First, I totally agree with your house/your rules. I mean obviously you can't really discipline the kid without talking to someone in his family but you certainly have the right to talk to him about your rules vs. his behavior and, if necessary, send him home if he won't obey the house rules.
I know you don't know the grandfather, but if you get the chance, could you explain about your nap/quiet time and the dog situation? Do you think he'd be receptive to your explaining that during, say 1-3, his grandson shouldn't stop by to check to see if your kids can come outside because that is their naptime so the boy will just be disappointed and it'll wake up your kids? Maybe you could soften it by talking about how much your kids love to play with the grandson, etc.
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