Kellie, I feel you. My son is going through this now with me. I wouldn't exactly say he hates me, but he is distancing himself. My friends who are older and wiser say this is normal. They've all been through it. I do think it sounds like maybe on top of this natural phase your son is experiencing some anger about circumstances out of his control that he needs to place the blame and hurt on someone in order to cope with them. That adds a whole other complicated layer.
If it helps any, this has been my approach with Ben: I cry in the shower and pray for him/us fervently. In the middle of the night when he was sleeping one night I even sat by his bed and prayed for him... kind of like I did when he was a baby and I was worried (you know, new mom stuff). It just felt right. I've written him little notes of encouragement and cards. I have taken him out for breakfast just the two of us- he LOVES that. Some days it is super hard but then we have a good week and I am encouraged. I never quit going up to his room at night to ask him about his day or ask if he wants to pray together. Late at night way past my bedtime is when he lets down his guard and wants to talk. I try not to push my own hurt and feelings on him because it instantly makes him shut down and I know this is in part a way of him growing his wings so he can leave the nest and become a man. <3 Of course, if he is acting out in ugly ways that are more than just brooding/mood swings, his father and I address that and correct it. We still discipline him by taking away some of his privileges but we do include him in making the decision with us after we have a conversation... like- Ben, what do you think is the appropriate consequence for calling mom a bitch? LOL sigh. He is mostly fair and takes ownership for his behavior 10/10 times when we stay calm and give him the ability to share his feelings and also when we are willing to apologize for what we contribute to it. Because we are ALL learning this phase of life and transitions together.
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