lizzyfizzy
03-28-2009, 07:06 PM
a long read, but worth every second. :D
so, you all are going to LOVE this. this is some email correspondence from a random dude at match dot com directed to my gorgeous sweet sister, sarah. btw...i didn't want to post his photo, but if cheech and peter (from family guy) had a strung out bald short love child that is what this dude looks like.
_______________________________________________
first email from the creepo. titled: Howdy.
Howdy. Thanks for takin' a look at my profile. What stands out about your profile: You're a solid Christian (that's what it sounds like to me) but you're also a balanced person who enjoys life. I'm looking for a Christian woman who I can lock-in with spiritually, run the race,
and look Heavenward, since Jesus is Coming Soon.
That said, I live life to the fullest, squeezing every drop out of life, and my cup of delicious darkoast coffee. Look, let's just be real here: My favorite foods include Mexican, Thai, Italian, Chinese, and Mexican. I love coffee, only the best coffee. I like my women like I like my coffee, but I'll save that for the next email (insert laugh here).
Hope you're enjoying Colorado's peaks God so beautifully sculpted and carved. You must be beautiful too, if only because He created the Rocky Mountains and you!
Maybe that was too flattering- I'm not Hitch, I'm a real, genuine guy.
Here's a fun question: What do you think of wining and dining?
If you read this, thanks. Sincerely, with blessings, -E.
and his second email after (mysteriously) not hearing back from my sister. hmmm...i wonder why? titled: We match 20 ways, if that matters.
We match 20 ways. That may mean something, or maybe not. Anyway, if my profile pictures are lame, I just uploaded a new one.
I don't have 18 friends taking pictures of me all the time, so, that's why I don't have at least (18) profile pictures, and why I signed up on match.com in the first place. I signed up in February '09, and have sent out maybe 30 or 40 winks. Low yield, I guess. I've always been a little hard on myself, but I can't figure why I haven't heard from any of you yet. I didn't think God allowed me to be born just so I could feel rejected by so many people, and live a pathetic life full of lonliness. I'm starting to get some crazy ideas about all you ladies.
I even let my friend and my sister! help me with my profile and "who I'm looking for".
One of the more possible things I am suspecting is that you females have absolutely *Ridiculous* ideas of what your "perfect" man is, and what he's going to offer you. (As for me, I'm not attracted to white women, but, at least I didn't limit body type to "trim super model" on what I'm looking for.) So, I'm being quite gracious. I'm enough of a Christian to know not to endanger myself foolishly with women other than Christian-Protestant and Christian-Other. I must end up with a gal who brings me closer to the Lord, and that's not asking too much. However, I'm starting to wonder just how "mean" some of you ladies are. Or maybe "cruel."
Sarah, I would much rather have you tell me what you don't like about me, and what's wrong with me, than never hearing from you.
I'm going to consider pitching a new TV commercial idea to match.com :
"Go ahead, it's okay to look, as long as you aren't planning on meeting anybody. And, if you're a guy who isn't perfect, forget it!"
So, maybe I got across to you how frustrated I am. I'm starting to have a better idea of how men become homosexuals. It's probably not their fault, but maybe it was because of some cruel, mean woman with unrealistic expectations of what a man should be. So, if I become a more pathetic man because of match.com, then I might as well cancel my subcription right now.
If you're reading this, then maybe you read this email. You're all just leaving me hangin'. As of now, about 20 or 30 eligible (Christian) bachlorettes are simply ignoring me.
Objectively, I can't see any reason why online dating wouldn't work,
as long as the people involved have some truth, honesty and character.
My venting is done. Hope you hate me more now. -E
and finally my beloved sister responds with this. titled: wow.
Oh dear. That was an intense e-mail. I'm sorry I didn't write you back as soon as you wanted me too. But ok here's why it won't work. #1 you live too far. #2 your too short. #3 your e-mails are too much for me. There ya go. You will find someone don't worry! But I don't think it's me.
Sarah
the creepers response. titled: Thanks for your honesty.
Thank you for being honest, and replying to my email. I am curious what a good email looks like. I won't go on with too much "Eriko apologetics" but I've spent much time in Colorado; Grand Junction 70 + times (family),
a summer in R.M.N.P, and eight months in Gypsum (I'm still holding on to my CO drivers license from that recent session) and a few other trips.
I know much of Colorado like the back of my hand, and want to return (permanently) as soon as possible.
Anyway, I won't bother with the "height" thing.
