There have been times in my life where I didn't have a true friend and wanted one so badly. It often was for various reasons:
1. I was being lazy about putting myself out there, being available. If I was invited somewhere, I declined the invitation to hang out for whatever reason (sometimes legitimate reasons, sometimes because I wasn't in the mood) which led to the invitations eventually tapering off to nothing. With time I have learned to make friendship and time together a priority, even when I'm not in the mood.
2. I never reached out... I rarely called anyone, sent cards, invited people over, etc. I have learned that even if I accept every call and invitation they give me, I am still sending a 'disinterested' message if I never am the one to initiate phone calls, emails, or get-togethers.
3. OR The connection just wasn't there. Even after being available and reaching out, sometimes I just didn't find a person I clicked with. Sometimes this was because of silly things... like their kids were not a good fit to ply with my kids when we all got together, or maybe it was deeper... like they were not the type of person I could share my secrets with, or because they didn't seem to want to be vulnerable with me.
If I am honest with myself... it's usually #1 or #2 that's the problem. But I did go through a short season where I really felt I was trying everything and it was #3 (there was NO suitable friend for me out there). But as I stayed available and pursued relationships with people I made it a priority to find a friend.
Thankfully, I have several very good close friends! I have to work hard at it... it takes time out of my week, I have to force myself to call if it's been awhile. If I went to their house last time I call and invite them to mine. Last night a bunch of us went to dinner together. But, there have been times when my 'best friends' have done things with other mutual friends and didn't invite me... and I do have a tinge of jealousy, but I don't let it bother me. If I want to see those friends, I will invite them somewhere next week... kwim?
If I am the one inviting and reaching out I can't be excluded and I have no one to blame.
Whew! That was a novel!!!
sorry!