Teen Drivers

[d2vasquez]

We just got my daughter a new car to go to school and practices but now that she has her license, I am not too comfortable letting her go out on her own. She is not a bad driver but she wants to go to a friend's house tomorrow (lives 45 mins away/2 freeways) and I am just not sure about it. His mother is very sick and she wants to visit her so it makes this decision a bit more difficult to say than my first reaction "no."

So thought I would ask - is this a normal feeling in parents with new drivers? And when did you let your kids go off on their own in the car? How did you calm your nerves?

[MissKim]

Gah. My son is 18, has been driving for two years, mostly to/from school and around our little corner of the world. He's starting college next year -- living at home -- but he had orientation a few weeks ago. He had to drive to the university, which is in a metro area, and it required that he got on a major highway during rush hour. I drive the exact same route on the way to work every day, but the thought of him driving it completely flipped me out. I ended up following him most of the way the first day. We just both left at the same time and it's the same route. He did fine on the way to school both days. Not as well on the way home the 2nd day when he took the same road home during rush hour. He swears he's never doing that again.

So yes, I totally understand what you're feeling. I think at some point, we have to let them go and it's probably better to let them go when we can set the boundaries. Have her call as soon as she arrives. Make sure you know what route she'll be taking.

Know what's even better? My daughter is taking driver's ed right now. So I'll have two driving.

[kelley]

Hugs! I don't personally know how this feels yet as my oldest is 10 now, but I can imagine! Just the thought of it makes me cringe! I remember being a new driver and thinking my mother was seriously nuts for freaking out when I wanted to drive anywhere. I just couldn't comprehend what the reasoning there was - I "knew" I'd be fine, lol. Now I think I understand - its the same feeling I get letting my kids walk around the block alone, only much, much worse!!

Has she driven on the freeway much in the past? If so, I suppose it is best to let her. If not, then I would think you have a perfectly good point in not allowing it yet, and making sure she gets more practice. It is hard though because at some point, everyone has to do it for the first time. Boy, I am really NOT looking forward to going through this!!

[glumirk]

My mom wouldn't have let me go alone either. Would this be her first time on a drive of this magnitude? If she has handled it well before, then I would probably try my best to trust her. If she hasn't been on a drive like this, I might go along with her if it wouldn't be too awkward, so that I could be confident for he next time.

My oldest is almost 3 though, so take what I say with a grain of salt. I was the youngest driver in my family of 5 kids because my mom knew she could trust me, but for a longer trip in places with heavier traffic than my small town she wanted to be along for the first time. I was allowed on longer drives where there wasn't going to be bad traffic though, but it did make her nervous.

[Nikki Epperson]

Lane got his license in February and I just let him leave our town last weekend. He's been really responsible with his driving, so I though he should have the chance. He only had to get on one highway. Two and I might have been a crazy lady. I'd say you should base it on her experience and whether or not you're comfortable. Does she have a friend that could ride with her?

[YepBrook]

I remember driving down Alligator Alley (Everglades Parkway) by myself at 17. All the way, about 3 hours, alone. I was freaked out but I knew I could do it. Being alone actually forced me to be safer, I think. Thankfully, that highway isn't terribly congested and it was weekend traffic. My parents let me spread my wings, but looking back they still made sure to not throw me into something dangerous. If you're feeling uncomfortable about it, could you compromise with her to make it safer? Is tomorrow a special event, or can she visit his mom on Sunday? Traffic will be lighter on the weekend. And, if she doesn't have a lot of practice on the freeway, perhaps you could set up a "mini trip" for the two of you to take tomorrow or Saturday where she can experience driving a long distance on the freeway first before doing it alone. Make it something enticing, like a mall trip & lunch out or something.

[breakingbrie]

I totally feel for you! I don't have any advice though - With my girls still little, I can't imagine! I myself, didn't even get my license until I was 21. I was too nervous to be a good driver, so I spent 5 years practicing before even taking my test. I just knew I wasn't ready.
((hugs)) I'm sure that's a hard decision!!

