The Worst Day of My Life...

[Leah]

Occurred on Thursday, October 1st.

I've been sleeping for 3 days straight now, because sleeping is better than thinking.

I need to spill it now because I am horrified and scared and I feel like my head and my eyeballs are going to explode.

On Thursday, at lunchtime, I was in an accident involving myself and 5 children. We were on our way home from picking DS and another little girl up from preschool. We live 15 minutes outside of the city and took the gravel road home. It was raining. The grater had been down the already shitty road and left a huge ridge of mud in the middle. I tried so hard to stay out of that ridge. I didn't want to get caught up in it. We drive a great big truck, with 4x4 and I wasn't driving fast because of the road conditions.

I hit the ridge of mud and the back end of my truck swung out beside me. I told the kids to hold on, we were going in the field. The one little girl asked me if we were going to have lunch there. I expected a bumpy ride through the field, as we've done before (on purpose) and that was it. I never expected my truck to roll over once and land on it's side.

I had to crawl through the drivers side window, laying flat so that I could fit between the window and the ground. I was able to get 3 kids out of the vehicle myself, but the youngest 2 had to wait for the ambulances because I couldn't get to them. I felt incredibly helpless - the worst feeling in the world.

By the love of God, everyone was alright. The kids, all 5 of them, had not one mark on them, no scratches, no bruises, nothing. I slashed my wrist somehow and needed 5 stitches.

I have always been so anal about car seats and how they're installed. Ours come in and out of our vehicles so often, daily, that I am always re-installing them and making sure that each one is in there tight and tethered. I guess I know why.

The families of each child seemed to be fine. They all understand that it was an accident and were told by the EMS that I did everything right. According to the three 3-year olds, this was all a big adventure.

But I feel sick. Numb. Disbelief. Reality.

4 of those children were not mine. This is not supposed to happen on my watch. Never.

I don't know what else to say. I feel empty.

[BrattyMeg]

((((Leah)))) I can not imagine how you feel...sending some hugs your way

[SmallMoments]

Oh my goodness. You poor thing! I know you know it, but please keep telling yourself that it was an accident. You did what you could. And you did everything right. Each and every one of those kids are fine.

I'll be praying for an emotional healing for you... accidents are scary things!

(((hugs)))

[nikkiARNGwife]

I would probably be just as shaken as you are...just remember that accidents can happen to anyone.

[ajf9597]

(((hugs))) Leah, I can't imagine, but thankfully everyone is ok. I wil pray for you and I'm sure it will take a little while to get rid of that shaken feeling, which is totally understandable.

[Keely~B]

I'm sure that was terrifying! Accidents happen, it sounds as if you did everything right, you weren't being reckless. Thank goodness that everyone was okay.

[starxlr8]

I'm so sorry to hear this, I understand how you feel all too well. But I'm glad to hear everyone was OK.

I was a Girl Scout leader up until last year and a few year back we were heading to a big campout. The mom driving in front of me was going the speed limit or perhaps just a little bit over - certainly not a speed I was concerned about. She was in the lead and didn't see the sign for the turn until the last minute. She turned sharply but her left tire hit a steep ditch and she rolled with 5 of my girls in it. I can still see it so vividly.

Fortunately everything was OK, but it could have been worse. We were one seatbelt short in our caravan because one parent mis-counted the number of girls she could take. So the mom who rolled had two 4th graders strapped in together. I didn't know it as I rely on my parent helpers to tell me things like this. Very scary - but everyone still went to the campout in the end.

I'm sure you're still so shaken Leah. Hugs. You did everything right - try to focus on that.

[crystalbella77]

oh Leah Sweetie!! I am so sorry!! I cannot imagine how scary that was...sending you some love and hugs!!!!

[Jenn Barrette]

That must have been so frightening for you! You have to believe that you did nothing wrong, and that accidents happen to everyone. (*hugs*) I am so glad that everyone is ok, and hope you feel better about things soon.

[Kiki]

{{{hugs}}} Leah. I cannot imagine how frightening that must have been. But it was an accident. I'm sure it's quite normal to feel the way you do right now. I hope that you'll feel back to yourself soon.

[nesser1981]

Hugs Honey. It sounds like you did everything right.

[ditzyscrap]

(((hugs))) Leah! I can imagine that would have been terrifying, but thankfully everyone was OK!

[aly321]

So scary! I am so glad that everything is alright! (((HUGS)))

[Lauren Reid]

omg, i'm SOOOOO sorry leah! i'm sure it's like a nightmare that keeps replaying in your head....

SO glad to hear the kiddos are fine, i think they handle this stuff way better than we do, cuz they don't do the whole "what if" stuff in their heads.

Take it easy and don't beat yourself up over this.... this can happen to ANYONE!

xooxoxox

[Leah]

I just keep trying to put myself into those parents shoes - how would I feel if I were the one to receive that phone call??

They all seemed to be so understanding.

I just don't know if there's anything else that I should do?

