Attachment Parenting Question

Without realizing it, I suppose I've been doing a bit of 'hybrid' (ha ha -- aren't I clever?! ) attachment parenting with Eliana. I checked out an official AP book from the library, and so while I now know the official AP tenets, I'm wondering how those of you out there who do a combo of AP and some other parenting style(s) raise your kids? Basically, I'm just trying to figure out how other moms have taken babywearing and cosleeping and extended bfing and other AP techniques and made it work in their own families by either tweaking, substituting, or rejecting parts of it altogether.

Hope this made sense, and thanks for your help!

hmm... well for me I don't think that AP parenting is a list of things you do... it's about reading your child's needs and providing them... becoming so attached to your child that you know what they are crying for... for example, my first child needed space and hated co-sleeping and wanted to be in a crib, where my second one won't sleep anywhere but in our bed. My first child unfortunately I wasn't able to breastfeed because of latch issues and reflux but bottle feeding is a part of attachment parenting too... it's how you do it... so basically I held her like I was breastfeeding while feeding her a bottle but never gave her a bottle on her own. My firstborn was and still is all about babywearing but my second prefers the stroller.

yeah what Heather said. My boys hated being worn, but Bella loves it. All of them are for co-sleeping, but since we can't fit a 5 1/2 year old, a 4 year old, a 9 month old, and my hubby and I all in our bed nobody sleeps with us anymore, though Bella did sleep in bed with us until she started sleeping through the night.

I had to have someone tell me what this was awhile back because it's not a term that was used when I was raising my kids.

Nothing new though...just new terminology.

I breastfed, but one wanted to be weaned at 9 months (never had a bottle though) and another went to 3 years. Their choice. (the other two were in between those times)

I used a sling half the time, and a stroller too. Whatever worked best. They all started out in their beds at night, but ended up in our bed sometime during the night, and they could continue coming to our beds until they were ready to sleep all night in their own beds.

I say do what you feel is right...not what others say you should do, and don't feel bad for doing something different. I don't agree with a lot of what they do, but somethings I do agree with, and even did myself.

I'm probably the most reluctant attachment parenter out there. When I was pregnant with my first, my mom gave me "The Baby Book" by John Sears. I thought the whole attachment parenting thing was ridiculous.

Then Brady was born, and I was forced to come around to some of those methods simply because they were what worked for him. He nursed until he was a year old (and I only quit because I got pregnant again and my doctor advised it -- now I'd probably do different). We started cosleeping at 8 months simply because I had to get some sleep. My 2nd child wasn't nearly as high needs, and I didn't have to do as much with her -- or maybe I was more confident in the decisions I made. We did babywear her a lot, but we didn't cosleep, and she weaned herself at 3 months (she got the chicken pox during a record heat wave and just would not nurse for anything).

By the time my 3rd arrived, I was completely attachment parenting. Babywearing, completely breastfed, made my own baby food from table food, cosleeping, etc. However, I went back to work when she was six weeks old, so *I* really needed the whole attachment thing to feel connected to her. She did go to the preschool where I taught, so I was able to nurse her during my breaks, etc., but the nursery staff were less than supportive. For example, they'd feed her a bottle because she was getting fussy, knowing that I'd be in to nurse in less than a half hour. Irritated me so much that I used to by her all these pro-nursing shirts and onesies.

I guess that I just took the parts that made sense for me and my family, and what didn't, I didn't use. It's a style, and you can't do it wrong.

I was a co-sleeping, extended nursing, baby wearing (mostly my 2nd) cloth diapering (again mainly my second), delayed/no vaccine kind of mamma. I didn't do CIO or "Ferber" methods. We did what worked for us. A lot of it was because my mom encouraged me to mother like she did ... which was very similar. Like Debra said, it isn't a new idea, just new terminolody.

