Military wives....advice please

jacinda

jacinda

Sweet Shoppe SugarBabe
At some point in the near future DH will deploy for several months. When your husbands/partners deployed overseas, what things did you find useful for your children to help them cope with Dad being away? I'm not worried about me being able to cope cause I'm pretty independent anyway - I'm more concerned with my two Daddy's girls. Were there certain activities/tasks that the kids found helpful? We're already good about keeping routines, and my Dad has agreed to spend more time with the girls to fill the male role model void,but I was wondering if there was something else that would be good to do.

My two are 3 and 6 if that helps. Thanks so much.
 
One thing my husband did with my daughter before he left was they went to build a bear and made a teddy together. He put in a sound clip for her telling her he loved her. Then she could hear him every night before bed and cuddle with the bear. My daughter was only 2 and son was 4. They were not as affected being so young. GL
 
Going through it right now - to be totally honest with you - We have done all the things, the books on video, the pillowcases, everything - and it helps a little - for us the things that help -
Getting the school counselor involved, she has lunch with my 1st grader about once a week. They talk and he LOVES it. We moved away from a military area, so I talked with his teachers and the principal... It has helped that they understand and talk with him about it -
The Elmo DVD - He would watch that all the time...
There are some great books out there - If you are close to a base, the base library has some great titles - If you are not near a base generally your library can order them for you
While You Are Away by Eileen Spinelli
When Duty Calls by Angela Sportelli-Rehak
Daddy, Will You Miss Me? by Wendy McCormick
Daddy Is a Soldier by Kirsten Hallowell
A Year Without Dad by Jodi Brunson
Daddy, You're My Hero! by Michelle Ferguson-Cohen
A Yellow Ribbon For Daddy by Anissa Mersiowsky
Red, White, and Blue Good-Bye by Sarah Wones Tomp
Mommy, You're My Hero Board book by Michelle Ferguson-Cohen
Daddy's in Iraq, but I Want him Back Paperback by Carmen R. Hoyt

The biggest help - Talking about it - Web cameras and the phone calls - When we miss dad we draw a picture to send to him -
Do care packages and have the girls involved in buying things for the box - Give them 5 dollars and let them loose in Target - I did this for Dylan and he picked out a trashy romance for Jay.. but we sent it to him and he was so proud he was able to contribute to the box -

I have more - feel free to pm me :)
 
Honestly mine were both so young both times. Our first deployment DS was 4 mos when DH left and 16 mos when he got back so he never really knew what was going on. The second deployment DS was 3 and I was pregnant with DD the first half so she was about 5 mos when he got home. With DS at age 3 we just made sure to talk to and about Daddy as often as we could. I kept him involved in care packages etc. We used the webcam most every night..but at 3 he did okay with it. He was still at the "out of sight, out of mind" stage I think.
 
mine are older, 13 and 11, so I don't really have any suggestions with younger ones. We do a lot of care packages and webcam chats.
 
You might want to check out https://www.hugahero.com/. They make Daddy Dolls - you send in a full-length photo of your hero and they turn it into a doll. It's pretty cute and they will ship anywhere in the world.

Another thing they did on the base here was have the deploying parent record themselves reading a bedtime story for their child. I'm not sure if it was a video or just an audio recording but it's something you could pretty easily do on your own as well.
 
make sur eyou have Skype!!! this was really good for me and the kids while I was in Kuwait....for them to see me almost on a weekly basis made it seem like mom wasn't as far away! Especially since Abby and Peyton were 3 and 18 months...another thing, have your DH sned them post cards weekly {even if they don't say much} the kids enjoyed getting something from mom in the mail~ and I agree with talking to the school...they had a program where kids with deployed parents could all get together like once a week and my son did really well! another thing stick to a ROUTINE as much as possible!!! I know that was BIG for my husband while I was gone....also have the kiddos make little care packages and send them...it is kinda fun for them to go pick things out for dad and send to him...I also really liked when the kids drrew me pictures and sent them to me! You could also keep a blog going so he could read it daily on what is going on at home {I did this from Kuwait and ALL my friends and family LOVED it}...I'm sure your DH would enjoy seeing pictures of the kids and reading about home life while he is gone....
 
