Log in

View Full Version : Am I taking the right approach?


Jengerbread88
02-12-2011, 02:15 PM
Okay, so... long story, I'll try to keep it short.

My fiance's best friend posted some status about working out, and how he hasn't seen weight loss, but has felt sore, so YAY!
Someone commented on it, I think one of my fiance's former friends.
My fiance, being the joker he is, make a kind of rude comment to the person's comment. Now, I don't know the context well... AT all. I don't know anything about whether or not things were good and it was just a joke, or if Kyle (fiance) intended it to be mean, or not. I know I say things to my friends that are mean, that she things are haha funny, so I didn't know the context. Well, I guess someone took it wrong, because the former friend's friend/partner/something posted this (sorry, language):

"Kyle, there is no nice way to say this; you're an inconsiderate, selfish, cynical, criminal, asshole whose life is a waste of his own bile. Instead of picking on people who your transparently jealous of, why don't find your balls and pick o...n someone your own size, like a rat, or a snake or another semi-homeless good for nothing, bloated, petty, waste of welfare, insurance and air who brags about dealing drugs and knocking up a poor girl who hasn't known you long enough to see that your entire life will amount to nothing and that your response to this diatribe will probably prove my point that you have killed so many brain cells that it won't even be worth reading, if it's even coherent. You're not funny, you never were and never will be. You lost all your friends because they all got so tired with your shit, it became easier to take out the trash then keep you around. You probably tell everyone that you hate your family you because they're all a bunch of crazy assholes when the truth is they abandoned you long ago because after years of substance abuse and your infamously tiresome excuse that your fortune is a sum of "bad luck" you've turned you into just that, a crazy self absorbent asshole who is a cancer to everyone he has ever known. I pity you and the pitiful life that you continue to limp through. Don't you dare ever call, write or ever even think of me or my family again, this has been a very angry reaction that has been waiting to be said for years so don't even make me out to be the hateful prick that you are, but it has to be said, your dead to me. Go to hell and on second thought, please come see me when your in town, I'd love to show you what pavement tastes like."

Okay, first off, a very good portion of that is completely untrue. I know the backstory not just from Kyle, but from talking to Kyle's ex girlfriend, his brother, everything else. So I know what my fiance is, and the crap about him knocking me up before I could see his life will amount to nothing is just ridiculous- I know his backstory, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Anyway, in MY opinion, the last sentence was a threat. To me, it screams threat. And, my fiance is worried when we go on vacation to visit his family and friends (to exactly where this person lives), that this person is going to try to start something.

I told Kyle that he needs to take screen shots of the conversation, showing the time and date and exactly what was said on facebook (it was said very publicly). Then, if this guy DOES try to start anything while we're there, we have a record of what was said beforehand- both on his side AND on Kyle's side. And then, if anything DOES happen, we can show that it was pre-meditated.

Kyle is the type to just let things die-- so this guy said something, so he beat me up in person, blah blah blah, we don't need to make a big deal out of it.
I am the type of person that doesn't like to see people I love get the crap beat out of them, so if this guy DOES try anything, I want records of EVERYTHING.

Here's my question: Am I going overboard by wanting to keep records and screen shots of all of this? Should I just leave it be and not worry about it? Or should I continue with my way of doing things? Kyle isn't going to stop me- he already said that I have been the one who has been through this before, and if I think it's what needs to be done, to do it, so he's not opposed to me doing it (he just personally doesn't care one way or the other). I can tell he's upset about this- the guy who posted that is his cousin. After that post, Kyle apologized, said he was really sorry for making that joke on his friend's status, and that he didn't mean any harm by it.

I just worry... when I got divorced, my ex-husband hacked into all of my accounts, facebook, everything. He hacked into my online dating profile, changed my password, then changed all the information to say things like "hobbies include clearing out an all you can eat buffet" and "too lazy to get off my fat ass to do anything but eat" I know how cyber crime works, I have a friend who works in the cyber crime department of the local Sheriff's office. I do have SOME experience with cyber crime. I don't plan on just reporting this one message-- I plan on saving it in case something DOES happen-- but like I said before, I just want your guys' opinion on if it's the right thing for me to do.

ColleenSwerb
02-12-2011, 02:58 PM
I'm more like your fiance in that I'd let it go. People talk REAL big online and never have the balls to do what they say.

But, if it makes you feel better to take a screen shot and save it, print it, whatever, then do it. There's nothing wrong with protecting yourself and if you truly think that it might happen it's better to be prepared. I pray that it doesn't come to that, but I don't see any reason NOT to protect yourself/your fiance.

SarahMD
02-12-2011, 03:29 PM
Well, in my experience (with an ex boyfried) reporting it NOW with this one incident is better suited for your case incase your fiance needs to protect you, himself, the unborn baby... anything can and will go wrong with situations like this. I would just make a casual phone call, say hey, this guy made a blantant threat... what do i do? you don't have to press charges or anything but having the POLICE have a record of this, will only help you. I'm sure they will do nothing about it now, but they have a record of it.

My ex would call my mom's house and threaten bodily harm to my now husband. Guns yada yada... I'm a bad@ss.. (NOT) kind of stuff...so when the calls got to the point where I wanted to get him for harassment the police told me i needed to report each call and then call another department of whatever it was (sorry it was back in 2003)... And when I mentioned the threats they simply asked, Well, did you call it in... NO I hadn't... so they couldn't do anything.

I'm sure you know they keep track of how many times things have been called in, visited a house... yada yada. So if you want to be on the safe side *Just In Case* just give the non emergency number a call and at least they can give you more solid direction.

Jengerbread88
02-12-2011, 04:08 PM
Okay. I may go ahead and call my friend in cyber crimes, just to see what he would do. I'm unsure about which state to contact, because we're in Kansas, and the guy who said it is in Portland... under Cyber statutes, this would actually be an FBI issue, because since it was done digitally, it affects both Portland AND Kansas departments.
However, if it DID come to physical violence, if the guy DID act on it, it would be while we're in Portland. The guy wouldn't hop a flight and come here, but my fiance and I are visiting his family and friends next month, and we are going THERE... and I'm reasonably certain the guy knows when we'll be there.

I may just make a few calls then...

Col, usually I would just drop it, and I used to be a lot like that, but after everything with my ex-husband, I'm REALLY skiddish about things like this. It kind of sucks that Kyle has to get that side of things, but... that's just how I've changed since my ex.

I'm not saying Kyle was innocent in the situation- the joke he made was rude... AND, the things this guy said tells me there's a LOT more to the situation, and that his comment wasn't necessarily about what Kyle said THIS time, but possibly was the remnant of an older feud, that I have NO idea about, or who started it, or anything...

My fiance probably did do or say things to upset this guy in the past, just like this guy has probably done or said things in the past... but when someone makes a physical threat against someone (whether they plan on acting on it or not), I do think it's kind of a big deal, and when I can tell that my fiance is legitimately worried about it, it makes me think that I DO have something to worry about... so idk. :/

Thanks for the advice! :)

SarahMD
02-12-2011, 11:21 PM
Good luck! It is hard when you start dating or getting involved with someone whose not been quite the model citizen... but when they start to change into the better person, they will have fall backs and slip ups and... gosh a lot of mess ups... but they are trying. I have one of those... 7 1/2 years into our relationship, and 3 kids later (married for nearly 7)... we're STILL trying to get him on solid ground... which he's done very well except since moving to florida.... all of a sudden being here made him want to be a kid again... idk.. that's a story for another day.

just wanna say there is hope and best wishes with your new future :)