Please remind me...

[krystalhartley]

that it is a bad idea to compare myself to others.

That is all.

[my3hens]

Aww hugs honey, I do it too all the time. No worries, your amazing!

[breakingbrie]

Ugh, I can't stop myself either!

[lizzyfizzy]

i can tell you from continual everyday experience with this...it is not a good idea.

here's a quote i found for all of us weirdos who never think we're good enough or whatever...

"One of the marks of excellent people is that they never compare themselves with others. They only compare themselves with themselves and with their past accomplishments and future potential". -Brian Tracy

i wanna be excellent! ((hugs!!))

[DawnMarch]

The Zen Habits blog had a great post about this the other day. I am trying to take it to heart:

http://zenhabits.net/2008/08/lifes-e...elf-to-others/

[newfiemountiewife]

Yeah, me too Krystal. ((hugs))

[ColleenSwerb]

Comparing yourself to others is like worrying, which is like sitting in a rocking chair. You're sitting there, keeping busy (rocking), but it doesn't get you anywhere.

You're a wonderful amazing person, and there's no one else to compare you to cuz there is only one YOU!!

[LibbysMommy]

Awww sweetie - I completely know what you mean!! I do it too and it's awful!!

Biggest hugs to you and your amazing self!!

[lizzyfizzy]

dawn! that zen blog post was brillant!!

loved this comment...

“He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.” – Raymond Hull

[LeeAndra]

Everyone thought Jesus was weird, too, Krystal, and look who He turned out to be. *hugs*

[Nikki Epperson]

Originally Posted by LeeAndra

Everyone thought Jesus was weird, too, Krystal, and look who He turned out to be. *hugs*

Perfect.

[Nettio]

Originally Posted by DawnMarch

The Zen Habits blog had a great post about this the other day. I am trying to take it to heart:

http://zenhabits.net/2008/08/lifes-e...elf-to-others/

I was going to suggest this too. I love that blog.

[HeatherKS]

I've been there too. Often. Ugh.

*hugs*

And I like the way LA puts it.

[juliemarie]

You are the only you, and that's all you can compare yourself to! (I know, easy to say, and harder to do)

hugs!

[amystoffel]

It's human nature. But you're amazing! If you always focus on what everyone else does better...you'll never truly realize how completely awesome you are

[krystalhartley]

Fabulous blog!! Thanks for that! I read through all the comments, too! It did raise other questions...

For example, he suggested identifying your strengths...but don't we "determine" our strengths by comparing ourselves to others? If I sit down and write out a list of my talents or strengths, would it be the same list if someone else were to write it for me? How can I be objective in identifying my strengths?

Generally speaking, I'm slightly competitive...not that I want to be better than everyone else...just elite...recognized for my development in that particular area. I have a history of this kind of performance, and other than that 7th grade Shayla chick, I haven't targeted any one person to beat or best. I identify the characteristics, qualities, objective standards, etc. present in the field, and I use that information for comparison, and I think it's perfectly healthy to do so. And the only downfall I see in this process is that I have to remember that I am more than the sum of my parts--my achievements. If I identify my self-worth only with how I play the piano, or scrap, or clean house, then who am I when you take away the piano, and the laptop, and the toilet brush (please take away the toilet brush).

I think maybe some of the poor comparisons are faulty in their origin...apples to oranges. Some things are beyond our control...given equal abilities, we do not always have equal opportunities...right place at the right time kind of thing. This is where I need to shift the paradigm...to objectively determine if that information really has any bearing on my abilities to do better or not, and if the answer is not, then I need to get over it. Easier said than done.

[crystalbella77]

OMG! Krystal, you are AWESOME! Dont' feel down!!! You know I love you! {{hugs}}

I do this all the time though. It's such a bummer, lol! I totally feel like I suck most of the time!

[scarletsierra]

More affirmations your way..you astound me Krystal! And you're not alone. I think we all fall victim to comparisons sometimes. I know I do.

I can completely relate to your musings on it all. It can be difficult sometimes to objectively "identify" our strengths. But you're right about being more than the sum of our parts.

Anyway..love that blog and all the fabulous input in this thread!

[Sue Setiadji]

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You, - one of my fav Dr Suess!

even though comparing is fruitless some of us need these inspirations to keep reminding us!!

eta - its Aok to aim to achieve or best the goals that others have managed to achieve - I agree that can be healthy - some things are easy to assess like how fast you ran a race - tho you can compare your result - you cant compare you as an entity! If the result is what you desire then you can work towards that goal. There are other things that are not quite so easy to compare!!
Great musing there Krystal - missed it 1st time round!

