NSBR: Has anyone had a problem with a 2 year old.......

running away from you while you are out? My 2 1/2 year old ds is doing this constantly. I don't know what to do, I've threatened him with the stroller, and he sits in there and screams. EVERYTIME we are out somewhere, as soon as I let go of his hand he bolts, mostly because he thinks it is fun (or funny) that I am chasing him. when I am by myself with him I can deal with it, but when Ashley is with me it's hard because I have to go chase him and I can't leave her. It really has me not wanting to take them anywhere, which is not fair for Ashley at all. Fine, I can put him in the stroller, but I've done this so much he's not happy and no one else is happy listening to him either.
Plus he has no concept of what is really dangerous either, he has tried to do this in a parking lot, in our front yard onto the road (even though he doesn't get very far because I am extremely careful in these situations). I was taking Ashley to school this morning and walking her to the door, I stopped to zip up her jacket for her and he bolted into the school yard. The TA said I needed a leash for him and laughed.....i'm beginning to think I do!
Any suggestions? It is getting really frustrating and every outing turns into a not so fun time. TIA!

You should get a "leash"... I don't know what they are really called, but thats essentially what they are. You can get a strap for around their wrists, but I've heard that they are easy for them to get undone. Or there are harness like ones that go around their trunk and the strap is in the back.

Some people might give you funny looks, but most people were/are parents, and COMPLETELY understand. Besides to me, its better to get a funny look rather than having a tragic accident one day.

Here's some I found at Toys R Us...
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2969579
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2815285 --> I like this one because it looks like a backpack! Handy!!

I use a leash on mine. You could also try a harness that straps over their shoulder and around the chest. They have cute ones in Target.



I used a leash when we went to Disneyland and several people told me "I need one of those!"

My niece and nephew both went through this in a big way and it gave all of us a lot of grey hairs. No concept of danger, they'd do it wherever we were. It seemed to be a hilarious game to them, and nothing we did could make them understand just how much it wasn't. The worst and most heartstopping incident was when my nephew bolted from the sidewalk between two parked cars on a busy road. One of the cars speeding past literally brushed my brother's hand as he grabbed him back just in time. To this day it terrifies us all to think about what would have happened if my brother hadn't dove just in time to grab him.

They also thought it was fun to add hiding to this game. Nothing like the panic in a park or shopping mall to have them bolt and hide on you.

We went through the screaming and fussing over being in a stroller. We used the halter/leash things, which caused a lot of crying and fussing too, but we'd give them the option of stroller or that... sometimes it worked. With my youngest niece, we found one that came in the form of these cute little animal backpacks. Her mom let her pick the one she wanted, which was a horse, and it's a fun game where you're holding the horsie's reigns. Sometimes it works, other times she knows full well what you're doing and has no interest in being in it.

I guess I'm not much help other than to tell you that you're definitely not the only one that goes through this. They do outgrow it eventually, although it can take quite a while. None of this was very comforting, was it?

scrapperjade said:

Some people might give you funny looks, but most people were/are parents, and COMPLETELY understand. Besides to me, its better to get a funny look rather than having a tragic accident one day.

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Exactly. I have zero patience for those who want to give you the odd, judgemental looks. But, they really are few and far between. Anyone who's spent any time around a toddler tends to understand completely.

The leash thing is an amazing thing! My son did the same thing....got the leash and he stopped for the most part...we still keep him in the stroller most of the time! Good luck!

Ok, so this might not be the most "popular" answer and I'm really not looking for any drama or anything but here is my suggestion...

We spank our children. Not often and not for everything. But they get a spanking when they blatantly defy or disobey us.

And, in my opinion, running away from mommy (at age two they know this is not ok) is blatant and obvious defiance. I would simply sit him down before the next time you go out (or in the car before you get out) and say, "I want you to know that running away from me is NOT ok. I want you to be safe and you have to stay with me to be safe. So, if you run away from me while we're out, I will have to remind you that you must obey me to stay safe. That means that I will have to spank you bottom and it will hurt but it will remind you that you must obey me."

Then, when he does run off (which he will inevitably do cuz he's two) you must scoop him up, tell him he's going to get a spanking and then either take him to the car or bathroom and swat his backside so that it stings. Once the tears have subsided, give lots of hugs and love and remind him the he must obey you to stay safe and that he will get another spaking if he runs off again.

The thing about children is this...... they like boundaries. They need boundaries. But they will demand that their parents EARN the right to set those boundaries for them. And sometimes that means reminding them that it hurts to disobey mommy. And I promise that as long as you never spank out of anger or for unfair reasons, your children will always know how much you love them and care for them.

Oh, and let me add that the leash idea is actually a good one. You want to teach them to stay with you, but the best time for that lesson is not in the middle of a crowded zoo or theme park. When it comes to situations that are dangerous, always err on the side of caution, imo.