My email was charged with anger and frustration, so, sorry if there was too much of it concentrated at you. I should have sent the email to every one of my matches before jumping off a bridge. Thanks again for your honest reply. -E
and finally the end to the madness...my sister's final response.
your welcome!
so, you all are going to LOVE this. this is some email correspondence from a random dude at match dot com directed to my gorgeous sweet sister, sarah. btw...i didn't want to post his photo, but if cheech and peter (from family guy) had a strung out bald short love child that is what this dude looks like.
_______________________________________________
first email from the creepo. titled: Howdy.
Howdy. Thanks for takin' a look at my profile. What stands out about your profile: You're a solid Christian (that's what it sounds like to me) but you're also a balanced person who enjoys life. I'm looking for a Christian woman who I can lock-in with spiritually, run the race,
and look Heavenward, since Jesus is Coming Soon.
That said, I live life to the fullest, squeezing every drop out of life, and my cup of delicious darkoast coffee. Look, let's just be real here: My favorite foods include Mexican, Thai, Italian, Chinese, and Mexican. I love coffee, only the best coffee. I like my women like I like my coffee, but I'll save that for the next email (insert laugh here).
Hope you're enjoying Colorado's peaks God so beautifully sculpted and carved. You must be beautiful too, if only because He created the Rocky Mountains and you!
Maybe that was too flattering- I'm not Hitch, I'm a real, genuine guy.
Here's a fun question: What do you think of wining and dining?
If you read this, thanks. Sincerely, with blessings, -E.
and his second email after (mysteriously) not hearing back from my sister. hmmm...i wonder why? titled: We match 20 ways, if that matters.
We match 20 ways. That may mean something, or maybe not. Anyway, if my profile pictures are lame, I just uploaded a new one.
I don't have 18 friends taking pictures of me all the time, so, that's why I don't have at least (18) profile pictures, and why I signed up on match.com in the first place. I signed up in February '09, and have sent out maybe 30 or 40 winks. Low yield, I guess. I've always been a little hard on myself, but I can't figure why I haven't heard from any of you yet. I didn't think God allowed me to be born just so I could feel rejected by so many people, and live a pathetic life full of lonliness. I'm starting to get some crazy ideas about all you ladies.
I even let my friend and my sister! help me with my profile and "who I'm looking for".
One of the more possible things I am suspecting is that you females have absolutely *Ridiculous* ideas of what your "perfect" man is, and what he's going to offer you. (As for me, I'm not attracted to white women, but, at least I didn't limit body type to "trim super model" on what I'm looking for.) So, I'm being quite gracious. I'm enough of a Christian to know not to endanger myself foolishly with women other than Christian-Protestant and Christian-Other. I must end up with a gal who brings me closer to the Lord, and that's not asking too much. However, I'm starting to wonder just how "mean" some of you ladies are. Or maybe "cruel."
Sarah, I would much rather have you tell me what you don't like about me, and what's wrong with me, than never hearing from you.
I'm going to consider pitching a new TV commercial idea to match.com :
"Go ahead, it's okay to look, as long as you aren't planning on meeting anybody. And, if you're a guy who isn't perfect, forget it!"
So, maybe I got across to you how frustrated I am. I'm starting to have a better idea of how men become homosexuals. It's probably not their fault, but maybe it was because of some cruel, mean woman with unrealistic expectations of what a man should be. So, if I become a more pathetic man because of match.com, then I might as well cancel my subcription right now.
If you're reading this, then maybe you read this email. You're all just leaving me hangin'. As of now, about 20 or 30 eligible (Christian) bachlorettes are simply ignoring me.
Objectively, I can't see any reason why online dating wouldn't work,
as long as the people involved have some truth, honesty and character.
My venting is done. Hope you hate me more now. -E
and finally my beloved sister responds with this. titled: wow.
Oh dear. That was an intense e-mail. I'm sorry I didn't write you back as soon as you wanted me too. But ok here's why it won't work. #1 you live too far. #2 your too short. #3 your e-mails are too much for me. There ya go. You will find someone don't worry! But I don't think it's me.
Sarah
the creepers response. titled: Thanks for your honesty.
Thank you for being honest, and replying to my email. I am curious what a good email looks like. I won't go on with too much "Eriko apologetics" but I've spent much time in Colorado; Grand Junction 70 + times (family),
a summer in R.M.N.P, and eight months in Gypsum (I'm still holding on to my CO drivers license from that recent session) and a few other trips.
I know much of Colorado like the back of my hand, and want to return (permanently) as soon as possible.
Anyway, I won't bother with the "height" thing.
My email was charged with anger and frustration, so, sorry if there was too much of it concentrated at you. I should have sent the email to every one of my matches before jumping off a bridge. Thanks again for your honest reply. -E
and finally the end to the madness...my sister's final response.
your welcome!