When did your kids first have a friend?

[stayawake]

And how did you help them find one?

My daughter who will be three in August is very chatty, and not the least bit shy around adults - she tells funny stories sings and plays games well but gets so shy around kids! But at the same time she's OBESSED with being around other kids. All she talks about is if there are going to be kids where we are going, or if we can go find some kids. If there is a single child of any age at the playground across from our house she needs to be out there.
I try to do social things with her - we have a regular community playgroup that we go to once a week, her sunday school class has 15 kids her age that we see once or twice a week (when there is a monthly special event) we go to parks and playgrounds several times a week, kids craft and book classes at the library, etc. she's definetly not deprived. But any time there are kids around she gets shy and when I'm not there with her, she must be beside the teacher or the teacher's special helper at all times.
She'll go up to kids at playgroup and introduce herself (sometimes try and shake hands!) and ask if she can play with them, or if they would like to play something she has and often the kids will say 'No' right to her! At playgroup most of the girls who are a little older than her won't talk to her or play with her.
I wish I could let her have a playdate with a girl her age and help her out with this...but I don't know where to find one, really. I don't make a big deal about it all, and play with her when we're out. But she's loosing confidence around kids quickly, and last night at bedtime she told me "Mommy, I never going to have a friend, am I?"

So. Should she have friends at this age? How did you find 'friends' for your kids?

[meems]

my kids' friends are the children of MY friends LOL. However, I did make my friends through a parenting group. And I think it helped us to see the same people over and over. But it was from playdates outside of the parenting group that they kids became friends. So at some point we must have moved from meeting as a group to setting up playdates. I think probably after our parenting group events a few of us would suggest going out to lunch at some kid-friendly place and that's how we started to know each other better.

so I guess I more or less picked my kids' friends for them.

[lizzyfizzy]

sweet little girl! sounds just like mine at that age. she didn't really have many friends until she started school and even now at 10 (5th grader) she only likes to keep a small group of really good friends. she happens to be a really popular child at school and she turns down some playdates/sleepovers, even. she's a super sweet, funny, but almost adultish and shy at the same time. i honestly think that it's because of their intelligence level that some kids just "don't get them" when they are that little trying to introduce themselves and such. all you can do is encourage them to jump in and play. it probably won't work...but don't worry she'll get plenty of friends. =) if you could find someone who she could play with frequently they would bond a friendship on their own in no time.

[ditzyscrap]

Awww! I wouldn't worry about finding a friend for her too much...when she finds one, it'll be a GOOD friend, kwim. Maybe she's getting sensitive to the fact that she doesn't have a friend to play with because she's in so many social situations?

Mason's first friend he found on his first day of Kindergarten, lol...it's the boy that sits with him on the bus. The teacher tells me they are like BEST friends, and fight like only best friends can, lol!

And I know my first friend was met on the first day of Kindergarten too - I don't know her anymore, lol...cause she moved away and then I moved away...but she was my first friend, and we were inseparable until grade 6. :)

[ajf9597]

That would be hard. We are the same way. It just happened that a lot of people we knew had kids around the same time. We also went to playgroups, library, MOPS and to parks. Now that he's 5 he meets friends on his own at different activities he does on his own, but they usually aren't friends that we go to their houses. Good luck and I hope she finds a friend that she can play with.

[Tracyfish]

My son (3 this month) is the same way about being shy in large groups of kids, but adults are a completely different story.

He has one little friend that we met from a large playgroup. He and the other little boy are both the same way in large groups so the mom and I started planning to do stuff without the rest of the group. It's so nice for them to look forward to seeing each other now.

Maybe there is someone you can hook up with from one of the events you go to. I know it may be awkward at first to ask, but there is probably another mom who feels the same way.

[stayawake]

Okay, then I guess I just need to not stress so much. I've always had just a few really really close friends, and I think maybe she'll be the same way. None of my friends have kids her age, so I can't just set them up...LOL but I'll give it time. :)

[dballance]

All 3 of my kids were different ages and had different ways of finding friends. I go to church with lots of kids and have always taken them to places with lots of kids and honestly my family is extremely large so there's never a shortage of kids there age around.

