NSBR: Tubal ligation or other BC options? Advice needed please!
 

Sorry I know this is personal, but you gals always tell me like it is, so I want to know what you think. My husband and I have been married almost 10 years and have 7 year old son and 5 year old daughter. We had always said we wanted 3 kids, but after our second one, we both decided we are done and neither of us have had second thoughts.

---I've been on low-estrogen BC pill since I was about 18 years old, so I don't even remember what I was like without the pill. My sex drive is awful on the pill- (which sucks because my husband is awesome, I just never think about it until he's initiated it). I'd THINK my drive would be better off hormones which would be better for both of us too.

---I take the pills back-to-back to avoid the 3 days migraine headaches that come with the placebo pill week. I don't remember having those when I was off the pill TTC. Of course, that also means I've been only having a couple periods a year so that'd be an adjustment.

---All that said, I'm only 32 and the "what if's" pop into my head. (Like what if Ryan Reynolds wants me to have his baby? j/k ;) ) My doctor said twice when we talked that I was young and needed to be 1000% sure...

So I'm pretty sure I want to get off the pill, but don't want another baby either (that idea of ME with another baby makes me cringe, which tells me I'm done!) I was thinking of having a tubal ligation but I keep hearing it's be easier, less painful, etc. for hubby to have a vasectomy...

Anyone have any advice regarding BC? Just a little scared to do anything permanent...

Look at me with all the medical advice tonight lol!

I would definitely push for your hubby to get the snippy lol...just b/c for you it would be a major surgery and for him not so much.

I did have my tubes cut, but it was b/c I ended up having to have a section with DD and they had me opened up anyway...if I had her naturally though we had agreed that DH would have had the big V.

I've not had any trouble from my tubal though I've heard some people complain of heavier cycles etc.

I had my tubes tied when I was very young. I had three kids at that point and knew I did not want any more. I am glad I had it done. I dont have to worry about getting pregnant or taking a pill or whether we had protection. That being said it is much easier for the man to have a vasectomy (less invasive & shorter recovery) and it is supposedly easier to reverse if you ever did want another child. I had mine done when I was having my son. I had a c-section so it was easy to go in and snip it and I was done (well probably more then a snip LOL). Only thing is I have way heavier periods now and alot more painful periods which my dr insists is not due to the tubal but I have heard the same story from soooo many woman!!

The one positive thing is it really does increse your sex drive not having to think about any BC.

I totally agree with Nikki. It's a major deal for your tubes to get tied, but it's just a little snip for him.

well a great option is an IUD. I've had several over the years and LOVE (yes, it needs capital letters to say how thrilled I am) the Mirena IUD. I don't have any periods, just a day or two of spotting a year. When I talk to my girlfriends about it, the biggest questions are "will my husband feel it" and "does it hurt to have it put in". No, your husband won't feel it. However if he is big and typically bumps your cervix dramatically hard (OMG, can't believe I'm typing this) then you might feel it, but adjust your position and that feeling goes away. And as for the insertion pain, I didn't think it was any worse than a typical pap. I've had 4 inserted over the years. It works most painlessly if you are currently on your period when you have it inserted because your cervix is already open and flexible. But, I've had it inserted without being on a period and it wasn't too bad either.

Anyway, don't know if an IUD is something you are interested in, but it's a great semi-long term solution. :) And I'm waiting for Ryan Reynolds too. :)

I am 22 and just had my tubes tied in October. I have three wonderful kids and do not plan to get pregnant again. Hubby & I agreed that should we have the desire to add to our family then we can adopt.

I had the tubal done at the same time I had an emgerncy c-section.

BIG DITTO to Julie. I have Mirena too and I LOVE it. I had heard horror stories but honestly I think if you have a good doctor it is not a problem. I haven't had periods or spotting in over a year. I feel a twinge and little bit of bloating. But that is about it. I knew when I had my second I was done, but DH is refusing to get snipped and I'm not putting myself through major surgery when he can have an outpatient procedure. So Mirena is the compromise.

Well I've had my tubal, but by the advice by my mother that kept ringing in my head, what if you get a divorce and you still don't want to have any kids... do you want him to be carefree about having more kids or you? I know what that sounds like, but my mom and dad got divorced after 23 years of marriage. And to this day I'm glad I did it (2 years ago, about 3 days after having my final baby girl (who was a big surprise, I was only 23 and she was my 3rd).

It was the recovering from surgery part that was hard, I had a newborn and a toddler and a less than willing to help husband... (oh wait i still have that). I was sore from the surgery (in my tummy area), I was incredibly sore all over! It was so hard to move for like 3 days after the surgery... Like I had run a marathon or got hit by a bus!

I'd advise on the IUD because you still have the what ifs... and a ligation is major surgery.

I also had a tubal done during a c-section. I can tell you that my periods are definitely heavy, more painful, and last longer. If you haven't had a "real" period in years, it will definitely be an adjustment for you.