[cbettua]

Originally Posted by YepBrook

I remember driving down Alligator Alley (Everglades Parkway) by myself at 17. All the way, about 3 hours, alone. I was freaked out but I knew I could do it. Being alone actually forced me to be safer, I think. Thankfully, that highway isn't terribly congested and it was weekend traffic. My parents let me spread my wings, but looking back they still made sure to not throw me into something dangerous. If you're feeling uncomfortable about it, could you compromise with her to make it safer? Is tomorrow a special event, or can she visit his mom on Sunday? Traffic will be lighter on the weekend. And, if she doesn't have a lot of practice on the freeway, perhaps you could set up a "mini trip" for the two of you to take tomorrow or Saturday where she can experience driving a long distance on the freeway first before doing it alone. Make it something enticing, like a mall trip & lunch out or something.

I live in South Florida too, I don't think you can go anywhere without having to get on a highway. At 16, I was making 3.5 hour trips to Disney by myself. I guess it just depends on how much you trust your child and their driving abilities.

[YepBrook]

Originally Posted by cbettua

I live in South Florida too, I don't think you can go anywhere without having to get on a highway. At 16, I was making 3.5 hour trips to Disney by myself. I guess it just depends on how much you trust your child and their driving abilities.

Haha! Exactly. It was inevitable that I experience driving on a highway alone at some point where we live. That was my first long-distance alone experience. Prior to that trip I did have experience for a month driving to school in Deerfield Beach on I-95 every day.

My DH commutes to Miami every day! Too funny, I never noticed you lived in Miami.

[maryinaz]

To be perfectly honest, I would not let my son go 45 minutes on 2 freeways right after getting his license. I just wouldn't. I'd probably take him myself. But that's just worrier/control freak ME.

I have one who has been driving for 4 years and I still worry-worry-worry. And another who has been driving for 1.5 years and I make him text me when he gets there, even if it's a mile away. (And TBH, I also check on the older one when he is going somewhere - I text him or he texts me. But only when he is home from college - otherwise I have no idea what he is doing.)

I keep telling my sister...NO ONE told me how hard it was going to be having teens. It's the scariest thing ever to have them out of your control. And like I always say, my boys are good and don't cause trouble. *sigh* It's my issue to deal with...somehow.

[NeverendingJen]

I was driving right away on freeways alone once I got my license, but my parents had practiced with me on them plenty. I had to drive the 45 minutes south to go to orchestra rehearsals every weekend and my parents were tired of driving me. I think it depends on how much you trust your child, and how much experience they have had with where they will be driving.

[maryinaz]

Originally Posted by NeverendingJen

I think it depends on how much you trust your child, and how much experience they have had with where they will be driving.

You can trust your child 100% and they can be a perfect driver, but that doesn't help with the OTHER drivers on the road. You have no control over that. All you can really do is just pray that they are safe.

[Arual]

My daughter is 19 and we got her car for her for her 16th birthday. I remember very clearly the day she got her drivers license. It was on her birthday (and her car was given to her a month before) and immediately upon getting home, my best friend called and said "hey, send her over here I want to see her new car and she can then pick up that stuff I have here to return to you". Now... I live in the desert, we have no traffic and we have one stop light, lol.... and my friend lives 5 minutes from my house. However, I was a NERVOUS WRECK letting her go off on her very own for the very first time. I thought I'd change, but I haven't.... she's now off to college and I still worry a ton. She's very good about letting me know where she's going, that she got there safe, is on way home and texts when she gets home safe.

Even though she's been driving for 3 years now (it's been that long?! whoa!!) I don't allow her to go on our busy California freeways. Noway, nohow... uh uh.... nope. She has ZERO experience driving on them, and until she can find time to come home and say go with me to my parents (almost 3 hours away, 4 freeways... right through Los Angeles!) and do the driving, then she isn't allowed... nope! She is a very good driver and is always alert. But... driving our simple measly highway here in the desert (to come home to visit..) is nothing.. I can't even believe it's called a highway, haha. Her school is over an hour away, and that's the longest she has driven. She has no desire to jump on the freeways yet. As a matter of fact, she was accepted to her #1 choice for college 2 1/2 years ago and she turned it down all because "I don't want to drive the freeways to get home to visit". She was only abit over 16, so I understood the fear and appreciate her honesty.

Once she can jump on the freeway with me, with her doing the driving, then I will let her do them.. but right now, for her safety and the safety of others on the road with her, it wouldn't be very smart.

