Let's talk about age gaps between kids...

When Wes just turning 2, this is something DH and I have been discussing a lot lately. I always thought I would "know" when we'd be ready for baby #2 (like we knew when we were ready to try for #1), but NOW sometimes I think that if we wait to be 100% "ready" - that then Wes will be an only child.

Soooo, how many years (or months!) apart are your kids? And tell me, from your point of view, the good, bad, and ugly about having kids that close (or far) apart...

Ok, so here are my thoughts...

My two girls are 18 mos. apart. We wanted them to be close in age, mainly because DW and her brother are 10 years apart. I love having them so close, they are truly friends with each other. I will say this though - that first year was H E double hockey sticks. Seriously, like awful...it's so much stress. Now, I see that it was worth it. I recently was saying to my sister, if you wait for the "perfect" time to have kids/more kids, it will never happen. There is no such time, IMO.

DS is 4 and DD is 6 1/2 months so there's a 3 1/2 year age difference. Right now I love it b/c he's old enough to not need my attention 24/7 anymore and can "help" with his sister and he loves being the big brother which I don't think would be the case if he were younger. I think if they were both boys or both girls I would have wanted them closer but I think with them being boy/girl that age difference will be just about right. I may eat my words in a few years though lol.

well I only have one kid LOL.. but my brother and I are 3.5 years apart- and I think it was pretty great (save for some teenage weirdness.. and occassionally dealing with him now ) lol.. but we were really close growing up.. my mom always tells me about how he cried and stayed at the window all day when I started kindergarten ^_^ he was my lil buddy.. and I looked out for him when we were older (and beat him up.. but come on.. all siblings do that lmao)

I will say that I think part of the problem is that I see my friends who have kids really close together (one has DDs that are 1 year, 1 day apart; one has a DD and DS that are 16 months apart) and I think that there is NO way I want to go through that. LOL.

My girls are 2 years and 9 months apart. I got pregnant on Emma's 2nd birthday LOL They have been the best of friends since day one. Emma is head over heels in love with Madelyn...while Madelyn has a love/hate relationship with Emma. It doesn't happen often but Emma gets a little annoyed sometimes because Madelyn just wants to play with her but more often than not she understands that Madelyn's just a "baby." Even when Madelyn was born it was nice. Emma was potty trained, we had moved her to a bed, she could understand when we told her things. It was nice. I've gotta agree with Aaron though, if we waited...we'd never find the "right" time.

Between #1 & #2:
3 years 11 months and 10 days
This was fabulous when they were younger but crappy now that they are 11 and 7. They fight like cats and dogs!!! :thumbdown:

Between #2 & #3
2 years 7months and 6 days
Again this was fabulous when they were younger but now that they are 7 and 4 they are like oil and water, but they are a girl and a boy so that might be some of the reason too!!!

Between #3 & #4
3 years 2months and 8 days
They get along great right now and I hope it contiunes. They are both boys!!

Between #4 & #5 (if I give birht exactly on my due date )
1 year 7 months and 20 days (about 19 months) :blink:
I have no idea what to expect.....perhaps lots of rum and coke induced stupers and perhaps a straight jacket or two!!!

I'll give you my opinion with having older kids. My son just turned 15, dd #1 is 13, and my youngest dd is 9. My oldest 2 are about 21 months and although I never wanted kids that close together, and thought 3-4 years was better, they get along so much better and basically grew up best friends. Even now, they "get" each other. My poor little youngest... she never did a lot of the things you would expect a preschool girl to do (play with dolls, etc.) because by the time she got to that age, her sister had already moved on to barbies, etc. and she so badly wants to be like her sister. She's also had to figure out how to play by herself lately because her brother is gone most of the day to driver's ed and her sister is off with her friends. So even though I thought 3-4 years was perfect, I feel bad for my youngest. Originally the plan was to have the first 2 close together, and then wait the 4 years and have 2 more than were about 2 years apart. Unfortunately, I had a very rough pregnancy with my youngest and we just decided not to risk things for another child. So she's the youngest and left on her own a lot. She's OK with it, and definitely the most outgoing of all 3 kids (maybe because she has to find playmates instead of a having a sibling very close to her own age).

