...speaking of babies

[YepBrook]

DH came home from work last week and surprised me... he wants us to have a third.

The funny thing is that a year ago I was the one saying we should have another baby, but he wasn't ready. Now I'm feeling kind of like I'm not ready anymore. Ugh!

So, help me out with this big big decision. I've heard from friends that once you have 3 kids you might as well have 6... that freaks me out big time. Both of my kiddos are out of diapers and finally sleeping thru the night. I have 20 lbs to lose. My poor boobs have already had the life sucked out of them. And my last pregnancy landed me on bed rest for 2 months. Then, DD had colic for her first 3 months of life. I can come up with so many logical reasons why 2 kids is just easier. College savings, travelling, the fact that I have two hands ... not needing a minivan... But, yeah, another baby would be nice.

[Lyd]

Originally Posted by YepBrook

once you have 3 kids you might as well have 6

Well - this is just my opinion, but I don't think the above statement is true at all. I mean, I guess you do get to a point where you're just adding a little more chaos to the already unmanageable chaos that you have, but having 6 is not the same as having 3 - for all the reasons you already stated and more.

But, to be honest, the transition from 1 to 2 was much harder for me than the transition from 2 to 3. And 3 to 4 was easier still. Everyone is different. Every baby is different. Every family is different.

So, this is a decision that only you and your hubby can make. Good luck! And, if you do decide to have another one, you're hanging out in the right place here at SSD.

[heathergw]

Even though our third was a total surprise to us... I had always had this tiny little feeling like my family wasn't complete until we had 3.... and no I'm not on the "might as well have 6" road... and I've never heard that before LOL

but I'm odd... I like odd numbers so if we were to have a 4th, I'd probably want a 5th to make it odd LOLOL... but yeah, we're pretty much done, tho, we do have 3 frozen babies that we will see what happens with... tho the chance of them surviving the thaw is slim... so I don't have my hopes up... but I'm definitely feeling like 3 is our magic number

[farrijc]

For us, the transition from two to three kids was easier than from one to two. Probably helps that my middle child was never an only child, so not as big of a shock when #3 came home as it was for the second. I will say that I often wish I could have another... the odd number makes life difficult at times! Oh, and #2 was by far the worst newborn, if that eases your fears at all! Of course, #3 was the worst toddler, but I blame it on her being a girl. Lol

[Jenn Barrette]

It is a hard decision, we have 2 right now and are enjoy the fact that at 5 and 3 years old we are done with diapers, done with getting up in the middle of the night, and they are old enough now to spend a night at grandma/grandpa's house. When we go places, we don't need a diaper bag, change of clothes, etc. We are on a limited budget as well, and know if we had #3 things like family vacations would be very difficult financially.

We are giving it 5 years before my DH will get a vasectomy...see how our financial state has changed, and how the family dynamic is. I will be 35, and that is probably for me the oldest I would want to be and go through the whole baby thing again.

Good luck this the decision!

[YepBrook]

I feel like my friends with 3+ kids are totally stressed all the time. Obviously, the comment about "might as well have 6" came from a terribly exasperated mother just trying to be helpful. The comment has stuck with me, so it's good to hear it's not exactly true.

I am a sahm and I'm homeschooling DS, so I think this definitely adds to my worry. If I sent them off to preschool or school during the day this choice would be much easier. LOL.

[YepBrook]

Originally Posted by Jenn Barrette

It is a hard decision, we have 2 right now and are enjoy the fact that at 5 and 3 years old we are done with diapers, done with getting up in the middle of the night, and they are old enough now to spend a night at grandma/grandpa's house. When we go places, we don't need a diaper bag, change of clothes, etc. We are on a limited budget as well, and know if we had #3 things like family vacations would be very difficult financially.

We are giving it 5 years before my DH will get a vasectomy...see how our financial state has changed, and how the family dynamic is. I will be 35, and that is probably for me the oldest I would want to be and go through the whole baby thing again.

Good luck this the decision!

