How would you/did you

[Nikki Epperson]

handle constant "accidents" from your child who is old enough to know better?

Yes, my darling Colton (will be 5 in less than a month) is still having a problem with pooping his pants. I'm so stinking <----:blink: frustrated with this whole situation right now.

I have tried -
punishment (including spanking :thumbdown: , taking toys, taking games (ps2, gameboy, etc.)
encouragement
bribery
long talks at least 3 times a month about the difference between a big boy and baby

Seriously! I caught him standing at his bathroom counter today. 2 steps from the toilet - doing his business.

I'm at a loss and feeling very much like a failure as a mother. :(

[Paula]

This may sound mean, but put a diaper on him. My Zakk did that too and I told him that since he wasn't going potty like a big boy that he'd have to wear a diaper until he did. It only took two hours.

[Nikki Epperson]

I should have put that I've done that too. I got lost telling my boys (AGAIN) to get to bed!

He cries and I keep him in it, but it still doesn't do any good. He will go that day (or the next -- depending) but the next time, it's in his undies again. :(

[jessica31876]

OK not sure if you tried this but I took both my boys to the store and bought them big boy undies. I let them pick out whichever ones they wanted. I told them that the characters on it do not like to get dirty and it is their job to keep them clean. It was really quick after that because they were at that age where they believed that the characters were real.

[Mama-to-Elle]

Elle is not there yet, so I dont have much advice, I just wanted to say that I am sorry you are having such a hard time, and you absolutely are NOT a failure as a mother.... (((((BIG HUGS)))))

ETA: Paula reminded me, I have a friend who's 7 year old son was put back in diapers for his poop "accidents" it only took him 3 days, and he was 100% trained..

[Leila]

Has he ever gone for an extended period without "accidents?" If he has, you really need to find the root reason behind why he's messing himself now. Any big changes in your family/life lately? Did he recently start school, gain a sibling, lose a close family member? Lots of kids regress for a multitude of reasons.

IMO, punishment is never the answer in regards to toileting issues. A friend of mine tried that with her son (including the diaper thing...though that does work for SOME kids) and it made things 100x worse for everyone involved. He went from the occasional "accident" to purposely smearing feces on the walls because he was being punished. Try talking to Colton to see if there's something going on. If he's not feeling stressed about anything, make sure it's not medical. Some kids truly cannot tell when they need to/are going to have a bowel movement.

Most importantly, keep in mind that he is still young. Many average, every day, ordinary kids aren't in full control of their bladder/bowels at 5.

[Nikki Epperson]

OK not sure if you tried this but I took both my boys to the store and bought them big boy undies. I let them pick out whichever ones they wanted. I told them that the characters on it do not like to get dirty and it is their job to keep them clean. It was really quick after that because they were at that age where they believed that the characters were real.

Yes, we tried this -- that child doesn't have 1 pair that he didn't pick out himself. And it doesn't matter if he's wearing his favorite (Spiderman, Batman, or Superman) or a pair of plain white ones. He's an equal opportunity pooper!

[Nikki Epperson]

Elle is not there yet, so I dont have much advice, I just wanted to say that I am sorry you are having such a hard time, and you absolutely are NOT a failure as a mother.... (((((BIG HUGS)))))

ETA: Paula reminded me, I have a friend who's 7 year old son was put back in diapers for his poop "accidents" it only took him 3 days, and he was 100% trained..

I'm thinking I'll have to try diapers again. Maybe if he has to wear them to school??? I've usually only done it on weekends.

[heatherdumas]

Does he go to school? I would make him wear a diaper to school. But I am a hard a** I would take all the underwear away and make him clean up his own mess. I know that is just more work for you after, but it makes a point. I am just saying this because I have 5 kids. And I have learned that they will get away with whatever they can. It is laziness, usually. Sometimes it is spiteful. But at the end of the day, no one really wants to clean poop.

[Nikki Epperson]

Has he ever gone for an extended period without "accidents?" If he has, you really need to find the root reason behind why he's messing himself now. Any big changes in your family/life lately? Did he recently start school, gain a sibling, lose a close family member? Lots of kids regress for a multitude of reasons.

IMO, punishment is never the answer in regards to toileting issues. A friend of mine tried that with her son (including the diaper thing...though that does work for SOME kids) and it made things 100x worse for everyone involved. He went from the occasional "accident" to purposely smearing feces on the walls because he was being punished. Try talking to Colton to see if there's something going on. If he's not feeling stressed about anything, make sure it's not medical. Some kids truly cannot tell when they need to/are going to have a bowel movement.

