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TeriBeary
01-06-2012, 11:59 PM
It's almost been 3 years since my boys dad and I separated. My oldest has been an issue with sleeping in here since I went back to work when he was three. His brother started joining us when I put the two in the same bedroom so the older would stay. Obviously backfired. So my kids are now 6 and 9. Two nights a month they sleep in my room. Any number of the two weeks of the month they're with me, I will wake up with one or two extra bodies with me. I'm not terribly concerned about it. They don't do it at their dad's which I say is because he has a girlfriend. My boys have never met anyone I've been dating and none of my relationships have gotten to that point. I dunno. I can't be the only one who doesn't think it's a big deal. My friend always gives me a hard time about it. She is also pretty harsh about how I parent so I should just ignore her but I wonder if they will be screwed up in some way ;p

rach3975
01-07-2012, 12:14 AM
I have a 5 year old with some sleep problems who comes into bed with us in the middle of the night once or twice a week. I'd consider it a problem if that was the only place he slept or if he slept with us most of the time, but not at this frequency. My oldest is 8 and doesn't come in with us, but he still feels young enough that it wouldn't bother me if he did it from time to time.

CA Dreamer
01-07-2012, 12:45 AM
I think as long as they have their own bed and know that your bed is yours and they are just visiting, it is ok. If they started thinking it was 'our bed', then probably you need to put your foot down.

They won't be coming in to sleep with you forever and if you are their safe haven and it doesn't disrupt your sleep too much(mommy needs her sleep too! :p), I would do the same thing.

tuneskids
01-07-2012, 01:56 AM
Quin comes and climbs into bed with me some nights when Des is up North, or he'll climbing with one of his brothers. I let him, mainly because I know he doesn't do it every night, and I have a big bed all to myself when he does climb in with me. Plus, he is my baby, I tend to indulge him. lol The others occasionally climb in with me, but normally only if they are sick. Ok, well, Cody doesn't anymore, but he sleeps like the dead no matter where he sleeps. lol

scrapperjade
01-07-2012, 02:15 AM
My best friend is a single mom to 3 kids (2 boys, 1 girl). All 3 kids still end up in her room occasionally. I used to tease her about it, but really, I don't believe there is any harm. I think for her kids, they NEED that comfort (in their case, their dad was abusive - all 3 are dealing with major emotional issues because of it).

Her kids are 12, 10, and 6 now.

nonnie
01-07-2012, 02:21 AM
Sad sad sad truth - yep... we kick him out every night and somehow he ends up at the foot of our bed every morning .... I think its just a result of me bringing him into bed when Dad was gone when he was younger ... which was/is ALL the time I figure he will just grow out of it - it has gotten better over time

JulieB146
01-07-2012, 03:20 AM
I don't think there's any harm in it, unless the boys start thinking your bed is *their* bed, KWIM?

My ten year old slept with me last night (his dad stayed on the couch after watching TV late last night) because he suddenly became upset again about our dog's death back in May. My 15 year old daughter will sometimes (rarely) sleep with me, too, if she's particularly upset, or is sick and can't get to sleep.

I think what's really at issue here is this friend who's so judgemental about your parenting style, and is making you question yourself enough that you wrote here about it!

pewtertm
01-07-2012, 09:01 AM
If it's just every once in a while, I don't see that it's a big deal. If it was every night that'd be another story.

cardinalskate
01-07-2012, 09:14 AM
I don't think there's any harm in it, unless the boys start thinking your bed is *their* bed, KWIM?
...
I think what's really at issue here is this friend who's so judgemental about your parenting style, and is making you question yourself enough that you wrote here about it!

What Julie said word for word. I don't think it's a big deal, especially so infrequently, but what's up with this "friend" of yours? :huh:

lauren grier
01-07-2012, 09:31 AM
ce's gone through some pretty serious things the past few years- sometimes he needs comfort, and finds it by snuggling with me and falling asleep with me. he's 8. he's big and heavy and it hurts me :p but it helps him.

I've heard both sides of the coin. i've had therapists ridicule me and actively work with connor to get him to stop sleeping with me. saying it was detrimential and that he needed to learn to cope on his own ((he does, but there are some demons i will never force him to face alone))... and then you have our current therapist who says that's rubbish. All animals seek comfort and safety in others. When they're in a dark cave do they spread out all over or do they make a little furry cuddle pile. Puppies do it, cats do it, it's natural. If it helps your kid sleep then so be it.

kristijoy
01-07-2012, 10:47 AM
I know lots of parents that sleep/slept with their kids. And they all grew out of it. I would just ignore your friend. You need to do what's right for your kids not somebody else.

nonnie
01-07-2012, 11:22 AM
I know lots of parents that sleep/slept with their kids. And they all grew out of it. I would just ignore your friend. You need to do what's right for your kids not somebody else.

A to the men!!!! Stop stressing it - My boy is 8 and still crawls in bed - A real friend would not harshly judge your parenting.... she might not agree but ah - you move on.... I would say that it is time to reevaluate that friendship. It's just 2 nights a month - who cares????

breakingbrie
01-07-2012, 01:17 PM
I wish we had a bigger bed so my 6 yr olds could climb into bed with us. I love their snuggles!! But dh has severe nerve damage, and can hardly sleep with me in the same bed as it is, and if a stray elbow or leg gets him, his sleep is done for the night. Now and then when one of the girls is sick or not feeling well, one of us will stay up and let the other fall asleep with the other of us in the bed, but we move them back to their own bed after they're sleeping. And any occasion that dh sleeps on the couch(lol, for comfort, not cuz I kick him out!!!) the girls are both in bed with me. They're only 6, and I think if it's comforting to all of us, there's nothing wrong with it. Like Kristi said, lots of kids do, and they grow out of it.

So, as long as you're fine with it, I would ignore your friend :)

junebug
01-07-2012, 02:27 PM
Aidan ends up in my bed with us every night. he's 5. the girls used to do the same thing. now they seep in their own beds. Emma is 6 and quit a bit sooner, i think at 3 or 4. but i hope Aidan will naturally outgrow it in time too. i don't really mind it, i'd rather deal with him sleeping beside me than to lose sleep every night fighting with him lol. my husband doesn't like it, but he doesn't really have a nurturing bone in his body....so i dont care what he says lol.

plus, Aidan is my youngest, and my last child so i don't really mind that he wants to snuggle with me :wub:

Lyd
01-07-2012, 05:29 PM
Just popping in to say that I agree with the other gals - no biggie. Personally, I don't ever let my kids sleep with me once they are out of the infant stage. But, that's not because I think it's bad parenting or that it will damage them in any way. It's just because I get NO sleep if there's a kid in my bed. There have been precious few times when one of the kids is sick or something else big is going on that I have relented for a night or two. But, mostly, for myself, I need everyone in their own beds. And, of course, if it was a situation like La has, where my child had been through something really traumatic and needed to feel safe and secure . . . well come on in. I'll sleep later. HUGS!