Birthday person chooses a home-cooked dinner and a birthday treat on the day of their birthday. Cake is rarely chosen- they're picked everything from ice cream trifles to Hershey bars. On the weekend closest to your birthday you get to choose a restaurant and a family activity (movies, playground, laser tag, etc.)
Parties have varied a lot by kid. In preschool we did them every year and invited the whole class. My oldest had small parties every year until he was about 11 and stopped wanting them. My middle son is on the autism spectrum and doesn't really have good friends to invite, so we do a bigger family activity for him. My daughter just turned 10 and hasn't showed any desire to stop having parties. In the last few years she's switched to sleepovers, but I miss her 2-hour paint your own pottery parties. Those were so much less work for me!
Grownups just do dinner out over the weekend for their birthdays. Sometimes on the day of our birthday we'll also order dinner in together after the kids have gone to sleep.
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