This sounds exactly like us. DS is 5 and DD is 3. I love our freedom and the ability to just up and go somewhere without packing a billion things. I've also given away most of my baby gear to friends or sent it off to thrift stores since we don't have a ton of storage in this house. No baby swing. No bassinet. Also, I'll be 32 next month.

[kscwgirl]

I just had this conversation with Kimberly today. My baby is 6, and sometimes I wish I had another little one to snuggle and hold..and about 98% of the time I'm SO glad we're done b/c we are done with diapers, I'm done potty training, I'm done with all the hauling around of everything.. done.

As far as age, I think everyone is different. I had my last pregnancy at 29 and the end of it was easily the most miserable 4 months of my life. I could NOT do it again, ever. Physically could not. In fact, my husband got snipped before JJ was even born... most likely b/c I threatened imminent death if I was ever pregnant again.

[kim21673]

We were done after 1 and see where that got us....FOUR BOYS later and we couldn't be happier! I always wanted two, DH didn't want any...and we compromised at 4! LMAO Since we have a huge gap between our first and second it's like we only have three at home...20, 5, 4, 16 months. I keep telling DH that we need to have another one b/c the baby feels left out and needs a playmate! But DH had a V last year and I am too old. Oh and I had VERY rough pregnancies...bedrest and progesterone shots and two NICU babies!!

Of course it's a bit hard b/c there are things the baby can't do that the other boys want to do but we adjust. I don't work outside of the home anymore and that helps a lot. We have routines and stick to them...especially for bedtime. Going from 1 to 2 was no big deal b/c our oldest was 14, going from 2 to 3 was a challenge b/c they were 14 months apart and going from 3 to 4 has been easy peasy....the baby is sooooo flexible and just goes with the flow!!! LOL

Good luck with your decision!!!!

[Kara]

We thought we were done after our 2 boys, but I wouldn't trade our little girl for anything. She is an absolute joy. The transition from 2 to 3 was very difficult, but I attribute most of that to the fact that I was working full-time at the time and that just wasn't where my heart was.

And now we're expecting #4 (another surprise!) and honestly, I'm pretty freaked out about it because I already feel so stretched by my 3 and this baby has Down syndrome and will no doubt have special needs -- but I'm sure that eventually things will get easier (right?!) and that eventually, we won't be able to imagine our lives without him.

My ILs had three. They always say that they wish they had more -- but I think as people age, they forget how darn hard parenting little ones is!

[Shawna Clingerman]

2 to 3 was seriously a piece of cake for me - i was surprized because i'd heard the same things you have....

now 3 to 4.... omg - that was a HUGE change for us.

honestly it depends i think a lot, on the age of your kids, on the temperments of the individual kids, and also on like house size, your personal needs for time/space - and then just on good old fashion random chance... LOL

good luck in your decision! i tend think that if you are thinking about it, it means that you really do want one! And although #4 pushed us out of our comfort zone, I wouldn't for second have done it any other way!

[SweetMelissa]

We have three kids and honestly for me it was harder to go from 1 to 2 then it was to go from 2 to 3. Our third was a surprise (we both were done having kids) and we have found that our money doesn't go as far now as it did with only 2 kids. But we couldn't imagine our life any other way now.

[LeeAndra]

Take my advice for what it's worth since I just have 1 of my own.

When these kind of discussions have come up before, I think a lot of the moms here at SSD have said the transition from 1 to 2 was harder than 2 to 3 (or more). You already know how to juggle more than one kid at one time.

Your kids are old enough to be semi self-sufficient, especially your son, so while you would have your hands full, your other children would be able to entertain themselves and each other long enough for you to do baby things. Especially since they are close in age to one another and would be close-ish in age to the baby, you'd still be able to do family activities that keep the older two interested and baby along for the ride. The issue we have at our house is the fact that my stepson is 9, and when he is with us, it is difficult to find activities that both kids can participate in and enjoy because of their age gap. You would not have that problem.

