[Jengerbread88]

Okay, so I don't know how well any of you know my situation or whatever. But here's the deal.

I'm 21 years old (22 in December). I'm living at home with my parents following my divorce. Recently, my boyfriend and I have been kind of discussing the possibility of moving in together in the semi-near future. While we WANT to get married, right now, I have an issue with my scholarship that stipulates I can't get married. If I want my school tuition to be completely paid for (it's not a discrimination thing, it's an income bracket/funding thing), I can't be married. We don't really want to wait the 2 years to be together that it will take me to get out of school. So we're trying to find some sort of compromise, and we thought this was a reasonable one.

Here's the big problem: my parents. Naturally, they are against the idea. While on the one hand, I'm an adult, on the other hand, I am a little bit concerned about making waves.
While CLEARLY I know that this is the man I want to be with forever, I know from a realistic perspective that just because it's who you want to be with forever, doesn't mean things work out like that. I have to be realistic in that area- I've already gotten divorced once. Mind you, it was an abusive situation, but the point is still the same: Suppose I move in with him, and a year from now, we end up not being able to live together any more for whatever reason. While it's obviously worst case scenario, I can afford to move out WITH him... I can't so much afford to stay moved out WITHOUT him. If anything happened to him, God forbid, I'm not sure what I would do. While I don't think he and I are going to break up, I'm more worried about if something were to happen to him (car accident, sudden illness, whatever) and I ended up on my own before I graduate and can get a job... where to, then? If I move out, my parents won't let me move back.

Here is my main concern:

If this is the way we're doing things... how do I tell my family? If I just tell them "this is the plan..." they're not going to be okay with it. They may do anything in their power (locking me in a closet, tying me to a chair, whatever) to keep me here, because they WILL think it's a terrible idea. If I don't tell them, and just... find a way to covertly leave... OBVIOUSLY that will make some waves in my relationship with my family. What do you suggest?

I mean, in the end, yes, I'm an adult. I'm old enough to make this decision, and ultimately, it IS my decision. But I worry. My family does mean a lot to me. I don't want to hurt things there. At the same time, they're driving me nuts. It's really hard to go from living in my own place... to living back at home with my parents (who have the logical "my house my rules" thing, which, as I said, is logical, but sometimes we butt heads), my 10 year old brother (who is sweet, but sometimes bugs the heck out of me), and our teenage exchange students (again, sweet, but holy crap they irritate me sometimes). It's a difficult adjustment. To be honest, I think I NEED this. Since I *can't* afford to live just by myself, this is the logical solution.

He wants to find a place to live where he doesn't have to live with his roommates (he adores them, don't get me wrong, but he would like more than just a room, but instead room/kitchen/etc that is... just his/ours and less worry about interfering with their schedule). I want to find a place where I don't have to live with my parents. Since we can't afford to do that by getting two separate places, and since the obvious plan is that, sometime in the future we WILL live together, we want to go ahead and spring for it now.

.....but how?
HELP! What do I do?! What do I tell the 'rents? Can you give me perspective from either side??? Any of you been in my shoes (or in my parents' shoes?) I just want to know what you think I should do...


(PS. Sorry for the novel)