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Originally Posted by joelsgirl
Wow, Lorie. Thank you for sharing your experience, especially since it has a happy ending. : ) If I knew it would all work out, I wouldn't worry so much, right??
Max got physical with me last month, and it was probably the very worst moment of my life so far. I have such a hard time being tough with him because I hurt so much for how he's hurting, even though I know that my sympathy doesn't help him. In fact, it causes me to make bad choices.
Kimberly, I appreciate your advice to love him through it, too. I think you're both right about boundaries and love, but it's so hard for me! And I just want life to be easy. : (
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I wish it weren't so, but life is hard. If there was a big red easy button, I would be pushing that thing all the dang time. When they get physical with you, it is heartbreaking, but it can't be allowed to stand unchallenged. I did get physical with my son, but I didn't hit or hurt him. I took him to the ground and wounded his pride more than anything. To this day, he still says he was on his feet one minute and on his back the next. I am not saying I recommend that, but it was what I did in the moment to protect myself and him.
I think my own experiences made me want to make sure my son knew that life was hard and was ready for it. I was 24 and 5 months pregnant with him when his dad died. It took me out at the knees, but I had to figure it out and make it work, and not just work, but make it good for him. And I had to do it alone. My parents would have been happy to take him over and raise him, believe me they tried, but he was mine to love, cherish and provide for. To have him hate me for doing everything I did for him was the hardest thing, but it didn't stop me from doing what was best for him in the long run.
I think if you keep doing what is best for your boy despite how hard it sometimes is, it will turn out fine in the end. They may not see that long view now, but they eventually do. Tough love is tough, but it is still love, so I didn't think I could go wrong using it a tough time.
You are fortunate to have a partner to discuss things with, work out a plan with and comfort each other when things are especially hard. Frankly, you say he has always been a joy and delight, so I am sure he will be both again.