Good Vibes please

[nun69]

I wrote a very long post and it didn't save :( I came her to say that my mother in law is in extremely bad shape in Portland Oregon while we are here in VA. She has ben steadily declining for the last few years and is at the point she needs daily help with things like bathing, taking her medications and eating. She has a friend that has been helping her a few times a week but it's gotten to the point where she needs 24 hour care/help. She goes outside barefoot, goes out with 2 different shoes on, she will turn the water on outside and forget how to turn it off, she hasn't driven in over 2 years, she can't figure out how to work or TV or phone on a daily basis, and sounds like hasn't bathed or done laundry in months. :( It's an extremely sad situation and Matt (my hubby) is her only family. Her neighbors called the police for a welfare check (and I am waiting for a call back to see what was written in the report) yesterday because they didn't have any idea when I was coming out (I am going on 9/19/21 and spending a week with her to sort out everything I can and her, I and her kitty are flying back on 9/26/21 to VA) and since my mother in law couldn't remember as well I guess they decided a welfare check was her best option :( WRONG ANSWER! So I spoke with the neighbors and they know when I am coming and they we have everything already set in motion to her and her kitty safely back to VA. They are going to make sure she is at least feed twice a day and now know that we are going to take care of her and get her the much needed help she needs.
Then my sister and I will fly back to Oregon and rent a Uhaul to bring back the possessions/things she wants us too and make the long trip back from Oregon to VA! It's the least I can do for her when she is giving up everything she has ever known and worked for her entire life.
So if you made it this far, bless you! I just wanted to say that if you don't see much of me around, so if you don't see me around much it's not because I don't LOVE you ALL :wub:, it's that there is alot going on at the Miller Zoo and most likely will be for at least the next2-3 months. I am not the praying type, but my mother in law could us all the prayers, fingers crossed, good luck vibes you can send her way for an easy & smooth transition across country :)

[iScrap]

Sending you and your family love and prayers. I hope her transition goes smoothly and all travels are safe for everyone and kitty!

[tjscraps]

Sending you and your family all the thoughts I can - good luck, that's a tricky situation!

[LynnZant]

That is such a huge transition for all of you. I hope it goes well. It's wonderful she has a loving family in her time of need.

[LJSDesigns]

Sending you positive thoughts. Sounds like your MIL has dementia to me, which it a horrible thing. My mom lived with me through hers until she could not be left alone for any length of time. Before that I had home health care for her while I was at work and then I was with her afterward. To be honest, I didn't realize how bad she was until a doctor told me she was end stage. When you are dealing with it every day, it is very easy to overlook the progression because you are busy just dealing. Bless you and your entire family as you take on this challenge. Hopefully the transition will be smooth and your MIL will flourish in your care.

[rach3975]

It's so hard when family needs you and you're across the country feeling helpless! I'm glad you've got a plan in place, and I hope the transition goes as smoothly as possible.

[weaselwatchr]

That's a lot to deal with. Sending prayers to you and your family.

[bumblebeee]

Sending you positive vibes for safe travelling, nice weather, finding the best solution for care of your mother in law, and the strength to you and your family as you work through this transition.

[joelsgirl]

Your attitude really makes me love you even more. She's lucky to have you for a daughter-in-law, Angie. I'm praying that she'll stay safe and well cared for until you get there and that the move will not be too hard on her or you.

[carrie1977]

Oh gosh...I'm so sorry...sending prayers that she stays well until you get there and things go well with the transition. :wub:

[stephc777]

That is so hard! Prayers for you as you travel and try to get things in order to facilitate her move!

[Lidia G]

You are an amazing, kind and thoughtful daughter in law to take on such a huge task. Sending positive vibes that all goes well.

[Leablahblah]

Saw your post on Facebook. Thinking of you and I hope this transition will be smooth for you all.

[nun69]

Sending you positive thoughts. Sounds like your MIL has dementia to me, which it a horrible thing. My mom lived with me through hers until she could not be left alone for any length of time. Before that I had home health care for her while I was at work and then I was with her afterward. To be honest, I didn't realize how bad she was until a doctor told me she was end stage. When you are dealing with it every day, it is very easy to overlook the progression because you are busy just dealing. Bless you and your entire family as you take on this challenge. Hopefully the transition will be smooth and your MIL will flourish in your care.
She does have diagnosed dementia (and has had it for at least 3-4 years progressively getting worse) and I am afraid she is pretty bad off. Don't think she has seen a doctor in over 2 years and pretty sure she is not taking her medication on a regular basis :( Luckily I am retired so have the ability to take care of her for as long as I can and she luckily has the funds to have a care taker come in if we need to. I'm afraid if we put her in any type of nursing home/assisted living she will completely loose her will to live (especially if she can't take her kitty ;( )...so I am going to do a much for her as I physically can. Also having a background of 26+ years in the medical field taking care of patients, I have the experience to tend to her more so than most (at least I think I do). So here's to hoping for q smooth transition in 11 days :)

[bcgal00]

Prayers for a save trip to get your mom-in-law home with family. You're a good DIL.

