S/O 'Once When I Was Pregnant, I...'

[LeeAndra]

Amy reminded me of this in Nikki's weird food quirks thread. As you might imagine, I find these threads fascinating these days. :)

Please complete the sentence, 'Once when I was pregnant, I...' Bonus points if your story is absolutely hysterical or nauseatingly disgusting. Two points if it's BOTH. I want to hear abt it!!

[If you are so inclined, you can read the 13+ page thread (http://www.twopeasinabucket.com/mb.asp?cmd=display&thread_id=1395362&pg=1) like this over at 2Peas. I laughed so hard I almost hurt myself.]

ETA: I'll take weird food, crying fits, dumb arguments with your DH, incontinence/vomit stories, illogical fears and beliefs... anything ya got. :)

TIA, ladies!

[ColleenSwerb]

I have none to share, obviously, but I am DYING at the 2peas thread! LOL!

[amystoffel]

Do you want just food...because I did something that was soooooooooooo embarassing....and funny.

[LeeAndra]

I'll take weird food, crying fits, dumb arguments with your DH, incontinence/vomit stories, illogical fears and beliefs... anything ya got. :)

[amystoffel]

Okay, here is my story.

So I'm pregnant. And not just slightly pregnant, like super giant huge 7 months + pregnant. I'm getting ready for work, and I guess I got distracted, and somehow ended up on the computer myspacing.

There is a knock at the door.

It's a little old man, from the town we live in and he is handing out flyers about the pipe change and blah blah.

I thought he was a strange man. Wouldn't look me in the eye. Seemed sort of nervous.

I finish myspacing and realize, I need to finish getting ready for work.

I go in the bathroom and look in the mirror.

























I am only wearing a bra and underwear. Very nice. Applause please. And lemme tell ya...I didn't have one of those cute little still skinny with a bump, preggo bodies. Oh no. I ate, a lot. And it was 4 billion degrees, and I retained a lot of water.

[AnnieBananie]

Once when I was pregnant, I was so famished, I ate 3 Big Macs... then, when the inevitable happened and I puked them all up... I was craving Big Macs again so I went and had 1 and a half more.

:blink:

[AnnieBananie]

Oh and with DS, I bent down to get something and peed... everywhere.

:o

Luckily I was at home and not out in public.

[lizzyfizzy]

'Once when I was pregnant, I...sharted.'

:D:D:D

no really...i don't remember this kind of stuff. bummer huh?

[lizzyfizzy]

OH MY GOSH!!!!!!

amy!!! i am rolling!!!!!! i would've paid to be there...paid. :D:D:D:D:D

[amystoffel]

OH MY GOSH!!!!!!

amy!!! i am rolling!!!!!! i would've paid to be there...paid. :D:D:D:D:D

you would have paid me to put some clothes on. it wasnt cute AT ALL

[dballance]

LMAO
With my DS (and my first) I was about 8.5 months pregnant and got stranded in the big garden tub that we had. I couldn't get up, so I had to keep refilling it with warm water until my exhubby came home from work about 4 HOURS later. He laughed at me for years over that one.

I craved Subway turkey subs on wheat with lettuce and pickles and mustard with him. That was all I could stand to eat without puking. We would order trays of it to save on the trips to the nearest Subway which was about 15 miles away.

With my 3 year old I craved toasted pimento cheese sandwiches all the time, grossed everyone around me out LOL.

[Voodoo_Bryn]

**dying over here**
never heard the word shart before, that is HIL-AIR-IOUS
(I wish it were true)

Okay... so I was a major CLUTZ when I was preggo with Yorick. I was about 7 months pregnant and we went to Vegas to meet Josh's grandfather for the first time at Thanksgiving, so the whole huge family was there. We walked in the door, and of course I had to pee really bad, I didn't see the step down into the living room and everyone was SO excited to meet the new girl, and preggo to boot. So everyone turned around to look at who Josh had brought home... he says, "Everyone! I'd like you to meet..." he places his hand on the small of my back (we were walking in) and I missed the step so it looked like he shoved me down that stair, I grab the coat tree on my way down to catch my fall, so it flew with me and tossed everyone's coats onto the heavily food laden Thanksgiving buffet table, I landed on all fours and promptly peed everywhere.

I couldn't make this up.

Josh about died, and I started laughing so hard I farted and then laughed so hard about that... I dissolved into the preggo laugh/cry thing, where you can't even breathe and just bizarre alien noises come out of your throat.

I have NEVER been back since.

[ColleenSwerb]

Omgggggggggggg Bryn I am DYING! LOL!

[mummytothree]

'Once when I was pregnant, I...sharted.'

:D:D:D

no really...i don't remember this kind of stuff. bummer huh?

