I echo the comments from the others who posted about coming in as an officer. The benefits are so much better and the pay difference is significant. As a SAHM, with just your husband's income, your family will need that extra money. If your husband does sign up, he needs to make sure all the details and agreements are spelled out in writing.
My DH is in the Navy Reserves and started as a Petty Officer but was commissioned as an officer last year. He deployed to Afghanistan in 2007, which was the first time he actually went but not the first time he was on the list to go.
Since your DH's degree is in child development, maybe he could look into becoming a director of a military child development center. As a civilian member of the military, he gets a lot of the benefits without the risk of deployment. Education reimbursement is available, although not repayment of back student loans. He could also look into joining as a Reservist. Higher education is paid for after x number of years in service.
To answer your questions:
"What's it like?"
It's different for Reservists and their families, in that the usual support system just isn't there full-time. I was lucky, in that I live in a region with a large military presence, so there was access to those services. As the daughter of a career Air Force officer, I know the difference between the 2 situations. From a family-support view, it would have been much easier if my DH had been full-time Navy. But, his civilian employer filled in a lot of those gaps for us; letting us keep his health insurance, holding his job open for 2 years if needed, giving him military pay for the first month of deployment. Many employers can't/won't provide that kind of safety net.
"Do you have any say in where you go?"
Not an issue for Reservists, as the families don't usually follow on deployments. The service member has more options for selecting a unit, although in smaller cities and towns, the choices are limited.
"Are your husband's gone a lot?"
Not a big issue for Navy Reservists, much more significant for Army Reservists, as they are deploying for longer periods and more frequently. Navy reservists serve 2 weeks a year and one weekend a month.
"Is it stressful?"
It was for me, since I had a 2-year-old at home and we lived 10 hours away from our families. But my boss and co-workers were really supportive and I found a wonderful babysitter to help out on weekends.
I'll be honest though, it was very lonely at times and it felt like the burden of carrying the family was on me 24 hours, 7 days a week.
"Do they really "take care" of the family?"
Yes, all branches of the military do so, although some might be better than others. I work with a lot of former military people and military dependents; most say the Air Force provides better housing and more benefits. This is a big difference from when I grew up, as the military didn't do a great job supporting the families in the 50's and 60's (my dad retired when I was 5 so my experiences were different from my older siblings).
Like the others say, it would be up to you to reach out for help or guidance. The family support groups are there for you, but you have to either make the first move or be receptive to offers of help.
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