Good luck momma, it's hard on the heart and nerves! :-)

[Arual]

Originally Posted by maryinaz

To be perfectly honest, I would not let my son go 45 minutes on 2 freeways right after getting his license. I just wouldn't. I'd probably take him myself. But that's just worrier/control freak ME.

I have one who has been driving for 4 years and I still worry-worry-worry. And another who has been driving for 1.5 years and I make him text me when he gets there, even if it's a mile away. (And TBH, I also check on the older one when he is going somewhere - I text him or he texts me. But only when he is home from college - otherwise I have no idea what he is doing.)

I keep telling my sister...NO ONE told me how hard it was going to be having teens. It's the scariest thing ever to have them out of your control. And like I always say, my boys are good and don't cause trouble. *sigh* It's my issue to deal with...somehow.

If there was a 'like' button, I'd like this a hundred times. I could have written this.. well, except about a daughter.. not two sons. LOL!

My 15 year old son will be doing driving school this Summer. We already bought his truck for him this month, I'm back in the first stages of a new teen driver... scares me to death!

In California the kids are not allowed to have 'other' passengers for their first year of driving. If they have a passenger it has to be parents or licensed drivers over the age of.. uhh.. I think it's 23. They can only drive siblings for an emergency type situation and must have a note from parents. My kids both have been told (it doesn't apply anymore to my 19yo of course..) that if I catch you or a cop does, driving friends, your car is taken away FOREVER. Even on the first offense. It's a smalllll town, they couldn't get away with it, they always say "our mom has eyes in the back of her head!".... lol!

[Keely~B]

UGH I don't have any advice. My DD just turned 14 and the fact that she's nearing driving age is terrifying to me. I mean, the people where I live drive like a$$hat maniacs, and traffic is terrible. The thought of her driving induces sever anxiety in me. So um....big hugs, I feel for you.

[maryinaz]

Originally Posted by Arual

In California the kids are not allowed to have 'other' passengers for their first year of driving.

We have this law also, but it came into effect AFTER both of my sons got their license so it didn't apply to them. Dangit.

I'm not sure of the age of the other licensed driver, but this could be a problem when my twins start driving as they would most likely be together. Ahhhh! One more thing to worry about! I'm putting that one aside though until it actually happens. (in just over TWO years!! Ack!)

[davec777]

Has she ever driven to this friend's house with you? If it were me (mom of 2 teen drivers) I wouldn't do it with a new driver if she isn't very familiar with the drive. It is an advanced skill to drive somewhere you have never been before following directions from google maps or GPS. I would offer to go with her and perhaps combine it with something fun in the area of the friend's house. Good luck!

Stephanie

[cbettua]

Originally Posted by YepBrook

Haha! Exactly. It was inevitable that I experience driving on a highway alone at some point where we live. That was my first long-distance alone experience. Prior to that trip I did have experience for a month driving to school in Deerfield Beach on I-95 every day.

My DH commutes to Miami every day! Too funny, I never noticed you lived in Miami.

Right! I-75, i-595, turnpike and i-95. It's like you had to learn how to drive on a highway or it would take you forever to get to the beach!

[Julie Billingsley]

My oldest son had to have over 100 hours of driving with a parent (me) to graduate Drivers Ed. So by the time he got his license he had a lot of highway driving. Even after he got his license anytime we needed to drive somewhere, I was the passenger and he was the driver so he could benefit from my driving advice. After all that driving experience, I felt very comfortable with him driving anywhere. If you aren't comfortable with her level of skill on the highway, then I'd keep practicing. Just because she has her license doesn't mean the teaching moments are over.

[newfiemountiewife]

I had gotten my license in July and in late August I drove two provinces over. My dad trusted me, and I did great. I was 18. We live in a small province, where all towns are very spread out. You can't get anywhere without going on the highway. You have to learn highway driving right away, there's no options. I'd like to think I will my trust my kids as much as my dad trusted me, but my oldest (he's almost 12) is just completely different personality wise than I am, and I am just not sure he would be as careful.

I would let her go.

[MissKim]

Originally Posted by Julie Billingsley

My oldest son had to have over 100 hours of driving with a parent (me) to graduate Drivers Ed. So by the time he got his license he had a lot of highway driving. Even after he got his license anytime we needed to drive somewhere, I was the passenger and he was the driver so he could benefit from my driving advice. After all that driving experience, I felt very comfortable with him driving anywhere. If you aren't comfortable with her level of skill on the highway, then I'd keep practicing. Just because she has her license doesn't mean the teaching moments are over.