This did happen to me...only I guess it wasn't a true shart....it was more like I just rolled over in bed and crapped myself!!! :o In my defense I had just been in the hospital for dehydration (from puking my guts up for 6 weeks) and had had about 6 bags of saline pumped into me!!! :blink:

[Amber1279]

let's see .... with child #1 I went to the hospital thinking they were going to send me home because I thought for sure it was false labor. I ate a Whopper w/ cheese. They kept me and I ended up in full blown labor not that long afterwards. At one point I was hurting and in the middle of a contraction I turned to my Ex-DH and threw up that whopper ALL over him. Good Times!

with Child #2 there was a lot more ....

I didn't step right going down the stairs on my porch and I broke my foot. Ended up with a big purple cast & on crutches. I had HORRIBLE morning sickness, I was put in the hospital TWICE because of it. At one point I was at home, cast on one foot, IV in my hand, still on crutches, STILL throwing up. I asked my Ex-DH to get me something to drink and he said "Only one foot is broken, get up & get it yourself" yeah - he was a nice guy :(

[lizzyfizzy]

you would have paid me to put some clothes on. it wasnt cute AT ALL

i would've passed out from laughing so hard. poor poor little man.

[kscwgirl]

I was just basically stupid with both kids. Pregnancy made me stupid. It was not good. LOL

[lizzyfizzy]

**dying over here**
never heard the word shart before, that is HIL-AIR-IOUS
(I wish it were true)

Okay... so I was a major CLUTZ when I was preggo with Yorick. I was about 7 months pregnant and we went to Vegas to meet Josh's grandfather for the first time at Thanksgiving, so the whole huge family was there. We walked in the door, and of course I had to pee really bad, I didn't see the step down into the living room and everyone was SO excited to meet the new girl, and preggo to boot. So everyone turned around to look at who Josh had brought home... he says, "Everyone! I'd like you to meet..." he places his hand on the small of my back (we were walking in) and I missed the step so it looked like he shoved me down that stair, I grab the coat tree on my way down to catch my fall, so it flew with me and tossed everyone's coats onto the heavily food laden Thanksgiving buffet table, I landed on all fours and promptly peed everywhere.

I couldn't make this up.

Josh about died, and I started laughing so hard I farted and then laughed so hard about that... I dissolved into the preggo laugh/cry thing, where you can't even breathe and just bizarre alien noises come out of your throat.

I have NEVER been back since.

OH MY GOSH!!!!!! I AM CRYING OVER HERE...like laughing so hard, i can't breathe or see the computer screen. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!

it hurts to laugh this hard.


and yes. shart: trying to pass gas only to find you have a little turtle head that wants out. shart. s.h.a.r.t.

[iJenny]

O.M.G. Bryn, I seriously peed a little from laughing at your story. That is priceless!!!!!


I was/am a total klutz too. I missed a step outside when I was pregnant with Cam and broke my foot. I went to the doc who gave me crutches, took one look at me falling all over myself trying to use them, and gave me a walking cast. He said, "you're gonna break your other foot on those crutches". lol

[nikkiARNGwife]

DH and I enrolled in childbirth classes and it was near the end of my first pregnancy so I was HUGE. We were doing the "quiet meditation" thingy where you have to sit on the floor and do the breathing and stuff...It was soo quiet in this room full of about 20 couples and DH, who thought it was all stupid anyway, said something funny in my ear and I snorted...like not a cute little snort...like a huge, swollen nose, airway blocked at the end of pregnancy, sounding like a man snort and then I got tickled b/c I was so embarrassed that I couldn't stop laughing and DH was laughing which made it worse...and before I knew it I'd peed all over myself AND HIM!! lol

Yeah..we didn't go back after that lol

[AnnieBananie]

This did happen to me...only I guess it wasn't a true shart....it was more like I just rolled over in bed and crapped myself!!! :o In my defense I had just been in the hospital for dehydration (from puking my guts up for 6 weeks) and had had about 6 bags of saline pumped into me!!! :blink:
LOL I did this right after I had DS... whilst on their stool softeners and whatnot. Not pretty. Thank GOD DH was at work when it happened.

[AnnieBananie]

Oh and LMAO @ Bryn and Nikki's stories!

[mommabear0408]

When I was almost 9 months pregnant with DS, hubby and I were grocery shopping. I sneezed, and then felt a large "gush" of liquid in my undies. I told my hubby "I think my water just broke" and I went to the ladies room to investigate...

Turns out had I just peed my pants. In the grocery store. We ended up picking up a package of Poise pads that trip. :p

[pewtertm]

OK, I'm laughing so hard that I'm crying and Rachel now wants to know what's wrong with her MaMa LOL.

Um...embarrassing PG story...I got a UTI when I was about 8 mos pregnant with Rachel...dr gave me antibiotics. Which of course caused an infection of a different sort, kwim? I was in the bathroom a good 15 minutes trying to use the Monistat (or whatever it was)...and I could NOT reach around my belly to do what I needed to do. DH comes in, do you need help? NO...I'm mortified...but 5 minutes later have to swallow my pride, lay on the bed, and let him put the meds in. He was very gracious about it, but it's definitely something I'll never forget.

