Where to start-Religion & church with the kids...

I know you aren't supposed to talk about religion or politics with friends, but I'm going to just tell it like it is for me and trust that no one here will get crazy on me. This pst will be long, but I'll try to make a LONG story shorter. Background: My parents both went to Catholic school (and back in their day, they both got whipped by nuns!:blink Anyway, they baptized us as babies, but never pushed church on us or had us confirmed (and they didn't attend church themselves either).

On one hand, I appreciate it- I was able to go to church with friends with all different beliefs, different denominations and churches, etc. But on the other hand, while I do feel like a spiritual person, I don't feel like I have much of a "religious background" to share with my kids. I'd like to find a church to begin attending with my kids, but don't know where to start-- I just don't know where I fall, you know? I'm fairly certain I'm not Catholic... but I do consider myself a Christian... I really just try to live a good life and treat others well, so why is this so hard?

I have unfortunately had lots of experiences with people who are very hypocritical or condemning of others- (you know, the folks who go to church every Sunday, then behave terribly all week and act like I'm awful for not going to church)- and that has turned me off of church for a long time, but I have decided I shouldn't let the actions of a few scare me away anymore. I want my kids to understand why we conduct ourselves the way we do and to have something real to believe in that they can understand.

Anyway, any help or advice is appreciated- and feel free to ask questions- maybe I'm not the only one struggling with this.

Thanks for letting me be so vulnerable here...

Austin area girls- do you attend church? If so, where?

Finding the right church is sometimes really hard. Do you have people close to you that you trust that go to any? Its really trial and error, and there is nothing wrong with going once and never returning. You'll usually know after one visit if its a definite no. When you find the one that is right for your family, you will just know it in your heart. You will feel at home there, you will leave feeling like what you heard meant something just for you.

Every religion has its judgmental bigots , I'm happy to hear you've decided to not let them keep you from trying to find a place for you!!!

I would say be willing to go to different churches for a couple weeks at a time to see if any feel like home.

Neither Patrick or I are very religious and we were going to a church that didn't excite us, we only went because that's where everyone in our family went, and now we're going to a church we LOVE and want to get involved in and it's made all the difference.

I was brought up in a lutheran church which is alot like catholic but the beliefs differ a little. We however do not have a lutheran church close enough to travel weekly to it. My kids went to a baptist church when they were little until my daughter came home telling me that babies are born sinning. The pastor at that church had told the class that when a baby cries it is sinning :blink: Yea not something I believe so I didnt send them back there. Then I studied the bible with a lady who was one of those who goes door to door. Jehovah's Witness I think? Did not agree with some of the things she told me either. For me the best match was lutheran. Maybe you could attend a non-denominational church where people of all faiths can come to worship? There are alot of those coming up now.

I feel the same way, Stephanie. My DH is baptized LDS, and he's not really willing to try other churches, so I feel stuck. I will be watching this thread for help too

test drive churches. i would wiki different denominations, see what interests you and go from there.

i was born and raised catholic (as well is hubby). i was not connected to my church growing up. but as a couple, we found a church close by that i really like but really did not fall in love with it until jilly started school there. it feels like home to me. and i like one pastor over the other - so we try to go every other sunday when he is giving the service. i just feel more connected to him. it's a large parish, but i don't feel like a number (or a collection envelope!) slowly, andy & i are getting involved. we supervise the wiggle room once a month, we have taken up the gifts...it feels like home to me.

I'm not the greatest help... I was born and raised Lutheran... and the only branching out is that I went to a different synod and now back to the one I was confirmed through.

However, I do agree with the others... test out a lot of different churches and see what feels right. You will know when it is... talk to the pastor and see what the churches beliefs lie and see if they match your moral code... just don't fall in love with the minister/pastor... they come and go a lot, it seems. I've found many churches have an orientation that you can go through to see how the church it. For example, I picked the church we go to now (my hubby doesn't really care, he comes from a family that doesn't take stock in religion on one end and to the other end extremist view, but is as mean as a mule!) because it had a strong education program and lots of options as the child grows up... have been thinking of home schooling kiddo when he gets older, so I wanted a structured outlet for when he is around kids his own age.

I've been a church-going (like every Sunday) Christian my entire life. It's mostly been Methodist churches, but I wouldn't consider myself traditional Methodist. A little more charismatic than that.

As I've grown older I've kinda had my eyes opened to the different ways people live. I've definitely seen hypocrites. But I've also learned a lot about myself. I think I've grown a lot in the last few years.

