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Old 03-21-2020, 01:57 PM
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Saar Saar is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Belgium
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ellasspace View Post
Here is my take on all of this after three tries myself. I am one to get inside my own head way too much and you are about to see that firsthand. Getting inside my head is not always pretty and often harmful for me as I suffer from self-harm issues.

The first thing I go through is obviously the same as everyone else heartbreaking disappointment. I then start to question everything I do, my style, my ability, even myself as a person.

I worry that it’s because I have had so many family issues that called on me to be there for family first. Yet what I love about scrap-booking is the message from most is family first. I lost dream teams to put my husband first after he was hit by a bus, even after I would still choose him again, even knowing those teams are now unavailable to me.

I worry it’s because I’m too introverted, even though I’ve seen girls make it in the past who were obviously introverts too. I beat on myself over thing I cannot change like my own personality. I worry it’s because I had a past conflict with someone in the scrap world after being approached first by her. Yet I’ve seen girls make babe who openly lashed out and hurt others out of their own hurt and disappointment in the past in the forum. (my issue was outside the SSD forum and most probably do not even know of it) I get inside my own head thinking, worrying, stressing too much. I have always tried to be a kind person and hope those who know me see that.

I have spent the past two weeks tweaking and changing my style, only to be disappointed in myself and get less love on my layouts then I did before I changed my layout look. I’ve had close friends disappointed in me for giving in to the “desired look” not sticking to my style. I’ve had people message me that I didn’t even know where following me inspired by me in the past asking me why I change my style. Telling me they we shocked to not recognize pages by me recently until seeing my name attached. Telling me that they miss the look I created before, that my layouts were always recognizable to them but no longer are.

Now I question myself completely thinking how I can grow and still get the love I once got on my layouts. Truthfully, I will say feeling loved and excepted is important to me even on my layouts. I worry it’s because my layouts are NOT always SSD typical. I am an art major stepping out of the box is and will always be me I love a challenge.

I worry it’s because I do not share my life stories in journaling on my pages, yet I see people blur out faces and think it’s no different they are providing privacy for that person though photographs. I am providing privacy for myself and my family and our stories. This is important as I am someone who has been stalked online in the past and probably still is stalked.

I worry it’s because I create so may pocket pages, but I find I love them because I can create a story without sharing the written story online. BTW for those of you worried I’m not saving stories for my family this way; I am my stories/journaling gets added later before printing for privacy.

I found myself questioning is it because I use a different program? Yes, I do use something different then CS, but I am here to say I can run circles all over my program and KNOW for fact I can do anything with it everyone else does with their programs.

What I am trying to say to all of you and YES even MYSELF is, we will never really know what it takes to make it each call, it could change upon the need that given year. I am hoping I can take my own advice here to get out our heads and just do what we love again document and create.

Will I apply again YES will I change my style, MOST LIKELY YES, not to make a SSD Babe spot but to grow myself. Growth in everything I do is and will always be vital to me. Now to get out of my head once again and move on to what I started in the first place loving to scrap.

Just do it for the love of scrap ladies and if it is meant to be it will fall into place.
Thank you for your honest journal. I read it with tears in my eyes.
You are a wonderful person and there is nothing wrong with your style. Your pages are beautiful!!

I change my style too from time to time. We all evolve in someone different and so does are scrapping styles. There’s nothing wrong with that!!
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