[LJSDesigns]

She does have diagnosed dementia (and has had it for at least 3-4 years progressively getting worse) and I am afraid she is pretty bad off. Don't think she has seen a doctor in over 2 years and pretty sure she is not taking her medication on a regular basis :( Luckily I am retired so have the ability to take care of her for as long as I can and she luckily has the funds to have a care taker come in if we need to. I'm afraid if we put her in any type of nursing home/assisted living she will completely loose her will to live (especially if she can't take her kitty ;( )...so I am going to do a much for her as I physically can. Also having a background of 26+ years in the medical field taking care of patients, I have the experience to tend to her more so than most (at least I think I do). So here's to hoping for q smooth transition in 11 days :)

Dementia is so tricky. But with your background I am sure you know more about it and are better equipped to deal with it then I was. I had my mom with me as long as possible too, 15 years, but in the end, I couldn't take care of her and work and I have to work.

My brother is retired and could have done it, his wife is a home healthcare nurse, but he didn't want to even though she nursed him through a long bout with cancer. He said it was too much work. That is still a touchy subject between the two of us.

Trust me, I am not a fan of nursing homes, but sometimes you have to make hard choices. Between me, my sister and my son, she had a visitor each and every day and we made sure she was being cared for. At that point, it was all we could do.

But you are right, once they give up it goes quickly. My mom and dad both went fast in the end. Dad, it was a conscious decision, he asked us to let him go, but I am not so sure with mom. She stopped eating and refused all medication, except the pain meds, and was gone within two weeks.

As her guardian, I did not ask that they force anything on her to try to keep her alive because I knew she did not want that. It was hard to be the one to say let her go. There are days I wonder and worry if I did the right thing, and it will be three years on Friday.

After her passing, the first thing I did once my life settled down was do my Estate planning so no one has to make hard choices for me. It's all in writing, because just knowing my mom's wishes was not enough, I had to be able to legally act in her benefit, which is why I was her guardian. You don't even want to know what it cost me in legal fees to become her guardian.

I had tried to talk her into estate/funeral planning previously, but she would not do it because she didn't want anyone running her life. The only way to run your own life at the end it to have a plan in place, otherwise you have no say at all. Estate plan, people. Not only for your benefit but to also ease the burden on those you love. (another soapbox item for me. lol)

Everything about this is just another reason why getting old is not for whimps. ;)

[HeatherB]

Sorry you (and your MIL) are going through this. Prayers for a safe trip. You are definitely a good DIL. Sher is lucky to have you.

[carrie1977]

Dementia is so tricky. But with your background I am sure you know more about it and are better equipped to deal with it then I was. I had my mom with me as long as possible too, 15 years, but in the end, I couldn't take care of her and work and I have to work.

My brother is retired and could have done it, his wife is a home healthcare nurse, but he didn't want to even though she nursed him through a long bout with cancer. He said it was too much work. That is still a touchy subject between the two of us.

Trust me, I am not a fan of nursing homes, but sometimes you have to make hard choices. Between me, my sister and my son, she had a visitor each and every day and we made sure she was being cared for. At that point, it was all we could do.

But you are right, once they give up it goes quickly. My mom and dad both went fast in the end. Dad, it was a conscious decision, he asked us to let him go, but I am not so sure with mom. She stopped eating and refused all medication, except the pain meds, and was gone within two weeks.

As her guardian, I did not ask that they force anything on her to try to keep her alive because I knew she did not want that. It was hard to be the one to say let her go. There are days I wonder and worry if I did the right thing, and it will be three years on Friday.

After her passing, the first thing I did once my life settled down was do my Estate planning so no one has to make hard choices for me. It's all in writing, because just knowing my mom's wishes was not enough, I had to be able to legally act in her benefit, which is why I was her guardian. You don't even want to know what it cost me in legal fees to become her guardian.

