To move or not to move? That is the question...

[schock77]

Ok so I'm spilling it to you all again (twice in one week-eek!) I really like my house- got a killer deal on it 3 years ago, like the location and neighborhood, have lots of living areas and space where I need it, huge yard (could put a pool in and still have yard left to play in)... I just got the virtual tour from the realtor and it looks great.

So why move? Well a sex offender and his family moved in next door to me-- he was convicted of trying to meet what he thought was a 14 year old girl for sex that he met online and has 10 years probation. Think Dateline... When we found out he moved in, we had it put in the neighborhood newsletter (BTW they don't notify you for all offenders, so no one told us, you just have to check anytime someone new moves in)...so he knows we all know about him and is probably on his best behavior (I don't feel unsafe or anything), he's on disability and you rarely see him at all, but I worry about him being able to possibly see into my backyard- it just worries me. Currently there is one really big tree in his backyard, so I'm not sure what if anything he can see other than that I can only see a sliver of his yard).

But after looking around at houses for awhile, I can't find anything I like more than my own house that is in our price range (which is still 70k more than we bought this for 3 years ago). So what would you do? Comments and questions welcomed-- just want some opinions about this...

[Paula]

I didn't chose any of them. We have THREE sex offenders that live in my neighborhood. One for aggravated rape, one for statutory rape and one for lewd behavior with a child.

The entire neighborhood knows that they are here, and we keep an eye out for each other. It is probably the same in your neighborhood.

When I lived in Texas, we had one that lived right across the street from us and my kids were much smaller then (elementary school age). He was registered for aggravated child sexual abuse. The BIG daddy of all the sex crimes.

Do you know what he was convicted of? I don't mean to be witch here, or imply that I don't sympathize with you, but I find it rather silly to sell the house that you love to get away from a sex offender. They are everywhere! Just when you move, one may move in to your new neighborhood.

The best advice I can give you is to try and relax. Protect your children, tell your children about the man next door. You don't have to go into specifics. With my kids, I just told them that the man across the street hurt children and if he ever came near them, they were to come in and tell us immediately. In the seven years that I lived there, he never even looked in our direction.

[KristinCB]

I would stay put too.. the world is a scary place and who knows who your next neighbours would be.. unfortunately its something you can't really control so yea.. plant trees call HOA. It would suck to move into a house that you don't love as much and then have problems with your new neighbours too.

[digideb]

Originally Posted by Paula

Just when you move, one may move in to your new neighborhood.

This is exactly what I was gonna say.

[ColleenSwerb]

I agree wtih Paula. It's a sad commentary on our society that they are everywhere, but they really are. I would just talk to your kids, and stay put. If you can't see any of his yard, then he can't see yours either, right? If planting a few trees will make you feel safer, than do that. But it doesn't make sense to move to a house that's more expensive, and that you love less, and you could run into the same problem again.

[jessica31876]

OK here are my thoughts on the subject. I think the sex offenders websites are good to a point...they might give you a false sense of security though. There are lots of people out there who are sex offenders who offended BEFORE the law to register came into effect. There are also lots of sex offenders who offend and are never caught or never tried. So even though you think that this man is the only one around you you never know and to run from a neighborhood that you love is a BIGGGG MISTAKE!! He is likely to be watched very closely and you can keep your children away from him. If it seems like he has done something wrong you have the ability to notify the police.

[mummytothree]

ditto to everyone....I think it's the ones that are registared that you are "safe" from because those are the ones that the law is keeping tabs on!!! You could move in next to a much much worse offender that was never caught!!!! You'd have a false sense of security!!! Are you allowed to put up fences!?! My advise would be to stay put, build a big old fence around your yard, plant lots of trees and have a heart to heart talk with your kids not only about the man across the street but about all people (men & women) out their that are not nice to little kids!!!!

[schock77]

Good points girls... He's just one who's been caught, and there are many who haven't been or are unregistered, so I agree with the false sense of security...

Yes we have your standard wooden fence around the yard, an alarm system and dogs too...

I can't believe he has a wife that stayed with him and teenagers in the house-you know they can't have a life... I just want to be sure my kids are safe- have them running the sprinklers in the backyard without worrying about him seeing, you know?

No matter what we do, putting my house on the market has been the BEST for me as it's forced me to declutter and keep the house tip-top (FlyLady would be so proud!) Of course, I'm home for the summer, but every bed is made, counters are clear, (of course I also have extra "stuff" in a storage unit but still...) Let's hope I keep it up, whether I stay or go...

[mummytothree]

I also wanted to add that I would not hound him or your HOA......yes crimes against kids are bad...but everyone makes mistakes and if he is paying his debt to society then he deserves a second chance and to live his life in peace. He would of had to disclose his crime before he moved in there and if he is not breaking any laws or rules of the HOA then you could be the one that gets into trouble for hounding/harrasing him!!!

Big (((HUGS)), I know it's hard but just keep yourself and your kids educated and aware and I'm sure it will all work out in the end!!!!

[DawnMarch]

I have no great advice, but just wanted to offer some ((hugs)). I know I would be worried too, but I agree that we need to keep our kids educated about this sort of thing because weirdos are everywhere.