Tell me this would not tick you off

[jessica31876]

I cannot say what I want to to the person in question because I dont want to upset my daughter but about two weeks ago I messaged her mother in law trying to be nice because apparently I am not nice enough to her or her husband. I asked her if she would like to help with the shower. She said yes and I told her we could have lunch with my daughter and talk about it to brainstorm ideas. My daughter asked me to do the invitation and decorations on the computer. Well about two weeks ago my daughter asked if I wanted to go to lunch this friday (June 22nd which would be 11 months since my son passed away). I am still dealing with this loss and honestly do not know how I am going to feel day to day but I said yes I would go.

Then we got a supeona for court for this accident. I guess they finally decided 11 months later they were going to deal with the citation. (really that is all this guy is facing is a fine and he still plead not guilty). So we have to go and sit through god knows what just so he can save a measly 164 dollars. So I guess because I did not answer my daughter's mother in law right away about what she can "do" for the shower when she messaged me today she called my daughter and asked if we are still going on Friday because if not she can make other plans.

Court is tomorrow. I have no idea what to expect. I know I still have a lot of anger about how this happened and how it is being handled. I know it is going to be hard. I honestly do not know how I am going to feel later this week. MIL knows about the accident and my daughter told her we have court tomorrow and Friday is the 22nd. She does not care. She wants an answer tonight. Now what I want to tell her is go do whatever you feel like doing and I will plan the shower without you. You do not help your son or my daughter when they need help and we did contribute to their wedding because apparently that was another thing my daughters in-laws complained about is how it is the brides families responsibility to pay for everything. We may not have been around for the planing but umm that was sort of out of our control. I gave my daughter money for food and we gave her and her husband 1000 dollars on her wedding night. She has not even been married a year and I am sick of her mother in law and her temper tantrums. She had a fit when my daughter and her husband posted their sonogram photos on facebook before showing her.

Sorry I just really need to vent and if I dont I will send this entire message to her mother-in-law and tell her look you still have your son and daughter so you have no idea what we are dealing with and if you cannot understand that sitting in a courtroom with the man who killed your son and listen to him and his lawyer try to get him out of paying 164 dollars is going to be so fricking hard then there is something seriously wrong with you!!

[ZaCola3]

Maybe it would help if you said some of this to her-not all of it and defiantly not in anger. Maybe hearing your side of the story is exactly what she needs. I wouldn't want to use my kids as a go between because I would hate to think what they are saying-or how it could be perceived coming from them and not from me.

The person I feel worst for is your daughter, cause she is in the middle of all this drama. She feels loyalty to you I'm sure and wants to make her MIL happy as well. That is why I would remove her from this situation and YOU deal directly with the MIL concerning the shower and anything else that may arise in the future. Easier said than done I know, but it's worth a shot.

I'm sure the court date and all that other stuff can't even be comprehended by anyone who hasn't lived through it, so I doubt she is thinking about that and how close the date is and that Friday is the anniversary of your sons death. Or maybe I just think the best in people.

HUGS Jessica...I hope you get it all worked out, drama free.

[LJSDesigns]

Lord Jessica, your Daughter's MIL gets on my nerves! What a pain in the a$$! I don't think I have ever heard of anyone who is more petty! I would probably tell her off if it were me, but I'm not sure that is the wisest course of action. Perhaps having lunch and working on a happy event would be good for you. I'm sure it would make your daughter happy.

[jessica31876]

I did I just messaged her and told her the designs would be done later this week and need to be cut out but I have alot of other stuff going on this week as well. I told her once the designs are printed we would need to cut them out and put them all together but until I actually finish the designs there is really nothing to actually do since Crystal wants me to do the banner, invitations and decorations. MIL actually asked me first on facebook and because I did not respond right away she called my daughter.

ETA: Honestly I did not want to deal with her today. So I ignored her. I mean if I message someone and they do not respond I dont freak out and go call them or message them again. I wait. Ive had people miss a message and a month later be like oh I just saw this message Im sorry. Facebook sends me messages all the time that there is a new message and there isnt. What really bugged me is that my daughter told her we were going to court tomorrow so she is not really sure how I am going to feel that she knows it is going to be a hard day. His mother told her well I need to know tonight because if she is not coming I will just make other plans. My daughter called me crying because of how she was talking to her. I know my daughter is upset about tomorrow too. Our whole family is and its like to her mother in law even after being told all of this all that mattered to her were her own plans? If I had just responded to her mother in law immediately I would have pretty much said what I said up there. I feel sick about tomorrow. It will be the first time we ever see this guy in person. We have no idea what he is going to say. I have no idea how my husband is going to react. He is normally a calm person but this is something you really cannot say how you will feel until it happens. Ive talked to him and told him we cannot react to him. But the one thing I do know is it is going to hard...probably harder then going through losing him because it feels like they are telling us his life has NO value by allowing him to fight this ticket. And if he gets off of this ticket what consequences will there be for what he did?