I think the only issue I would be concerned abt (besides general going back to the newborn phase anxiety) would be trying to homeschool and have a newborn at the same time. You should PM Emmy as she has done this with twin newborns. You might have to be slightly more relaxed or willing to homeschool him at night when your husband is home to watch the baby until the baby can sleep through the night, but I think it would be manageable. He's 'only' 5, so there are many things he can learn just through observing you with the baby and playing.

Hijack: DH and I are having this discussion, too. I don't want to be pg again, but I do want another fulltime sibling for DD, and DH is not on board right now with adoption or fostering. I want her sibling to be close enough in age to her so that they can play together and I realize that my pg with DD was not a bad pg, just colored by the circumstances happening in our life then + my complete ignorance when it comes to babies + her undiagnosed acid reflux and our BF issues. Now that I've come through that and DD is really turning into a little person and will be off to preschool next year, I think I could manage another.

On one hand, if you have serious doubts, you should wait. On the other hand, if it's really not so much doubts, but hesitation or anxiety, and you can afford a third child, maybe you should go ahead. If it takes a few months to conceive, you might have enough time to get on board with the idea before it happens.

[maryinaz]

We went from 2 to 4 when my oldest were 6 and 3. I "assigned" each of my older boys a baby from the moment I found out I was having 2. And they were a big help - like I would say "Grant, Kent's crying...he's your baby, go talk to him and help him" if I couldn't get to him right away, and he would. Now, of course, the older boys couldn't change diapers, give baths, etc. but it was a mentality that they shared these babies with us, the parents, and that seemed to make everything go more smoothly.

Your kids are old enough, they could help. Yes, it gets crazy for sure, but it really does depend on the children's temperament, etc.

[webseitler]

I have 4 kids and I homeschool 2 of them (3rd grade & K/1st). I would say the same thing as Lydia--that the transition from 1 to 2 was much harder than the transition from 2 to 3. And that yes--everyone is different, every baby is different, every family is different. LOL! For us, #3 and #4 are so close, it was just like turning up the chaos notch a smidge.

I was really worried about schooling last year because my little guy was born right at the end of 2010. I thought "OMGsh, how am I going to do this with a newborn?!" Ha! I forgot that newborns SLEEP. I have more trouble now with him being 14 months... But it gets done! There's always someone to play with him. Or he's sleeping. LOL!

[Emmy]

LeeAndra pinged me on FB to come reply to this thread. She's so crazy.

My motto for life: "the only baby you'll ever regret is the one you didn't have"

Of course I have 6 kids and my life is chaos. Seriously, it just depends. If you want another baby you will find a way to make it work, if it's a passing bout of baby lust then it will pass. Homeschooling with a newborn is cake. Homeschooling with a toddler is more challenging but it's not the end of the world. Toddlers still take naps and you can easily cover the big stuff in that 2 hour time slot and do the fun things with baby in tow. I wouldn't hesitate but I have 6 kids and I kinda like it.

The only thing about your original post that give me pause is that you weren't even thinking of adding to your family until your dh brought it up, I'd just make sure it's not a fleeting idea before you take action.

Oh - as to the "if you have 3 you might as well have 6" comment - I whole heartedly disagree. 3 requires some organization and some effort but 3 is no 6. Trust me.

[YepBrook]

Gosh, I never thought of how my 2 could be helpers! That is so true. They are both extremely helpful to me already. I do have a few hurdles to mentally jump... like how awful my last pregnancy was, and how I will likely have to have another C-Section since I've had 2 previous (they'll never let me vbac), and the fact that we will 100% have to move out of this small house. You know... mental garbage to let go of. I know God is in control of my life and He provides for everything we need. So, I shouldn't worry so much.

Whew. I am feeling much better you guys. Thank you SO much for talking to me about this.

[kristijoy]

I just wanted to add that I wouldn't worry about being 32. I had my son at age 37. I think the technical definition of 'older mother' for OBGYN's doesn't start until age 35.

[YepBrook]

Originally Posted by Emmy

My motto for life: "the only baby you'll ever regret is the one you didn't have"

oh my goodness, this made me get all choked up.

