Strong willed child....help!

My son just turned 2 in August and is extremely strong willed. Everything is a battle with him. In fact, I just spent the last 30 mins. getting him to pick up 5 balls and put them in his ball basket... five balls were a battle, you've got to be kidding me. When I tell him to do something, he says no. When I tell him to not do something, he just looks at me and continues the behavior. I am at the end of my rope. At times I honestly don't know how to parent this child. I feel like I have tried everything and nothing is working. I have spanked, tried time outs, talked to him about his behavior, and even tried a behavior chart. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I think part of the problem is baby brother. He doesn't like it when I give him attention. The problem is he is only 2 months old so he needs a lot of attention.

He really can be a sweet kid. I just need to figure out how to get him to listen and obey. Does anyone else have a strong willed child? What things did you try with your child? I just need some tips.

Thanks in advance

At that age I don't get into a power struggle over picking up- they don't have the cognitive skills to understand that they will lose the toys if they don't pick up etc. And I wouldn't wait it out 30 minutes for him to do it either - that is just going to stress out mommy! I'd ask him to pick up nicely a couple times and then if he doesn't I'd get his attention so he is definitely listening (looking directly at you) and say " we need to pick these up, let's do it together". Then lead him over there and start to pick up but don't do it all, make sure he helps. If he still refuses I'd say - " you need to help, Mommy is asking you to do it " then I'd take my hand and put it over his and physically pick him the balls with his hand and put them away. Then "next time you need to be a better helper" (blah blah blah).

two is a really tough age. One thing I would encourage you to do is to not stand for him telling you "no". To me, that is outright defiance and at the age of two, he's capable of knowing that. Simply tell him, "You cannot tell me no. If you do it again, ((blank)) will happen." In my house, we spank our children for open defiance. Meaning, they know what is expected and they openly have disobeyed. There is a big difference between outright disobedience and a child's age-appropriate understanding of a situation. For example... if your son didn't pick up his toys, at the age of two that is more a childish indiscretion. But if you were to say "please pick up your toys" and he looks at you and says, "NO", then that is open defiance.

Anyways, just stay strong and consistent. I know its easier said than done with a two year old and a baby. Its a tough time. Remember: this too shall pass...

iJenny said:

Anyways, just stay strong and consistent. I know its easier said than done with a two year old and a baby. Its a tough time. Remember: this too shall pass...

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SOOOOO true!

I agree with Emmy. A 2 yo is a bit young to totally "get" things. I was given a good piece of advice from my best friend when I became a mother. She said, "try to say yes to everything.....and when you say no, you must win. Period." Basically, that is another way of saying, "pick your battles". Is it really worth it to get into a standoff with a 2 yo. over cleaning up his toys? It only stresses you out and he sees his mommy is frustrated with him all the time. I really try to take a positive attitude as much as I can with my kids. I try to set them up for success as much as possible....so that when they make a mistake they really understand that I am upset with them and that the behavior is unacceptable. Another way to look at it is, "if everything is a battle then nothing is important". Meaning, if you are always tussling with your son over everything, he is just going to tune you out.....because to him, you are always upset with him. Try to make these standoffs few and far between.

Maybe allow him one or two toys at a time. When he is done playing, I would just model the clean up routine and sing that clean up song (clean up, clean up...everybody, everwhere....). If you can just get him to put away one thing (like one ball), that is a huge success and you should praise the heck out of him. Soon, he will put in two toys. Then three. Start small and work up. Kids that young can't process the big picture.

Ok...well that is just my 2 cents. Hope it is helpful.

Susan

Thats so true, Susan. Especially with little ones, you have to pick your battles. Very good advice.

My 2 year old has... his times... too... but as the others say... stay constaint and not back down on the battles you do pick. And as hard as it is... stay calm and voice low... in my case when I start yelling, kiddo only gets more ramped up.

I don't know if this will help, but my kiddo was in the birth to three program with our county because he was delayed in walking... one part of the program is for early education and they would bring their own toys along to the in-home session, so there was always a battle when they had to leave with these so-much-more-fun-than-my-toys... long story, shorter... they would say, "buh-bye [insert name of toy here]". Grant it was to help him with his vocab... but I've found it so much easier to get him to cooperative with me while picking up toys by starting the... "buh-bye ball"... I do one or two and he will do the rest. Granted this is one piece of your problem... but I guess to a two year old, it becomes a game? He even does it by himself when he is done with something... not all the time, but once in a while is better then nothing.