On the other hand, I wish I wasn't sitting here thinking that in a year or two, I'm going to be going through this driver's ed stuff all over again. I could use a 4 year break before we do this again.

Holy mother. Reading all of these makes me think that I need to drink a couple of rum and cokes and just go for an "oops" baby.

I'm no help - mine are 13 years apart. But I can tell you that having a toddler & a teenager in the house can be quite interesting LOL I wish they were closer in age, but as they get older I think they will have a unique sister relationship.

I wanted to add that you probably should take any advise from me......I am the crazy chick pregnant with #5!!!

Okay, I've got the best of both worlds (are you singing Miley Cyrus in your head now?).

Anyway, Wes is our first; Claire is in the middle; and Sadie is our baby. Wes and Claire are 19 months apart. He was really still a baby when we brought Claire home. The first few months were a little difficult, but I really don't remember it much. Looking back, there's no way I would've done it any differently. They have truly grown up together. They are very best friends and play together so well. It's love/hate, of course, but much more love than hate.

Then we decided to have Sadie. She is 3 3/4 years younger than Claire, so Claire was almost 4 when she was born. I wouldn't do this any differently either. Wes & Claire are independent enough to be able to do things for themselves -- get their own yogurt and cereal in the morning, go to the bathroom, get dressed, etc. And they entertain each other so well. This has all been so helpful since caring for a newborn takes up quite a bit of your time in the first few months.

And they ADORE Sadie. They actually fight over who can be right in front of her and see her best!

I love the age differences between our children. I think if you're only having two, close together is best. Then I like a little more age gap if you're going for a third.

There was 28 months between 1 and 2

22 between 2 and 3

By the time Benjamin was 4 years and 2 months, I had two more babies, so three babies in just over 4 years. It was a bit insane, but I'm glad we did it that way. They pretty much liked and still do, the same toys at the same time, they played together, however, they do fight LOL.

I want one more baby, but now that Rae is almost 5, I can't see me going back to the baby thing. I was breastfeeding or pregnant for over 4 years LOL. I do though, think that it might be nice to have older kids and a baby too, because the kids do not remember each other coming home from the hospital or anything, because they were too little themselves.

ETA that I wouldn't change how we did things, only that I would have had my 4th one when Rae was little, but now it feels too late.

Mine are 2 years and 3 months apart, to the day. JJ was not planned. I was aiming for 3-4 years in between kids. They fight almost constantly but when they aren't fighting, they are very sweet together.

Gabriel and Tristan are 15.5 months apart. They aren't the typical sibling set though. Gabriel has special needs and has always been very developmentally delayed. When they were both little I thought I would lose my mind LOL! The spacing was just exhausting and trying to take them both anywhere was a bit of a nightmare (so we didn't go many places LOL!).

Tristan and Julian are a little over 3.5 years apart. I actually really love this spacing and I'm hoping if I have a 4th child that it will be with similar spacing. I don't know what it will be like down the road but Tristan was old enough to be of some help and not need me all the time and now at 5 and 16 months they have a lot of fun playing together. I can already tell that Julian is going to worship Tristan LOL !