I have twins so I would use an umbrella stroller and the other would help me push, so it was more like a treat than a punishment and it worked like a champ! Sometimes you have to use reverse tactics and try something that seems fun to teach the lesson, it worked for me!!

I am the odd ball that just makes my son (also 2.5) just be in a stroller or cart at all times. He knows he has to hold our hand if I let him walk or else he doesn't get to walk. I 'threaten' going into a stroller when he tries to pull away from our hands and that usually does the trick b/c he really prefers to walk.
Since you do have two, I would think about the leash or as much as he hates it, the stroller. He may hate it but it will make you feel better knowing he's safe. ((HUGS))

We had a leash that looked like a puppy backpack. we got it at Wal-Mart when DS2 was about 15 months old. He loved it. He would remind me. "Bring my puppy so I don't run away." We found it again recently and he wanted to wear it when we went to the shopping mall, he's 4.5 now. I put the puppy part on him but didn't attach the 'tail'. It still fit him, but just barely.

I had a regular harness style one for DS1 for the brief period we needed it. He'd get an option "the stroller or the harness" and he'd choose one or the other. I think he just liked having the choice. i did notive that people were far less likely to give me the eye with DS2's puppy than with DS1s harness. i didn't care one way or the other.

I lucked out & ce's been really good about staying with me for the most part.. BUT, one day he ran outside and around the building(we live on the third floor of in a really heavily populated area) while I was in the basement doing laundry. I grabbed him and told him that there were bad people out there that would hurt him & take him away from mommy forever (there was prolly a lil more but this was a while ago now lol).. He was very into good guys vs bad guys at that point so it sunk in. I don't know how much a 2.5 yr old would understand (I think ce was prolly 3) but I'm sure you could break it down into something he'd understand. I also would never let go of his hand He'd wiggle, and I'd just refuse.. NOW at 4.5 he's fine if I let go for a second, he's got it driven into his head that if he runs away from me I'll kick his butt (hahahaha jk). Good luck!! Personally.. I hate those leash things

I have to either leash JJ or carry him. He will run away if given half a second and he is FAST. I had to run after him in heels this morning because he decided that it would be a good idea to go around the side of daycare instead of going INSIDE. Sometimes he will hold hands, and sometimes he won't, but he has no concept of danger. At all. So... we leash. I have the monkey backpack pictured earlier.. it was Abby's and now I use it for him, but they both might have one at Disney, I haven't decided yet.

Oh wow - those little monkey back pack things are really sweet. I teach in a special school (3,4 and 5 year olds) and when we go out in the community all my 'walkers' have to wear a wrist strap. A few of the kids hate the wrist strap but they would love to wear one of those.

I've not seen them over here but I'll have to go on the hunt for them now.

Cindy I'd definitley use some sort of a strap on your son. They are little buggers when they think it's a huge game

I'm still looking for a solution to this problem, Devin's 5½. He has absolutely no stranger fear either, so it's doubly dangerous when he runs off (out of buildings, leaving the stadium during lacrosse practice (DH was coaching, I was there too...it just takes a second.) the way he does.

We have used the leash...and it worked until he outgrew it. He's too big for a stroller and thisclose to too big for the cart as well. Spanking doesn't work on him since he doesn't feel it. Sigh...

scrapperjade said:

You should get a "leash"... I don't know what they are really called, but thats essentially what they are. You can get a strap for around their wrists, but I've heard that they are easy for them to get undone. Or there are harness like ones that go around their trunk and the strap is in the back.

Some people might give you funny looks, but most people were/are parents, and COMPLETELY understand. Besides to me, its better to get a funny look rather than having a tragic accident one day.

Here's some I found at Toys R Us...
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2969579
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2815285 --> I like this one because it looks like a backpack! Handy!!

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I had the kid leashes for my twins, they are great and I really did NOT get too many weird looks from people.......I would do it, maybe he will learn a bit more with that, my twins sure did!!!!!

Leila said:

I'm still looking for a solution to this problem, Devin's 5½. He has absolutely no stranger fear either, so it's doubly dangerous when he runs off (out of buildings, leaving the stadium during lacrosse practice (DH was coaching, I was there too...it just takes a second.) the way he does.

We have used the leash...and it worked until he outgrew it. He's too big for a stroller and thisclose to too big for the cart as well. Spanking doesn't work on him since he doesn't feel it. Sigh...