Everyone is pretty sure that our truck will be written off. We really disliked that truck. It's only 2 years old and it's had some pretty major repairs in the time that we've had it - drive shaft, transfer case...

DH wonders if maybe when I put it in to 4 wheel drive, maybe one of the tires didn't lock in, causing the ass-end to spin out on me.

[Shawna Clingerman]

Leah - I think all parents understand that accidents happen, i'm sure everyone is just really relieved that you are all alright!

Hugs hon! Sounds like you are still trying to process the trauma of it - I'm so so so grateful you are ok - just be kind to yourself, you don't need to beat up on yourself, you did everything right and accidents happen.

(((hugs)))

[MamaBee]

Oh, gosh... Leah! {{Hugs}} I feel for you... what a scary thing to happen! Thank God, that you and the kiddos were okay.

[xboxmom]

Leah I am sorry to hear of your accident but it was just that an accident no one was hurt thank God you should be so thankful of that, it could have been much much worse. I know you are feeling terrible right now but know that no one blames you and everything is ok. Hugs!

[delofamily]

(((HUGS)))) I have a daycare of my own and I can't even imagine what you were feeling. You did everything right and because of you they are all perfect. You are in shock and have experienced a major trauma give yourself some time to heal emotionally. Take care!

[Traci Reed]

Oh, Leah :( Big hugs, I can't imagine how terrifying that all was. You did the best you could and you did a great job. HUGS!

[meganmecrazy]

(((((HUGS))))) I can't imagine how shaken up you must be. Thank God everyone is okay. Don't beat yourself up about it though, it was just an accident, these things happen.

[WalkersMommy]

((((big hugs)))) I'm so sorry you had to go through that! But you did everything right, and thankfully everyone is ok :) Don't beat yourself up about it.

[HeatherKS]

Oh Leah, how scary! I'm so glad that everyone was okay. Thank God for carseats and people like you who use them properly and vigilantly. :hug:

[schock77]

Oh Leah... so sorry... that's why they're called accidents though, so don't beat yourself up. Thankfully you are all ok. I know it's hard not to feel guilty, but it could have happened to anyone.

((HUGS))

[livelys]

Leah, it'll probably be a while before you can focus on what did happen and the fact that all the children are ok and that the EMS said you did everything right, rather than what might of happened - our minds can be so cruel to us sometimes.

Try to be kind to yourself, it was an accident and you did everything you could, and most importantly the children are fine.

xxx

[Penny Springmann]

Leah, HUGE HUGS to you!!! I would probably be as freaked as you are, but know that you did everything right and everyone is fine.

[Becca Bonneville]

Ohh Leah honey (((big hugs)). Glad everyone it okay! I would be shook up too! Just remind yourself it was an accident and everyone is okay!

[joelsgirl]

That sounds terrible! I am so glad everyone is okay and I hope that awful feeling goes away soon. Sounds like you didn't do anything wrong but handled that situation best you could.

[newfiemountiewife]

Leah, I'm glad you and the kids are all ok! You did everything right, the car seats must've been in perfect if all of the kids came out without a scratch. Accidents happen, they are just that, accidents. You can't blame yourself, and even though it's hard, try not to beat yourself up. ((hugs))

[Chels85]

((hugs))

[Nonna2Dreja]

Leah, I can imagine how horrible you must feel, but it wasn't your fault and Thank God everyone was fine....

[Sheana]

((BIG HUGS))!! I cannot even imagine how scary that must have been for you!

[suzyqscraps]

(((HUGS!))) Oh, sweetie! How terrifying. So glad you kept your cool and you keep those carseats installed right. Wow. Hang in there!

[Julie Billingsley]

that sounds SO terrifying and we can all say praises that you and the kids are gonna be okay. ((hugs))

[laurabobaura]

so sorry you're feeling this way :( i can definitely relate- and i know we don't know each other- but i'm here if you want to talk. i know that feeling of helplessness and guilt. my son and i (3 at the time) were in an accident 3 years ago, and i still can't let go of the anxiety and guilt.

(((hugs)))

[manderin oranges]

Huge hugs Leah!!! I can't even imagine what you must be feeling .... hang in there sweetie!

[Lyd]

Wow Leah! I'm just reading this now. I'm so sorry that you had this experience. I totally understand why you feel the way you do. Thank heaven no one was seriously hurt! I'll definitely be sending positive thoughts your way and hoping that you'll be feeling better soon. Big ((HUGS))!!!

[kscwgirl]

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) honey! I know EXACTLY what you are going through. PM me or IM me if you want to talk.

[Giseli Freitas]

(((((HUGS)))))) I can't imagine how terrifying it was - this is scary just to read! I don't drive b/c I fear driving. So, can you picture how I felt reading this? I'm shaky :(
I'm so glad that you and the kids are okay!

[AnnieBananie]

((huggles)) Glad everyone is okay!

[rach3975]

So scary! But one of the reasons they all came through without a scratch was that you were meticulous about using the car seats correctly. ((hugs))