Seriously though, I don't know if there is a perfect spacing. What works for one person can be another person's nightmare. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have another one soon while Julian is still little so he'll have a close playmate but he is a super high needs little guy so I think that would be a recipe for disaster. I think a closer spacing works best if the older child is kind of laid back .

i always wanted my kids to be close in age... DS and DD are 22 months apart (to the day). i'm glad it wasn't closer, as DS was still using the crib! he didn't have a problem switching to a new bed, but he will sometimes get in the crib still.
i wanted them to grow up together, and have each other for company.
i have always wanted 3-4 kids, but now that i have 2 i think i'm quite happy with 2.

mine are 17, 15 and 11. The 11 year old really bugs the other kids. I honestly like that the older two are so close in age. I wish I had waited like maybe four or five years to have one moree or had one closer to my middle childs age

DS & DD are 6 years apart, I always thought I wanted kids that were closer in age, but we just weren't ready for baby #2. I think there is good & bad about having them farther apart. DS is able to help with DD and understands that he has to wait for certain things, but he's also old enough that he can do things for himself and when you are up all night with a newborn, that is nice Plus when he is in school all day I still get 1 on 1 with DD that I would have missed if I had them closer together. On the other side right now I don't know how they will be when they are older, I'm really hoping that they are close, but it's too soon to tell.
My sister and brother are 8 and 6 years older than I am and we are close, oddly enough we ended up having kids about the same time. And growing up they just took me along for the ride LOL

My boys are 35 months 1 day apart. I think it's actually a good age difference for them. We'd hoped to have a third with the same age difference--but that didn't happen. At this stage, if I got pregnant now--the age differences would be close seven years between D and baby and 10 years between JP and baby. I'm not entirely opposed to that--my baby sister is about 9½ years younger and we get along much better than my older brother (by 3 years) and I do.

i've got four and differen't age gaps between each... i think there are pros and cons for any options... and then there is the whole it never happens when you are planning (which, it never did with any of ours lol, so really the whold drink a little too much and see what happens, may be the best route!)

so between my first two i have almost 3 years (april baby and then gareth turned 3 in june):
this is sort of the "ideal" spacing i think for a lot of people the big brother is old enough to "get it" but still young enough to play... i think the only thing about this spacing is to remember that a 2-2.5 year old is still a toddler... so they are pretty needy still, it can be a bit of an adjustment for everyone, and it can make for an exhausting pregnancy (imagine lugging yourself, your big belly AND your big toddler up the steps because they just decided they no longer will walk as two yearolds often do) also, everyone WANTS to think that a two and a half year to three year old will be potty trained so you'll only have one in diapers... but likely you will have two in diapers and be too exhausted for a bit to do any potty training.... and if you have already done potty training i think that at this age range reverting is really likely because they are still so young you know? (i always say a 2 year old potty trained is really actually a potty trained PARENT )

Between my second two i have 16 months, it took us about a year the first time to get preggers, so we started early trying this time, and it happened... the fist shot we gave it...

this spacing is crazy hard... seriously, i think i should be honest here, yes it is great now that they are getting older, and it is freaking awesome that they are starting school one year apart, and they are dear friends as they get older (when they aren't fighting eachother tooth and nail) but good lord, when they are little it is hard, i felt like every day was seriously some sort of a marathon when they were both young, it was like carrying changing feeding cleaning calming cuddling all the live long day LOL... and they both had a lot of needs at the same time... if you are of the mind that you hate the baby stage and just want to get it all over with all at once, then really close could be the ticket, but sometimes i'm sort of sad because i think i missed out a little on owen reeceys babyhood because i was running around like mad to keep up with them.

By far, the easiest spacing, has been this last one. Reece was three and a half when tennyson was born. Tennyson will only be 1 and a half when reece starts kindergarden this year. It was remarkably easy to keep up with an infant when my older kids were all pretty much able to take care of their own most basic needs (pee poo water sleep tv LOL what else is there right??)

Personally I think this is the furthest spacing i would ever want though. I feel almost like I'm starting all over again with baby T.... the first set of kid is all off to school this year and t is just coming into his own around the house... i can't imagine them being even further apart, i would feel like i was at this mom thing for centuries no doubt LOL

ok... theres my novel!

just DO IT... thats my advice... yes you are right, you will never be 100% READY but i think brothers are the biggest gift i give my kids, because someday i am going to get old, and i'm going to get die or become senile or something... someday their dad and i will not be here for them, but i'm not worried, because when i'm gone, i know they won't be alone, i'm glad that they have eachother.

awww that is best thing I think you could say about siblings!! I tell my kids that all the time when they are bugging each other

Shawna Clingerman said:

i think brothers are the biggest gift i give my kids, because someday i am going to get old, and i'm going to get die or become senile or something... someday their dad and i will not be here for them, but i'm not worried, because when i'm gone, i know they won't be alone, i'm glad that they have eachother.