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My 5 1/2 daughter is the exact same way and I don't feel I have solved the problem either. I attribute her behavior to impulsivity. If she has an impulse to do something, she will. She also has the "no fear" trait. I basically don't take her anywhere if I don't have to. I save my errands until my hubby gets home or wait until she goes to preschool. I wish I would have tried the leash when she was younger. It probably would have made my life easier.

wow. those leashes have come a long way since my mom had one for me. in the late 80's. lol. i just would walk away from her. i'd never really stay away, i'd just run, see what i wanted to see, and come back. she just got sick of me running away.
she used it for my brother too, he was a monster when we went anywhere. running away, hiding in the clothing racks, pulling things off of shelves. it wasn't pretty.
when he got older, he wasn't allowed to go anywhere unless my dad came too. cause my dad would chase after him and bring him out to the car. and make him sit there. and wait for us to be done. soon, the boy got tired of not being allowed to do anything, he stopped running away.

I too have the puppy harness..I got mine @ Target so not sure where in Canada they have those. Eddie Bauer makes them

Cam used it first now Ryleigh does. They like it b/c they can keep little snacks in the backpack

I must say I'm really not into the leash thing...I'm lucky my son has been really good about staying close to me or holding my hand...Once when he was 2 he started running thru Target and he turned a corner...I didn't realize how fast he was and I lost him from my vision and I almost had a heart attack...so now I keep him close by...

My son who is now 7 has the same problem, but with him, he likes to go 'hide' when we are out. Numerous times I thought I had lost him only to find out he is hiding somewhere and laughing how his Mom is frantically looking for him - he doesnt quite get the concept that it is NOT a funny joke.

thanks for all the advice and info ladies! I really wanted to stay away from the whole leash/harness thing, but I think that's going to be pretty much our only option. Now I just gotta figure out where in the heck I can get one in Canada! Wish me luck!

cindys732003 said:

thanks for all the advice and info ladies! I really wanted to stay away from the whole leash/harness thing, but I think that's going to be pretty much our only option. Now I just gotta figure out where in the heck I can get one in Canada! Wish me luck!

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try Ebay? I see them on there all the time with many shipping worldwide. They aren't very expensive

I'd do the leash thing too, but you could use it as a training device, if you're uncomfortable with the pure restraint part of it. Once he's wearing it and staying near you, you could let him out of it just for a minute, then put it back on him and give him lots of praise. The trick would be to do all of this before he runs off. Don't give him a chance to do that. Then you could gradually increase the amount of time he has it off until he doesn't need it anymore.

Just an idea to consider. Good luck! I can imagine how frustrating it must be to take him out.

rochelle789 said:

I'd do the leash thing too, but you could use it as a training device, if you're uncomfortable with the pure restraint part of it. Once he's wearing it and staying near you, you could let him out of it just for a minute, then put it back on him and give him lots of praise. The trick would be to do all of this before he runs off. Don't give him a chance to do that. Then you could gradually increase the amount of time he has it off until he doesn't need it anymore.

Just an idea to consider. Good luck! I can imagine how frustrating it must be to take him out.

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Yah, I was thinking about doing something like that do....he understands consequences well (although sometimes he doesn't care LOL).....so it might just work! It really does sound like I'm going to be training a puppy here LOL!

FlirtatiousBrat said:

try Ebay? I see them on there all the time with many shipping worldwide. They aren't very expensive

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Thanks Meg, I'll check it out!

Jack ran away once while I was going through IMMIGRATION in the Brunei airport. I couldn't leave because the guy was processing my passport, and Jack ran through one of the security checks and into the loading area. I was so freaked out. And nobody stopped him...i mean, were they gonna let him board some random plane?!

So we're definitely getting a harness or leash before we go back to the states in december! Let us know what works for you Cindy.

Cindy... I am in Canada too, and I've seen them at Toys R Us. I've seen them in Walmart too in the baby safety section where they have the sun shades & things like that!

Lilcameronsmommy said:

Ok, so this might not be the most "popular" answer and I'm really not looking for any drama or anything but here is my suggestion...

We spank our children. Not often and not for everything. But they get a spanking when they blatantly defy or disobey us.

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I was just going to suggest a swift beating also Ok, so I don't beat him, but he gets a swift swat on the rear because I don't tolerate blatant disobedience and especially when danger is involved. I'd rather he had a little sore booty for like 10 seconds than to have a big giant car hit him and he be seriously injured. He's only tried to bolt once, so it's not a huge issue with us (he's 2 1/2).

Good luck. I say you have to do what you're comfortable with and what works for each child.

We used the harness too. And I'd just put the handle part on my wrist instead of holding it and then we'd hold hands. If she let go or tried to run off, she wasn't going anywhere.. but I didn't like the whole idea of "leading" her around by the leash.