Most importantly, keep in mind that he is still young. Many average, every day, ordinary kids aren't in full control of their bladder/bowels at 5.

He's never gone for long periods of time without an accident :( He had me fooled for a bit, but I found a stash of undies in his room that all had poo in them. He was emptying it in the toilet himself (ewwww) and then getting on the toilet and yelling "I poooooooped" and getting all the ooohs and aaaahs I'd shower on him.
There hasn't been any change here except he started school everyday instead of 2 times a week but this has been consistent since he started potty training.
I'd say that it's his age and he doesn't know, but he stands in his room or like I said, in the bathroom to do it. So idk what else to do for the problem. :(

[Leila]

Changing to a 5 day a week school schedule is a pretty big deal to such a young child. Honestly, if he's never gone for long without "accidents," it sounds like he's just not fully trained yet. Start working that potty learning magic again, Mama! :)

[Nikki Epperson]

But at the end of the day, no one really wants to clean poop.

yes, this is my problem! I'm tired of cleaning undies and having to throw them b/c they are just sooooooo stained.

:(

It's just frustrating. My oldest boy and my stepdaughter did not do this.

[Sarah8914]

I wish I knew what to tell you. Everything I have read says not to punish but I don't quite understand it. my daughter (almost 4) doesn't have poop accidents anymore but she has other accidents a little too often.

I don't know if this will work for him--since you have bribed him--but for our daughter, we said if she pooped on the toilet 5 times with no accidents of any kind in between or we start over--we'd have a party. She could stay up "late" with mom and dad, watch a movie and have popcorn and ice cream. That was enough incentive for her (eventually.....). Good luck.

[Nikki Epperson]

Thanks girls. Maybe I can whip up a potty "schedule" or something with Heather's Big Boy Now kit and he can mark on there when he goes in the potty.

I'm not sure what will help at this point. Both of us are VERY tired of each other by the end of the day when he has an accident.

[Tracyfish]

L.J. is almost 3-1/2 so not quite as old as C, but I have the same problem. I have to literally see it in his face that he has to go and make him walk in and sit on the potty to go. Otherwise, it's in the underwear. We have tried everything you have with only a few successes over the past 6 months where he actually did it without being asked.

Everyone says that it takes time and to just let him do it in his own time so I am trying to be patient, but darn it, it's frustrating when you know that they know they have to go and yet still don't do it in the right place.

[Nikki Epperson]

Exactly and for him to be almost 5! I'm terrified he'll be in all day school next year doing it if I don't get it under control now. He only goes for 2 1/2 hours right now.

[crystalbella77]

Girl...I don't really know. :( I am soooo sorry though!!!

when Gabe was being trained, no matter what, every half an hour I took him into the bathroom and just made him sit down whether he had to go or not. If he would just sit there I would load on the praise and then he would get down and we would do that every half an hour until he finally did something. He wasn't in school yet though. :(

I hope that you can find something that works!!!! {{BIG HUGS}}

[HeatherKS]

I wish I could give you some advice, but Corbin still has problems and she's 6. She is finally night-trained (I thought that was NEVER going to happen) but she still has accidents periodically through the day. We tried everything as well - punishment, rewards, positive reinforcement, you name it. *sigh* The big accidents are getting fewer and farther in between but they still happen. Her biggest problem is that she gets so involved in whatever she's doing that she just doesn't want to take the time to stop and go. It's so frustrating. I try to watch her at home and I can finally tell the signs of when she needs to go and then I tell her to get it done. I can't do that at school but she generally does pretty well there. But I can't tell you how many pairs of undies we've thrown out. :(

Sorry this got so long but I just wanted you to know that I know exactly what you're going through and how frustrating it is. *hugs*

[Nikki Epperson]

Thanks Heather! It helps that someone understands, but doesn't make it any easier on either of us, huh???

[lauren grier]

just keep at it hun.. it'll get through to him.. I dunno if this will make you feel any better lol.. but when my brother was lil kindergarten age I think or even 1st grade.. he was still having poo issues.. and I remember walking home from the bus stop with him (it was at the corner of our road) and he poo'd his pants. He was soo embarrassed (and I felt bad and washed his pants for him and cleaned him up.. LOL I was a good kid :p haha ew!). Anyway.. poo was just hard for him to get a handle over.. That incident was the last one though, he was sooo embarrassed and it finally clicked with him. I'm not telling you to purposely try to embarrass your kid LOL.. but jsut saying he will get it.