Being that I worked out of the home we had to make multple things work differently for us. At the office the kids had a playpen to sleep in, not my bed. They stayed at the office with me till they were over 1 and walking. That way I didn't need to pump & store for them. I would breastfeed before work and then all evening/night. But during my working hours they got meals/snacks at daycare just like the other kids. Just no bottles, they always got a sippy cup.

We were hybrid I'm a huge advocate of do what works for your family. I'm a scheduler, though. I thrive on schedules..as does my first born, and yeah, we were more of the scheduling kind of family then. But for our second son, no amount of scheduling was going to work (thus mom was a basket case), and that's just how it had to be for that chidl. I'm also big into baby wearing, extended nursing (the longer the better!), cosleeping if it works for your family (didn't for me), cloth diapering, make your own baby food, etc. We did use the CIO method for one of the boys, because it's what ended up working for him. We didn't with the other. We're also delayed vaccination/no vaccination kinds of folks.

I hate the idea that it has to be all or nothing with so many camps of parenting. While I have my opinions on how EVERYONE should raise their kids ( ), you just have to try out stuff and use what really works for your family!

It's funny how they have a name for it now though.

I just did all these things...25+ years ago. I just knew it was what I wanted. No books on it. No internet. Just common sense I guess.

4noisyboys said:

It's funny how they have a name for it now though.

I just did all these things...25+ years ago. I just knew it was what I wanted. No books on it. No internet. Just common sense I guess.

Click to expand...

See I did what my mother always did for us when we were babies, and 25 years later, its still what works.
(for us at least)

Yep, its just about reading your children's ques on what works for them AND for you. I breastfeed until my son self-weaned (14 months), we co-slept until we were both ready to be done (and I still allow him in when he needs to), I wore him when it worked for both of us, made all of his babyfood (this I recommend for everyone! It was so easy & saved a ton plus I knew what he was eating). Its really just about reading their ques and adjusting it to work for you. Good luck! :thumbup:

I'm a better person if I get enough sleep, so we let our boys cry it out to learn to go to sleep on their own, and I do NOT regret it one bit. It was hard for about a week, but once they learned to put themselves to sleep, life was better for all of us.

I did, however, wear my babies and bf until about a year and a half. I too am of the opinion that you do whatever works best for your family. I know a lot of folks who did the Babywise method and have very happy LARGE families with really well behaved kids, but it did not work for us. Probably because I can't stay on a schedule, let alone keep another human being on one.

There you have my two cents. I know that your life is better because of it.

I was all about Attachment Parenting, before I had my daughter (my first). She slept in our bed, and at about 4-5 months she just kicked and kicked, and we laid her down in a crib, and she fell right asleep. She was happier there! So I wasn't going to make her stay in our bed! Also, I couldn't breastfeed either of mine (with much help from lactation consultants, support groups and midwives I made it 6 weeks or so with each, I don't make milk properly though, and while I had the quantity I didn't have the quality, no hind milk, so my children rapidly lost weight). I was fine with the just about constant nursing, but it was a little difficult. But because they took to formula easily, and wouldn't go back to me at all once they had tasted formula, I ended up bottle feeding both of them - that again, messes with the whole philosophy. My son left our bed around age 2, though he still comes in early in the morning when he wakes up (about 6:00) to cuddle with me, and we lay down with him until he falls asleep. I want to be 'there' for them physically, emotionally, everything. My kids cuddle with me a LOT during the day! I wore them each, but it was different, my daughter hated it, my son did fine until about a year, then he struggled against it. So you do have to take into consideration personalities.

I know lots of babywise families too. THat wasn't going to work for me! I'm a big fan of Dr. Sears. Check his books out if you can, SO much knowledge, and so many different ideas to adapt to your situation! (NOT a book of how-tos or rules at all!!)