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My kids are 17 months apart - we weren't "ready" for another one, but I wouldn't do it any differently. They are SO close (even though they fight like crazy, lol)...and I never got out of the diaper stage before having another one IN them, lol.

Every once in a while I think "oh, I wish I had another baby" but then I realize that if I had a baby now, my 2 kids would be 6 and 8 years older than it...and so I decide quickly that it's not an option anymore.

I only have 1 child, but he's going to be 3 this fall and we still haven't decided its the right time. I am pretty sure I want another child, but clearly there is going to be a sizeable age gap. We had originally talked about having a 3 year gap, but I am just not ready for another yet.

Wow... so interesting to hear everyone's views and opinions... thanks for sharing!

My 2 oldest daughters are 2 1/2 years apart. LOVE this difference. They play together well, and I didn't feel TOO overwhlemed when they were littler. Then the next two are 23 months apart. This was ok for me, because my middle daughter seemed to mature faster, and seemed much older than she was when I had our little guy. Now our son is 15 months, and I have the question of when do I have another one. We have always planned on 4, 5, or MAYBE 6 (if we are completely crazy!) so I just don't know when it will be right to have #4. I DO know I am not ready today, but DH thinks he is! AHH!!

My two girls are just over 3.5 years apart. We tried for baby number 2 when Libby was 18 months old, but we were unsuccessful then. We gave up actually trying for awhile and we were very surprised when 18 months after that we were pregnant with #2. There are good and bad things about there being such a difference in age. Libby was over 3.5 when Claire was born. She has always played SO good by herself and doesn't need my attention 24 hours a day. There are times I wish they were closer in age so that they could play more and be a little closer than they are now. They're both at the age now (Libby's 4, Claire is 7 months) where they absolutely adore eachother. If we had waited till we were absolutely 100% ready for baby number 2, we might still be waiting. She was definitely an amazing little surprise. I will say that the age difference is exactly the same between my sister and I and my girls (my girls are a week further apart than my sis and I) and we are closer now then we've ever been. Makes me feel good knowing that my girls can (and hopefully) will be that close someday!!

My kids are 19 months apart. I wanted to have them fairly close together because my sister and I are 5 1/2 years apart. While I love her to pieces now I wanted to kill her as a kid. lol

It was *so* hard having a toddler and a new born. It's finally getting easier now. My oldest is almost 5 and my youngest is almost 3.

IMO, kids are a challange no matter what. Then again, I'm not exactly Mary Poppins. lol

my two are 11 years apart. I never thought I'd have a second child and seriously thought I'd need my head examined when we decided to have our second, but now I couldn't be happier with the age difference. It is wonderful!!! I encourage you to never say never and if it ends up to be a big difference in age, you'll find that can be perfect too

I just wanna say..my little sister and I are 10 months apart..she was obviously the oops lol..but I think my parents LOVED having it that way once we got a tad older. We have an older brother too that's 18 months older than me.

I have all kinds of spacing of kids..not sure any age diff is easier really. I love the independence my older ones have but it makes it harder to play nicely with the smaller ones..in fact i'd never ask my oldest 2 to play with any of the 3 youngest..lucky for us the 3 youngest are all little girly girls so they play well together. Mine are 13, almost 11, then 5, 3, 1

There is 13 months difference between my oldest and middle child and there is two years difference between my middle child and my youngest.

My grandma had baby #1 in February 1944 and then my Dad in December 1944. She had her third on Sep. 24 1946 and the last one on Sep. 25, 1947. So she had FOUR babies in three years.

