wwyd

[lauren grier]

So. this is dumb, but you know me I like to stress over the tiniest things.
So next week.. ce has an "icecream social" for his kindy class. Ce can't have icecream- and while this is a situation he'll have to deal with a lot, I think perhaps the first time he meets all his classmates & teacher is not the best time to deal with it on a large scale :p. His dad wants to go (perhaps he wants the icecream? lol).. and I don't particularly uhm...... feel comfortable being around his dad 1:1 never mind a social setting where everyone has to be .... on their best behavior. Every time we're near each other he just picks at me, yells, belittles me, not nice things. So.. wwyd? Suck it up (both ce and I would be sucking it up I guess) and go.... Send ce alone with his dad (who prolly won't really be too supportive of the ce wanting to cry cause he can't have icecream and everyone else does bit).. don't let ce go... what?

[digideb]

i have no clue, sweetie, but i just wanted to give you & ce some big (((((hugs)))))!!!

[mrs2a50]

I would go and suck it up, and deal with my issues with asshat. Ce needs at least one parent there who will help him through the issue of not being able to eat ice cream. And, unfortunately, this won't be the last function you'll have to go to where Ce's dad is there, so you might as well get used to it.

Sorry La, the situation just sucks all the way around.

[Misty Cato]

If it were me, I'd talk to my son and see what he wanted to do. Knowing him, he'd want to go. Then I'd figure out who is organizing the event, call them and see if I could bring an alternative dish to share that way my kid could just choose the 'other' dish rather than standing out as completely different. As for being around someone I can't stand - I'd suck it up. That's how it would go if it were me and my kid. Only you know what's best for you and yours .... :)

[Nikki Epperson]

Can you take him something else? One of his fave snacks or something? Surely the teacher has had situations like this?

And the dad situation... idk. That one is tricky -- but IMO, and w/o stepping on your toes -- YOU are the one raising him and it's YOUR right if you want to go to tell him he needs to wait for the next party.

Just my opinion. :)

[robinforman]

Dude, that is a rough one. While I have not been in this particular situation, I was a teacher and it is important as parents that you are able to come together for his school stuff. There will be conferences, etc that you will both want to come to because you both care about Ce and his stuff. So this will probablhy be the first in a line of situations that you are going to have to deal with, and I think it shows a strong, unified force if you both come. Even if you want to deck Ce's dad the whole time- it sends a message to dad and to the school that even if you are not still together as a couple, you are still both parents and plan to participate wholeheartedly.

[lauren grier]

well I just registered him last week & this is when they told me about it- when I reminded them he couldn't have icecream (She was trying to get ce hyped up about it) she was like oh.. well he can just not have anything.. ^_^ I was like oh hm. I have to email them to rsvp so I'll ask then about bringing something else.

and nikki.. that wouldn't go over well LOL. He's................... not a reasonable adult. that's the nicest way I could say that. haha

[scrap2day]

No great answers but does ce have an ice cream alternative that he can have, like Rice Dream, So Delicious or Tofutti? Maybe you could arrange to supply the teacher with that for ce. With so many kids having allergies now I'm sure the teacher would understand if you wanted to bring your own.

Or, if you have to send him with his dad, explain that some of the kids will be eating yucky ice cream that will hurt his tummy but when he gets home you & he are going to have a special party with ice cream he can eat -- and definitely get sprinkles or something fun so your party looks better. Just my 2 cents. Good luck. Wish I had better advice about should you go along or not.

[Lauren Reid]

honestly, only cuz i know kinda the low down on the situation... i'd say skip it.

i just don't see putting you and ce through the whole dad ordeal in front of people he is JUST meeting and adjusting to kwim?

there will be lots of chances for fun class stuff for him....

i would just hate for him to attach some bad uncomfy memory to kindergarten....

just imo though

[BrattyMeg]

((hugs))

I'd stil go and be supportive of Ce and hopefully his dad will understand and be respectful of a public situation

I too have a kiddo allergic to milk..i'd def call and see if there's any other options or maybe bring some he can eat along with you so he'll feel included?

