Need Some Desperate Advice!
 

As most of you know my DH and I have custody of our 8 yr. old granddaughter. I believe we are doing a good job with raising her. She is in 3rd grade and A/B student. She doesn't go without and we have provided for her 100% without any help from any other family members who by the way want to tell me what is best for her and don't want to lift a hand to help! I do get a small check $165.00 from the state because her Mother and Dad DOES NOT support her monetary wise because that is what the court wants. They don't have to pay to help us which I think is ridiculous.
I have recently found out she is allergic to peanuts, eggs and potatoes. And numerous weeds, trees, grasses and mold. We can deal with that.
Here comes the problem. My stepson, Adrienne's uncle and his new bride want us to give them Adrienne. They believe they can provide better for her. I AM NOT giving her up without a fight! They don't like the idea of me seeking counseling for her. She has very bad anger issues and I believe with all my heart they need to be addressed. Since I am with her more than any of them, including all the family members combined I feel that it is in my right to do so. They are so afraid she will be put on drugs for her problems and I am not opposed to that but they are. Please tell me I am right in sticking to my ground and they are wrong!
Oh by the way her Mother was arrested yesterday for violation of her probation.

I don't understand why they would be against counseling, that is ridiculous! Also, some of her allergy issues could have contributed to her anger issues, between getting that under control, and the counseling there is a chance drugs won't even be discussed. If it is the drugs idea that has the other family members so upset, I would assure them that you will only resort to that after trying all other avenues to help her.

Good luck!!

Oh, and here is an article on food allergies and anger in child - http://longtimemother.hubpages.com/h...Child-So-Angry If you Google it, you can find more.

Wow! I didn't know that food allergies could be associated with anger issues. I will definately talk to her counselor about that. Thank you so much for your advice.

I totally agree with Jenn. I am a foster/adoptive parent and have been put in your shoes a few times. Here is the bottom line.........you are the legal guardian. It is your job to do the best of your ability to protect and take care of that child. Sounds to me that you are doing just that. Hang in there! You are doing a great job. Just keep your focus on her and you will exceed anything that her bio-parents would of been able to do. ((HUGS))

I don't have much to offer since I've never been in this situation... but I do want to send you a big hug!! You have many years of experience and are the closest to the situation... and I personally think it's horrible that her uncle wants to upset her life once again... how is that having her best interests at heart?

It sounds like you are doing for her what she needs. I hate that other people always think they know what is best yet don't step up to really help, just bark opinions instead. :(

Thank you all for your support! This little girl has been in our lives for most of her life and we have had custody of her for the last 4 of those years. To disrupt her now in my opinion would be devastating to her.

I think you are doing exactly what you need to do for HER. There is NOTHING wrong with counseling and sometimes having a 3rd party is the best thing for a child!

oh goodness (((hugs)))

and yes, there is totally a connection between food allergies and hormones and anger issues, it's why we try to live as grain free and dairy free as possible...

will be thinking of you and your granddaughter (((hugs)))

i agree... go for the counseling AND that can help your case should the uncle push it to court. Stay strong.

I don't see how any judge would want to take this child away from you. The fact that you are getting her counseling would be a point in your favor -- you realize she needs help and are getting it for her. I can't see how your stepson could argue they would be more fit custodians because they don't want to get her counseling. I'm sorry they disagree with the counseling and are making this difficult, but I don't think you have to worry about losing custody.

Never knew about the allergies and anger correlation...huh....learn something new every day.

I totally commend you for raising your granddaughter and providing a life for her. I'm sorry that your son thinks he can do better. It seems as though you try every possible way to provide for her and care for her.

Oh, and weren't you the one that posted about a missing niece? Was there an update to that story?

Yes she was found. She was with her boyfriend and her boyfriend's mother. Both the boyfriend and his mother told the grandmother they hadn't seen her, but she was with them the whole time.

If you are already worried about her anger issues they will only get worse if you disrupt her life again. She needs some stability in her life after going through so much at such a young age. I've seen friends who have adopted kids who went through tough infant/toddlerhoods, and those kids have a lot to deal with. If nothing else, counseling may help YOU to know how to help her work through those tough emotions! Best of luck with everything!

Well how nice of them to lie for her...geez...I'm glad she's ok.

one word over and over
Document, document, document
the courts have to go by the law, and sadly not always the emotional best avenue for the child. Have doctor's documents, times and dates of everything, take photos of things.
Things may get ugly, prepare her and your family for the onslaught...
see about mediation...talk to a social worker about a court apointed special advocate (casa) for her, that can battle for her in court, gives her a voice without having to be in the midst of the ugly. There are also guardian ad litems to be assigned that really can help you for her.
Sometimes the GAL can help you see the whole picture.
I am a foster to adopt mom to 7, and the system is wacked, but YOU FIGHT for the voice of that child! hugs to you, pray if you do, because without my faith in God, there ins NO way I could do this route in life!

As an educator in the public schools, I can tell you that allergies most definitely contribute to anger issues as does sleep apnea.

I wish you all the best with your grand daughter. You need to document everything.