Time for more Corey Drama!

[junebug]

Yah! i must be in shock; i'm using sarcasm. Then again i always use sarcasm so i must be okay lol. Anyway, I told Chad that i think he should leave. he was fine with it, but he just thinks that i would have problems taking care of this place if things went wrong, and if he stayed here he could continue to fix some things on it so that someday we could possibly sell it. he said we'll stay together til about june, once chloe is out of school. He also told me again, its not about him not feeling the same about me. He just needs to be alone for awhile blah blah blah. We may or may not get back together again. So i was looking online at Kokomo's low income housing. they have apartments, duplexes and even some houses scattered throughout the town. If i decide to be the one to leave, i'm leaning toward the houses. I could get a 3 bedroom and have the girls share like they do now. we'd just have to get extra mattresses for Chad when he has the kids. which he says he wants them every other weekend atleast. i would get most of the furniture i guess. he's fine with just his computer, recliner, the small tv and the PS3. he'd help us move. he's still be there to watch the kids if needed. we'd still see each other. its just wierd. i keep getting upset randomly throughout the day. it's awful. Do you know what it feels like to love someone unconditionally but they not love you back as much or at all anymore? its horrible so i hope non of you do know. But i'm also starting to just accept it. if i can get a good job i'll feel a lot better. maybe we'll get back together, but i'm really thinking we won't. or i'm just a pessimist. if we don't we don't. i'll just have to move on. maybe someday, i can get over him enough to find someone else. but that creeps me out lol. Chad was my first love. the first guy i kissed and slept with (at age 20):o . I will feel like an inexperienced teenager if i ever get back to dating. anyone know anyone who tried E-harmony? those people on those commercials look happy :D

i'm glad we get along so that we can work things out easily. i'm not saying i'm okay with it, but i can't stop him. if i find out he sleeps with anyone else though, i'm gone. it'll just be a seperation for awhile and i'll still consider it cheating unless we're divorced. though even if we get divorced it'll still feel like he ripped out my heart and stepped on it.

be prepared for these random Corey Drama posts. i just feel better when i can type it out.:)

oh, and i applied online last night for UPS. they are hiring some seasonal and permanent part time package handlers. i'd be working at the warhouse. it pays $8.50 to $10.50 an hour. i'd only work a few hours a day but a $110+ paycheck a week would be all i'd need. and i'd still be home a lot with the kids. there are great benefits too. they don't work weekends or holidays so that's really good. wish me luck.

[jessica31876]

Im sorry...it seems like he doesnt really want this IMO from what Ive read. I mean he said at the first of the year now hes saying June? Of course I dont know you or him but it just sounds like he is feeling alot of things he cant put into words and he is dealing with things in a really bad way. At any rate I hope you can work it all out

[junebug]

yah, he's not doing great mentally. he is taking his meds, but only because i bring them to him. i told him last night that he needs to keep taking those meds even if/when im not around. he says he doesn't care. i'm really scared. if you remember a few months ago i posted about me calling 911 because i thought he may try to hurt himself. if he goes off these meds completely again i'm afraid he will try again. and i won't be there to stop him. so i don't know what to do. if he's really serious about this, he will leave if i don't and i cant stop him. so i hope we can work things out in these next few months. i just want him to be safe. i want my kids to be able to see their daddy, whether we're married or not.

on another note, if this moving out ever happens, its party time at Corey's house, lol. you're all welcome to grab a flight to Indy and i'll come pick you up. one by one, cause i can only fit one more person in my escape when the kids are in the back, lol. i'm dealing by making jokes. it helps a little.

[ColleenSwerb]

I'm so sorry Corey. It really sounds like he's just confused. He doesn't really know what he wants, and he's just talking to talk, making excuses.

I think you know in your heart that he will not continue to take his meds. And that's a serious serious problem. Maybe instead of a separation, he needs to look into some sort of inpatient care for his depression. He's not getting better, it doesn't sound like he's taking his therapy seriously. You can't force him to get help if he doesn't want it, I just don't want you to end up stuck in a bad situation. I would take LeeAndra's advice from the other day and speak with a lawyer. Iron things out legally just in case things get crazy.