[Julie Billingsley]

my son's school has an ice cream social too, but it's more about the kids running around than the ice cream. Plus it's great to meet the teachers before school starts anyway! Definately go!! but bring something (a baggie of cookies or whatever) for ce so he has something. You don't have to bring for the whole group, just for your kiddo. This will be an ongoing battle for you, so get ce use to it now because it will come up for all those class parties. (psst... sign up to help the teacher for class parties and you'll have less of a struggle since you can be there to make sure he doesn't have any food that he is allergic too)

[Nikki Epperson]

and nikki.. that wouldn't go over well LOL. He's................... not a reasonable adult. that's the nicest way I could say that. haha

Fortunately for me -- Lane's "donor" is not involved at all. He's only seen Lane for 3 month out of Lane's almost 14 years. I don't have that problem, but if he WERE around -- I'd have the same problem. That boy had a lot of growing up to do when we were actually together.

:(

I'm sorry La!!!! I hope that he keeps it drama free for you!

[ajf9597]

((hugs)) La. Since I'm not in the situation it's hard to say. I normally give Austin the choice, but if you go, I would bring him a snack, so he has something to eat while the other kids eat too. It would probably be good for him to meet the other kids on a casual basis. Although, I probably wouldn't have told Ce's dad, but I can be mean that way ;) Hopefully T could be decent infront of other people for this.

[AnnieBananie]

I didn't read all the answers, dear, so ignore me if I'm repeating anything.

I would go and try your best to ignore Tsp. Sometimes we need to act a little bit-- I've been there, done that, believe me. So, if Tsp doesn't have something NICE to contribute or add or whatever, just pretend he's not even talking or not even there. HE does not represent YOU... so if he starts to cause a scene, he's only making himself look like a jackass, kwim? And even if he DOES behave himself, maybe it's best to ignore him anyways. *shrug* That's my 2 cents. Easier said than done, I know :)

[Sharon Kay]

I didn't read all the answers, dear, so ignore me if I'm repeating anything.

I would go and try your best to ignore Tsp. Sometimes we need to act a little bit-- I've been there, done that, believe me. So, if Tsp doesn't have something NICE to contribute or add or whatever, just pretend he's not even talking or not even there. HE does not represent YOU... so if he starts to cause a scene, he's only making himself look like a jackass, kwim? And even if he DOES behave himself, maybe it's best to ignore him anyways. *shrug* That's my 2 cents. Easier said than done, I know :)

What she said!!

Plus bring whatever kind of treat Ce can eat...and you need to talk to the teacher (plus the school NURSE!) about his allergies...he is NOT and I repeat NOT the first child to have allergies and can't eat something!! I was on Room Mother committees for 14 years...and believe me there was always more than one child with one allergy or another... the mother would send an alternate snack for their child.

[MissKim]

We had a child that couldn't have milk a few years ago, and that mom just brought some Rice Dream to our ice cream social. It was much more about putting the toppings on and talking with friends than it was about eating ice cream.

We also do this for back to school, and as a teacher, I never even get ice cream. I'm too busy talking to kids and parents. So if it's that situation, I'd try to go just so the teacher can start connecting an adult face with a kid. And don't worry... we teachers can pretty much figure out the situation quickly and know which parent is the sane one and we'll contact them when we need something. :)

[emmasmommy]

I've gotta agree with the majority here. You being there for him will be more important than anything else. I honestly don't ever remember eating ice cream at the ice cream socials we had, it was more about playing with all the kidlets. Hopefully the donor can play nice for an hour or so...for ce's sake.

[kristine]

I agree that I think you should go. Is there anyway you can talk to his dad about being civilized at these things before you go? Explain to him that you are both there for Ce and that he probably wouldn't like it much if he caused a scene, and make it more about Ce than about you? Maybe send him an email or something to avoid it turning into an argument? I obviously don't know much about your situation, but I'm sure Ce's dad wouldn't want to upset him? And now is as good a time as any to try to get on - I'm sure there will be a lot of these situations where you will both want to be there for Ce, and probably a lot of times Ce will want you both to be there for him together.

As for the ice cream, I'm sure if you rang the school they would let you bring something else in for him, that is what they do at my kids school if they are allergic.

