I can relate, too! I had always wanted to be a SAHM, and I know that I'm lucky I was able to. But it was definitely a much harder job than I thought it would be. When my kids were little, DH was busy (with work and then family life) from 7 am to 8 pm. But he really didn't get that my "job" didn't end at 8 pm, and I was "on call" 24/7. Between babies and Ben's sleep disorder, I went years being busy with the kids until 9 or 10 many nights and then getting called 2-3 times in the middle of the night with no breaks ever. So even though I knew how lucky I was, I often didn't feel it.
Last year when Lauren started kindergarten I went back to work part time. I thought it would be the best of both worlds, that I'd get to be around adults (and kids, since I'm working as a preschool teacher) and still home for my kids when they're not at school. And both of those are true, which is good. But since I have to spend so many out-of-school, unpaid hours on things like lesson planning, buying supplies, and emailing parents, I've ended up spending too many evening and weekend hours on work. This was supposed to be the happy medium between being a SAHM and working, but it's sucking all my "free" time for a paycheck that's WAY too little to make all the hours worthwhile.
So yeah, between that and turning 40 this year, I'm kind of wondering how I got here, too. I'm happy with my life in general, but there's just never time for anything. I love my kids and I know I'm lucky to have a job that lets me spend a lot of time with them, but...I don't know. I'm feeling discontent. There has to be a better way to balance everything; I can't keep giving and giving of myself.
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Originally Posted by DawnMarch
I graduated with honors from a very prestigious law school and sometimes I think I squandered that opportunity a bit because instead of pursuing positions to advance my career, I sort of drifted along with life's currents. So after about 25 years now, I'm not a judge or attorney general or running some huge agency or company like some of my classmates. Or even President, like one notable classmate. 
But the truth is that I never really wanted to take over the world and my personality is certainly not suited to it. I also wanted to have a hubby and kids and spend time with them, have most weekends off, and not have to be stressed about making decisions affecting loads of people. I agree with Sherri that there's no right or wrong answer or path.
As a society, we need to do better job at focusing on what DOES create meaning in life for the vast majority of people -- family, community, recognizing and appreciating what we accomplish in every day life with raising and educating good, healthy kids, doing your best at at work, taking care of each other, making our own little corner of the world a better place. |
Well said, and I think that's where some of my discontent is coming from. I went to the top grad school in my field and graduated with honors, but I always knew that I was working because I had to and that family and things outside of work were the things that would make me happy. So yes, I definitely squandered some of the opportunities I could have had so that I could prioritize family and our quality of life. But the trade off I was expecting isn't happening. It's wonderful during summers and school vacations when I can be with the kids, but the rest of the year I'm dealing with a job that often demands my evening and weekend hours but pays a small fraction of what I'd be making in my original field.
ETA: I should say that I'm not usually this negative. But one of the main reasons for my job choices is that one of my kids has a genetic disorder and lots of behavior issues. He's had a bad week, which has left me frustrated with everything. Plus it's conference week for my students, so instead of the 8-10 unpaid hours I put in most weeks, this week was 15+.