My 12 year old son is so dependant on being around other people all the time and he's always been that way. He would beg me to take him to mcdonalds playland just so he could have someone to play with. He has tons of friends at school/church and around the neighborhood. His first friend was at daycare when he was four, we moved when he was 8 and he started a new school and immediately made friends with a group of 9 boys and they are very tight. There are 8 of them now in that group, unfortunately one of them was in an accident and was killed last year.

My 9 year old daughter is a loner though. She was in preschool and became friends with a little girl there, but she has never complained about not having someone to play with like my son. She's just as happy alone than with someone, she got that from me. That little girl was all she talked about for months. She has slowly picked up a few friends here and there, but she is very close to the ones that she has. I tell her all the time that it's good to have such close friends.

Now my 2 year old loves everyone. My aunt keeps her and another little girl thats only 2 weeks older than her and they are already tight. She comes home telling me about "rianna" all the time, LOL

Maybe you could get together with one of the moms in her sunday school for playdates if they're close in age?

[nov05mama]

My son (3 this month) is the same way about being shy in large groups of kids, but adults are a completely different story.

He has one little friend that we met from a large playgroup. He and the other little boy are both the same way in large groups so the mom and I started planning to do stuff without the rest of the group. It's so nice for them to look forward to seeing each other now.

Maybe there is someone you can hook up with from one of the events you go to. I know it may be awkward at first to ask, but there is probably another mom who feels the same way.

Ditto all of that..only my son won't be 3 until November :p I found a mommy group in my area (themommiesnetwork) and I go to playdates and then I met several moms like me with kids around the same age. I had the same problem...I had friends here, but none w/ kids. Now, we do go to some of the big playdates, but I find we have more fun with the couple of moms and kids that we get together with!!

[my3hens]

Ohhh honey my heart just broke for your little girl, I am so sad that kids would tell her no. I can totally relate though. My son is 3 and my daughter just turned 6 and her bestfriend is the same age as her and whenever he comes over little Wes totally worships the ground he walks on and just wants to be included and they totally shut him out! He has a few cousins his age but really doesnt have many "friends" either. He did however make friends with a litle girl at my daughters bus stop the same age. I wish ya lived closer, it sounds like our little ones would hit it off well. Hugs honey, wish I had more to add!

[Kat Stokes]

Honestly, all of Derrick's "true friends" are the children of MY friends. At this point I can still continue to control who is friends are and how he acts - which is a good thing. He did make a few friends in preschool but we really don't keep in touch with any of them. Now that he's in school he has friends but not any that I would actually invite over for a play date or anything (but that is a whole other issue).

Don't worry. She will find her place and the more she is exposed to children, the more outgoing she will become. :)

[Leah]

Three is actually still young to have serious "friends", you know, other than relatives and/or your friends children.

At 3, kids are still playing side-by-side with each other, rather than "together".

Does your daughter go to preschool?

Because I am a child care provider, my kids have always had "daycare" kids as their friends. But they also needed that outside interaction as well and all three of them have or are going to preschool. This is when they start to have friends outside of Mommy! LOL

My 4yo. DD just had her first playdate (just for her) today. We had a little girl that she goes to preschool with over for a play this afternoon. The little girl was great - my two DD's weren't so great.

I wouldn't worry so much if I were you. Your DD is going to have LOTS of friends before you know it and she'll always have someone over or be going somehwere. It's nice for them, but (secretly) I like to know that I'm still their best friend....for now anyway. :)

[Kimberly's Mommy]

Her question just about broke my heart. The sweet thing. Come to my house my little girl will be her friend. Kim will be 4 in August and she is a social butterfly. She has friends at daycare that she plays with and has a great time. Our problem is that there aren't many kids her age on our street and we RARELY ever have anyone come over so she doesn't have any playmates at home. There is one little boy that lives down the street (he's 6) and he comes down once in a while and Kim get's so excited to have him play and then he will have to go home and it just breaks her heart.