[Leablahblah]

I have turned into the most people hating person since covid started. I wasn't very sociable before anyway. Talking to people always made me sweat and be so uncomfortable. Making me think in my head what I was going to say exactly and then finally finding the courage to say it... and then sounding so dumb! Sometimes I sound very abrupt and forward, and after, I realize I probably shouldn't have spoken.

It took me 3 storytime to finally find the courage to go talk to a French speaking mom (from Quebec) at the local library. She then became one of my best friends but how dumb am I for passing on those opportunities!? What's the worst that could happen? Sounding stupid and never seeing that person again... but it is so much work. Same for phone calls. I dread them. I never understand fully (being from another country) and end up making decisions I didn't want to make and having to call again to change my appointment or whatnot...

Having moved from where I finally had found friends after living in Tacoma, WA for 10 years, I have to do it all again and I can't stand it! I have no friends, or just acquaintances and I haven't found people I click with or just laugh with. It makes me so sad and discouraged because it's hard.

I'm very close to my mom and we sometimes call each other every day. We have very strong differences but somehow she's still my person. I have a big sister too but we don't manage to call each other very much. We get along though. And of course I live in the US and my entire family is in France so that makes it hard. We don't see each other.

One day I'll find a job after all my kids have gone to school and am really hoping the people there can become friends because I have no other outlet.
But when I have close friends that I can share anything with I am not shy at all!