Random Question: Words
 

I love words. I think there is so much power in the written and spoken word and when they are put together well, it is a beautiful thing. Having said that, there is one word that I just don't like. It's not a bad word in any way, but it just peeves me off and that word is deserve.

I guess I just don't agree with the concept that people deserve or don't deserve things. I think people work for things and they earn them and I think bad things happen to everyone at different times and have nothing to do with anything we did or didn't do. I know it is just semantics, but there is a sense of entitlement to the word deserve that just grates on my nerves.

Do you have a regular word that just gets to you for some reason? If so, I would love to hear about it. Honestly, I want to believe that I am not the only person out there who has a strong dislike for what is a commonly used, and relatively harmless, word.

I have one! It's "curvy" as a polite synonym for plus size. It bugs me to no end.

First, I think it's just confusing. I'm overweight but not curvy--I have a very straight build. So when clothing designers and stores use the word curvy, are they trying to say plus size or do they mean shaped for people with an hourglass figure? When you're shopping online, there's a big difference between the two. A few years ago curvy always meant the latter, but now there's no way to know.

Second, it would be wonderful if body size was a neutral and held no judgements, but we all know that's not reality. I can't help but wonder what using "curvy" like this is doing to the body image of teens and young adults who have a body type that is legitimately curvy (not overweight).

There are so many words/language that bother me.....a lot within the disability/accessibility space. A lot of the time it comes from misunderstanding or the fact society has evolved. The word or phrase that bothered me the most was a government benefit name that I was receiving as a person with a long term disability or health need. Pre mid 2013, it was known as “invalids benefit” which I hated.....just because I have a disability or long term health condition doesn’t make me invalid automatically. In actual fact for a portion of that time I was actually working very part time and or studying either part time or full time. The government support payment is now known as “supported living payment” which at least in name only is a far far more positive way of framing the concept. With the name change, while I hate that I’m still receiving it 10+ years down the track I at least am able to say that I’m ok with the name of it.

It really shows the power of words and overall language when it comes to certain “taboo” subjects.....it can be as simple as using people first language. Rather than using “disabled person” change it to be “person with a disability” or removing the idea that people with disabilities “suffer”.

Agree wholeheartedly - while I am most definitely plus size, the wording and concept frustrates me to no end without even taking into consideration that all curvy/plus size is not equal....ie: we aren’t all 6 feet tall with double DD cups or larger....wish the designers would take that into consideration but that’s going off topic!

What about: He worked so hard to get that A. He deserved it.
Is the word still bothering you then?

I have a few words I don't like to say but not really because of the meaning. I hate underwear being called skibs (I don't even know how to spell it). I don't like the words sleuth/sleuthing, nickers (like the horse does)... I know there are others but I can't remember them now.

Still bothers me, which I know is probably silly. I would rather hear "he worked so hard to earn that A."

As to curvy, yes, I get that. I am a plus sized woman and have no boobs, so curvy frustrates me as well. As do all the plus sized tops for women with big chests. They look cute, until I put one on and the bodice is at my belly. Not so cute.

Since my father was a paraplegic, I think I am more sensitive to those types of words as well. If anyone dared to say my dad was a cripple, I would have handed them their ass. He may not have been able to walk, but his heart, his mind and his spirit were not crippled and he was the strongest person I have even known.

In light of words like that, it seems silly to have such a dislike for deserve, but I do. Always have. Most likely always will. It may not deserve my dislike, but it has earned it. LOL

I feel exactly the same way about the word deserve, Lori. For me some of it stems from what I believe about us as humans and who God is. What we "deserve" is usually not what we actually do deserve (in all honesty... have you ever felt like someone deserved to win the lottery? Or when they win an Emmy or award of some kind I often think someone else deserved it more... LOL) and what someone bad "deserves" is usually not the punishment we see fit, or TOO much punishment. To me it's not my place to say that word... so I avoid it. LOL That's too funny that someone else avoids it too!

I don't dislike "deserve," but I tend to avoid it, too. To me, we all deserve basic human rights, like a safe place to live, enough food to eat, freedom to make our own choices, caring adults who act in our best interest (for kids), etc. I don't use deserve for things we might earn, have or not have happen, or anything other than basic rights type stuff.

Wow, that's a terrible name for the living assistance you were receiving! At least they finally changed it.

It's funny because I really dislike plus size. I'm 6ft tall and my family are curvy LOL, we have boobs and butts and the occasional tummy. We are built. I dislike the idea of plus - because what does plus size mean? If I wear a 16 because my genetics mean my butt and boobs are NEVER fitting in a size 10 why am I plus anything? I hear you re: curvy, but like everything it's contextual right?

Brooke, this makes me feel so much better about it! Thank you!

It's funny because I was just griping about this the other day. There was one of those ads that was like "go ahead, you deserve it" or something along those lines. I hate the modern use of deserve to mean that everyone "deserves" everything that they want.

The use of the work deserve in the context of earning something you've worked for doesn't bug me though. I kind of feel like that's how it should be used -- assuming it's true.

I don't want to put words in your mouth, Lorie, but it seems that you dislike how the word "deserve" has been misappropriated to mean "entitled." That's how I feel about the word, so maybe I'm just projecting my own feelings onto you. If so, I apologize!

The word "deserve" is defined as "to be worthy of" or "to have a just claim" (IOW: the RIGHT to something), but in normal conversation that isn't how it's being used. When I hear it, usually what people mean is "I want this and because of who I am [a man, a White person, a person in a position of power], then I should get it, no questions asked." I don't like that sense of entitlement and, on a personal level, I'm working not to act entitled and help those negatively impacted by the actions of those who think they "deserve" more than others.

That is a great distinction to make, and yes, it is how it is being used that gets to me the most.

I still prefer to say a person worked for something or earned it rather than say deserve because those ways recognize that they did something to get what they wanted. I think it is important that people, especially kids, know that you get what you work for, not what you think you "deserve."

No need to apologize because yeah, that is what gets to me, the sense of entitlement for the positive use of it.

For the negative, I guess I just think it is important to realize that there are bad things that happen to everyone that have nothing to do with who they are, their actions or anything else. They just happen and no one ever "deserves" them. No one.

I've always treated the word "hate" as a bad word with my kids...even though I often say "I hate it when that happens..." but if any of them ever said they hated someone, I treated it like they dropped the f-bomb. Now that they're older I'm sure they use it more often but if I ever hear them use it directed at a person instead of a thing they still get a lecture...I was the same with shut up, stupid, moron, idiot...my poor kids thought shut up was the worst swear word for a long time. I guess I don't like words that are used to make people feel bad...

I agree, 100%.