tell me I am not crazy for thinking this way

[tuneskids]

sorry if this is confusing ...

My friend and her husband want to go out of town tomorrow, 2 hours away from where we live, to go see a comedy act tomorrow night, which doesn't end until 10:30pm.
She has three children, ages 10, 5 and 3. The oldest is in grade 5 and the middle in kindergarten. She was going to leave once the middle kid goes to school (noon) and drop the youngest off with her sister until the kids were done school and get off the bus.
Here is my problem ... the kids would be on their own, at home, from 3:30 until about 2am - and that's if the parents have a safe drive home from the city. The oldest just turned 10 at the end of July!!! In my opinion, that is far too young to be looking after your younger siblings for that length of time - she would have to feed them dinner AND put them to bed, and then go to bed herself.

She got mad at me when I told her she couldn't leave them home alone that long. I had told her if she had let me know in advance, I would have taken them overnight, but I can't even go sit with her kids until she gets home, as I would be leaving my own children to go to bed on their own if I did (although Jenna is 11.5 years old, and is capable of babysitting her brothers for an hour or two until Des got home from work). But it's a weeknight, I have to work in the morning, my husband works nights, the kids have to get a good nights sleep as they all have school the next day.

Am I wrongfully overreacting?? I am sure her daughter could do it, but in my opinion that is a LOT for any babysitter to handle, whether they are 12 or 15. Granted, she does have family that live nearby, but wouldn't you arrange for a proper sitter, in advance?

(I used to know a lady who had her children being taken away by child services for doing something similar - and had a nosy neighbor call in to report the children were home alone - I don't want to see this happen to my friend) :(

[jacinda]

Nope, you're not overreacting at all. 10 is far too young to be responsible for 5 and 3 yr olds. If she's dropping the youngest to her sisters, why can't the sister keep the rest of them for the night?

This really gets my blood boiling to be honest. What kind of parent leaves young kids home alone like that?

[rachaelsscraps]

I don't even think some 12-13 year olds are old enough, let alone 10! You were def not overeacting. I would have said something to her too!

[MommaTrish]

At 10 I got left home alone with my four year old brother and 1 year old sister...

That being said I wouldn't leave my two boys home alone, let alone in charge of their younger sister. I would say its a matter of knowing your children and what they are capable of.
But again... my parents would have never left us alone for that long into the night in charge of each other.

[CA Dreamer]

Too young. WAY too young. Even if it were only for an hour, it would be too long--especially with the 3 year old. This means that they would have to fend for themselves for dinner and bedtime. You are not over reacting at all. I hope she rethinks this situation. Why doesn't the sister offer to keep them overnight, or come over when school gets out too? I would not even be able to enjoy myself leaving the kids like that.

[KateD]

Where we live there are laws about how long you can leave kids alone. And I think it's just a couple of hours for us (kids are 9 and 11).

[litabells]

Oh my word. Seriously? That is way too much to expect for a ten year old. What on earth is that woman thinking?

[Kat Stokes]

Sonja, you know me well.... so I know you won't be offended when I say hell no you're not wrong. 10 is way to young to leave a 5 and 3 yo. for that long. I really, really hope your friend re-thinks her situation and finds someone to watch her kids. I know it may be imposing on you but could you keep them at your house if she absolutely can not find someone to watch them?

My husband's sister is 10 - and mature for her age but I would NOT let her watch my 8 year old and 3 year old alone.

[newfiemountiewife]

My son is 10, and I *might* leave my girls home with him for about 2 minutes or something so I could run to the bottom of our street to get the mail, but nothing like that! And my girls are quite a bit older than the kids you're mentioning!

The law here is 12. You have to be 12 to babysit. I agree that there are kids younger than that, that are probably capable of doing it, but here, it's against the law. I have a girl who lives 2 doors down who is 12, and I would leave here her with the kids for a prolonged period, she is extremely mature for her age.

I wouldn't do it. Law or not.

[lovely1m]

Oh, no! That is way too long for a 10 year old IMO.

[DawnMarch]

I would not even be able to enjoy myself leaving the kids like that.

Definitely! I'd be constantly playing the "what if?" game in my mind, imagining all the things that could go wrong. My DD Is 10 and extremely mature and I still would not be comfortable leaving her and my 8 yo DS alone by themselves. I can't even fathom leaving a 10 year old in charge of a 3 year old.

[KristinCB]

yea what they said :(

sooo much could happen! its scary enough that she is considering leaving them but considering leaving them at all.. but leaving town 2 hours away.. wow :(

[Kjersti]

Oh my gosh!! You are RIGHT!!!!