Originally Posted by Emmy

The only thing about your original post that give me pause is that you weren't even thinking of adding to your family until your dh brought it up, I'd just make sure it's not a fleeting idea before you take action..

My original post did briefly mention that this whole baby thing was my idea a year ago. I had a bad case of baby fever until, actually, a month or two ago when I decided I was happy having just 2 kiddos. I guess it took DH a year to get on board with the baby idea.... and now here I am being a big chicken.

[jessica31876]

I think going from two to three is fairly easy. I did not find it hard to go from one to two though and I was a teen mom (15 & 17 with my two oldest and 21 with my youngest). The only regret I have about having three kids is that I had them so young and now a lot of people my age are just starting to have kids and I miss that stage in life and know I will never have it again. So my advice is to let whatever happens happen if you want to have another baby. All the stuff you think about as an issue you will find a way to make it work when the time comes. That is my experience anyhow. That you just figure it out along the way.

[iScrap]

I hope you figure out what works best for you and your family. There are so many individual factors, but I can't imagine 6 kids is the same as 3 kids. I'd probably be in the loony bin with 6. lolol

We just have the twins and there is no way, no how either of us want more kids. They'll start kindergarten next year and I honestly can't wait. I never wanted babies, but I always wanted children. Being there for them when they start Brownies and watch them act in plays or do music or sports... that's what I've been waiting for. I can't wait to see them grow into little young ladies and to explore all that life has to offer them. I always think a little newborn would steal that thunder - for them and for us. Not to mention, changing poopy diapers again is something I don't want to do anytime soon. lolol

[Sherri Tierney]

My DH has always wanted more. Its been me to hold us back over the years because pregnancy is so difficult for me. We both got on the same page about 4 years ago and we've been trying since but it hasn't happened. We have two. The oldest is almost 10 and the youngest 6. It would be a big adjustment if we went back to bottles and diapers and midnight feedings but I want that. I miss that terribly and my kids want another sibling so bad.

For me the transition from 1 to 2 was incredibly hard. It was probably the worst time of my life. However, it wasn't just the new baby I was dealing with. I was dealing with the deterioration and death of my grandmother (who adopted me and raised me, so in essence, I lost my mom) at the same time. She had a stroke a month before my baby came and she passed away when he was 5 months old. It was a hard 6 months. On top of that, my 2nd was (IS) a very spirited baby, very sensitive. He's the emotional barometer of the family. He picks up on what everyone else is feeling and with all that was going on, he was a pretty crabby guy. Life was rough. He didn't sleep for more than 40 minutes at a time and he cried up to 20 hours a day. He once cried for 14 hours straight without sleeping, cried right through nursing even. Anyway, once he hit toddler stage life had settled down and I can't imagine not having him. I'd do it all over again in a second!

[Sherri Tierney]

Originally Posted by iScrap

I hope you figure out what works best for you and your family. There are so many individual factors, but I can't imagine 6 kids is the same as 3 kids. I'd probably be in the loony bin with 6. lolol

We just have the twins and there is no way, no how either of us want more kids. They'll start kindergarten next year and I honestly can't wait. I never wanted babies, but I always wanted children. Being there for them when they start Brownies and watch them act in plays or do music or sports... that's what I've been waiting for. I can't wait to see them grow into little young ladies and to explore all that life has to offer them. I always think a little newborn would steal that thunder - for them and for us. Not to mention, changing poopy diapers again is something I don't want to do anytime soon. lolol

I think I like babies more than children. I mean, I love children but I am completely smitten with babies. I love that stage of life.

[maryinaz]

Originally Posted by iScrap

I never wanted babies, but I always wanted children.

Just wait until they are teenagers...you'll be thinking that baby stage was pretty darn good and easy.

[joelsgirl]

I've only known one person who regretted having a third child unexpectedly; everyone else seems really thankful for that third child.

I was SO DONE with babies, but I've treasured this pregnancy SO MUCH.