[junebug]

he can go up the VA and they'll admit him, but usually only for a few days up to a couple weeks. just until they get his meds in him and him doing better. he's done these a few times. he'll be fine for awhile then he'll get bad again. and i don't know if its his depression talking or if he really doesn't love me like he used to. he has told me before that me not working really made him lose respect for me, which is completely stupid if you ask me. i take care of our kids, cook him dinner and make sure he has pots of coffee, i wash his clothes etc. he says when he was growing up, his mom never worked and he just hates that. he would work if he was able. he wants to he just cant with this depression. but i sometimes think he is milking this PTSD for all its worth. i hate to say that, but sometimes i believe it. i need to find a lawyer that offers free legal advice, cause i can't afford a lawyer right now. i don't know what we'll do if we end up getting seperated. it's not cheap.

and he confuses me as well. just a few days ago he was talking about our plans for this house, how after we pay off the Escape he wants to buy a Chevy Cobalt cause they are so good on gas, and how good i looked in my blue jeans last week. so i'm very confused.

[ColleenSwerb]

Well since you said it first, I'll agree that sometimes it sounds like he's milking the PTSD. I know it's a serious issue and can be debilitating, but if he's serious about getting better you shouldn't have to force him to take his meds. And if he stays on his meds, he should be able to hold a job.

And if my significant other ever said something like that to me......I don't even know. But it wouldn't be pretty, and he'd be walking out the door. He can't hold a job? Fine. But if he can't even be trusted to watch the kids so you can get a job, he damn sure better not be talking shit about you not having one.

You're letting him walk all over you Corey. And that saddens me more than anything. You're a wonderful, beautiful, caring woman, and no one should take advantage of that. You shouldn't let anyone take advantage of that.

[junebug]

i know, i'm starting to wake up and reallize that. my mom agrees that he is milking it. she is not surprised at all this. she knows how he treats me and thinks i'd be better without him. Not that she is happy, because she knows how hard this will be. but she knows i can do it on my own. she has more faith in me than i do. though i'm upset, i think deep down that maybe this is for the best. i have this dream of taking some classes, getting a degree in something, then maybe being able to get a home loan and having my own house, just me and the kids. other single moms do it, so why cant I? and who knows, maybe when i was ready and the time was right i could meet someone who will love me for me, regardless of how much money i bring in.

he did say he'd watch the kids while i worked. but if not, i know there is help out there for single moms that help you with daycare.

[ColleenSwerb]

(((((((((Hugs)))))))))

It's so hard Corey, but I know you can do it. Be strong! Have faith in yourself like the rest of us do! We are all so much stronger than we think we are. It just doesn't come out until we need it. And right now, you need it. It'll come!

[my3hens]

Oh Corey I am sorry that this is only getting more complicated for you. He does sound very ill but I also just hate that he seems to be taking advantage of you, your such an amazing person! You deserve So much more then you are getting as do your beautiful children. I hope that this resolves in the best way possible for you and your family honey. I can only imagine how you must be feeling. I am here of course if you absolutely need anything at all.
Hugs!!

[crecia27]

Oh sweetie, it sounds like you are soo stong! I know it must feel like your world is falling down around you and yet your positive spirit is shining through! (((HUGS)))

[newfiemountiewife]

Corey, I'm not sure what's up with him wanting to stay til June. I hate to be rude, but it sounds like he doesn't want you, but he doesn't want you to move on either. He needs a reality check. I would see a lawyer (here they have legal aid for those who are below a certain income, so that may be possible there also), and tell him, either a) we start working on things now, with the intentions of being together or b) get the hell out NOW. I know I have not been in your shoes, so it's hard, and I don't want you to think I'm judging or anything else, but why should you drag your life out, and your happiness out until JUNE, and then he pulls a "well, maybe I can stick around a little longer.....".

You are a beautiful person. All of us here love you to bits. We know you can do it on your own. If the house is in bad shape and/or needs fixing, then maybe it is fine if you move out to low income housing (if it's suitable), then probably THEY will have to do any work that comes up (if you're renting).

I don't know, I feel like you are awesome and you deserve more. You say your mom is on your side, is there anything she can do (child care, etc) to help you in the short term if you do decide to go? If you have to go to the government for help (food stamps, whatever) for the short term, that is what those programs are for.

((hugs)) to you Corey. You deserve so much happiness in this life. Reach for it!

[mommy2aria06]

Corey- First, I am so so sorry to hear how things are working out but honestly, this could be an amazing thing to happen in your life- if you choose to see it that way. I love my daughter's father but he has too many issues in his past to return that love so I'm a single mom to my girl and though it is not easy- I wouldn't want it any other way. I am about to graduate with my Masters degree and then I will never have to rely on a man to support me or my child/ren. It is honestly one of the most freeing feelings I have ever had in my life and my daughter and I lead perfectly happy lives. I hope that you will be able to see the possibility this situation could hold and not let him stop you from being happy because you deserve everything good this world has to offer and if he is not going to be part of that happiness then he doesn't deserve to be part of your happiness. Just trust in yourself and your ability as an intelligent, capable, beautiful woman and live life as you want to! Many many :hugs: to you and if you ever need anything feel free to PM or IM me!!!