It sounds like you are a little on the fence about future pregnancies. If that is the case, I would definitely NOT get a tubal. It is not really reversible. Some are, but most aren't and your doctor will really drive that home in the consultation. They made me sign two authorizations weeks prior to the surgery and then I had to give a verbal go ahead in the presence of the entire surgical team. They are very serious about it. It is MAJOR surgery for you. I would definitely consider other options before going forward.

My friend also has an IUD and loves it. No periods. 5 years worth of contraception and it is reversible.

Good luck with your decision!

Ditto. DH's doctor had him take a Valium (I think) about half an hour before I drove him in for the procedure...so let me tell you, the man wasn't worried about it at all..in fact, he was singing loopy songs in the waiting room. He had it done on a Friday, laid around the house all weekend (not a huge switch LOL), and was back to work on Monday.

And I wanted to add that even if you are sure you don't want anymore an IUD is a great solution. I'm 40 and have a 19 year old and a 7 year old, I don't really want to go back to babyland. So that is why I've had back to back IUDs. When this one is due to come out, I'll have another put in.

and on the big V- if he has it done, make sure he does the follow up sperm count visits. My husband's friend had to go back for about 6 months for counts. And his wife had to stay on BCP until he had finally stopped making sperm.

dh getting snipped is the way to go. :) Jeff had his procedure about 2 months before JJ was born. :)

My hubby just did the snippy on Friday. The procedure is easy (just a visit to the Dr. one morning for an hour or so). Then lounging around for a few days with ice packs. He'll be back to work on Monday. I'm amazed he's had VERY LITTLE PAIN! He's been taking ibuprofen since yesterday. I thought for sure he would need the oxycodone perscription, but nope. I think one weekend of lazying around for a lifetime of .... you get the picture. Definately worth iti!

If you're scared to do anything permanent, take that as a sign that you shouldn't do anything permanent!

My mother did it after her second child, and has regretted it constantly since then. She had hers not only tied off, but the ends burned, to make getting pregnant impossible...

If you want to do something "permanent," I would encourage your husband to get a vasectomy- at least in most cases that can be reversed if you changed your mind.

I had mine after baby #3. I didn't think my recovery was that bad. I had a scheduled c-section & since we were done with baby #2 & then surprise... well it was determined that I was getting it done. It was this past March, and I was almost 26. I read lots of horror stories about periods that were more painful, heavier etc.

Prior to, I had really bad cramps/back pain with every period & they lasted for almost a week. Cycle varied from month to month.
Now, almost like clockwork, it comes, heavy, painless & is gone within 4 days.

I would also suggest a big V for the hubby (mine was going to get his done, but it was too late, I got PG) it's much less of a procedure for men than women. And, afterall you already have done ALOT, with 2 kids and all. ;)

**on a side note, they tease my SIL for being really short. Say it's attributed to getting "shorted" because my FIL had the big snip done**

I agree with maybe trying the Mirena IUD. I am on my second and haven't had any problems. I have super light/no period each month. Also, if you do decided to have another baby...I got pregnant right after my first postemoval period.

My husband had a vascetomy 6 years ago and it was the best decision we ever made. I still have the ability to have kids if my sister or SIL need help (LOL!). It was a short procedure, relatively low risk, his recovery was really only 1-2 days, but he was sore for a few weeks. I say get him snipped and get off those pills!

I was 29 when I had my tubal. I had it after I gave birth to my second daughter via c-section. I knew I didn't want any more kids so I was fine with it. If I didn't have a c-section, DH would've definitely had a vasectomy as it's less evasive, but I figured since the doctors were in there, they might as well do it!

I had my tubal 5 years ago when the doctors discovered that my kidneys aren't strong enough to survive a pregnancy. It was an outpatient procedure, and I was home in the afternoon, however, it is still considered major surgery and the recovery time was about 4-5 weeks. I can't say that my cycles are any heavier than they were prior to the surgery, but I would still recommend that you have your hubby get the snip. First of all, the snip can be reversed, whereas a tubal is completely permanent (which was why that was my route, it's impossible for me to carry a baby). And secondly, it's a very minor procedure for men. I have two family members who have had it done and both were back to work within 2 days of having it.

I had my tubes tied the day after I had my son. Nothing to it, tiny little cut, I was down about a week, seriously and that was including having the baby. The site the did the surgery at was just a little tender. My scar is only about 2 inches long.

As far as cycles, mine are very heavy now, and I'm more emotional than I ever was before. I seriously usually use a tampon and a pad. Before they only lasted about 3 or 4 days, now its like 5-7 days and I have terrible craps, where I rarely had them before.

You should check into esure. It's not reversable, that's the only reason I didn't do it. Not that I want to reverse my tubal, but I could if I wanted to I guess. The Esure is done in the office, read up on it. Might be a good route.

I have the Mirena and LOVE it. Its so easy, doesn't hurt at all and made my periods so short and so light. Plus they are really reliable.

I had mine tied and I have lighter periods. I think everyone is different and has a different result in that area. Personally I would have made DH get snipped but they were already in there for a c-section.