My boys are 7 & 4, and they can entertain themselves while I nap, and they're not nearly as much work to keep up with. They're so excited about a baby sister, and it's been really fun as a family to watch my belly grow.

I do kinda dread the starting over part, but I am looking forward to baby snuggles and the fun stuff too. I say go for it!

[iScrap]

Originally Posted by maryinaz

Just wait until they are teenagers...you'll be thinking that baby stage was pretty darn good and easy.

Oh yes. Yes. Yes. lolol I'm afraid of when they become teenagers and hate us. lolol I cross my fingers we can make it through those rough years.

[Leah]

We have 3 and always knew we would, except there was supposed to be a bigger gap between 2 and 3. lol

Three kids does take organization, but as far as I'm concerned, so does 1. I'm a planner and like to know what's coming next, so organization is key, but so is flying by the seat of your pants sometimes.

[Mye]

I never experienced the 1child to second child stage because I had 2 firstborn! I am wanting a third right now but my husband don't like it anymore - he said we'll never ever have a third lol - unless we adopt. We aren't ready (financially) and I had a high risk pregnancy with the twins so I guess I know where he is coming from.

I grew up with 3 other siblings and personally, for me, it's a happier place - despite all the bickering! lol!

[nun69]

my kids are 18 {almost 19}, 11, 6 and 4.5 and I agree that having 3 is NOTHING like having 6...even 4 ain't like having 3 {or at least not in my case}....my oldest and 2nd oldest were really like only children and my 2nd oldest started kindergarten the year the 3rd was born...so really I had kids in 3 different stages of life so it really wasn't that bad, but from 3 to 4 OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! my oldest started high school while I was on maternity leave with my youngest nothing like being in the gym for Freshman orientation with your 4 week old and freshman LOL! But we BOTH worked full time, took the oldest to school, #2 to before school program and #3 & #4 to daycare EVERYDAY for 4 years! THAT WAS HARD!
We aslo had only 1100 sq feet for 6 people and 3 cats and we were just too crowded. Now that we have triple the space and everyone has their "own" space it just doesn't seem so bad! And being 32 is nothing I had #2 at 31, #3 at 35 and #4 at almost 37

so I think if you can afford it and you want to have more kids, than all the rest will fall in to place good luck in whatever you decide

[kresta]

We were kind of in your boat. We had two out of diapers, life was finally getting a little easier. We were to the point of either deciding to have another or getting permanently "fixed". We weren't just dying to have another baby, but we just did not want to get 10 years down the road (too far for us) and regret not having another child. So we did...I just CANNOT imagine our lives without her. She has been the biggest joy and some times I just marvel at the fact that we almost decided not to have another baby at all.

Of course, it's a decision only you guys can make, but I would say if there's any doubt in your heart about it, have another. I just can't see anyone saying, 10 years down the road, "yeah, we really shouldn't have had that last kid."

[HeatherKS]

Originally Posted by kresta

Of course, it's a decision only you guys can make, but I would say if there's any doubt in your heart about it, have another. I just can't see anyone saying, 10 years down the road, "yeah, we really shouldn't have had that last kid."

I love that, Kresta.

We have three and honestly, once we had the first one, the transitions between 1 and 2 and 2 and 3 were a piece of cake. My first baby was by far my most difficult and once I got past her baby years, I felt like I could do anything. DD #2 was born when DD #1 was 2.5 and she fit in like a missing puzzle piece. When we decided to have #3, we were to the point of "if we don't do it now, we won't do it" because we were creeping too far out of those baby years. Yes, it was hard going back to sleepless nights and diapers but our family just wouldn't have been complete without him.

[jessica31876]

yes, yes and yes I always say Id take a dozen three year old's over one teen. They usually have the same sort of attitude but three year old's have way less mobility and less of a mind of their own so they are easier to reason with!! Although it is not all bad with teenagers and I think I was EXTREMELY LUCKY with mine.

Originally Posted by maryinaz

Just wait until they are teenagers...you'll be thinking that baby stage was pretty darn good and easy.

