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Old 01-24-2010, 10:52 PM
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LeeAndra LeeAndra is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: northern Indiana
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I don't have much new to add, but wanted to add my BTDT/you are not alone to your replies.

If I was in your specific situation, it would depend on a few factors. What does a fling mean? Was it a one or two time deal or an ongoing relationship? How long ago did it happen? Did it happen during a rougher time in his life and/or your marriage or during a relatively normal peaceful time? Is this something completely out of the ordinary for your DH to do or is he not necessarily a stand up guy in certain situations? Did he grow up with a mother or father or other important adult figure who cheated? Has he cheated in previous relationships? Did he admit this to you or did you find out some other way? Who is the other woman? In general, I'd be more apt to work on forgiving someone who had a one or two night stand with someone who is not important in our life and was willing to do whatever I asked to make it right as opposed to someone who has cheated on previous SOs and/or me, who cheated with one of my family members or close friends for a long period of time, or has a tendency to stretch the truth abt things like gambling or p*rn or other hot button issues. KWIM?

I'm not asking you to answer these questions in this post or anything, but these are things you should ask yourself. I can say w almost definite certainty that if I found out it was with more than one woman, I'd be done.

I don't have any concrete proof that my ex and his current wife (then business partner) physically cheated while we were married, but there was definitely an emotional affair and lots of times where they were alone together where something physical could have happened. The dealbreaker for me was not as much that he was spending an inappropriate amount of time and energy on a woman that was not his wife as the fact that he would not acknowledge that it was happening. He justified it all as something in my head, and how do you work through that? It was so bittersweet to find out that he had moved in with his 'business partner' (because her house was closer to the office than his --- *lol*!) 2 weeks after I made him leave and that they were engaged within 4 months of us splitting because, of course, I was right and he just didn't have the b@lls to tell me so. Not only a betrayal, but so incredibly disrespectful. We didn't have any children together, but the hardest part of the whole thing for me was having to say goodbye forever to my stepdaughters.

I guess what I'm trying to say *lol* is that you are the best judge of your situation. Unfortunately, divorces are pretty commonplace, so as difficult as it will be for you and your kids, you'll be able to find lots of support and commonality with many people in your life. On the other hand, if you still love him and he still loves you and is truly sorry and is willing to do anything (and follows through on that promise!), don't let other people try to talk you into a divorce. 10 years is a long time to 'throw away' if you don't have to.

Oh, and of course, no divorced woman would ever leave off a post w/o posting the following: Consult an attorney. Take pictures of every room in your house focusing on big picture items that might later come into play in a separation or divorce. Transfer some money into a checking account in your name alone and/or pull some out and hide it somewhere that he will not find it. Make copies of all your important documents i.e. mortgage, his Social Security #, car registrations, etc. Keep an eye on any credit cards that are in both your names. Do NOT move out of the house under any circumstances.

Good luck! *hugs*
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