be a pretty picture. i would probably go nuts on them. in any case, i second what jenny said. it sounds like he's kinda used to getting what he wants in general. maybe not material stuff from you and dh, but behavior wise. i can't imagine one of my kids at 3 telling me what they will and will not do. if i have errands to run they will come. end of story. throw a fit and they would be coming along with a sore bottom. get my drift. i don't play games with children. ever. the only people in my home who need to pick their battles are my kids. not me. lol i'm intense. lmbo!!!

[stayawake]

I had to sit down with my step-mother and have a talk about this too. My daughter (who is very even-tempered, and doesn't throw fits) was beginning to EXPECT presents from her grandparents. She would say things like "I hope Nanna comes over so I can have a treat!" and as soon as she comes she would say "What did you bring me today?". That was intolerable for me. My daughter is three and a half, and I hated that she expected to be given stuff. We give her toys when she needs them, and lots of treats and fun snacks - but if she EXPECTS these things, and gets angry when she isn't given something that I won't tolerate. So after talking with my step-mom, I did realize that the way she likes to show love is by giving gifts. I've always known that about her, she did the same thing with me. So I said - here's the deal, you can bring her treats but they must be healthy snacks. You can bring her a small present once in a while, but please run it by us first to make sure it's something we would be okay with in our home. She actually (for the most part) obliged. My daughter now knows that Nanna will bring over a box of raisins or an especially red apple or a small hair clip SOMETIMES, but not every time. Now, last week they did bring over a basket of gross dolls from a garage sale... but we took them back to Nanna's house and there they will stay. :) My daughter also has participated in choosing many of her toys to give away to 'kids who have less toys'. She will now voluntarily offer up something that she doesn't play with anymore and suggest that I give it to someone who needs it. Last week we cut our stash of toys in half... they are in the basement storage for now, where I'll let them sit for a month or so to see if we really do want any of those things back. If not, we'll find a good home for them as we have with lots of other toys. My daughter now actually loves giving things away. She sees my husband and I doing the same. We haven't imposed the 'if you get a new toy, one goes to someone else' rule yet, but I think its one sure way to control the 'gimmie gimmie gimmie'.

I hope you will be able to talk it out with her again. I think in my case I wasn't mad that someone was bringing my daughter treats, I was mad that I couldn't control my daughter's behaviour and didn't like what she was turning into. So I realized it isn't anyone elses fault that I felt that way... and I worked on ways to help my daughter expect less and be happy with less.

[pewtertm]

OK...my two cents. Just because something is a gift does not mean that you have to keep it. Once it's given, it doesn't belong to the giver anymore, and you can do with it what you wish. If grandma won't stop giving gifts, you can donate them (or other toys) to a shelter, children's hospital, or somewhere else that they'll be put to good use.
Several years ago, my cousin and his wife sent out emails to everyone and let them know that their 2 DD's didn't need any more toys. This was close to Christmastime, and they were blunt in stating that anything other than clothes or educational items (ie books, art supplies, etc) would be donated to Goodwill because they didn't have the room for more toys, and the kids didn't need anything. And LOL, now that I have a kid of my own, I really identify with what they were thinking! I was just looking at the toys on my 3yr old DD's floor and deciding to toss a good third of them. We're going to haul stuff off to a charity shop.

[OrianaVianey]

I have a 3 yo myself who is a bit spoiled too. But as someone say, I don't think the toys are the reason nor the solution. I agree that you can talk to your MIL and tell her to bring small gifts or healthy treats that will be very nice but infront of your kid you will tell her that he only will get them if he is a good boy. If he had a bad behavior the gift will be sitted in the "waiting basket" till he behaves.

And when nana's bring the gift (even if she give it to him) and he has been moody or in a bad behaviour you take ind repeat... let's seat the gift here untill you behave. And when he has been a good boy, then you said... good, you deserve your present for being a nice boy (sorry if my English fails me here).

I know this is hard but you need to put your foot down to your kid, and your family and inlaws (my family knows be well, and knows that I don't care about fits of children or grown ups because I scream louder and I spank everyone... LOL).

And for spoils kids (like mine) the only thing that works is that you keep your word. This is the age where they are pushing your buttons to know you limits... so this is where boundries will set.

But again... presents from nana are not the only reason...

[xboxmom]

My 3 year old is a HUGE brat too right now. Sometimes I just want to scream or run away. I think 3 is way worse than 2. It must be the 3 is the new 2 thing. ;) Hopefully it gets better for all of us mommies of 3 year olds!

[FlirtatiousBrat]

proud mom......of another bratty 3yr old

I think it's age lol...b/c mine is NOT spoiled but still has bratty tendencies sometimes. (redhead..I blame the hair)

[rach3975]

Three has been a hard age with both of my sons. Threes test their limits, and depending on a kid's personality, they can test their limits (and your patience) in a big way! I agree that part of the problem is that tantrums have worked for him in the past, and it's going to take more than a few tries for him to realize they don't work anymore. Depending on his maturity and stubborness, it may be quite a while before he's entirely over them. But be very consistent in not rewarding them, and he will get over them.

Personally, I don't think there's anything unusual about a young child refusing to do something--what's important in my book is that their refusal doesn't lead to my expectation or plans changing. My 5 year old is currently going through a stage where he thinks he has a lot more power than he does. Almost every day there's something he refuses to do or insists we do that is not my intention, and I make sure he knows it won't be happening, and unless he gives it up quickly there'll be a consequence. He hasn't given up on the demanding yet (have I mentioned that he's very stubborn? Takes after me ;) ) but he never gets his way when he behaves like that.

As for the gifts, I'd state my piece but then back off instead of causing too much friction in the relationship if my Dh wasn't willing to back me up. But then again, both sets of grandparents are long distance for us, so they don't see my kids enough to have a huge influence even if they're not following my rules. Under any circumstances, I'd have no problem taking a newly-given gift and telling my kids they can have it back when they're behaving.

Good luck!

[kscwgirl]

It's totally the age. One thing I can suggest as far as the fit throwing, etc. They need time to adjust to changes. It's hard for them if you say, okay we're leaving right now. I do it in stages with my two.. we're leaving in 5 minutes, or we're leaving when the clock says 7:30, or whatever. I also give JJ choices, but it's done in a way that both choices are actually MY choice, but he feels like he's getting to choose something. He gets a choice every morning, most days... such as, do you want to wear your red jacket or your jean jacket or do you want to wear this shirt or this shirt. Things that don't matter to me at all, he gets to choose.. like most days I don't care which pair of shoes he wears, so he gets that choice. It makes him feel more in control, and there is very little fit throwing. He's three, so he still throws a fit sometimes, it's just not something that happens on a daily basis.

[dabittymama]

I've loved reading this thread b/c it makes me feel better about my 3yo DD and her little fits. She is actaully a really good kid and I wouldn't call her spoiled but she has her moments...like all 3yo do. Her biggest thing right now is saying "I don't want...fill in the blank". However, she still has to do what ever the blank is. We validate her that in life we have to do many things we don't want to do (said at the level a 3yo can understand) and we have to learn to cope with it.

As for asking for things when we go to the store. I NEVER buy things for my kids when they are with me. If she tells me she wants something we tell her to put it on the "wish list" at home. When I do get them toys they go into the "treasure box" and they get little prizes for good behoavoir or just as a rare treat.

We use a lot of Love and Logic (http://www.loveandlogic.com/) ideas, but when it comes down to it the will get a sore butt if they disobey.