Also had an incident with the rotoooter lady (ie nurse) who kept wiggling the needle in my arm looking for a vein...seriously, she wiggled around for a good 90 seconds...I passed out TWICE. Ended up in observation, then sent home...DH stopped at the Burger King drive-thru to get me an Icee and him some dinner...but I was NAUSEOUS. I ended up hanging my head out the car door and barfing all the way around the drive-thru lane. If I'd been the ppl behind us, I'd have lost my appetite.

[alansrock]

Once when I was pregnant with twin boys I made my DH go to 5 different grocery stores to find me the Nacho cheese Bugles that I was craving. We bought 2 bags of them and I only ate maybe 1/4 of one bag and that was it. Funny how cravings come and go just like that.

[Lukasmummy]

I will have to ask Mark and get back to you my pregnancies were all pretty much a blur of hospital appointments and being sick lol but I am a major klutz so there's bound to be some embarassing stuff I just don't remember lol.

[sczos911]

With Evie I was craving pumpkin pie in the middle of summer. We're talking July. I sent him all around town looking for one. Seriously. A frozen pie would not due. Fresh. He finally found one at a little tiny bakery/corner store. Mind you, we've been off and on the phone telling me the different pies they had... He comes home, happy as can be, pie in hand. Sets it down in front of me.



I calmly say - where's the cool whip?

Out he goes again. In search of cool whip.


Patient, patient man.

[AnnieBananie]

With Evie I was craving pumpkin pie in the middle of summer. We're talking July. I sent him all around town looking for one. Seriously. A frozen pie would not due. Fresh. He finally found one at a little tiny bakery/corner store. Mind you, we've been off and on the phone telling me the different pies they had... He comes home, happy as can be, pie in hand. Sets it down in front of me.



I calmly say - where's the cool whip?

Out he goes again. In search of cool whip.


Patient, patient man.
Awww :wub:

My husband adamantly refused to ever go searching for the stuff I craved... so I ended up hauling my big ass around town on my own at 3am :glare:

[sczos911]

This is a birth story, but funny to me –
Again. With Evie. I was HUGE. All tummy – I could wear my normal jeans all pregnancy. Evie was a huge baby – estimated 9 pounds 3 oz, born 9 pounds 6 oz. I’m in the hospital, my water breaks – or so I thought – just a tiny bit and birth is progressing. I’m starting to get uncomfortable. I’m at a 5/6 and decide, I should get my epi before it’s too late. Epidural doc is called. He finally shows up as I am progressing & the contractions are getting worse. He sends my DH out of the room – I started crying. With Jillian, he stayed and held my hands steady. I’m starting to freak out a bit, my nurse, Tiff, says, “I’ll stay with you and hold your hands.” I settle down and accept all the while the epi doc is getting more and more annoyed with me (he’s and arse). So he instructs me to swing my legs of the side of the bed and be very.very.still. Alright. I start to swing my legs over the bed, Tiff is helping me, I suddenly have THE STRONGEST CONTRATION and my water proceedes to REALLY break. Imagine a pilates ball filled with water and dropped on the ground – yeah. The water rushes out, splashes the floor, starts towards the door….puddles under the bed…..hits the epi docs shoes, drenches Tiff from the waist down…my bed is completely soaked…my gown is drenched. Tiff and I are frozen in silence. The epi doc is annoyed and asks me to swing my legs over & sit up straight. I do. Then I start laughing. And contracting and the water is STILL COMING OUT. I’m laughing so hard I am crying. The epi doc is telling me to hold still. Tiff is laughing. Nurses are opening the door wondering where the flood is. We are laughing hysterically. The epi doctor is annoyed. I finally settle down, still contracting, still leaking water. He gets it in. He leaves. Tiff manuvers me around to change my sheets and my gown and clean up the floor. She leaves to change and Andy comes back. When Tiff comes back, her & I are retelling the story and just laughing so hard we are crying.

Evie is born not more than 2 hours later.

And guess what.

The epidural FAILED. I felt EVERYTHING. He was called back to give me more, but it was too late & he came as Evie was coming. I yelled at him profusely and used every profanity I could come up with. He slowly backed out of the room. We never got billed for my epidural – “insurance” covered it all.

[Traci Reed]

LMAO!!! These are hilarious!

I had the weirdest things happen to me when I was pregnant with Karsten. I was terrified of crowds with both kids so I couldn't go to the grocery store by myself or anything.

One time I had a man offer to be my baby's daddy (I had no wedding ring at the time). I was walking through a parking lot and he just comes up to me and asks if I need a father for the baby...er. no. thanks.

I STILL laugh so hard I'll start sobbing. That started when I was pregnant..LOL.

I er..pushed stuff out the wrong hole when I was in labor..LMAO..that was awful.

