[ColleenSwerb]

WHY PARENTS DRINK

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished
to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was
picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up
prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'
With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope
with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing
you. I had to elope wit h my new girlfriend because I
wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been
finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.
But I knew you would not approve of her because of all
her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and
the fact that she is 25 years older than I am.

But it's not only the passion... Dad, she 's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a
trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for
the whole winter! We share a dream of having many more
children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that
marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing
it for ourselves and trading it with the other people
that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the
meantime we will pray that science will find a cure
for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don't worry, Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care
of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to
visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,
Your son Jeff


P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at
Tommy's house. Just wanted to remind you that there
are worse things in life than the report card that is in my desk
drawer.

Call me when it's safe to come home.