I had mine done during the c-section or I probably would have made hubby get the snippy snippy. Even now I'm terrified that there's going to be some kind of freak miracle and I'll get pregnant again. lol I'd feel so much better if he'd just get it done, too.

My periods are heavier but it's certainly nothing I regret having done.

I'd have the hubster get it done!;) You carried and birthed the kids!

I'd go for the 5-yr IUD (LOVE it), and then maybe something more permanent after that. You can always take the IUD out early if you change your mind and want another one.

Mirena IUD! Freaking awesome!

I have mine as treatment for endo & I heartly endorse it. I haven't had a period in 2 years. No mood swings, only occasional cramping. It's great! And good for 5 years.

DH had the snip for BC purposes before my endo treatment got around to offering the IUD & it was a really easy surgery for him. Seriously easy. Like he was back in the saddle & ready to go, as it were, 2 days later. :)

I love the Mirena too! I am due to get a new one soon, and I hope it goes just as easily as the first! No periods for me either, that is just a great added bonus IMHO. :)

I'm 350% positive I don't want any more, but I still go with the IUD. I have no qualms about doing something permanent, but the something permanent doesn't make my periods stop, so I'll stick with the IUD. I'm about to get my 2nd one in and I love it.

Thank you ladies... I knew I could get some advice here. If my life situation doesn't change, I know I don't want any more kids, and I do see my husband and I together for life, but with the divorce rate being so high, I think I should pay it some mind just in case.

Question for the Mirena users- I'm going to go research online, and maybe even search the forum as I remember a thread about BCP where someone mentioned Mirena, but my problem with hormones (the pill) is that it kills my drive. Have you noticed any issues with that?

Thanks again for your advice in this matter- I know it's personal, but I appreciate your help! :)

Woot! Gotta give props to the big V :thumbup:

Yeah... Hubby said something getting a vasectomy awhile back, but then hasn't mentioned it again... I'm gathering research to show him. Of course one of his STUPID friends told him he had a horrible experience, etc. but when my friends told me pregnancy horror stories, it didn't keep me from getting pg and doing great with both, you know?

It sure does seem easier for him to do it. I'd think the idea that my drive would be back would be enough to get him to schedule it... we'll see. Gonna talk to him again this week about it. A small incision in the scrotum when you only need a local and some ice packs can't be that bad!

The best part is one of the local urologists is Richard Chopp... yep... the hubby isn't keen on going to Dr. Dick Chopp! LOL

LOL!! Yep...I can totally understand that! That's too funny!

And yes, I wanted to say I've been on LoEstrin BCP for about 9 or 10 years now. It has totally killed my sex drive (well, not totally...but I can do without it for quite awhile LOL)...I was bleeding so heavily for years though that I went on them for hormonal reasons. My dh had a vasectomy about 18 years ago.

I thought about going off of them recently, but because I'm 49 the doctor said most likely I'm peri menopausal or in full swing, and I could literally go wacko. This is keeping my hormones in check right now and making this transition into menopause much easier.

Also, I completely calmed down once I went on BCP. Even though it leveled me out with my sex drive, it also leveled me out with my emotions. I found I got upset at the kids a lot less, didn't find myself crying as much, etc...That part I've really enjoyed. So...it's a trade off. I don't know if you had some of those other problems pre-bcp!

Are you serious???
I'm not sure I can talk Charlie into going to see him.

Crap.


:D

Loestrin killed my drive, too. If DH didn't initiate, I didn't even think about it.

As for the Dick Chopp thing.... he says he'd probably steer clear of him, but that it would be better than being an OB with that name. He's afraid the ideas women would get during labor if their doctor was Dick Chopp.

I don't have any drive problems, but who knows.

TRIPLE ditto! LOL.

Hurt like hell having it put in, but I've never given birth vaginally (had to have two c-sections :( ) so I wonder if that made a difference. But I haven't had a period in a YEAR! And I'm like you...I'm 36, but thinking, well, what IF we decide we want another at some point?? :)

I'd really love to know this too!

Go with the IUD if the man wont get the old snip snip. You have 2 options a 3-5 year one or the 10 year. I have the 10 year and once its due for a new one I will get another by then I am hoping I will have gone through menapause and wont need another after that. LOL

My dh had a vasectomy after we had #3. He drug his feet, complained, whined, tried to get me to have my tubes tied, the whole nine yards. I finally called and made the appointment and told him to be there. He was nervous but it really was a simple procedure and after a weekend of acting like a baby and showing me his business every 5 seconds (lol) he was back to normal. Easy and effective if you're sure you're done and best of all, no more extra hormones for you! :)

I didn't read what everybody said but my DH had a vasectomy after Peyton was bron {4 kids later :p} and he said he would do it again....my BIL also had a vasectomy after their 3rd one....it really is less invasive than you having a tubal. And I haven't been on any BC since...LOVE it {other than the whole monthly thing!}