Chuck Norris(isms)

[my4boys]

Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about........


Show me what ya got girls, they are everywhere, kinda like big brother :w00t:

[BrattyMeg]

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

[BrattyMeg]

come on y'all..i know you have some!

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

[LenaGardner]

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

[my4boys]

Chuck Norris went to Burger King and got a Big Mac!!!

[LenaGardner]

It doesn't matter. Nothing we post is going to be funnier than Fizz's.

[BrattyMeg]

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

[LenaGardner]

It doesn't matter. Nothing we post is going to be funnier than Fizz's.

I'm speaking of this:

when chuck norris invented his mojo he bottled some of it up and that's what we call an orgasm.


i just can't top that.

[my4boys]

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you

[my4boys]

It doesn't matter. Nothing we post is going to be funnier than Fizz's.

Good point Lena

[BrattyMeg]

As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."

[LenaGardner]

okay going from memory so forgive me if I butcher it:

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

[LenaGardner]

Chuck Norris gets two votes in the election.

[BrattyMeg]

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.

[iJenny]

My all-time favorite Chuck Norris-ism..... Ready?

Crop circles are Chuch Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes, corn just needs to lay the f**k down.

I love that one....

[amystoffel]

OMG I am rolling here...my brain is so fried I cant even think of any!!! Keep em coming, this is entertaining.

[BrattyMeg]

ok last one of the night for me..must do some work lol

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

[LenaGardner]

Chuck Norris isn’t lactose intolerant. He just doesn’t put up with lactose’s shit.

[iJenny]

Chuck Norris isn’t lactose intolerant. He just doesn’t put up with lactose’s shit.

Oooohhhh Lena. That one make me literally LOL. LOVE IT!!

[lizzyfizzy]

Chuck Norris isn’t lactose intolerant. He just doesn’t put up with lactose’s shit.

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! that's my fave so far. it's even better than mine.

look what we started...

[Tracie Stroud]

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

[Tracie Stroud]

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

[lizzyfizzy]

LOL tracie!!!! :D:D:D

[lizzyfizzy]

if chuck norris kicks your grandma in the face you don't question it.

[lizzyfizzy]

when chuck norris goes to a birthday party he gives his gift to himself, cause he can.

[jessica31876]

I love these. Sometimes when I go out with my husband (has happened about four times now) someone will ask him if he knows he looks like Chuck Norris and once we were at a mall near our house and a little kid came up and asked for his autograph LMAO. His friends even call him Chuck at work.

[MandaBean]

Chuck Norris can put on mascara without opening his mouth.

[Jennilyn]

Check out the thread Lizzy started (https://www.sweetshoppedesigns.com/community/showthread.php?t=11257&highlight=chuck+norris) a while back for more!

ETA: Chuck destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

[newfiemountiewife]

I love this one:

Chuck Norris does not leave messages. Chuck Norris leaves warnings.

[pbumbaca]

Chuck Norris can put on mascara without opening his mouth.

AH!!! I freaking love this Manda! My dh always asks me why I have my mouth open when I put on my mascara!

[pbumbaca]

This thread is too funny! And I of course had to go back and read the previous post too!

I like this one:

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

[my4boys]

My all-time favorite Chuck Norris-ism..... Ready?

Crop circles are Chuch Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes, corn just needs to lay the f**k down.

I love that one....

My DS2 just told me that one yesterday!!! Love it

[junebug]

omg, these are funny!

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it. :D

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris

okay that was 3 but i couldnt' resist! lmao

[ColleenSwerb]

I LOVE CHUCK NORRIS(isms)!!!!

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Except Chuck Norris never cries.

[LenaGardner]

Chuck Norris sneezes with his eyes open.

[Denise2987]

My all-time favorite Chuck Norris-ism..... Ready?

Crop circles are Chuch Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes, corn just needs to lay the f**k down.

I love that one....


LMAO This one made me spit coffee on my keyboard! LOVE it!

[digideb]

Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks!