I own my own daycare(in my home) and never used a leash(I don't have anything against people who use them it's just not for me), Why not make it fun for the little dude? Ask him to hold his sisters hand (tell him he's being mommy's special helper)and when he takes her hand make sure to praise him and explain how proud you are of him. My son just turned 3 and is a wild one, he's got the energy of the energizer bunny i swear and everytime I pull the " wanna be mommy's special helper" he get's soooo excited and is eager to help
The second he let's go of your hand or your dd or dh's hand make sure to stop what you are doing and go back home( to show him that when he does not listen that he get's consequences) Logan let go once when I was walking with 5 kids(from ages 1-4) and I could NOT run after him so I took his hand(and did not let him struggle out) and we all walked back home. Honestly it only took once for him to understand hey if I don't listen I can 1) get a big bo bo and 2)go home.

Lilcameronsmommy said:

Ok, so this might not be the most "popular" answer and I'm really not looking for any drama or anything but here is my suggestion...

We spank our children. Not often and not for everything. But they get a spanking when they blatantly defy or disobey us.

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preach it sista. again, not to stir up any drama. but does leashing your child teach them anything? i'm just thinking what if you don't have a leash with you a particular time, you are back to square one and they still don't understand the importance of being safe, listening to mommy, etc? just a thought. i never did a leash (with all 3) and mine always stayed right next to me cause i kept those boundries and rules in place, they knew it was for safety...etc and my children knew i would stick to the consequence i had placed. i could not imagine being fearful that my child would run off. good luch with whatever you try! =)

Well, I had this problem with my son, and I made it a rule that when we were in the store that he had to hold onto the cart and NOT let go. If he held onto the cart or my hand then he would get a little reward (goldfish was his favorite).

lizzyfizzy said:

preach it sista. again, not to stir up any drama. but does leashing your child teach them anything? i'm just thinking what if you don't have a leash with you a particular time, you are back to square one and they still don't understand the importance of being safe, listening to mommy, etc? just a thought. i never did a leash (with all 3) and mine always stayed right next to me cause i kept those boundries and rules in place, they knew it was for safety...etc and my children knew i would stick to the consequence i had placed. i could not imagine being fearful that my child would run off. good luch with whatever you try! =)

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Not picking on you, Lizzy, I promise, but you just mentioned all the things I wanted to respond to. This is probably going to come off as a little bit of a rant because, well, I guess it is, lol. Not at anyone here, but just because I think this is a child behavioural area that is really misunderstood by people who've never truly had to deal with it.

I think that until you have a kid in your life that is "a runner," it is pretty much impossible to appreciate how difficult it is to deal with. You might have a kid that's taken off a few times and tested the limits, I think every child does it to some degree, but if you easily broke them of this habit, you don't have a true "runner." I've become firmly convinced that there are a certain type of kid that are predisposed to a lengthy phase of doing this, no matter the consequences.

I will spank if necessary. My nieces and nephew know that consequences are real. Trust me, something as frustrating and frightening as this was not dealt with lightly. I'm willing to bet a few others here that are truly frustrated have tried absolutely everything as well. Thing is, you've got to go out in the world with the kids, and no matter what you do, the behaviour is not going to completely stop. I don't know what it is. Whether it's some inability to control certain impulses, I just don't know. I do know it is something very engrained in certain children and, while you may be able to mediate the behaviour to a degree, until they outgrow it you will never completely stop it.

There is nothing wrong with a leash. You don't even have to think of it as a leash. You're not leading your child around with it like a dog. It is merely something that helps assure they remain within a certain distance of you. It's not like it's being used as some crutch to avoid actually dealing with this behaviour. You can still work on teaching them all the consequences of not staying by your side but, trust me, there are certain kids that no matter what you do, they will suddenly and without warning just bolt, and a lot of them like to hide along with it.

Again, I'm not trying to attack anyone's opinions. I know everyone is just trying to be helpful, but this is something I think is really misunderstood. I know from experience how frustrating it is for parents who have to deal with this, and how helpless it can make you feel.

Joan said:

I think that until you have a kid in your life that is "a runner," it is pretty much impossible to appreciate how difficult it is to deal with. You might have a kid that's taken off a few times and tested the limits, I think every child does it to some degree, but if you easily broke them of this habit, you don't have a true "runner." I've become firmly convinced that there are a certain type of kid that are predisposed to a lengthy phase of doing this, no matter the consequences.

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That's exactly what I have been thinking as I read this thread. I have one child who will not leave my side at all. She likes the stroller and carts. My other child is a totally different story. The battles with the stroller/carts are not worth it. This week I have been struggling because I decided it's not worth it to go out with her. I'm still hoping it's a stage because she is only 18 months, but she has a mind and will of her own! Good luck Cindy!

Joan said:

I think that until you have a kid in your life that is "a runner," it is pretty much impossible to appreciate how difficult it is to deal with. You might have a kid that's taken off a few times and tested the limits, I think every child does it to some degree, but if you easily broke them of this habit, you don't have a true "runner." I've become firmly convinced that there are a certain type of kid that are predisposed to a lengthy phase of doing this, no matter the consequences.

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Ditto, ditto, ditto.