I've realized that being a Christian does not mean you are perfect or have to try to be. That's why there is grace, because we are not and will never be perfect. Some of the greatest Christians I've come to know have messy lives -- they're just following Christ as best they can in the midst of the craziness of life. Not that they take following Him for granted. But they are relying on Him, His grace, His love, to get them through.

I love to see a Christian just be real and not "religious" ya know.

Anyway, I've also led worship my entire life. I attended a worship conference in Austin a year and 1/2 ago. It was at Riverbend Church. Wow! It was an incredible church. Of course, it was a conference and not regular services. So I don't know how their normal services are, but I would definitely visit there.

Hope I've maybe helped in some small way.

Unless you are particularly conservative, I would suggest seeking out a local nondenominational church with socially and culturally relevant media and a family/children-oriented ministry program i.e. a church with no particular affiliation that lets you wear jeans to church service that has a worship band that plays guitars/drums/other instruments and has a large enough membership that they can offer children's classes for all ages before/during/after service.

This kind of church is a good way to get (re)introduced to church and most likely will feel very comfortable for you since there is casual dress and culturally current worship. Once you get used to the routine and ritual of basic worship service and church attendance (especially for your kids if they have never regularly attended church before), you can seek out a specific denomination and/or smaller/more traditional church if you are so inclined.

This is the website of a church in my hometown that I sorely miss attending. It is one of the top 10 fastest growing churches in the United States. You can see what I mean by poking around their site:
GCC

I can't vouch for every church in this listing, but most churches that are affiliated with the Willow Creek Association (started by a mega church out in CA) are pretty good. They list churches by state.
Find A Church

Make sure when you attend a church service that you observe the following:
(01) What kind of services do they offer? Do they have traditional and contemporary services? Are they at times that will work for your family? Do they have any evening and/or Saturday services?
(02) Where are the children during service? Are they with their families during service or at children's classes? Are there many children in your children's age group at the church?
(03) Do they have a bulletin/program? What does it look like? Is it easy to understand and look professionally done? Is it clearly marked when one stands, sits, and/or kneels during various parts of service? Does it include inserts with church events for the week? Does it include an insert for new members/request for information?
(03a) If important to you (it's a dealbreaker for me personally), does the church have a website? Does it look professional? Has it been updated in the last 30 days? Do they have a Facebook/Twitter/MySpace/blog (that's updated regularly)? Is there a church events calendar? Is the church's mission and beliefs posted? Are there correct directions to church and church service times posted? Generally speaking, was the church's website helpful and informational?
(04) What is the general 'vibe' of the service? Are there people your own age in church? Does the church service appeal to you? Is the pastor easy to follow? Was the sermon relevant to you in some way? Did anyone approach you before or after service and say hello? Do worshippers seem generally approachable and friendly?
(05) If your children attended children's classes while you were in worship, what is your impression of the classroom(s) they were in? Do the childcare workers seem involved with the children? What kind of activities did they do? How do your children feel after attending class? Did they enjoy it?

One last thing: finding a church as close as possible to where you live is very important if you plan on really involving yourself in the church community. If you join a group and your kids become involved in children's ministry and you attend every Sunday... you will begin to dread the drive if it is more than 20-25 minutes and you are running over 2-3x a week. Of course, maybe you live in a rural area where the perfect church is more than 30 minutes away, but if you have a choice between two churches that are mostly alike and either would suit you, pick the one geographically closest to you.

HTH! Good luck!

I was raised a Baptist and still am to this day and attend Church on a regular basis. Over the years I have went to a variety of Baptist churches..and each one gave off a different "vibe". Some more conservative than others and some with preachers that preach what I call "what they want or what the congregation wants to hear" instead of the Bible with verses to reference what he is preaching.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you will have extremes in every type of denomination. Finding a good church that you feel "home" in can be a very daunting task. But if you just put your faith in God to lead you to the one that will meet your needs, I have much confidence you find it. And maybe you will need to visit a few that don't fit to know that good fit when you feel it. Have you just thought of calling the churches and speaking to the
pastors to get a feel of them before dragging the kiddos to the full service? I know most are willing and excited to meet in person outside of a church service setting.

schock77 said:

I have unfortunately had lots of experiences with people who are very hypocritical or condemning of others- (you know, the folks who go to church every Sunday, then behave terribly all week and act like I'm awful for not going to church)- and that has turned me off of church for a long time, but I have decided I shouldn't let the actions of a few scare me away anymore.

