NSBR: girl advice needed!

[amystoffel]

Okay....I've been thinking about this all weekend and I still don't know what to do...

On Saturday night myself, my DH and a group of his friends went out and saw a band. I know all of his guy friends REALLY well. They are like a group of brothers to me. One of them is always a really big flirt...with anything female. It's just how he is, his wife knows it and it doesn't bother her.

In 5 years, I have never seen him cross the line. And I see this guy almost every other weekend.

He kissed a girl on Saturday.

Now I don't know his wife real well, so I don't know if it's my place or not. As soon as I saw it happen I told Brandon and he confronted his friend and told him that wasn't cool. But I feel like his wife shoiuld know...

Do I say something to her? Or is it not my business? She isn't a friend of mine...but I'm feeling wierd about it.

[cheltzey]

Honestly, if she's not a friend of yours, I wouldn't say anything. She might actually lash out at you, since you don't have a relationship. I would ecourage DH to get his friend to tell her himself. But if he doesn't want to do that, I'd let it drop. That sucks. Guys can be pigs (sorry, Aaron!).

[LeeAndra]

Nope, don't do it. I know you have good intentions, but if you don't know her well, it will just cause drama. She will either not believe you and think you misinterpreted what happened, since he's known to be a flirt, or that you are trying to cause a ruckus because you want him OR they will get in a big fight when she confronts him on something that may or may not be okay with them or rather harmless and they will blame you and possibly end their friendship with your DH.

Your DH did confront his friend with the news. I think that's the best you can do at this point.

Men suck sometimes.

[heatherdumas]

Oh God Amy! which do you prefer? The rock..or the hard place? She is no friend of yours, sure. But would you want to know? WHat is it going to cost you to piss this guy off? And in the end, they always hate the messenger. I have been in this position many times. I always choose the truth. But it doesn't make me popular. It does make people around me aware that no secret is safe with me. I don't like the position.
I am not saying I run and tattle. But if asked, I would never lie.

[ColleenSwerb]

I'm with LeeAndra.

[Darcy Baldwin]

Amy - I think your DH confronting him was the right course of action. Then the friend can decide how he wants to go with it. Your DH is holding him accountable, and was the right thing to do.

[Joan]

Nope, don't go there. It'll bring no end of grief for you, and probably do little to help them.

[Paula]

If you aren't close to her, then I wouldn't say anything.

[CA Dreamer]

I think it was Ann Landers, or Abby who always said that you shouldn't say anything on the grounds that his wife may already know and need to come to terms with the situation herself. I think you did the right thing by telling your DH and that he spoke to him about it. Good luck. I know, these situations just make you feel icky inside.

[amystoffel]

i think it's my own personal ick factor that is wierding me out...and the fact that i would want to know. but you guys are right about drama...i don't want any part of that. the truth always has a funny way of coming back on people anyway. yuck.

[melmos75]

I'm not sure what to tell you. My Dad cheated on my mom and everyone knew about it but her. When she found out and found out that everyone knew, she felt like poo. She really wished that someone would have said something.

On the other hand - since you are not close to her - it could cause lots of drama and make you the bad person - aaaaand, she may not truly believe you since she doesn't know you all that well. Is there anyone else that was there, saw it and is closer to her to bring it up. She has a right to know - I would want to know but I'm not sure how I would take it coming from someone I don't know and trust.

Sorry, I'm not much help.

[DawnMarch]

No. You started by saying that these are DH's guy friends. His loyalty is to his friend and I don't think you should break that by telling his friend's girlfriend. If she were your friend, it would be a different matter.

ETA: Think about if it were you. Just for the sake of argument: Let's say you were out with your girlfriends, and you got very drunk and did something really stupid like kissing another guy. Would you want your girlfriend's boyfriend (who you don't really know very well) to go and tell your boyfriend about it!? Wouldn't you be furious at both your girlfriend and her boyfriend?

[kscwgirl]

Nope, don't do it. I know you have good intentions, but if you don't know her well, it will just cause drama. She will either not believe you and think you misinterpreted what happened, since he's known to be a flirt, or that you are trying to cause a ruckus because you want him OR they will get in a big fight when she confronts him on something that may or may not be okay with them or rather harmless and they will blame you and possibly end their friendship with your DH.

Your DH did confront his friend with the news. I think that's the best you can do at this point.

Men suck sometimes.

yes, this. I wouldn't say anything to her.

[jessica31876]

I would keep it to myself. Ive been there and my experience is that if you tell it backfires and you are usually to blame either way.

[newfiemountiewife]

Ditto LA. She said just what I was going to.

[my3hens]

Goodness babe what a crappy position to be in. I think it goes to show what a great person you are for really letting this weigh on you and I have no clue what I would do but I am leaning with those that said that I may consider keeping it to myself. Im no help at all though cause Im totally wishy washy with this stuff. I see both sides and I really feel sad for the wife.