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#1
07-05-2011, 08:54 AM
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We're losing our foster child
I think there are a couple other foster parents here who will empathize, which is why I'm sharing this. We were working towards adopting him and recently learned that we will be losing him to an out-of-town relative. He never met the boy till April and told us that he would not take him away from us, and then changed his mind.
I can't begin to tell you how heartbroken we are. I was a sobbing wreck in the courtroom. Has anyone dealt with anything like this before with a child? I feel like a piece of our family is being ripped out.
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#2
07-05-2011, 08:55 AM
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I am not a foster parent and have no experience, I just wanted to offer a gentle hug.
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#4
07-05-2011, 08:57 AM
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Oh, Valerie - I'm so sorry to hear that!!! I hope you'll be able to keep in contact with him!
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#9
07-05-2011, 09:18 AM
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Oh Val, I'm so so sorry
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~Colleen~
Re-attempting a creative life after far too long!
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#12
07-05-2011, 10:26 AM
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Oh Val-My sister has been through the same thing TWICE...it was heartbreaking for this entire family...more than we could bear we thought at the time-but somehow we made it through...
My heart and thoughts will be with you!
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#16
07-05-2011, 11:27 AM
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I too can not imagine, I am so very sorry! That must be very difficult.
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#17
07-05-2011, 11:47 AM
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I am a foster parent also. We had a foster son that became an adoption placement. We were working towards getting everything finalized when a birth grandparent stepped in (who previously said she wasn't interested). We lost him. It was heart breaking. He has been gone almost 2 years now. It took us several months to make it through the hurt and anger. It is like a death of a child. We don't have any contact. It was the hardest thing that we have gone through. We survived though. We even healed enough to start fostering again.
We have a current foster son. It is still in the reunification stage. So, I am not sure what will happen with him. We have fallen in love though and I am REALLY hoping that we get to adopt but trying not to get my hopes up. If you want to chat, just send me a PM. I know it is hard. ((HUGS))
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#18
07-05-2011, 11:52 AM
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Oh, I'm so sorry! Many HUGS!!!
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 Creating for Melissa Bennett & Lliella Designs!!  
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#19
07-05-2011, 12:11 PM
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I haven't been through it, but I am so sorry. I'm praying for you guys, and for him. That has to be really really rough
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New Siggy Coming Soon
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#22
07-05-2011, 12:54 PM
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Oh my goodness, I'm so very sorry.
I just can't imagine.
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#24
07-05-2011, 01:11 PM
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((hugs)) I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.
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#25
07-05-2011, 01:15 PM
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I can not imagine the pain you are going through... hugs! My heart is just breaking thinking about it... but you have my up most respect and awe that you would put your heart on the line being a foster parent. I pray that God heals your pain...
Hugs!
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#26
07-05-2011, 01:19 PM
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I am so very sorry. ((((hugs)))).
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~ Robin  Siggie made by Jacinda
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#27
07-05-2011, 01:28 PM
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My heart is breaking for you . . . I don't even have words to sufficiently express how much I loathe the courts' insistence on placing a child with ANY family member, instead of leaving them in a happy, loving home. I absolutely do NOT believe that is taking the child's best interest into consideration, which is supposed to be the whole point of the exercise. I truly am devastated for you and will keep you and your family in my prayers. (((HUGS)))
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#28
07-05-2011, 01:40 PM
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My family saw it from the other side. My nephew (my sister's son) was taken away from her and her rights were terminated after several years of her having problems. She had just gotten him back and there was a house fire in her house where two of her kids passed away. The state said my nephew started the fire and that made my sister negligent. It was really difficult for our family...the loss of the two children then the loss of my nephew until he was at least 18. He was taken at the age of 5 and found my sister when he was just a month shy of 22. It is so hard to lose someone you love like that though. Im sorry you are losing him though. I know it is likely to be a really difficult transition as well for the little boy (going by what I remember when my nephew was placed with the family who eventually adopted him)
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    Dreaming of creating for Cindy Schneider, Studio Flergs & Kristin Cronin-Barrow Last edited by jessica31876; 07-05-2011 at 01:43 PM.
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#29
07-05-2011, 01:50 PM
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big hugs for you! We did a foster for a teenage girl this winter and it was hard to let her go after 4 months to different foster home. I can't imagine how it must be for you guys. (hugs)
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 Lisa
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#31
07-05-2011, 02:07 PM
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Quote:
HUGE (((HUGS))) I see you're from Michigan too (just like me). We were all set to start adoption of two boys a couple of years ago... their G.A.L. put an offer on the table that took the boys away from us and basically put them back into the hands of their abuser. We are now in the process of adopting a little girl we've had since she was 3 days old. We hope to have the adoption finished before she turns 4 (in January). I would say before the end of this month, but Michigan is notoriously SLOW at processing subsidy paperwork. Val - if you want to talk, send me a friend request on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/lynning and I'll send you further details how to contact me. As women in Michigan, foster parents and digital scrapbookers, I think we have enough in common to start a great friendship or just grow our support network!