[nun69]

what everyone else says...and I have kids that age...17, 9, 4 and 3...and this is the 1st year that I am letting my 4th grader come home by himself after school until we get home!!!! and I KNOW my kids and there is no way in HE@$ I would leave my 2 little ones with him! We can't handle them as their parents so I KNOW my 9 y/o couldn't :p but my 17 y/o does stay home with them...she stayed home with him when she was wround 13/14 but we were never more than 30 mins from home {usually only 10 mins from home}...so I can't imagine going 2 hours away! so I say you are NOT overreacting...

my questions would be why did they not make arrangements for daycare BEFORE they bought tickets to the comedy show???? HELLLLOOOOOOO

[*Celeste*]

in the state of connecticut you can't leave children home alone until they are 12.
i've never left my 4th grader alone - he's not responsible enough.
i think that is askign a lot of the ten year old.

[nikkiARNGwife]

That just is the craziest thing I've ever heard and no way are you wrong. My nephew is 10 and I wouldn't leave my 5 and nearly 2 year old with him for 20 minutes much less THAT long and especially that far away.

Has she left them alone a lot before?

[jacinda]

This has been on my mind ALL day. What was the outcome in the end? Friendship aside, the safety of the kids would have to come first yes? Did you talk with her again?

[mummytothree]

I won't leave my 12.5 year old home along, let alone home alone and in charge of younger sibilings!!!

[MamaBee]

Oh my gosh... NO, you were right to say something!! Outside of the kids at that age staying home alone, I would be more worried (as a parent) to be that far away...what is something happened like they were stuck in traffic due to accident.... or heaven forbid, they are in an accident

How sad that those kids would have to get supper and get themselves to bed so the parents can go out and have fun? *shaking head* I don't care how mature a child is... that is just not right! This just burns me... I better stop talking before I say something to offend... ;)

[crecia27]

I don't think that is even legal here! I commend you for speaking up.

[AlliJ2008]

I can't imagine a 10 yr old having to do the dinner, bath, and bedtime for 2 younger kids. Did she change her mind? Please say yes.

[xboxmom]

10 years old is way to young to be leaving them alone for that long. Maybe an hour or two to go to dinner or grocery shopping but not that long and especially not that far away!

I have left my 14 year old home alone with my other 4 kids over night but I was only 20 mins away from my home and I also told my neighbor to check in on them. I would never do that with a 10 year old and never do it if I was 2 hours away!

[ariesfl326]

Personally it is way too young and nowadays so much goes on that those kids just aren't safe. Chances are it will go okay but I don't even let my daughter go outside alone anymore! I used to come home from school and be on my own when I was in 7th and 8th grade, but times are so different. I wish people would use their heads when it came to that kind of thing. You're a good friend to this person and unfortunately she is making a huge mistake even if nothing comes of it.

[HeatherB]

Wow! I guess I'm a little naive, but we don't even consider going out until we've secured proper care for our kids, and if it doesn't work out, we end up not going out - it's really that simple for us.

Leaving 2 young kids (a 3 year old!) in the care of a 10 year old when you are 2 hours away if an emergency arises just seems plain wrong. Even for a mature 10 year old. Add to that making dinner. And doing bedtime routines. I wonder what this person is thinking? :blink: Based on the info you have, it looks like she is behaving very selfishly and irresponsibly. Maybe she told you about this hoping you would offer to step in and help out? If so, that's simply shifting her responsibilities to you, not very friend-like.

Did she end up going? Were her kids on their own?

[lauren grier]

I was home alone w/ my brother for a couple hours after school @ 10.................. Not till 3am.. and not while my parents were 2 hrs away... and not when one of my siblings was only 3.

I think this is just irresponsible and plain dangerous.

[Shawna Clingerman]

yeah, i echo what everyone is saying... and generally i tend to think that what is right for one kid may not be what is right for another (notice how the responses of what each of us think is appropriate varies so much)... BUT, seriously this crosses the line to me, i think to ANY concientious parent wouldn't leave those kids, and go so far away. I'm totally proud of you for telling her what you honestly thought, that takes a lot of courage.

[laurabobaura]

*jimmy neutron's teacher screech* WHAAAT?!

no way. nope. i don't even think 12 is old enough to stay home with other kids. i remember when i was 11/12, i was responsible for getting off the bus (a few houses away from mine), having my own keys, letting myself in and hanging out for about 3 hours until my mom got home. i don't know that she had any other choice, but i think even that was too much responsibility.

[fruitysuet]

I had to come back to this thread, the first time I read it I was so angry and I was at the point of having palpitations just thinking about it.