[Sarah8914]

Oh i'm so sorry corey. This just makes me so sad--that you have to deal with it all. You sound so good, so I hope you are doing okay.

[nikkiARNGwife]

Hugs! My sister is going through something similar right now so I kind of know what you're going through.

[AmyM]

Corey I"m so sorry you have to go through all of this. Good luck girl. Hang in there!

[HeatherKS]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this Corey. My sister-in-law went through a similar situation recently and it wasn't until she told him flat out that he either left or he stayed - there was no back and forth - that he finally settled down and started working on things with her. He was jerking her around, coming around and staying at the house for a few days and then leaving again because he "just couldn't do it." She finally got fed up (thank God!) and told him to figure it out because she and the kids were not going to ride the roller coaster with him. :(

You have to keep your best interest and the kids' best interest first and foremost in your mind IMO. You can help him get the help he needs, but you can't be the one to do it all or it won't work. I hope he can see that and will get the help he needs.

*hugs* for you.

[scarletsierra]

Oh Corey hon, more ((hugs)). Ugh, what a mess. I agree he does sound like he's battling his feelings and is very ill, but like Sarah I too hate that he seems to be doing the "I want my cake and eat it too" thing..that's so unfair to you and the kids. And so confusing for all of you. That kind of emotional roller coaster can be so devastating. I so hope you guys find the solution that is best for your family...and while I hope it doesn't mean the destruction of your family, if, in the end the dissolution is the end game I hope that you and the kids have all you deserve. ((hugs))

[junebug]

we owe on our property taxes. they went up considerably this year because they say we didnt file the homestead act and a va thing soon enough so we owe $800 from July yet and then they coming due again next month. so he wanted to get those paid before having to fork out child support money to me. if we don't pay they can take our house. while i'm starting to accept the possibility of us eventually being divorced, i also hope maybe during these few months we can work things out or he can get help. if it wasn't for those taxes, i think we'd probably be preparing to seperate now. i do need to find a lawyer, even if it is just for some free advice.

thanks everyone for your kind thoughts and hugs. they really do help me feel a lot better!

[DawnMarch]

((Hugs)) Corey. I love your vision for yourself and you can totally do it if you set your mind to it. It really sounds like this is a great opportunity for you to take control of your own life and make it what YOU want. Even without a degree, if you get your foot in the door some place, most places give you a chance to advance and some even help with school. Just keep swimming . . .just keep swimming.

I don't mean this to sound confrontational or judgmental AT ALL, I'm really just curious -- have any doctors suggested to your DH that he get a job? I know he is battling depression and having a very hard time, but it sounds like he's using the time on his hands to just obsess over his situation and himself and to think up reasons for why it's your fault -- sort of like constantly picking at the scab. Would it help him to get out and do something to take his mind off himself? I suspect he would not be receptive to that, and I have no idea if it would be good idea medically -- I know depression is very complicated to deal with. Or maybe some volunteer work would make him feel better about himself and help him focus on something else. Again, just wondering if it's been considered.

I really do commend you for your dedication to your DH. So many people are so quick to give up on marriages when that's the easy thing to do. On the other hand, you do have to come to a point where you don't let him call all the shots. Was it his statement that "we may or may not get back together again"? Heather is right that he can't just take years to make up his mind on whether he wants "in" or "out" -- that is completely unfair to you and the kids.

[junebug]

he tried working through the VA rehabilitation program. last summer they had him working at the Red Cross here answering phones and deliving blood to ft. Wayne and other places when they needed it. it lasted about 4 months. then he decided he just couldn't do it anymore. so they took him off that and probably would let him try again, but its like he has just given up. he sits in front of his computer (i have room to talk, huh?lol) playing WoW all day, or he watches his Colts games and then at night we have tv shows we watch together. i'm fine with him needing time to himself. but i want to either see some progress after a little while or go ahead with a divorce. i don't want to remaing in that in between state forever. i'll give him his alone time. but eventually we have to come to a conclusion; stay together or get divorced. he says he isn't interested in meeting another woman, but i plan on keeping an eye (i.e. spying) on him and if i catch him with another woman here i will be the one to deliver the divorce papers. i will consider it cheating if we are just separated. and i won't put up with it.

