We have a similar situation with my husband's family. They live a 9 hour road trip away and excessively spoil my kids when the see them! I don't think I could ever get them to stop spoiling my kids but we have asked that they give experiences and not stuff, or to put money into their 529 accounts for college.
I have reasoned that "stuff" is just that - stuff and when the girls were young, it just got broken, or they lost interest etc. The "stuff" isn't something that they would remember - but experiences are things that they will tuck away in their memories. Like instead of birthday gifts, my MIL has taken the girls on a weekend trip to Nashville, takes them to water parks, etc. Just an experience they can enjoy together. I've also reasoned that college is EXPENSIVE and the best gift that they can give is to contribute to their future in the form of 529 savings.
So while I really don't think you can curb the spoiling or excessive spending, maybe try helping them put guardrails on it?
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