And the BEST story, I punched my nurse. In the face. While she was delivering my baby. Yup. I was hysterical cuz i had no epidural and was in pain. She got in my face screaming at me to calm down cuz Karsten was in distress but she was REALLY rude about it and it was all I could take so I just socked her. She left the room and never came back. *snort* I'm still happy I did that. Mean me.

[Megan Turnidge]

Man, I have no fun/embarassing stories.... that I can remember. These are all hilarious though!!

[pewtertm]

LMAO!!! These are hilarious!
I er..pushed stuff out the wrong hole when I was in labor..LMAO..that was awful.

That's pretty common...I've heard enough L&D nurse stories...they say have an ENEMA before...wish I had...took me days before I could go to the bathroom again after having R...my system was that messed up.

Rachel, on the other hand, didn't have a problem...as soon as she came out of the birth canal, she sprayed that new baby poo all over the doctor. I was laying there relieved that it was all over (43 hrs in labor), so I missed it, but DH got a good view of the splat LOL.

[scrapperjade]

OMGoodness, these are SO funny!!! I didn't do anything worth remembering... I don't know its thats a good or sad thing, lol!

Bryn, your story had me laughing so hard, DH had to come see what was up, so I read it to him and could barely read the last of it I was laughing so much. DH had a good laugh too, haha!

[Voodoo_Bryn]

The worst part of that story...

I swear I can close my eyes... and see it in perfect slo-mo... I can even tell you what I was wearing... it was that memorable for me.

And there was no hiding the fart, it was just a huge ass explosion.

*Shakes head*... thankfully the only thing anybody ever really talks about at that Thanksgiving was the boyfriend Josh's cousin brought for the first time. He was this huge fat guy and he wouldn't eat any of our weird food... regular thanksgiving food... so he looked through Josh's step-grandma's fridge and found 3 1-lb blocks of cheese... so we had thanksgiving dinner... and this moron ate 3 lbs of cheese.

I'm sure they talk about my incident when I'm not around, lol

[krystalhartley]

Here's my post pregnancy, totally disgusting, TMI contribution to this thread...


First of all, both of my pregnancies were 9 months of puking (well...8 with Landon 'cause he came at 4 weeks early). I was in the hospital dozens of times. I have all kinds of puking stories...stories of freaking out the girls at church with my central line IV thingy "showing" when my shirt moved too much, the way the phenergan made me feel like I had to pee but nothing would come out and I'd still cart the IV machine to the bathroom every 5 minutes just 'cause I couldn't stand it...so many stories.

But...right after Avery was born...she was an emergency c-section after many hours of pushing (my pelvis is too small it turns out...wish I could say the same for my butt). I spiked a fever and had an allergic reaction to Lortab afterwards, so we were in the hospital a couple of extra days. When I finally got home, I still hadn't had a BM. I was terrified of busting my stitches, so I think it was psychological. Anyways, a few more days passed, and I still hadn't done my business...and it was getting painful. I had Michael pick up an enema for me, but that didn't do the job either.

Here's the really fun part. I got desperate and turned to my mom. She was a nurse who was currently a level III NICU nurse, but she had experience with all kinds of nursing responsibilities. I told her my problem and asked her...get this...to help solve my problem by reaching into my rectum and pulling it out. Isn't that the grossest thing you ever heard? Even though it was my mom, I was still mortified. It worked though!

Needless to say that I asked for stool softening pills the minute Landon was delivered. I was NOT going to repeat that business.



My less interesting story is that during one of my "exams" waiting for my c-section with Landon, a group of docs walked in to review my case, etc. I couldn't really see anything with my knees up in the air, but I heard my mom say, "Hi, Paul!" One of the docs was a friend from my teen years. And he got to see me in all my glory. Yay!

[ditzyscrap]

OK, so...funny story...mostly embarassing, though. When I was almost full-term with Mason, DH and I were trying EVERYTHING to get that baby out of me. Well, umm...we were doing the deed, and I had the big O, and it was umm...wet. It was the first time that had ever happened, lol...and I was sure that my water had broken.

So I had to call the hospital and tell them what happened...and then I had to go in to labor & delivery and have myself tested to see if it was indeed my water. It wasn't...but I had to tell the story like 10 times at the hospital...and DH had called his parents to tell them that I was going in...ugh...horrible!! :blink:

[Julie Billingsley]

Loving these stories! LOL :)

When I was pregnant with Logan, I got very nauseous when I would smell gasoline. So going to fill up the car was always a treat. I'd normally force Tom to go do it, but sometimes I'd forget until it was time to leave for work. In Oregon we can't pump our own gas, so an attendant HAS to do it. Normally it's just one guy manning the pumps and at time you can have quite the wait. So, I drive up and tell the guy that he will have to be fast with me or I'm going to get sick. He just rolls his eyes, starts the pump, and walks over to help another customer. I am sitting in the car with the windows up and trying to not smell the gasoline. I have my sweater or coat pressed to my face and everything. The nausea is just growing and I'm getting a little freaked. Hurry up guy!! The tank is full but the guy is just chatting with people. He needs to come over and take the hose out of the car. Nope... more chatting. Nausea... still building. Finally I can't take it, I fling open my door and it hits the guy and I puke right in front of him. Splatters his shoes and the bottom of the pump and everything. LOL He just stands there horrified and I snap at him to hurry or I'd do it again. Finally I get on my way, leaving that wonderful treat for all the other customers to enjoy. Ick!