Second the "Daddy Doll"

That really helped keep my DH in our son's mind. Having my DH record 3 books while deployed was great, then he sent the books to me. Daniel watched the video repeatedly and held the books while DH read them.

Daniel was 2 when DH deployed and was 2 1/2 on his return. He didn't really understand where his Daddy was all that time. I talked about Daddy and kept pictures around the house at Daniel's eye level. He was in day care at a military center at that time so the staff were understanding and supportive to him and to me.

For yourself, line up a trusted babysitter so you can have regular time off just for you. It's really important to carve out that space that isn't always "on duty".

You can send me a PM also, if you want to talk.

Melissa
 
Aw, you ladies are all so great. Thanks for the ideas. I do have a blog set up already (not that DH reads it LOL) and yes we have skype too, so that will be good. The girls will love putting together care packages. We have to keep them under 1kg though or they don't reach destination. I like the idea of recording DH reading some books too. I think I'll go out and buy some new ones specially. It usually takes 2 weeks for them to get mail from home (on a good day) and vice versa, but I agree that sending stuff each week is as exciting for the kids as it is for Daddy receiving it at the other end.
 
Nettio said:
You might want to check out https://www.hugahero.com/. They make Daddy Dolls - you send in a full-length photo of your hero and they turn it into a doll. It's pretty cute and they will ship anywhere in the world.

Another thing they did on the base here was have the deploying parent record themselves reading a bedtime story for their child. I'm not sure if it was a video or just an audio recording but it's something you could pretty easily do on your own as well.
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That is a unique doll! I like the idea of recording the parent reading a bedtime story ... why not do this for like the month preceding the deployment? ...have the parent read a different book each day (could video tape parent sitting by their bedside reading) ... by doing like 30 different books it would give a wider variety to listen to in case the deployment is for a long period of time.
 
Milmomma said:
One thing my husband did with my daughter before he left was they went to build a bear and made a teddy together. He put in a sound clip for her telling her he loved her. Then she could hear him every night before bed and cuddle with the bear. My daughter was only 2 and son was 4. They were not as affected being so young. GL
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Oh my this brought TEARS :crying: to my eyes thinking of this. What a wonderful idea!
 
I was reading this thread because my sister's dh has been deployed a few times (he is in the reserves) and figured I could ask her as well what she did.

I made a scrapbook with my bil's pictures he brought back as a "thank you" from our family to theirs for his service. I also got the 2 schools my sons went to to sponsor his unit and we sent supplies to them while they were gone.

I want to thank EACH and every one of you for your service (whether you were the one deployed or your spouse) to our country! This is coming from one family that truly appreciates their freedom ... :hugs:
 
Sharon Kay said:
I want to thank EACH and every one of you for your service (whether you were the one deployed or your spouse) to our country! This is coming from one family that truly appreciates their freedom ... :hugs:
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THANKS Sharon!!! THIS IS WHY WE DO IT! And it is so nice to hear that people apperciate us whether they believe in the war or not :) :hugs:
 
We also did the Build A Bear (with daddy's voice inside) and the Elmo DVD. A girlfriend of mine has special traditions with her kiddos that they only do when daddy is gone. For example, they eat lunch at a special restaurant and have a mom/kids sleepover in the living room with movies and treats.
For DH, I bought him a small photo album and then periodically sent him pics to update it. (He's not super great at checking my blog...)
My neighbor does 'daddy beans'. Her kiddos get to eat a jelly bean from a special jar each day while their dad is gone.
Hope the time goes quickly!!!!!!
 
I'd heard of the jellybean idea somewhere before, but am still deciding whether to do it or not.....with two kids....that's a heck of a lot of jellybeans! LOL. Still.....they'd love it.
 
DADDY DOLLS! OH MY GOSH DADDY DOLLS! (www.huggeemissyou.com) Theyre dolls where you put a picture of daddy or mommy (in the face area) and BAM! a little doll of daddy! There is also a recordable option so they can hear daddys voice saying anything he wants to record to them. My husband did "Let's rock & roll lil buddy" to our 3 yr old. Thats something my husband always says to my son, and to see the smile on my husbands face when he hears his daddy doll say it is so wonderful. There are very few comforts to give children when a parent is deployed.... THIS is one of those comforts. I must say, seeing my 8 month old daughter gnaw on daddy's foot... is quite humerous also!
 
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