[Nettio]

Originally Posted by krystalhartley

Fabulous blog!! Thanks for that! I read through all the comments, too! It did raise other questions...

For example, he suggested identifying your strengths...but don't we "determine" our strengths by comparing ourselves to others? If I sit down and write out a list of my talents or strengths, would it be the same list if someone else were to write it for me? How can I be objective in identifying my strengths?

But if we only determine our strengths through comparison with others, then wouldn't most of us not have any strengths at all? Unless you're the absolute best of the best there's likely always going to be someone who is better at what you do than you are. That shouldn't take anything away from your talent but when you start comparing yourself to everyone around you, that's exactly the mindset that people tend to get into. In reality we should be comparing our own achievements against ourselves so that we can see our own progression and growth. Something that I consider a strength for me may still not be at the level that someone else is at but when you compare it to where you started it might really be a strength.

Generally speaking, I'm slightly competitive...not that I want to be better than everyone else...just elite...recognized for my development in that particular area. I have a history of this kind of performance, and other than that 7th grade Shayla chick, I haven't targeted any one person to beat or best. I identify the characteristics, qualities, objective standards, etc. present in the field, and I use that information for comparison, and I think it's perfectly healthy to do so. And the only downfall I see in this process is that I have to remember that I am more than the sum of my parts--my achievements. If I identify my self-worth only with how I play the piano, or scrap, or clean house, then who am I when you take away the piano, and the laptop, and the toilet brush (please take away the toilet brush).

I totally understand where you're coming from as I tend to be like that too and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. But like anything there's a constructive way to do it and a destructive way to do it. If you set a goal to improve on one of your strengths or weaknesses, then using healthy comparisons to see how to get where you want to be is a good thing. I think the problem lies when people start getting in the mindset that everyone else is better than them so they must suck. When you start getting too general in your comparisons and saying that everyone is more creative than you or more talented than you, etc, you can quickly end up in a depressing place and that is something we all should work to avoid. Nothing will sap your creativity quicker than losing confidence in your own abilities.

I think maybe some of the poor comparisons are faulty in their origin...apples to oranges. Some things are beyond our control...given equal abilities, we do not always have equal opportunities...right place at the right time kind of thing. This is where I need to shift the paradigm...to objectively determine if that information really has any bearing on my abilities to do better or not, and if the answer is not, then I need to get over it. Easier said than done.

These two comments from that blog really stuck with me:

"You have to judge yourself by your goals instead of by what your peers seem to be doing. Care about what you are capable of."

"Life is so much more interesting when you try to find out the real truth in yourself, rather than comparing yourself to what seems to be true about others."

The key word in both of these is "seem." In reality we don't know the whole story behind those that we are comparing ourselves to. We can only make judgements based on our own assumptions about them and with that comes our own biases. And of course it's always easier to assume that something is easier for everyone else than it is for us, especially when we're feeling down about ourselves. The point the blogger is trying to make I think is that we need to just stay focused on our own goals and not allow so many outside influences to deter us. You'll never get to where you're wanting to go if you keep stopping to watch what everyone else is doing.

Sorry this was long, I've just been thinking about this a lot since I saw that blog post a few days ago so I guess I had some thoughts on the subject.

[Brooke W]

It's hard not to, hon. I should know,i've spent most my life doing it,lol. But it's counterproductive ( I keep telling myself that :P ). You're awesome hon! Try your best to remember that!

[mrs_jb]

Yep... you know that I do this too! HUGS!

[Angie4b1g]

When I do that, my husband always says "there is always going to be someone better than you."

WELL THAT ISN'T HELPING! LOL

[bellbird425]

yep good advice, hard to follow sometimes though

[sugarink]

I love everyone's advice, support, love and encouragement!

Krystal, I've always wanted to tell you, but now that you given me the opportunity.... I ADMIRE YOU SO MUCH!!

Ever since I met you over at FS, you have been such an inspiration to me, I remember thinking, "this woman is not only super gifted as an scrap artist and designer, but she is beautiful, too!" You're one blessed chick! I always feel the need to compare myself, all the time... It sucks feeling like I have to measure up to others, but at the same time, another part of me says, that I AM who I AM, and that I need to learn to love everything about myself weaknesses and all...LOL! Anyways, don't want to keep rambling, could go on forever! heehee!

But girl, just wanted to let you know I feel you!!!