But let me say, the next time I came to get gas, the guy was SO FAST! :) LOL

[jessica31876]

I do have one but it is so embarrassing...involves me being examined by a doctor who was like substituting for my regular doctor because my doctor was out on a delivery I think. My doctor was this elderly man who was kinda like grandfatherly looking who I had seen with my first two kids and I had came back for my last. I liked him alot and trusted him completely...but this new doctor on the other hand was soooooo cute. Blonde hair, blue-eyes...tan kinda like a living Ken doll. So he tells me he needs to do a breast exam and when he does I kinda flinch and bust out laughing because I suddenly was ticklish EVERYWHERE!!! I was not expecting that because it had never occurred with any other doctor in my whole life I think I must have turned like five shades of red and he could not help but laugh. I was of course mortified. Im not sure what he was thinking I just could not wait to leave that office and was so thankful that he was not my real doctor no matter how adorable he was LOL

[lovely1m]

Jeez, these are cracking me up, some even out loud. I will have to ask my dh for some stories, he remembers the funny and embarressing stuff more.

One thing I do remember and he thinks is hilarious is I had been on bedrest for a couple of weeks and I went to the bathroom one night in the middle of the night. When I was getting back into the bed, I had one leg on the bed, my water broke all over the place and I immediately said, "Oh, s***. Oh, s***!" He thinks its so funny that swore right away. I am sure he will be able to come up with more.

[Stacey42]

I'm not sure this is so much funny as just weird & surreal...

Background, with both my pregnancies I had large ovarian cysts which burst & caused me a great deal of pain at around 7-9 weeks. The assumption on both occasions was I had a tubal pregnancy until the u/s showed them the truth.

So with the first pregnancy when the knifing agony of the cyst bursting hit me we dashed off to the ER freaking the heck out. They whisk me back to a room & announce they will do a vaginal u/s to check things out. They hand me what looks like a cross between one of those hand held blenders and a dildo, with what is apparently an extra large condom on it, and explain that because of pressure etc etc I need to insert & guide the thing as they direct. They help with the initial positioning and then kill the lights so they can see the machine readings. So, it's me, DH, a couple of doctors, a couple nurses, a u/s tech and some people I don't why they are there in a dark room with me moving around a giant dildo at their direction. Its like some medical porn movie or something. I look over at DH and he has this weird look on his face & in the dim light I don't know what it is but I know he's worried about me & the baby and I'm worried about me & the baby but the whole situation is so strange I really want to say something about low budget medical porn movies but everyone seems so worried & I think maybe I'm getting hysterical or something so I say nothing. A cyst is diagnosed, vaginal u/s machine is packed up and I'm sent home. In the car I tell DH was I was thinking and says "I was thinking the same thing but I didn't want to say anything because you looked so freaked out & worried."

15 months later we're back in a different ER, with the same situation and again the medical people are convinced its a tubal pregnancy. Out comes the vaginal u/s and the whole proceedure is repeated. Only this time I look at DH and know what he is thinking and we both burst out laughing and then feel really guilty because this could be a really serious thing but then we start laughing again when the doc tells me to move it a little to the right and we can't stop laughing.

Very very weird proceedure. 2 different hospital ERs, different sets of doctors,different tiems of day, exact same process. I don't know if that is normal or I just got lucky twice.

[scrapperjade]

I thought of one... it was really hilarious at the time, and I still laugh about it now, over a year later!

My water broke just after midnight when I was sitting crosslegged on my bed while DH brushed his teeth. I felt this little "whoosh" and my first thought was "But I already went pee!!", haha! Since the delivering hospital was over an hour away, and we'd already been in that day (and sent home, blah!), we decided to go to the hospital here in town to get checked to make SURE that my water had broken. So I'm sitting there on a bed, and I start giggling (I always do when I'm nervous). Well when I'd laugh, the water would gush... which felt really weird, like I was peeing my pants without being able to stop. It was such a strange feeling, and hte puddle around me was getting bigger, and the more I'd laugh. It was like hahaha (gushgushgush)... I found it hysterical and could NOT stop laughing!!! Then Dh and the nurses started laughing and that made it worse... the doctor finally came in, the table was drenched, I was almost in tears I was laughing so hard, and everyone had these big dorky grins on their faces. I think he thought we were all crazy!!