IMO that's the great thing about parenting there isn't really anyway to get it "wrong" to the ones who say this is wrong and that is wrong it's really only because they are of the opinion things should be done their way and anything else is just not right. Tell them to go jump and do what works for you. I always live by one rule, I will do it my way and it will turn out however it turns out and if that's not "right" too bad . I am a formula bottle feeding (can't breastfeed even if I wanted to and honestly, I don't), store bought jar disposable nappy kind of girl, Logan sleeps with me and I would say he's the one babywearing me since he won't ever let me put him down but I can recognise every single sound he makes. As for crying it out neither of my boys did that, they are both too stubborn for that, they would scream until the puked and then just keep on screaming and I don't do sick! He's constantly happy and content and I wouldn't have him any other way. The only problem is I am the only one who can soothe him, get him to sleep and the only one he really eats from without a fuss. If anything ever happens like a hospital stay dh is screwed Hugs Crystal xxx

We've always just kind of done what worked for us too. BF the first year, babies slept in a crib in our room for at least the first year, but if I BF'd at night, they'd usually end up sleeping with us for a while. I did BF on demand, but I didn't feed them to sleep after the itty-bitty stage. I would feed when they woke up once they were a few months old and weren't feeding every 30 mins anymore. Swaddling, cloth diapers, made our own baby food, delayed/no vax, etc. I wore Noah a lot when he was a baby, but it's not as practical outside here, b/c it's just soo darn hot and sticky in the summer (which is pretty much March - Nov). And now that he's a monster of a child (32+ pounds at 2 1/2) I don't do it anymore. We did let them start to cry it out within reason once they hit a year, but it was a pretty gradual thing, and I never let them cry for more than 15 mins or so at a time. They're both great sleepers now and don't need any 'help' getting to sleep other than the occasional sippy cup of water with them.

I'm somewhere between AP and mainstream, caught in that gray area where people on AP websites call me mainstream and mainstream friends call me AP. DH is much more mainstream, so there are some things we just have to find a compromise on that works for us as a family, not just for me and the child.

I follow the overall philosophy of listening to your child's needs, but some of the tennets work for us and some don't. I babywear and rarely use a stroller, but the actual amount of bw I did for each one depended partly on their preferences. (One exception-I use a stroller a lot when they're tiny and asleep in the infant car seat. I never wake a sleeping baby if I don't have to.) I nurse until about 15 months. I'd go until 1.5 or 2, but DH would rather I stop much earlier, so that's the compromise we've made. I make some of my own babyfood. I vax on time and in full, and I'm very mainstream about medical issues. I use logical consequences, but I've found that doesn't work for DS2. For him only things like losing computer or tv privledges make any differences. I don't formally cosleep (DH again), but I bring the kids into bed with us when they need it. DS2 usually comes into bed with us sometime during the night.

I did a lot of nursing, baby wearing & food making with both boys. Tried co-sleeping with DS1 but he was a light sleeper & pretty much a non-sleeper as well. He waas very easily stimulated by his environment & we had to CIO with him at 4 months because our presence kept him awake. We had a video monitor & you could tell my watching him he was crying out of tired frustration, not lonliness or anger. DS2 though was my sleeping baby. We co slept until he was a year old. Both boys wore disposeables because we were in a drought when they were born & I was 'acting locally'. We also had routines from day one. The times were not hard & fast but the order of events was. My boys like routines still.

It's funny how I've gotten more and more AP as time goes on. Before my first was born, I remember thinking scornfully about how my SIL let her 2 year old sleep with her. I figured she let her do it out of guilt because she had to work during the day and was gone so much. I never expected to be in the same boat, but life has a way of turning out differently than we expect, and I am. Talk about poetic justice.

Now that I'm working full-time and have 3 kids ages 5 and younger, I do whatever I need to do to survive. DD sleeps with us. I don't know how I'd do it otherwise. I nurse as long as I can because I feel so guilty about working and being away from them so much. I stopped at 18 months with DS #1 and 2 years with DS #2. I hate pumping (but have to do it) but I want to continue nursing DD as long as possible. I'm so much more laid back about sleep schedules and routines now that I see how quickly the time goes and they grow up.