[YepBrook]

You guys are so incredibly sweet and kind and helpful!!! Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my thread!!

I will say that I am 99% sure we will be having another baby. Now to figure out insurance...

[ayaandjudah]

I'll be the dissenter. I thought going from 2-3 was FAR more difficult than going to 1-2. When I had my second, my first was exactly 2. While she was challenging to deal with at age 2, she was still a "baby" and I was still in "baby" mode.

When my third surprised us, the older two were 6 and 4 and far removed from baby-ness. I had a real hard time adjusting to newborn stuff while dealing with school stuff.

But, I wouldn't trade my Li-Li for the world and we love him to pieces. You'll never regret having a third, you'll always regret not having it.

[rach3975]

If you were really and truly ready to be done, I think you'd know. I have 3, and right now I'm so, so done. Like the idea of a 4th makes me want to run screaming from the house, LOL.

When we were deciding about #3, I had some doubts but still wanted to go ahead and have one more. And even though there were times it was crazy, I can't imagine DD not being part of our family. Her baby days were actually not that bad. I was always busy and had less time for myself, but she was a good sleeper and somehow it all worked out. Things were harder when she was 1, and then easier again by the time she turned 2. Now they get a little easier each year.

One thing I didn't expect is that when I had my 3rd, I had to stop playing. There was just no longer time to meet everyone's needs, fulfill requests, keep the house minimally clean, and still play the way I did when I had 2. Part of that may be due to DS2's special needs, but I've heard it from at least 1 other mom of 3. Then again, if you're homeschooling you're probably already pretty used to busy, LOL.

[YepBrook]

Originally Posted by rach3975

One thing I didn't expect is that when I had my 3rd, I had to stop playing. There was just no longer time to meet everyone's needs, fulfill requests, keep the house minimally clean, and still play the way I did when I had 2. Part of that may be due to DS2's special needs, but I've heard it from at least 1 other mom of 3. Then again, if you're homeschooling you're probably already pretty used to busy, LOL.

This worries me! I am really enjoying finally having time here and there to scrap and do things that make me happy. But, I have to remind myself that there will always be time for hobbies when I am old and my kids are grown up and out of the house.

[kristijoy]

I follow a several homeschooling blogs. Quite a few of them have families with multiple kids. There's something about a big family doing school together (even the babe & tot is right there doing 'school') that really inspires me!

[rach3975]

Originally Posted by YepBrook

This worries me! I am really enjoying finally having time here and there to scrap and do things that make me happy. But, I have to remind myself that there will always be time for hobbies when I am old and my kids are grown up and out of the house.

It was more playing with the kids I meant. There just never seems to be enough time to sit and play games with the kids, or read book after book the way I used to when it was 1 or 2 kids. I feel guilty about it, but I haven't found a way to change it. I play with DD now while the boys are at school, but I haven't found a way to play much when I have all 3 kids at home. But with a bigger age difference, you may not have that experience at all. My boys were 5 and 2.5 when DD was born, and the then-2-year-old had lots of therapy exercises I had to do with him every day, plus just needing extra time to deal with all his tantrums, keep him on task, etc. (He has motor planning and speech disorders and is being evaluated for an autism spectrum disorder and ADHD. I'm glad I got pregnant with DD when I did, because if we'd known the full extent of his needs before getting pregnant we probably never would have had a 3rd.)

I've learned that I have to be a little selfish about making time for myself (which is usually scrapping time), because I'm a cranky, short-tempered mother when I don't. So even when they were very young and things were crazy, I made sure to scrap for a while every day after the kids were in bed. I know homeschooling makes that more of a challenge, but I'm guessing you'll find ways to have the older kids help more, or you'll stay home more so you have time to get to it all, or you'll cook and clean less for a while. It will all work out if you decide to go for it.

[4noisyboys]

I love my 3rd and 4th...but I wish I'd stopped at 2! Of course I wouldn't have given any of them up...but 2 growing up would've been SOOOO much easier!