[amysum1]

OMG, I am dying laughing over here! I peed myself when I was preggers too. A couple times actually. But the best was when I was in labor and it came time to push. I pushed one time and um... pooted (tooted, farted, whatever you want to call it) and said, oh my gosh, sorry, sorry, I am so sorry, excuse me. I was bright red and so embarrassed because my dr.'s face was like right there, ya know? So, I couldn't get myself to push again because I didn't want to fart so my dr was yelling at me to just push and I would push a little but had my butt cheeks squeezed together. very ineffective for getting a baby out, let me tell you. So then he would yell at me and I would push a little and toot and then aplogize for 10 minutes, and then the same thing all over again. This went on for quite a while till my dr. finally said, "listen, just reach down and feel here" and I felt her head, so then I was like, oh who cares about farting, give me my baby and I pushed her out like woosh! I later asked my husband if I pooped at all and he said "well, a little." Humph! That was my biggest fear while I was pregant. I didnt want to poop while pushing out my baby! LOL! Now, I am like, God, what a dork I was!

[rachaelsscraps]

OMG! Great stories ladies!!!!

I'm laughing, but also horrified that some of these things might happen to me in the next few months!!! Luckily I didn't have to worry much about some bladder issues while pregnant with my son- he was born so early (9 1/2 weeks early!) and was so tiny (under 2 pounds!) that I didn't have any of the, um, leakage issues.... well, until a day or 2 after my C-section....

It was the first night home, and I hated stretching out straight in bed (in the hospital I kept the head-part up because my incision hurt Soooo Bad and I didn't want to lay down straight... well, needless to say, I woke up in the morning, totally numb from the pain, and my son's dad saying, "WTF? Did you p*** in the bed?!" (nice of him, huh?!) I had to get up (in severe pain yet partially numb & barely able to walk) and take care of it, while he just rolled over and went back to sleep...

(And get this, he had the gall to announce it to pretty much my entire family a few months later!!!) I was just relieved to find out it was normal to have that happen! (What a jerk of him, though, huh?! :cursing: )

So in a few months, I'll be having another C-section, only, this time I know what to expect!!! I'll be ready with supplies! Embarassing, but reality...

[SamaraGugler]

OMG!!! I laughed SOOOOO hard that I had to use my inhaler....

[Mandy]

I crapped on the delivery table. Twice. I don't mean, twice with one birth. I mean...two deliveries, I crapped on the table.
Once in front of DH.
He said I stunk up the delivery room. I didn't care. I just wanted it out.

The baby. Not the poo.
So be warned. Don't eat a heavy meal hours before having a kid. You'll be delivering a turd before a baby.

[Voodoo_Bryn]

The poo smell is nothing...
when I was pushing out Yorick, when it was all over and everyone was gone, DH was like, "Wow... nobody told me the whole room would smell like vagina."

He was gobsmacked.

[ditzyscrap]

The poo smell is nothing...
when I was pushing out Yorick, when it was all over and everyone was gone, DH was like, "Wow... nobody told me the whole room would smell like vagina."

He was gobsmacked.
Hahahahhaha...OMG, hahahahahaha.

[lauren grier]

lol thank you dear bryn.. for making me laugh uncontrollably twice in this thread.. lmao

[Mandy]

The poo smell is nothing...
when I was pushing out Yorick, when it was all over and everyone was gone, DH was like, "Wow... nobody told me the whole room would smell like vagina."

He was gobsmacked.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BWAHAHAHA OMG!!!!! *dying here*

[DawnMarch]

Well, mine's not too bad, but . . .

The first time my DH and I went to Canada we took a very romantic trip to a luxurious Inn there that is rated one of the best hotels in Canada and the restaurant one of the top in North America. BUT, when we went, the restaurant was closed for the week, so we missed out on all the food that all the magazines rave about.

So, we planned to go back a few years later, and this time we took his parents along to share our spectacular gourmet meal. Only, this time I was also pregnant. So, while the rest of the family revelled in the gloriously spectacular gourmet meal, I spent the evening kneeling on the floor of the very elegant ladies room praying to the porcelain god.

Someday, I really want to EAT at that d*mn restaurant.

[lauren grier]

oh and I have so many lovely barf stories..

like the time, I was driving home from work, and stopped and got myself a coolata, downed the whole thing.. then had the sudden urge to hurl on the highway, and barfed it all back up into the cup- thankfully it fit. gross.

or the time we went out to breakfast, I ate a huge meal.. then barfed all in their bathroom - they only had one stall- and the toilet clogged.. with my puke floating around.. and I had to walk back out and tell one of the waiters that it was backed up and apologized profusely for the vomit everywhere.

mmm. yes. I dont' miss that :p

[AnnieBananie]

When my mom had my baby sister (I was 19 and my mom's birth partner because her boyfriend at the time was "busy" glare)... her (my sis') head blocked most of the amniotic fluid so when the head came out, the doctor got SPRAYED with it! EVERYWHERE! It was dripping from his Ned Flanders mustache and everything. I was trying so hard not to laugh hysterically because my mom was mortified. Doc goes "That's the reason we wear face shields and gowns" ROFL!