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That is always sad to hear. I go to a church that I really love and honestly as much as I'd love to say that I walk the walk, I know I've fallen short. I try to think of church as a hospital. You go there to get spiritually healthy, not because you are already healthy. Which of course means that God will take us as we are, flawed and all. I find that comforting because if I waited until I was perfect to go to church, then uh, I may never get there. If a person is growing as a Christian then you should see their "fruit" growing too.

One way to try out churches these days is to check out their websites. My church (a non-denominational Christian church) has the sermons online for people to download to their ipods or computers. It could give a taste of the church. Also think about the services that you'd like the church to provide. For instance, I love a fun active children's and teen's group so I looked for that when I was church hunting. When I found my church I was also just blown away by the music/worship and now if I had to find another church, that would be near the top of my list as well.

Good luck on finding the right church!

and if anyone is in the Portland, OR area and want to hear my church's sermons, let me know.

i am not religious at all. meaning i don't focus on the legalistic part of christianity. the do's and dont's. for me...it's about relationship with jesus, being good to people and trying to make my little light shine for him. so ya...with that said. try a few different churches out. i would say a calvary chapel or a non-denominational would be great for you guys. something with plenty of stuff for the kiddos and a nice service for the adults where lots of teaching is happening and not preaching. we attend a very unorthodox assembly of god church and we love it. some aog can be legalistic but we are happy that ours is not. it's all about teaching, building each other up and loving people (in church, our community and around the world) in a non-condemning way! it makes me so sad when people have bad experiences with mean "christians". i just feel like being kind and non judgmental is vital to your walk with christ! feel free to pm me if you have any other thoughts or questions. getting plugged into a church feels really good, so i hope you find one! it's just nice to have a place to refer back to every week and learn something from the bible that you wouldn't have learned otherwise. it's also nice that the kids have a place to learn on a weekly basis. away from home. i hope i didn't confuse you further. HUGS! i will pray that you guys can find a good church home!!

In much the same boat. I have difficulty with the whole sermon thing because very often, my views are different than that of the church (I'm very liberal, living in a very Republican state). The two times we did try to attend a church, we ended up going right during their fund drives to build new additions to what I saw as already large churches. That turned me off, and we went once to one of the churches and two or three times to the other before we gave up.

It drives my in-laws batty because my FIL is a preacher, but I just cannot sit through a church service. If my kids wanted to go, I'd allow them to go (they do go with my mom sometimes), but it's just not my thing. I feel uncomfortable every time I go because I find myself saying/doing things I don't totally believe.

This is a great thread, I've really enjoyed reading everything everyone has said. Jordan and I have different views on religion, and I'm looking to learn more. I get bogged down in the "legalistic" (to use Lizzy's word) issues I have with Catholicism, and I think I need to focus on the spirituality more.

Very interesting reading and some good advice. I'm not a Christian; I was raised Jewish, and my problem with my religion has always been the focus on rules instead of just being a good person. (Honestly--who cares if I mix milk and meat or turn a light on during the Sabbath?) Too much of my religious upbringing focused on learning the 'rules' and learning to read Hebrew instead of having a connection to God and being good to people. DH had a similar experience.

As my kids are getting older (oldest is in kindergarten) I've been feeling the need to find a synagogue so that they can be raised with a more formal connection to Judaism. I've been torn, though, because I dreaded getting back into a situation where I'd be looked down on for not following all of the silly rules. It doesn't help that DH will go along with the idea grudgingly at best. You've inspired me to try again, though unfortunately our options are limited since there aren't that many synagogues nearby.

If there is a Unitarian Universalist church in your area they might be a good starting point. UUs are very all encompassing, perhaps a little too much for some people but I know a lot of people who have had various issues with other Christian denominations who are very happy in UU churches. Depending on your issues with Catholicism you might want to give the Episcopalians a visit. I was raised Catholic & take issues with certain things (mostly women priests & birth control) and attended an Episcopalian church quite happily for a few years before accepting that actually I'm a Wiccan.