[scrapperjade]

HUGS Corey! I feel for you, and wish that I had some good advice for you, but because I have never been personally in your situation, I can't.

I do however have a close friend that is in a very similar situation as you. She has 3 kids, her hubby took advantage of her, and gave her the whole jerk around about maybe getting back together. So she'd let him into their lives, and he'd stay for a month, screw up everything (he was a very bad influence for her kids, he was abusive), and then leave, leaving her and her kids heartbroken for the 1304th time. Finally she said ENOUGH, and filed for divorce (which like you she waited until she either caught him or he admitted on an affair DURING the separation). She has been raising her kids pretty much solely on her own for 6 years. And guess what? She is amazingly happy. Her kids are THRIVING.. they are the BEST behaved kids I've ever met. Yes, she has hard days when she hardly knows what to do with herself, how she will provide, but she does.

She lives in a very nice home thats low income, only about $350 a month, plus utilities, and her ex pays about $600/month for maintenance for the 3 kids (she's working on getting more though). His $600 plus the money the g'ment gives for child support gets her through the month. She's learned to really watch her pennies. She saves $$ every month, and so if she wants to take the kids somewhere fun, like the zoo or museum, she has the money. Also, she did go on welfare for a short time, and to the food bank. At first she was embarrassed about it, but you know what? Its there for those that NEED it. There is such a stigma about going on welfare, and thats just so sad. I know a lot of people go on it because they are too lazy to go to work, but there are many many people who physically MUST go on it for a period of time, and there is NO shame in that.

Anyways, I'm really hoping that you and DH get it sorted out, and that whatever choice you end up making, makes you happy! HUGS Corey!!

[Amy Carey]

Well since you said it first, I'll agree that sometimes it sounds like he's milking the PTSD. I know it's a serious issue and can be debilitating, but if he's serious about getting better you shouldn't have to force him to take his meds. And if he stays on his meds, he should be able to hold a job....

....You're letting him walk all over you Corey. And that saddens me more than anything. You're a wonderful, beautiful, caring woman, and no one should take advantage of that. You shouldn't let anyone take advantage of that.

I don't have anything of real value to add here except that I totally agree with Col here, especially the part about how you shouldn't be taken advantage of. Just know we love ya here and you can vent/talk to us anytime and we'll be here to listen. {{HUGS}}

[LeeAndra]

>>he said we'll stay together til about june, once chloe is out of school.<<

I don't like this at all. Why is HE deciding what happens to the two of you? Why does it matter whether Chloe is out of school or not?

I know you are just not ready yet, C, and there will come a day when you are ready, but please see this from our perspective:

You have a child bossing you around. Someone who depends on you for his livelihood... like a child. Someone who 'needs' you to do his dishes and cook his meals and wash his clothes... like a child. Someone who needs you to remind him to take his meds... like a child. Someone who gets to cry to you and be mad and yell when he doesn't get his way... like a child. Someone who depends on 'an adult,' i.e. the government, to pay his way... like a child. Someone who takes no responsibility for his life or its consequences... like a child.

To me, it's like Chloe coming up to you this afternoon and telling you that she will no longer be eating anything but marshmallow sandwiches and only wearing pink sparkly flipflops that you will need to buy new every day and needing to go to the Indianapolis zoo every 3 days where you will carry her around on your back... and you nodding your head eagerly and doing as she bids without a second thought.

It is that ridiculous, and you know it.

When you know it AND believe it, you will be ready.

I will never say I told you so, but please don't put me in the position of having to not say it. You MUST MUST MUST put things in place for the future so that you don't regret your inaction for the rest of your life. Not getting child support, not getting legal advice, not getting a support system in place NOW could negatively impact YOU and YOUR CHILDREN for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Let me say that again: YOUR INACTION NOW COULD NEGATIVELY IMPACT YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

You can do it. We believe in you even though you don't believe in you... yet.

[lizzyfizzy]

i'm super sad for you. i know that wasn't your intention of posting, but really. it's all a load of crap. if chad is being so irrational and doesn't wanna work things out for the sake of your beautiful children then maybe you are better off without him. i know that sounds harsh, but who throws away a lifetime of love? hugs!!! feel free to vent, we're here!

[Sheana]

I'm sorry you're going through all of this Corey!! I'm only 3 hours from Indy.. so let me know if I can help you in any way!!

