I'm so sorry to hear about your husband! **hugs**
I know how it feels...although I haven't lost anyone I love, I've lost myself a few years ago. And I know how you feel about wanting to feel alive again. I was hospitalized a few times in a mental ward for bipolar, and getting back to 'normal' life had been hard for me. Hospitals have always been my safety net.
I'm so glad that I have this hobby that is not just fun, but therapeutic as well. Have you tried Art Journaling? It can be therapeutic and healing.
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