UUs take pagans/Wiccans too. If there was one anywhere near my house I'd attend it.

lizzyfizzy said:

i am not religious at all. meaning i don't focus on the legalistic part of christianity. the do's and dont's. for me...it's about relationship with jesus, being good to people and trying to make my little light shine for him. so ya...with that said. try a few different churches out. i would say a calvary chapel or a non-denominational would be great for you guys. something with plenty of stuff for the kiddos and a nice service for the adults where lots of teaching is happening and not preaching. we attend a very unorthodox assembly of god church and we love it. some aog can be legalistic but we are happy that ours is not. it's all about teaching, building each other up and loving people (in church, our community and around the world) in a non-condemning way! it makes me so sad when people have bad experiences with mean "christians". i just feel like being kind and non judgmental is vital to your walk with christ! feel free to pm me if you have any other thoughts or questions. getting plugged into a church feels really good, so i hope you find one! it's just nice to have a place to refer back to every week and learn something from the bible that you wouldn't have learned otherwise. it's also nice that the kids have a place to learn on a weekly basis. away from home. i hope i didn't confuse you further. HUGS! i will pray that you guys can find a good church home!!

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I am 100% with Lizzy on this one... I also attend a non-denominational church and I LOVE it. One of my favorite things is that it is very non-judgemental, very teaching/loving/accepting geared. My church is quite large, but I like this for the benefits to my kids... they have a HUGE kids ministry with classes (15-30 kids) for each individual age.

Also, like everyone else said, try some different ones out... which I know can be really intimidating, because of being a "newbie". I've found that the right church just grabs me right from the very first service.

I grew up Catholic. Going to church, going to CCD, having a very strict Catholic grandma. My dad went to Catholic school, too. I quickly realized even as a kid, that religion was not for me. When I was 14 we started attending a great Methodist church that I really enjoyed. We moved a short while later and could not find a church we liked there. Now as an adult, I have yet to really try to find one. I have been thinking of trying out a new one in my city. I would like my son to know church and the community, but I am still very turned off to organized religion due to my upbringing in the church.

I do not attend church, but I think since you are looking to give your kids a "religious background", I would check out a non-denominational church with a variety of kid programs. That way they can be introduced to religion w/in a children's program (obviously appropriate for the age group). Then, they at least have a frame of reference before choosing a specific religious type (if they do).

I have thought about my girl and her spirtual life. On the one hand, I feel some social pressure about taking her to church to learn religion, but to me that is just one person/groups interpretation of history and of the Bible. I would rather show her how to think for herself, so she can ultimately decide what she believes. I want to show her what it means to be a good and compassionate person w/out justifying it with religion. Being a "good" person was around before Jesus ever was.

Anyway, I can feel a soapbox rant coming. Good luck!

The best advice I can give is to seek out a few local churches and attend their services to get a feel for them. I know out here, there are a number of "non-denominational" christian churches, which seem to suit us well. You do need to feel comfortable wherever you decide to go.

I grew up a lutherian and was lutherian since one year!!! When we moved here I don't feel good in the lutherian church and I decided to go looking for another way for me!

I found my church .... do not know how my church is called in english.... and I started going there (my hubby is not christian :-( ) The boys started going with me and we three love it there! Its a home for us and we want to stay there!

So my advice is visit different churches and go looking for the church where you feel home the best way!

Thank you ladies! First, I'm so glad to read the forum and PMs and find no one "going crazy" or "getting on a soapbox" on me. Very good points by all as well and I REALLY appreciate it.

LeeAndra- great observation points to think about when visiting- VERY helpful! "Socially and culturally relevant media and a family/children-oriented ministry program" is definitely what I'm looking for as well as Jac- a "very non-judgemental, very teaching/loving/accepting geared" church.

Kim- I too am somewhat liberal (thankfully, Austin is the most liberal city in conservative Texas) and so I hope I can find a church to fit.

Stacey- I also have those disagreements with the Catholic church- Brian's cousin is in seminary and to think he'll never be able to marry if he goes into the priesthood to me is sad (no one throw stones at me, just my thoughts) And I do take birth control too (and I don't feel that's against God's plan for me). Those are the kinds of things I need to know about certain denominations to help narrow things down- if they have core beliefs like that and I don't agree, then I won't waste anyone's time going there, kwim?

Ainwena- "... but to me that is just one person/groups interpretation of history and of the Bible. I would rather show her how to think for herself, so she can ultimately decide what she believes." I feel this way sometimes too and I know that's what my parents did this for me, but I'd like to go a step further by having them learn a bit more background and then decidie whether that's what they believe. I want to be sure they understand different people may believe different things than you do and that's ok.

All this to say THANKS ladies- I know this can be controversial, but that is not my intent... I just really wanted some support and advice. I know many people here have very strong religious backgrounds and beliefs that I could ask. I also thought that perhaps I wasn't the only one struggling with this. If you'd rather, please feel free to PM me... I appreciate any thoughts on my journey!