No way indeed. I'm outraged any 'normal' person would think this acceptable.

Looking back I left my eldest alone from about 12yo for an hour or maybe two whilst I went shopping but I always took the two younger ones with me (8 and 6). Eldest is now 15 (others 11 and 9) and I will leave them all together for a couple of hours (ditto supermarket shopping) but no way even now would I leave them all for that amount of time and especially at that time of the day/night. However, we don't have neighbours to call on in an emergency and my youngest does have a form of epilepsy (doesn't normally have seizures but I would always be concerned).

I have no idea how your friend could even think of enjoying herself, even if I was coerced/bribed or whatever to leave my kids I would be totally sick with worry from the moment I stepped out of the door until the moment I got back in again.

[tuneskids]

well, I talked to my friend again this morning. I was worried because I had told her I couldn't do it that she would still try to leave the kids home alone.

I told her I was worried. Not just for the kids, but for her & her husband. What if something should happen to them on the drive home, something that made it impossible for them to phone anyone? What would happen when the kids woke up in the morning and no one was there? Or worse, what if something happened to the kids while they were gone?
I know her 10 year old is a very mature child, and knows how to look after her siblings (she has done it many times before), but never with them going so far away. She has never taken any babysitter training courses (you can do them at 11 years of age here, in fact, I have my daughter signed up for the next course, starting next month), nor does she know what to really do in an emergency.
I told her that I know the child could do it, but it's the "what ifs" that are getting to me.

She then told me that she was having her cousin come sit with the kids after she finishes work (which means the two older ones will be alone afterschool for about an hour). My friend has tons of family here (her three sisters, her parents, aunts & uncles, cousins, etc), but didn't think to get a sitter.
Her sister that will be watching the littlest one while the kids are at school - she runs a daycare and is already pushing her limit (space wise) with taking the little one. I don't think any of them knew that my friend had planned on leaving the kids home alone - I know her older sister wouldn't have dropped the little one off at home if she had known that - and would probably have broken down and taken the other two as well, even though she could loose her daycare license if she was discovered to be over her limit.

I told her next time, plan in advance, and if she needs a sitter that bad, let me know a few days ahead of schedule so we can work something out. The reason I couldn't take them - the youngest one, she will only go to sleep in certain places (her house, her grandparents, her aunt's, etc). Every single time I have attempted to keep her overnight, she has screamed and cried and doesn't sleep more than 2 hours total all night. Normally, when I take her, it's on a weekend, when not getting a decent nights sleep doesn't burn me out completely (because I can take a nap). I had told my friend that if she could find a place for the youngest, I would be more than happy to take the older two, they have beds to sleep in at my house.

------------------
For me ....

My daughter is 11.5, and I have left her in charge of her younger brothers (7 and 5), but never more than an hour, and I am always within a 5-10 minute drive home. I don't think she would have a problem with longer, but I don't think she is fully aware of some of the dangers - which is why she is doing the babysitting course. I will allow her to even go babysit for others, but never late at night, at least not yet.

When my oldest was 13, we did leave him in charge of his sister and brothers (they would have been 9, 5 and 3 at the time), but he was a very mature 13 year old. He could make meals, change diapers, put kids to bed, etc, with no issues, by the time he was 11 - he loved it and went out of his way to learn to do new things. We did go to the city that my friend is going to, when he was babysitting, but we always had a neighbor be aware of what was happening, and to keep an eye on things for us. We only went during the day, never at night. If we planned on being away longer, we arranged for a sitter for all four of them.

I would have no problem with my friend leaving her children home, if the performance was here. But not that far away.

[jaylensmom]

I'm glad she got a sitter...It's a tough call when you leave children alone at home. So many things can happen and you always think that it will never happen to you...

[Scrapper007]

WOW. I would NEVER consider leaving my 10 year-old to babysit for 30 minutes, let alone all day and night...and being two hours away, to boot? That's crazy and irresponsible. I hope your friend gets her act together :(

[Scrapper007]

I told her next time, plan in advance, and if she needs a sitter that bad, let me know a few days ahead of schedule so we can work something out. The reason I couldn't take them - the youngest one, she will only go to sleep in certain places (her house, her grandparents, her aunt's, etc). Every single time I have attempted to keep her overnight, she has screamed and cried and doesn't sleep more than 2 hours total all night. Normally, when I take her, it's on a weekend, when not getting a decent nights sleep doesn't burn me out completely (because I can take a nap). I had told my friend that if she could find a place for the youngest, I would be more than happy to take the older two, they have beds to sleep in at my house.


Well, you're a good friend..your friend is lucky to have you! :)