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Lynn Michigan Mom of 5
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#32
07-05-2011, 03:43 PM
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oh Val! I'm so sorry. (((hugs))) I have no idea how the foster care system works, but I think it is wonderful that you opened your home for a child in need.
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#34
07-05-2011, 04:38 PM
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Oh wow. I'm so sorry. That's just heart breaking. *hugs*
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#37
07-05-2011, 05:11 PM
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The very same thing happened to my parents. They decided to go into foster care so that they could adopt a little girl (they had three boys and really wanted a girl. They thought adoption would be a wonderful option). Their very first foster child seemed to be perfect. They had her for over a year and had already started the adoption process. I can't remember what happened, but I know the process was interrupted and they weren't able to keep her. I know that it was heartbreaking for them. I also know that they gave it another shot and started the process again with baby girl number two. She was with them for almost a year when the birth father came back into the picture. I'm not sure what all was said, but in the end, he just wanted to visit with her one more time. The adoption was finalized. And I'm SO thankful that it was cuz I was the 2nd girl =) I think my parents just rationalize that the first girl wasn't meant for them because they needed to wait for me =)
I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Sending my love & hugs your way!!
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#38
07-05-2011, 05:19 PM
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I've been away from SSD for months but remember you were in the process... SO sorry to hear it Val... Hugs your way and hoping that the family will let you remain in contact.
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  Returning from a long scrapping hiatus!
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#39
07-05-2011, 06:06 PM
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OMG... I am so sorry. I know you were concerned about that earlier. It is horrible. Huge hugs. I know that there aren't any words that can ease your pain.
When I was growing up, we had several different batches of foster kids. The last one, Joel, was a baby. We took him in because no one wanted him. He was part of the Puyallup Tribe and they tried to get us not to take him because they said he was mentally slow. But it turned out that he was just delayed because his mom never gave him any attention and left him in a crib alone all day (while she was out of the apartment). Within months, he was hitting all of the developmental milestones he should have. We loved him so much. We were going to adopt him, but the Tribe stepped in and took him away because we weren't Native American. My mom had taken more classes in Native American cultural things and had tons of Native American friends. Almost all of the kids we'd fostered had been NA. They took him anyway, and we were devastated. I was about 14 at the time, and I still remember how hard/awful it was. The irony was that later, my mom found out that we did have Native American background (she'd been adopted and found out about five years too late). We still talk about him and wonder how he is doing. It is so hard and emotionally wrenching. It seems so unfair that you have stepped up and are doing the right thing (that no one else has been doing) and then you are hurt in the process. You are amazing and will get through this. Glad to see that there are others who are going through fostering and maybe you can get some support IRL too. Big big hugs!
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#41
07-06-2011, 08:17 AM
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Oh wow, thank you for all the comforting words. A lot of people around us don't quite get it. Maybe because he's not a baby and people assume you don't become quite as connected to a pre-teen.
This case was abuse and neglect, but not by the family member he is going to live with. He came home and found his father dead on the couch after school. 'Abuse' because of the state of the home (protective services said they would've taken him just for the state of the home if they had known) and 'neglect' because he was found w/o 'proper care and custody.' Mom OD'd when he was 5 and he remembers her being carried out in a body bag. She had him in the crack house with her. More than ANY person should have to go through, much less a child. He is 12 now. We've been fighting the system since March because the uncle who is taking him has a criminal background and he has never met him (uncle saw him once when he was a baby.) Judge seems to think it is still in Jake's 'best interest' to stay with family. If he were 13 (IN ONE YEAR) he would be able to make this decision himself. It is so comforting to know that some of you know what this is like.
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#42
07-06-2011, 08:51 AM
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i can't even imagine val. HUGE hugs.
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#44
07-06-2011, 10:03 AM
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Quote:
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#45
07-06-2011, 10:06 AM
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Quote:
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#46
07-06-2011, 10:38 AM
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(((HUGE HUGS))))
I'm assuming his decision would be to stay with you? goodness the courts these days just make my head shake I feel so bad for everyone involved. When he is 13 is he allowed to decide if he wants to leave where he is going to now?
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#48
07-06-2011, 11:44 AM
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I hope that the family allows you to maintain contact with him. At that age, he needs to know that there are people out there that 'have his back' no matter what. And, you have shown him that.
Ugh. how gut wrenching for you all. (((hugs)))
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~ Robin Siggie made by Jacinda
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