[lovely1m]

Well, since every is sharing the poop on table stories, here's mine. When I went into labor, I had a fantastic nurse, she was seriously wonderful. When I was getting close, she had me start pushing. After a little bit, she jumped up and grabbed the paper I was on and kind of cleaned things up, I assumed I had pooed a bit, but she was staying the fantastic nurse and taking care of things without telling me and not embarressing me. Then before my son was born, she got off work and another nurse came in. She was not a great nurse, I mean she still did her job well, but she just wasn't the nurse the first one was. She hardly talked, didn't seem as into the whole thing. Later I asked my dh if I had pooed when the first nurse cleaned me up and he said, yes, a little bit. Then proceeded to tell me that I did again later with the second nurse (I was pushing for 2 hours) and she didn't clean it up for like 15 minutes. She just left it there. I was horrified and so embarressed then. I mean, seriously, why would she just leave it there?!?!

I also called the great nurse by the wrong name. In the middle of a contraction I called her Sara. It wasn't even close, though I asked after the contraction, wait, what was your name. lol

[KristinCB]

Well, gosh. This makes me feel so much better! haha. My story doesn't sound nearly as embarassing now :) I don't really remember much about my pregnancies. I hate HATE being pregnant so pretty much block those 9 months out of my life.

After I had Lily I went to have a shower while hubby went off to the nursery with the baby to get checked out etc. I can't remember why they all left me but they did. Anyways, before I got up to have the shower the nurse told me to just wait and she'd help me up, I didn't think she needed to, I felt I could do it myself (I had an epidural so my legs were still sorta numbish) anyways lol she wanted me to wait so that she could sorta stop all the blood and such taht was still left in me that proceeded to spill all over the floor as soon as I got up. oops

So then I go have my shower while thats all getting cleaned up and after I am done I am having a heck of a time getting those maternity panties put on as I still have a cathedar in. So I look out the door see who I think is a nurse and ask her if she could help me get dressed. She sorta looked at me funny but thats what they do right, they are nurses they deal with all kinds of things. So she comes over and helps me get dressed and thats all good. It was only a little while later where I finally clued into the fact that she was a janitor.. not a nurse. LOL

[lauren grier]

hahah kristin I just giggled @ the end

[Voodoo_Bryn]

me too, La, I giggled, too

I pictured the janitor from Scrubs, haha.

[scrapperjade]

My stomach hurts, and i have tears rolling down my cheeks!!! This thread is SO funny!!! Seriously La, your barfing your drink back into the cup made me laugh soooo hard!! Ouch, haha!

[Coila]

These are so funny! Pregnancy is so embarrasing!

I just have a couple that are kinda funny. My water broke at 3:00am and really badly. But it was on the toliet so that worked out well. I didnt want to call the doctor since it was so early so I told my husband I'd call later in the morning but he looked at me crazy like so I called. My doctor told me I had two options. 1. I could put a cork in it or 2. I could go to the hospital but he recommended option 2! He always made me laugh! He was a great doctor and the same one that delivered my husband in 1982. He retired last year though and won't be delivering my next baby :(

But once we get to the hospital my water seems like it broke all over again and I waddle into the birthing suites and the admitting girl called the nurses and told them she had a lady here who's water grossly broke. I knew what she meant but I was thinking it was pretty gross!

And the last little thing... after I got my epidural I ended up kicking my doctor in the face when they were flipping me over! Funny stuff

[Rae's World]

These are so funny!!! I am dying here!!! I wish I had some funny ones. BUt not really.

The bet one I have is when I was in labor with #2. He came in exactly 2hrs from the time I got to the hospital. It felt like a mac truck was trying to dive it's way out!!! Anyways, I was not able to get the epidural and it hurt sooo bad!! I was screaming, very loudly. I wanted to punch the nurse but i didn't, but I do remember them closing the door and someone saying that I was frightening the other first time mothers.

[clearskies]

A bite of KFC mashed potatoes. A couple of Skittles. A bite of KFC mashed potatoes. A couple of Skittles. Repeat.

...actually it sounds kinda good right now...

[pbumbaca]

I threw up every day for 9 months. But it was one of those sicknesses where I didn't always throw up I just had dry heaves most of the time so I didn't lose any weight. I actually gained a TON because if I ate constantly I didn't feel as sick. BUT I never knew if it was a false alarm or the real thing so they joked they would move my desk to the bathroom because I had to run there so many times during the day. Then finally a co-worker went on a trip, came back and hung an air sickness bag in my cube marked Pam's Pregnancy Survival Kit on it. LOL!

Then at the end when I was 2 weeks late and had to be induced after 24 hours of labor and throwing up through most of it they decided to wheel me into the OR for the C-section. I told them I needed something to throw up in and they said oh we'll get you something in the OR, we need everything steril in there. So we get in there and I say I'm gonna hurl and they can't find a bowl or anything so the nurse said, go for it. I puked all over the OR table and floor. So much for steril huh?