[Nikki Epperson]

I hope so! I'm just at a loss because I seriously looked down the hall and he's just standing there doing it -- in the bathroom, but of course at the counter.

lol, I'm having a bad mommy day. Maybe I need to shop.

[Nikki Epperson]

lol, or call it a day and go to bed!

[meems]

I feel for ya. Potty training is no fun. Is there any possibility he is afraid of sitting on the toilet?

Does he go at certain times? Just wondering if maybe you could try to anticipate and have him sit on the toilet at regular times?

He WILL get it eventually.

[Nikki Epperson]

He's very random with his poo schedule. LOL, sometimes it's first thing in the morning -- it's just random.

Thanks Mimi!

[tuneskids]

I have the exact opposite problem with Quin (although he is only three). He will poop on the potty, no problems, will not even think of going in his undies or his pull-up (night time and any car trips, etc) ... but he doesn't think twice about peeing in them. Ugh.
As for making sure I know he's pooping in the potty and not his pants ... I don't let him have the privilege of shutting the door all the way when he is in there, and I make sure to stand outside the door where he can't see me, so I know he isn't playing around in there. (the kids have all had an obsession with playing with the shampoo, toilet paper, toothpaste, etc when unsupervised at this age).

eta: I also have a bucket of gummie bears on the shelf in the kitchen, which are just for him when he does go poop on the potty. I used to give them to him for every bathroom trip, no matter what, but I don't give them to him for peeing (although I am thinking I should do it again. lol But it seemed every two minutes he was running in there, and tinklin' just a little bit and wanting a treat. hehee).

[Nikki Epperson]

(the kids have all had an obsession with playing with the shampoo, toilet paper, toothpaste, etc when unsupervised at this age).

This totally does NOT go away! lol

[lacidock]

My oldest is 2 1/2 and I am starting to potty train...I don't have any advice but wanted to wish you luck!

[Nikki Epperson]

Thanks so much girls! I really appreciate your helpful words and encouragement! I so needed it!

[Laura_A]

I know this sounds really mean... and I don't know if I'd have the heart to do it myself... but my cousin was in the same boat as you and had tried everything. She finally started putting her daughter in a pure cold shower for a minute when she'd poo her pants. It worked very quickly as you can imagine... but, she was very consistent. Didn't give in once (I think she had to do it 3 or 4 times)... I think that's key with whatever approach you take.

Good luck!

[lizzyfizzy]

nikki!!! i don't really know what to offer up in the way of advice so i'll just offer hugs and the statement that you are not a failure as a mother!! if i hear of any sure fire thing i'll give you a heads up! (((HUGS!!)))

[Nonna2Dreja]

Nikki, My youngest sister had a similar problem with my niece....She would hold it 'til she just could not hold it anymore and in the end poop her pants....I will ask her how she dealt with it to see if it offers you any help....

[newfiemountiewife]

I am so sorry. Rae was late learning the poop part, she learned the pee part pretty quickly. She was only 3 though. I kind of just put up with it until she learned, but again, she was much younger. At almost 5, I would tend to be more of a hard ass, put the kid back in diapers, especially if he knows better. He obviously does if he was hiding underwear from you, kwim?

Regardless, whatever you do, be consistent. I'm sorry you're still dealing with it, poopy underwear is gross, and it's much easier to do a diaper or pull ups. I can imagine your frustration. I'd be ripping my hair out.

[Nikki Epperson]

Thank you girls! I've feeling better this morning, so hopefully Colton and I will have a better day :)

[mlewis]

Camden did this (at almost 5) when Rory came home. He wasn't punished the first several times, but when it became almost a habit then we started really monitoring what he drank and made a big deal out of it as well as setting the timer and sending him to the bathroom every 30 minutes. He did not like all the extra trips and stopped with the accidents about a week after we started it. I felt like it was a fairly good compromise because we weren't exactly punishing him , but we were making him do something that he wasn't fond of either (all the extra trips to the bathroom).

