[joelsgirl]

I hate it. We've been here a year, and I have "friends", but I'm never very sure where I stand with them. When we hang out, it's lots of fun, and I go home feeling so blessed to have good friends.

But sometimes it feels like we'd never get together if I didn't initiate it, which leaves me wondering if they really like me or if they just endure me. I feel like a tag a long friend, like I'm always a second thought. "Oh I guess we should probably invite the Turners, too." Like I'm not a real friend, just someone that people invite if they happen to think about it.

We're only here four more months, and I find myself thinking that I don't *really* needs friends that bad...other times I feel like I *do* need friends, so I'll just take what i can get.

I liked it better when I'd lived in Malaysia for 9 years and had friends who I knew would die for me. That's way better than this grown up inner drama!