Do you ever feel guilty <parenting>

[lauren grier]

I know I'm not the only person on the planet that feels this way I'm sure most people feel this way but it's eating at me. so I'm posting it k? ^_^

So I'm not super mom. I'm not even close to super mom... and I feel like I should be. Obv we all strive to be the best parent we can be... but I want to be perfect .. in every aspect of my life- and clearly, this is psychotic and I can't be.. but it overwhelms me and then I just.shut.off.

I feel like I'm just not good enough for kidlet. ever. I don't play with him enough, I don't hug him enough, I don't bake cookies and bread and cakes enough, I don't take him out and plan activities enough- etc etc etc. And because it's just me in his life, I feel like it's my responsibility to put in 1000000000x more effort than i do and be 10000000000x more awesome.
and yet i suck at it. I'm very much not kid friendly.. most days I don't think I was actually made to be a parent. It's my personality or whatever- and i'm not just making excuses there- really I don't mesh with children... Obviously, I love ce and he knows I love him and blah blah blah- but other kids give me hives yo. So that's always a bit of a struggle (thankfully.. ce doesn't really like people either so that part works out )

What i'm hating the most lately. Is I really DO want to spend more time with ce.. doing things.. hanging out whatever. I'm SO busy with other things, bills, working, cleaning, you name it.. that I'm just frazzled. Every day he comes home from school and I just get irritated.. the entire time (stress level the past few months has been um on high.. patience/tolerance on WAAY LOW).. and then he goes to bed, and I feel guilty that I didnt do anything SUPER amazing with him. He wakes up in the AM RIGHT before he has to leave for school.. and then he's home for what.. 5? hrs before we begin the nighttime routine (of hell)- and that's IF we don't have any appointments, or errands, or homework,or other things in the way.

It's just suckage and I feel bad for him... plus the whole- lacking a father in his life bit- is def making things harder on both of us. He feels it i feel it...and I can't fix it - and despite my efforts, I've been repeatedly told I can't personally fill that hole either

Anyway. Long babble short. I just want you all to say .. yes yes I feel that way too... and maybe offer some ideas.. anything. I've tried super anal scheduling.. I've tried setting ONE DAY aside a week to be a Ce day.. nothing is helping.. nothing is working. :[ ifail.

[LenaGardner]

Ok so I'm not going to be much help for fixing how you feel...because if I had ideas I'd be using them myself.

All I can tell you is....

1) You don't fail. This is the universe's big joke on us that the most rewarding job most women will ever do--being a parent--comes with a heaping helping of guilt over ev.er.y.thing. I lose more sleep over my imperfect parenting than any other thing.

2) YES YES YES every mom feels this way. Some moms just feel this way some days and some moms feel this way EVERY day. It's not you. And there's some magical biological guilt clock that springs into action when kids are asleep. It's annoying, b/c then what can you do except think/try/say you'll do better the next day and then 6 days out of 7 just end up repeating the cycle instead?

For the record, I once woke Nathan up to bake cookies on a night that I felt particularly guilty. He loved it Just that one time, and it was kind of magical in and of itself. He was about 5 at the time and he still remembers that night. Realistically though, you just do the best you can every day (which I know you do). And know that you're not alone in feeling this way. Even "that best mom" you see on FB, blog, etc, whatever feels that way.

[CA Dreamer]

OMG, we all feel this way!!!

I think that the main thing is that your kid KNOWS that you have his back. And, I am sure that CE KNOWS this in his heart of hearts!!!

[Paula]

We all feel this way La. The best thing you can do for Ce is let him know you are there for him no matter what and always!

[rachaelsscraps]

Hey, I feel better now knowing I'm not the only one Worrying about it shows you care!!!

[Leah]

La, try not to be so hard on yourself. None of us are perfect, but we all have things that we are especially good at, even when it comes to parenting.

Instead of focusing on the things that guilt you, what are some of the positive things that you contribute to Ce's life? What are you good at?