I had tried to talk her into estate/funeral planning previously, but she would not do it because she didn't want anyone running her life. The only way to run your own life at the end it to have a plan in place, otherwise you have no say at all. Estate plan, people. Not only for your benefit but to also ease the burden on those you love. (another soapbox item for me. lol)

Everything about this is just another reason why getting old is not for whimps. ;)

When my grandfather was diagnosed with Alzheimer's the first thing my grandmother did was start planning for the both of them. It was such a good thing once my mom and her siblings had to take over for her affairs once my grandfather was gone. They even planning all of the funeral details and expenses. All my mom and her siblings had to do was plan the little things.

Also, having someone help with the care-taking was really important, too. My grandmother took care of him for as long as she could but it really took a toll on her health also...and she was eleven years younger than him. Once they arranged for a little help from the VA she was able to rest some. Also, they can be pretty mean to people and ones that are trained to handle that sort of thing makes things better mentally on the person caring for them. (just our experience...may not be everyone's experience)

[Neverland Scraps]

Oh no! I'm so sorry to read your post. My heart breaks for you and your family right now as you guys are flipping your schedules around to lend hands and be there for your MIL. Lots of prayers being said for safe travels, wisdom and strength to get through these next few weeks of challenges and changes. :wub:

[StacyLynn]

Oh my! Lots of prayers and positive thoughts for you and your family!!!

[LJSDesigns]

When my grandfather was diagnosed with Alzheimer's the first thing my grandmother did was start planning for the both of them. It was such a good thing once my mom and her siblings had to take over for her affairs once my grandfather was gone. They even planning all of the funeral details and expenses. All my mom and her siblings had to do was plan the little things.

Also, having someone help with the care-taking was really important, too. My grandmother took care of him for as long as she could but it really took a toll on her health also...and she was eleven years younger than him. Once they arranged for a little help from the VA she was able to rest some. Also, they can be pretty mean to people and ones that are trained to handle that sort of thing makes things better mentally on the person caring for them. (just our experience...may not be everyone's experience)

Yeah, my mom wasn't belligerent, she was a weeper. Now my uncle held off the state and federal authorities with a shotgun for hours after his wife called because he was having a violent outburst. When they were arraigning him, he tried to attack the judge and he was totally out of control in jail. (It wasn't where he needed to be, but was the result of his actions.) Once they got through the legal stuff and got him in a nursing home, it wasn't much better. He's broken out twice now. Only one who can calm him is my aunt who works there. Crazy thing is he couldn't stand her before the dementia and now he adores her.

[AmieN1]

Just (hugs) & good vibes for you & your family!

[TraceyM]

I'm so sorry that your MIL has been going downhill like this - sounds like dementia from some cause - which is just too common these days and thus she will likely and sadly continue to decline. She is lucky to have a DIL willing to help her transition to the next and difficult stage in her life.

If you are looking towards a care/assisted living facility, look early as better ones may have longer wait times to get in. Her care may consume your life as she becomes less and less able to handle her personal needs.

My mom has Alzheimer's and like all forms of dementia, it is a heartbreaking journey to be on.

[nun69]

[QUOTE=carrie1977;1063063131

Also, having someone help with the care-taking was really important, too. My grandmother took care of him for as long as she could but it really took a toll on her health also...and she was eleven years younger than him. Once they arranged for a little help from the VA she was able to rest some. Also, they can be pretty mean to people and ones that are trained to handle that sort of thing makes things better mentally on the person caring for them. (just our experience...may not be everyone's experience)[/QUOTE]

Yeah hank goodness I am a tough cookie cause I don't think there is much she can say or do (unless it has to do with my kids) that I can't just chalk up to her disease. I know she will get to the point that neither Matt nor I will be able to physically care for her, but until then I want to do the best I can. And yes I wish Matt had have been more forceful in getting her to get her affairs straight (she only has 2 brothers in Indiana and Matt is an only child) with a will, advance directive, POA and her wishes because I am not sure she is in the right mind now to actually be able to do that(competently) in front of a lawyer :( But we are hoping for the best and I talked to her today and reassured her that I would be there in 10 days and to call me if she was starting to feel uncertain, anxious or just uneasy :)

[mywisecrafts]

good vibes your way!

[littlekiwi]

Hugs, I totally understand some of what you are going through. Right now my family are supporting my 84 year old grandmother who has dementia. Due to lockdown restrictions she can't move into assisted living quite yet so family have been supporting her 24/7 pretty much. At the moment my mum is with her until early next week when she is likely to be back at work 4 days a week.

[bienejen]

Good luck with the move and transition. Your MIL is lucky to have good neighbors who can keep an eye on her for a little bit longer.

[MamaBee]

Good luck and safe travels. I pray it all goes as smoothly as it can and she adjusts to all the changes.