[Sari]

OMG!!! I laughed SOOOOO hard that I had to use my inhaler....

You and me both. :D:D This thread is a riot!

I had the same involuntary poo problem after having DD. Luckily I was at home at the time! These things are normal but nobody tells you that ahead of time!

This one is recent from having DS. While having him and doing the last final push that got him out, he came out so fast and hard that a huge gush of amniotic fluid shot out too and got my OB, DH and even reached as far as my neck! I was mortified but also had to laugh at the :blink: look on DH's face and the big jump he made to try to get out of the way. LOL

[jorgies5]

Oh, this is still very fresh on my mind since everything happened this month.

very familiar with sharts...

About a week before I delivered, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling two small gushes. I honestly couldn't tell if it was pee or amniotic fluid. So to be safe, I called my doctor and he told me to go to the hospital. I asked him if I could just wait until the morning and he said no. So I called my neighbor at 1:00 am to come over and stay with my kids. Long story short...it was not amniotic fluid and I had to come home and tell my neighbor she just lost 3 hours of sleep because I peed the bed.

And this was more embarrassing...after I delivered and was chilling on the bed while the doctor was sewing me up, I could hear this "popping" sound. It took me a few moments to realize it was me involuntarily letting them rip. I was mortified, especially since the doctor's face was right there. I don't know how the doctor kept a straight face the whole time, but I guess doctors probably see and hear it all.

[Paula]

Some of you have heard this, some haven't.

Picture it....a very eight month pregnant Paula in the waiting room of her OBs office. The night before, I had Mexican food that was GOOD but I am having pretty strong contractions.

The nurse calls me back to the room and when the doctor walks in, I start having a HUGE contraction. He says, "I think we ought to check if your dilating with these contractions." So, I get ready for the said procedure by stripping down and putting on those oh so lovely gowns that every doctor's office has. LOL

He comes back in, I get my legs in the stirrups, he goes down to check, and I let out the LONGEST and LOUDEST fart that I believe I ever did. I swear that baby must have been at least two minutes! LOL

So, once it's over he asks me if it's ok to check and I tell him yep, dying of embarrassment. So, he goes back down and guess what?? I DO IT AGAIN! LMAO

After the second time, he successfully determines that I was three centimeters dilated and 100% effaced, but his getting there was rather gross and MIGHTY stinky. LOL

[Priscilla]

about 2 weeks before my c-section, I stopped off and DH's office so he could come with me to my appointment and I went to pee and before getting on the toilet peed EVERYWHERE ... however I hadnt had ANYTHING to drink and it was crystal clear and odorless so I thought my water broke .. doc did a swab and all ... just pee

[nun69]

these stories are HYSTERICAL!!!

I think I lost some of my senses when I was pregnant with DS#1 {baby #2}....here is the story...
we were in a store called Auchan {in Sicily it is = to Wal-Mart}...but they have little stores on one side like a camera store, clothes store, nick nack shops, etc...so I tell DH and DD {7 at the time} I want to look at the cameras...but I really don't want to go in the store just to kind of "window" shop...well keep in mind the store front is completely glass from ceiling to floor...so I want to look at this particular camera that is on a shelf at the front of the store...I start to look a little closer and BAM, yep I smacked my head right on the glass...here is the best part..there is an Italian couple standing right next to us and they are not sure whether to laugh or not at the pregnant American girl, right....well, they turn and see DH and DD LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY and then they start busting out laughing...and too this day, I have NEVER heard the end of it from DD or DH and it has been over 8 years:p

[Priscilla]

BTT

anyone else?

[dabittymama]

Ok I am almost 8 months prego right now and reading all of these is going to make me pee my pants with laughter!!!!!!!!!!

With my first DD when I was still working full time as an ER nurse I puked all over a patient. In my defense he had just thrown up blood all over me...:blink:. We both felt pretty bad for eachother.

I also passed out at work once on a patient because I was so dehydrated from puking the night before and all morning. Its sad when she put the call light on so someone could come and get me...her nurse.

With #2 and #3 I hardly work so I've been good for both of them!!!

[CA Dreamer]

I have a friends story:

...My friend Lisa went to the mall to shop and when she went back to her car, she got in the passenger seat to wait for her husband. She waited and waited and was really getting ticked... then, she remembered that she drove herself to the mall! :p

[ditzyscrap]

Haha, I thought of another one...I can't remember which kid I was pregnant with, but it was probably Natalie.

So...I go into the lab for my monthly urine test, by then I was QUITE big and reaching around my belly to hold the cup was getting kinda difficult. Well anyway...I peed in the cup and then while trying to get the cup back out, I dropped it...IN THE TOILET. I was laughing so hard and had to go out and ask the nurses if I could still use it (obviously the answer was no). Worse was that I had to tell my MIL that we had to go out for coffee or something and then come back to the lab to do it again because I dropped the stupid cup. I'm sure all the people sitting in the lab didn't want to know that I dropped it, lol...how embarrassing!!