We only have to do 50 hours practice. Driver's ed was 6. I dread taking her out for the other 43 or so we need to do (we've done 1). I have a compelling need to drink when we get back and I'm not usually a drinker. I have newly discovered control issues and I really can't handle letting my teens drive me somewhere. Even when my son drives me, I can't relax.

[ZaCola3]

Originally Posted by maryinaz

To be perfectly honest, I would not let my son go 45 minutes on 2 freeways right after getting his license. I just wouldn't. I'd probably take him myself. But that's just worrier/control freak ME.

I have one who has been driving for 4 years and I still worry-worry-worry. And another who has been driving for 1.5 years and I make him text me when he gets there, even if it's a mile away. (And TBH, I also check on the older one when he is going somewhere - I text him or he texts me. But only when he is home from college - otherwise I have no idea what he is doing.)

I keep telling my sister...NO ONE told me how hard it was going to be having teens. It's the scariest thing ever to have them out of your control. And like I always say, my boys are good and don't cause trouble. *sigh* It's my issue to deal with...somehow.

I could have written this...I agree with Mary-no way-I would take her myself is she will allow that.

[xboxmom]

Originally Posted by Julie Billingsley

If you aren't comfortable with her level of skill on the highway, then I'd keep practicing. Just because she has her license doesn't mean the teaching moments are over.

I agree with Julie my son took Drivers Ed from 911 Driving school. It's run by some retired Wa Police and I felt very confident in them teaching my son to drive it was a bit more expensive but well worth the added money.

My son turned 16 in Dec but didnt get his license until April do to laziness on my part of getting him down to the DMV. In WAshington State you are not allowed to drive with friends for 6 months after you have gotten your license. I think that is really good considering kids like to screw around in the car and not pay attention. However we still have not let him drive on the freeway alone yet....The thought of it kinda freaks me out even though I know he is a good driver. I am sure at some point I am going to have to let him. And Pray for the Best! GL with your decision.

[4noisyboys]

You know your daughter and the type of practice driving you did before she got her license. One of my boys had to drive to work 30 min each day on freeways as soon as he got his license. My dh got up early each day and let him drive him there to practice each day and his brother drove him home (he worked out by him). He still wouldn't have been ready to drive a different freeway than he was used to though.

My youngest (he was 17 when he got his) had some freeway driving, but I wasn't comfortable with him driving a lot of freeways after he got his, and we said no many many times to things him and friends wanted to do. I took him with me to the airport one morning (I was flying out) and he had to drive home. He got into an accident on the way home, so as soon as I landed, I was getting the phone call and I was all freaked out. He was fine...the van not so much (lol).

I personally would've said no and taken her myself. That's just me though...

[nikkiARNGwife]

Well mine are little..but I can only imagine how I'll be when they are old enough to drive. Maybe I won't let them til they're like 30 lol

[d2vasquez]

Thank you everyone for your feedback.....I feel so much better about my apprehensiveness knowing it is not just me being overprotective! I ended up not letting her go. I wrestled with it all night long and the next day and finally decided I felt she needed more practice before making such a long drive. I was worried she would be upset with me but she was relieved more because she was anxious about it all. We plan to take her on the Southern California freeways more so that we can feel a sense of comfort about this. I am not sure I ever will but feel that if I do as much as I can, she will be a safe driver out there.

[4noisyboys]

I didn't know you were also in SoCal Darla. Even out where I'm at it can get tricky...I'd still be nervous if my 20 year old wanted to drive over to the busier freeways. They're scary and tricky for even those of us who have driven for years.

[d2vasquez]

Yeah we live in So Cal and it is hard to avoid freeways here. We plan on taking her out on the freeways tomorrow to get the feel of it.

[4noisyboys]

I wonder how many of us are down here. We should have a meet up sometime!!

[rach3975]

If she was apprehensive about driving it, then you definitely made the right choice.

Originally Posted by maryinaz

You can trust your child 100% and they can be a perfect driver, but that doesn't help with the OTHER drivers on the road. You have no control over that. All you can really do is just pray that they are safe.

When I was growing up, my parents always said, "It's not you we don't trust" when they said no to something. (And they said no to a lot, LOL.)