[scrapmonkey]

yah, he's not doing great mentally. he is taking his meds, but only because i bring them to him. i told him last night that he needs to keep taking those meds even if/when im not around. he says he doesn't care. i'm really scared. if you remember a few months ago i posted about me calling 911 because i thought he may try to hurt himself. if he goes off these meds completely again i'm afraid he will try again. and i won't be there to stop him. so i don't know what to do. if he's really serious about this, he will leave if i don't and i cant stop him. so i hope we can work things out in these next few months. i just want him to be safe. i want my kids to be able to see their daddy, whether we're married or not.

I'm really sorry you're going through this, but here's my reality check - if you are worried for his safety if he does not take his meds, then you should be worried about your children too. You said he wants to have the children over his place every other weekend? I assume it is without you, in which case, what happens if he hasn't been taking his meds? You do not want your children to be the ones there if things take a turn for the worse (my uncle had to go through that - my great-grandfather killed himself when my uncle was a child and he is the one that found him). Does he take his meds erratically? When my husband switches meds (he has depression, ADD, cerebral palsy, and back problems), he always lets me know because we know there is an adjustment period - it takes a few days to get in the system and work for most anti-depressants, which can cause wild mood swings. That's usually when we get in our biggest fights and he says things he shouldn't, but at least we know why. If he takes his meds erratically, his mood swings are also going to be tough on the kids and they won't really understand. I'm just concerned for you and being married to someone who deals with depression constantly (and I have dealt with it personally in the past), I understand just a touch of what you are going through.

[scrapperjade]

I thought the same thing as Leslie, but forgot to mention it. If he is so depressed, how is he going to be able to look after the kids? I would be FIRMLY insistant that he be on his meds regularily & prove himself capable BEFORE sending your babies to him. Better safe than sorry.

[Becca Bonneville]

(((hugs)) Corey! I am so sorry you have to deal with all of this. But I have to agree with all the things that has been said here.

I know you love your husband and want things to work, but sometimes it really isn't worth it. It doesn't do any justice for you or your kids. And honestly, it will never work if there is only one person who is truly willing to make it work and work for it. I have always compared relationships to a garden. When you plant a garden, you don't just plant it and walk away and say there you go, now do your thing. No, it doesn't work like that. You have to constantly water it, weed it, take care of it for it to continue to thrive. The same goes for relationships. They need to be taken care of constantly. Constantly working to make things the way they should be. And worked on by everyone involved. I too feel that you are being taken advantage of and it really makes me mad. I have been through similar experiences with some of my friends and it makes me want to scream. You deserve better. Your kids deserve better. And you won't get it until you demand it. If we let people use us, mistreat us, walk all over us, they will. You need to stand up for yourself and your kids and say "Hey I am not taking this anymore. I am a strong, beautiful woman and I can do anything I want." I am so sick of women thinking they need a man to have a happy life. Yes it is nice to have that companionship. It is beyond wonderful if you have that someone special that treats you right and loves you. But you or anyone else here does NOT need a man to live or to be happy. I know I am just rambling here and I apologize if this is all jumbled and doesn't make sense. It just really irks me when I feel that someone is being treated wrong and unfair.

And I agree on the kids thing too. If he is truly that unstable I wouldn't want to leave my kids with him for a weekend or babysit while I worked. I wouldn't want to subject my kids to that. He would have to get himself together and prove to me that he capable of being with my kids alone.

Well, I will quit rambling now! If you ever need to talk, I am always around here somewhere!! We all care about you girl!! (((hugs))

And remember, you have to believe in yourself.

[junebug]

you guys are giving me so much confidence! i am really starting to think that i can do it on my own. i'll feel a lot better once i'm making my own money; i thinik that right now is my biggest setback. i rely on him to live right now. i wanna kick myself for not going to school. i had aspirations of getting into Architecture or Graphic Design. then i met DH and left it all behind me. i don't know if those fields are right for me now; i hear graphic design is very competitive. i know from my artsy/creativeness i'd be happiest in a field like that, but i may have think more practical since i have 3 kids to look after. I'm really thinking i'm going to be okay. Luckily i have family here, even Chads family is here. His mom is already trying to talk him out of leaving, though i don't think it'll do any good.

thank you so much everyone. {{{hugs}}} right back atcha

[MelindaH]

Just wanting to add my support ... It isn't easy being a single mom of 3, but I did it for a while (DH and I separated for over a year) and survived. There are programs out there that will help you. I sure hope that Chad wakes up and gets some help before he loses the best part of his life!

Melinda