[my4boys]

Chuck Norris beat the game Connect 4 in three turns!!!!

[newfiemountiewife]

Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce for eye drops.

[MandaBean]

Chuck Norris pees gatorade.

[lizzyfizzy]

Chuck Norris beat the game Connect 4 in three turns!!!!

ROFL!!!! :D

[Julie Billingsley]

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

[Traci Reed]

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

[Traci Reed]

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

[Amy Carey]

There are two hands that can beat a royal flush. Chuck Norris' right hand and Chuck Norris' left hand.

Chuck Norris doesn't laugh in the face of danger; Chuck Norris is the face of danger


Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

[Amy Carey]

ROFL OMG I found one more....geez i wish I could take credit for it:


When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris

[Amy Carey]

okay okay I'll stop ... I swear.... but THIS one. THIS ONE RIGHT here, is JUST for Miz Fizzy Lizzy :)

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by pointing at her and yelling "Boo Yah!"

[maryinaz]

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by pointing at her and yelling "Boo Yah!"


That is my favorite so far!!

Chuck Norris makes water sweat.

[MandaBean]

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

[iJenny]

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't
the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the
worst mistake anyone has ever made.


and this is another one of my all-time favorites...

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

[maryinaz]

Chuck Norris' patronus is himself.

(for Harry Potter fans)

[lizzyfizzy]

okay okay I'll stop ... I swear.... but THIS one. THIS ONE RIGHT here, is JUST for Miz Fizzy Lizzy :)

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by pointing at her and yelling "Boo Yah!"

all of yours had me rolling, but this one deserves a place of honor. i think i'll get it tattooed on my lower back! :wub:

[Traci Reed]

Chuck Norris is what George Bush was looking for in Iraq.

haha made that one up myself

[Julie Billingsley]

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes. He hits one single pin and the rest faint and fall over.

[my4boys]

okay okay I'll stop ... I swear.... but THIS one. THIS ONE RIGHT here, is JUST for Miz Fizzy Lizzy :)

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by pointing at her and yelling "Boo Yah!"

Yeah...this gets my vote for the BEST!!!!! And Lizzy gets a tat!!!!! You are gonna show us right Lizzy?????

[MandaBean]

IDK how I do it, but here's my newest zinger..

Chuck Norris shot the sheriff AND the deputy.

[breakingbrie]

I don't know how i missed it, but this shiz cracks me up!!!! :D :D

[Lukasmummy]

Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

[joelsgirl]

I just found these Chuck Norris flair buttons, and they made me lol:
http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e11/kfite7/chucknorris-1.jpg
http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e11/kfite7/chucknorrisellen.jpg

[crecia27]

Chuck Norris' patronus is himself.

(for Harry Potter fans)

LOVE it!

My son has a book of 400 of these. I was reading most of the first lines and he could recite them from memory. He even has a Chuck t-shirt that says "after a long night of partying, Chuck Norris doesn't throw up, he throws down" he is 16 and I think he loves Chuck more than me!

[my4boys]

LOVE it!

My son has a book of 400 of these. I was reading most of the first lines and he could recite them from memory. He even has a Chuck t-shirt that says "after a long night of partying, Chuck Norris doesn't throw up, he throws down" he is 16 and I think he loves Chuck more than me!

Too funny...I just read this to DS2 and he now wants the book. Where do I get such a book anyway?

[Nikki Epperson]

This whole thread had me laughing! :) :)

[crecia27]

Too funny...I just read this to DS2 and he now wants the book. Where do I get such a book anyway?

its called 'The Truth about Chuck Norris - 400 facts about the Worlds Greatest Human' printed by Gotham Books

[my4boys]

its called 'The Truth about Chuck Norris - 400 facts about the Worlds Greatest Human' printed by Gotham Books

Thanks....will have to pick that up for sure!!!

[KMBaker]

OK OK I have one!

Chuck Norris died years ago...the grim reaper is just afraid to tell him.

Chuck Norris beat the sun in a starring contest.

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.

I love these they crack me up!