Mine are all about 2.5 years apart, and I love that age difference. They are close enough to play together and be friends, but far enough apart that I wasn't dealing with 2 babies at once. That said, at 2.5 neither of my boys really appreciated the new baby. They didn't dislike the babies, just didn't "get" them. There's a 5 year age difference between DS1 and DD, and he's wonderful with her. I just don't know how that will play out as they get older--I hope it lasts. The boys are 5.5 and 3 now, and they alternate between playing well and fighting. (Okay, it's 75% fighting and 25% playing well, but that's because of the annoying stage DS2 is in right now.)

We "knew" the time was right to have a 2nd, but it was a lot harder to decide about #3. My 2nd child had some delays (which he is outgrowing now), and he seemed much younger than my first at the same ages. We finally went ahead and got pregnant knowing we had 9 months to get ready, and it worked out well. At the beginning of that 9 months I wasn't ready and DS2 was still too needy for me to want another child, but both things had changed by the time DD was here. Part of the reason we went ahead and had DD when we did was that I knew if I got out of baby/young child mode and got used to having a little more time and freedom for myself, I'd never be able to go back.

Paula said:

My grandma had baby #1 in February 1944 and then my Dad in December 1944. She had her third on Sep. 24 1946 and the last one on Sep. 25, 1947. So she had FOUR babies in three years.

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lol that's like my parents..they had 3 in a little over 2 years (28 months)

My first two are 2 years 10 months apart, and were the best of friends all through high school, and even for a few years after while they got in to lots of trouble.

My third was 19 months younger than number 2. He was much more immature than number 2....and was treated like a baby, even though they are so much closer in age. He was diagnosed being bipolar later, so he's had a lot of trouble and really is just now growing up at 21 years old.

My fourth is 4 years younger than number 3. He is the baby....and my oldest was so wonderful with him. Where ever we went, he would hold his hand, took him to the movies, etc... Even now, my #1 and #4 are 26 and 17 and they are the best of friends. My oldest lives in Texas and we are in Calif...but they talk on the phone every day, and my youngest even went out for a week for his graduation gift. That's what he wanted to do.

So...I don't think age gap has anything to do with it. It's really all about their personalities. They will either play together, or they won't. They'll fight...or they won't. You have to do what is right for your family.

That being said...having just a few close in age makes it really nice to do certain trips, because then everyone can enjoy it. Sometimes one is too young, and then there comes a time that the older ones are too old.

I have three boys. Now here in Quebec, we have this great state-payed maternity leave. Since I am a SAHM, DH can take the leave, so he was at home with us for 7 months, payed at 75 % of his salary, each time I gave birth.

Between the first and the second, there is 23 months. It was not really difficult, because, as I said, DH was here, so I could sleep in with the baby while he was with the older. Now this was heaven, since basically, my middle son would cry and have colic from 7:00 p.m. to 3-4:00 a.m. We lived in shifts for the first months.

Between the second and the third, there is 18 months. My last was an oops baby, but is adored. We knew we wanted another child, but he came a little quickly, lol! Since my middle son is somewhat mature, it was kinda easy. But imo, going from 2 to 3 is more difficult than going from 1 to 2.

Eventually, there is going to be a fourth baby, but this time, it will be when my two older sons are in school, so not before another 2 years. My youngest will be 3-4 years old, so I think it will be a little easier.

my sister had her first son on January 25th 1987, her daughter was born on October 31st 1987 (she was like 14 weeks premature), her second daughter was born on April 25th of 1989, then son number 2 came Febuary 2, 1991. She had her last child in October 2001.

so time between her baby 1 to 2 is nine months. Baby 2 to 3 is eighteen months. Baby 3 to 4 is 22 months and then almost 11 years between the last two.

Paula said:

My grandma had baby #1 in February 1944 and then my Dad in December 1944. She had her third on Sep. 24 1946 and the last one on Sep. 25, 1947. So she had FOUR babies in three years.

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