I wouldn't say you are too accommodating. Honestly, there was nothing mentioned in this post that I haven't done for my kids. I think its all part of being a parent. Cutting off crusts... even bought a special little sandwich thing that cuts them off and 'hides' the contents inside (like an uncrustable). Giving several choices... always, still do it with my 9 year old. Kids need to learn to make DECISIONS and the only way they will learn is if they are allowed to do so. Giving them a list of choices makes sure that they are choosing among reasonable and safe options!
Laura, you mentioned giving your oldest a list of what to expect for the day. I totally have to do this with my 6 year old. He's just that type of kid. If we deviate from what we said we would do, even if it is a good deviation (like a special treat for him or something) he doesn't handle it well. If we say we're going to go to the park and it rains he gets super frustrated. If we plan to eat at a certain restaurant and then realize they are closed (because restaurants around her have crazy days they are closed) he gets upset.
Anyway, as a parent it is our job to do what it takes to make our kids successful and if sometimes that means being a little more accommodating than what our parents were or what we think we should be, that's fine. Whatever it takes, right? Now, there have to be limits. My aunt once did daycare for a little girl whose parents had a 'no saying no' policy. They once let their tiny daughter (was about 15 months at the time) go to sleep with a dozen eggs because she didn't want to let them go and they didn't want to tell her no. They waited until she was asleep and then took the carton from her crib... but really... letting your kid sleep with a freakin' carton of raw eggs? They wouldn't even take scissors away from her if she got them, they just hovered over her until she put them down.
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