You are a concerned parent - GOOD
You are an involved parent - GOOD
You are a loving parent - GOOD
You are making LOTS of awesome memories for Ce AND you're documenting them for him - AWESOME!

What else? What else are you especially good at??

[lauren grier]

Originally Posted by paperboutique

What else? What else are you especially good at??

subjecting him to dr who marathons? I feel this is bettering him.. somehow. HAHA

[deepounds]

Oh La, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, but please don't feel alone . . . I don't know a single one of us moms who hasn't felt the way you're feeling right now at one time or another (most of us LOTS of times).

The bottom line is that, regardless of whether it's raising Ce or anything else in your life, all you can do is the best you can do! And it sounds to me like you're doing that - in the face of some pretty heavy odds, I might add.

If things have been as tense as you say & you know he is feeling it also, try sitting down with him and talking about it. Ask for his input about something the two of you could do together that would be fun but at the same time doable. Having even one positive thing added to the routine can make a huge difference.

You might also talk to him about how both of you could do small things to improve the quality of the time you do have together . . . (these examples are totally made up, cause I don't know the specific issues) like him brushing his teeth the first time you ask him to, or you asking him nicely to do things instead of barking commands. A child is, after all, just a small person - and every person I know responds a whole lot more positively if they have some input into the decisions that rule their life.

I promise you that we have ALL been there. Try not to be so hard on yourself!!

[lauren grier]

thanks girlies..

and lena- that's def a big part of it -- the seeing other perfect mums (DUDE why do we do that to ourselves?! lol it's totally illogical). I live now, in a community.. fulllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll of those picture perfect moms- and well.. it wears on you.

[Leah]

Oh believe me...those "perfect" Moms are soooo not perfect. They have issues all their own. We ALL have issues.

You have to know that perfection is just a facade. Trust me.

[Tracyfish]

I plan and plan and do holiday stuff and crafty stuff and STILL feel this way. I always think there was more I could do or more time I could spend with him being a better mom. I always feel like I could be more loving or less irritated by the things a 5 year old does that are so super annoying.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

[Keely~B]

Sometimes the worry and guilt are just crazy. I'm not a kid person. Honestly, I'm not a people person You're a human and not just a mother. We all fail sometimes and the fact that you care about your standards of mothering, in and of itself, shows that you're probably doing a better job than you think.

[sprauncey1]

Originally Posted by LenaGardner

Ok so I'm not going to be much help for fixing how you feel...because if I had ideas I'd be using them myself.

All I can tell you is....

1) You don't fail. This is the universe's big joke on us that the most rewarding job most women will ever do--being a parent--comes with a heaping helping of guilt over ev.er.y.thing. I lose more sleep over my imperfect parenting than any other thing.

2) YES YES YES every mom feels this way. Some moms just feel this way some days and some moms feel this way EVERY day. It's not you. And there's some magical biological guilt clock that springs into action when kids are asleep. It's annoying, b/c then what can you do except think/try/say you'll do better the next day and then 6 days out of 7 just end up repeating the cycle instead?

For the record, I once woke Nathan up to bake cookies on a night that I felt particularly guilty. He loved it Just that one time, and it was kind of magical in and of itself. He was about 5 at the time and he still remembers that night. Realistically though, you just do the best you can every day (which I know you do). And know that you're not alone in feeling this way. Even "that best mom" you see on FB, blog, etc, whatever feels that way.

Lena, you said it perfectly!

Oh and I love the idea of waking them up to bake cookies! I'll have to try that on a weekend or summer (when sleep isn't quite as necessary!)

[Angie4b1g]

All kids need is love.

[lauren grier]

Originally Posted by Angie4b1g

All kids need is love.

you wanna tell the kid that. LOL
he's been yelling @ me lately for not playing with him enough

[Angie4b1g]

Originally Posted by lauren grier

you wanna tell the kid that. LOL
he's been yelling @ me lately for not playing with him enough

I said all they NEED, not all they WANT.

You're a good momma. No matter what you did, you'd never feel like it was enough, so it's counter-productive to beat yourself up over it. Every single one of us is doing the best we can with the situation we have.