[Winter Ivy]

My SIL is going through the exact same thing with my niece who will be 5 in November. My niece is an extremely strong willed child and does "defiance" poops when she is mad at her parents and she pees when she is playing and doesn't want to break for the bathroom. When I have babysat her she goes to the bathroom just fine. She only does it to her parents, so I don't know what's up w/ that. So you are not the only one with an almost 5 y/o that poops his pants. I hope it starts to click for him soon.

-Diana

[gypsystar]

I feel for you (hugs)! Tristan turned 4 in July and he still has accidents. He was really resistant to training. We had been using pullups for a quite a long time but he treated them just like diapers. Finally at the beginning of the summer, I took away the pullups completely and that did seem to help. He had no problem with peeing in the potty but he still gives up problems with poop accidents. His last one was about a week and half ago he pooped his pants at the park and we had to leave and come home. That was pretty traumatic for him. He LOVES the park more than anything and having to come home after only 45 minutes just about killed him! I've suspected he doesn't want to stop playing to go to the potty. It's been really frustrating. I'm just crossing my fingers that our incident at the park was enough to get him to stop pooping in his underwear!

[lovely1m]

I would consider taking him to the doctor to have him checking out. My niece was still peeing the bed at night at that age and finally at like 7, my sister took her to the doctor and she had some pills that helped her. Now the youngest niece is having the same issues.

[amystoffel]

We are having the same thing here. Jake has been going in the potty for a long time and all the sudden he keeps peeing his pants. He told me he wants to be little again....???? So even when we go there with the "big boys and babies talk" he says he wants to be a baby.

[scrapperjade]

Bree had huge issues with Mason. He pooped his pants until just before kindergarten and she and her DH had tried EVERYTHING. They talked to the doctor and he had all sorts of answers and suggestions for them.

One of the huge things was that it hurt. Because he was on a lot of meds for his cancer, it constipated him, poor little man. He chose to do it standing up because it hurt LESS for him. Frustrating yes, but understandable. Then I think it got to be a habit, and the doctor said it was a control issue. As in, Bree took him to the hospital 1x a week, where he'd get blood tests, poked, prodded, sometimes lumbar punctures and mini-surgeries, things he had NO control over. He didn't want them happening yet they didn't give him the choice.

Well pooping he HAD a choice over. He could CHOOSE to do it in the potty or in his undies. FINALLY it clicked with him when he was going to start kindergarten. He had been so excited to go to school since he was like 2! Bree just told him that the teachers wouldn't clean him up and would send him home and he wouldn't be allowed to go to school if he was pooping in his pants. That was pretty much all that did it. He chose to go to school, and chose not to poop his pants anymore.

Maybe your little guy is having control issues too? Sorry I'm not much help. I'm dreading the day pt starts in my house... yikes!

[Penny Springmann]

Nikki, I am so there with you. PW turned 4 this week and it is a constant battle. He always tries to hold his poop in and then hides in the bathroom until he has it "held in" and then comes out, "No, I didn't need to go"

We have accepted this is how it is right now. We totally encourage him to sit on the potty, give him books to read, etc. but he is stubborn and doesn't like poop, so he doesn't want to poop. He also has a very limited diet - he is SO picky - he refuses to eat any veggies, fruit, or meat except bacon and chicken nuggets. He lives on noodles, yogurt, rice, peanut butter, and carbs. So his diet totally doesn't help the issue!

I don't know how to help but you are not alone!!!!

[mummytothree]

I think it's one of two things...I think I read (sorry it's along thread :D) that he has never gone an extended period of time with out accidents right? If that's the case it sounds "medical" to me and I'd schedule a trip to the doctors. He may just not feel that urge or his muscle just might not be "strong" enough.

The second is what Jaedyn suggested...he has very little control over the things in is life, but by god he can control where he poops and since he knows it drives you up the wall to poop in his pants that is exactly where he is going to do it!!

And neither of those things are your "fault" and make you a failure as a mother so stop beating yourself up girl!!! My advise....take a trip to the doctor's first...if everything checks out fine then start ignoring him and his poop accidents....if he know they are no longer a big deal then he will stop. Just strip him down, wipe him up and re dress him. Wash the undies or throw them out (which ever is easiest) all with out saying a word to him...I mean really just IGNORE him. Pretty soon when he puts 2 and 2 together and he know he can't get a reaction out of you he will stop.

Big hugs sweetie....BIG GIANT HUGS!!!!