I hope you guys can work it out! {hugs}

[lauren grier]

thanks girlies :] and gosh I know he's not the first kid with allergies ^_^ there's just like L said a lot of back stuff going on so I'm all ergh and hyper sensitive to stuff with him. Talking to his dad is useless so I'm going to talk to ce & see what he wants and I guess use annie's "you don't exist" method with his dad hahaha.

oh ps sharon they all already know :]

[gandcsmama]

I am sorry about the tough situation, but I hope you decide to go. I would ignore Ce's dad as best as possible. Hopefully Ce will be too busy running around with new friends to notice the any tension during the situation. I don't know the situation, so I cannot understand completely, but I would not make my kids miss out on school activities because their father is a complete jerk. I grew up like that and it wasn't fun. I hope it goes really well for Ce if you go (and can I just say that I can't believe the teacher was all like 'He can have nothing')

[Lauren Reid]

PS yeah my concern was less about the allergy situation, cuz i'm sure ce is kinda use to dealing w/ that and you could def bring him something as alternative. (and dude what's up w/ the RI schools?! in MA the schools were SO hypersensitive about allergies they'd never do ice cream... SO many allergies!)

but i was thinking more about the X and the stress on Ce seeing that... cuz it could go 2 ways either everyone behaves and Ce is fine or X acts like a dink and Ce gets stressed and bugs out..... just doesn't seem worth it... can't you just sneak him there w/o the X??!?!?!

oxoxox

[julifish]

First of all I'd tell the teacher and any home room moms right upfront about his milk allergy. My kids did a lot of cooking in K and the teacher and cooking moms did an awesome job of planning around a peanut allergy.

I would take something he can have with you - perhaps a cold treat that is friendly to his allergies.

As far as whether or not you should go...there are going to be tons of K events. Do you really want to miss these special times? I'd say suck it up and go -but if it's possible to have a conversation with your Ex before hand to come to an agreement that you are just not going to speak period at these events. At some point you guys are going to have to find a way to co-parent comfortably. Maybe this can be a first step? I'd also share (in priave) with the teacher your co-parenting arrangement and explain how important it is to you that Ce have a great time in K. Most teachers will help you out and find a way to give mom or dad a job to do so that you each can take a turn with Ce. Good luck! This isn't going to be easy - but you need to take the high road here in my opinion. Ce needs to know that you will always be there to support him - through EVERYTHING. He'll learn on his own about his dad.

Lots of hugs!!!

[HeatherKS]

As far as whether or not you should go...there are going to be tons of K events. Do you really want to miss these special times? I'd say suck it up and go -but if it's possible to have a conversation with your Ex before hand to come to an agreement that you are just not going to speak period at these events. At some point you guys are going to have to find a way to co-parent comfortably. Maybe this can be a first step? I'd also share (in priave) with the teacher your co-parenting arrangement and explain how important it is to you that Ce have a great time in K. Most teachers will help you out and find a way to give mom or dad a job to do so that you each can take a turn with Ce. Good luck! This isn't going to be easy - but you need to take the high road here in my opinion. Ce needs to know that you will always be there to support him - through EVERYTHING. He'll learn on his own about his dad.

Lots of hugs!!!

I completely agree with this. Just think of this as the beginning of a LOT of times over the school years that you're going to have to deal with the ex being in the same room and involved in Ce's activities. Paste on that happy face, stay on the opposite side of the room from ce's dad if it's possible/necessary, and just be there for ce. You can do it!

[jessica31876]

Id probably go and ignore his dad. Just a thought but could you bring some sherbet for Ce? My cousin was allergic to milk and when she would come over if we had ice cream she had sherbet.

[CA Dreamer]

As for the allergies, I would not be surprised if other kids are not allergic too. If there is a frozen dessert that CE can eat too, maybe suggest that it could be added to the options that the kids have. Maybe offer to bring a half gallon of that option if possible? Once you get to know the other parents, it will get easier. Here is a link to a website that has a lot of good information about food allergies and schools. Maybe you could print out what is pertinent to CE and speak with his teacher. I am sure she will be supportive. http:/www.foodallergysmart.com

As for the Ex thing.... ugh... sorry you have to deal with this at all. I hope that it ends up that he behaves better than you expected. One way to gain the upper hand in this(probably won't help for this first event), is to volunteer in CEs class. You will get to know how the teacher works and the other kids and their parents. I am the closest to the parents that I met when my DS1 was in Kindergarten. I guess we were all freaked together. Then, for every school event, you will have friends.

You are such a smart and talented woman! You have a lot to offer CEs class! It will get easier, but CE is just starting his academic career and there will be so many more situations where HE will be there. Remember, if the Ex misbehaves, then let him look like the crazy one.

On a positive, at least he is interested in CEs life. So many parents are not. Good luck.

[jsikardi]

What would *I* do?

I would go. I never let just one person ruin my good time.

I would go and make face time with the teacher(s) - get to know some of the little faces that he will be talking about - mingle with the parents - and again... spend a few minutes with a teacher. One single event is not more important than my children's education.

I'd totally suck it up and bring an ice cream alternative with me.